I swear that the quickest way for a relationship to end for me is for me to buy lingerie that works for a particular partner’s desires or fetishes. Every single time I buy a fancy bra that is what tickles his fancy or I purchase a costume for something that he wants to roleplay or I invest in a corset in a color that turns him on, the next thing I know the relationship is over before I have even gotten a chance to wear the new item in question for my partner. In a few cases it has been sex toys, not lingerie, but most of the time, it’s lingerie. At least this time I hadn’t washed the purchased item yet so I can return it!
So should I just quit buying lingerie that caters to my partners’ desires? How does one break this curse? Or is Murphy and his Damn Law destined to rule all parts of my life?
Many years ago, I read on a blog that one should buy a toolbox as a sex toy box. One could put a lock on the box and tell the kids it was dangerous tools and thereby keep them out. So after I bought our first toys, my ex bought me a metal toolbox for putting the toys in. However, the one he bought doesn’t have a way to attach a lock so that defeated part of the point. I kept the box anyway since it still served the purpose of storing toys. It lives in my walk-in closet underneath my clothes, and I pull it out when the occasion arises that I need its contents.
Recently the heat of summer has descended upon Central Texas. We’re hitting 90 every day, so I had to quit my denial and pull out shorts which I had packed up for the winter. They were in the back of the closet in storage boxes, requiring digging around to find what I wanted. I moved the toy box out of the way while I rummaged for the shorts, and then I put the storage boxes back in the recesses of the closet, now loaded up with my jeans which I won’t need again for far too long.
What I failed to do was put the stupid metal toy box back away. Instead, as I gathered up the armful of shorts and walked out of the walk-in closet, I managed to whack my leg on the fucking toolbox that I didn’t see on the floor beneath my full arms. I now have a four inch black, blue, and green bruise on my shin that includes a red cut where the box really got me. It’s a veritable kinky rainbow.
It’s not bad enough that I date sadists and let them use sadistic toys on me. I also own a sadistic toy box that attacks and tortures me, too.