Love

Loving More

My last relationship was the first I’ve ever been in where I wasn’t the person to love more. In the past, I’ve always had more love for my partner. I’ve been more devoted. I’ve been more giving, to the point of letting men use me.

Being the one who loved less was a truly enlightening experience for me. I finally got to feel what all the men I’ve dated and loved have felt. I really enjoyed feeling the love that my (then) boyfriend had for me. His desire to spoil me and even just treat me well made me realize how shitty some (most) of the men I had previously dated had treated me.

At the same time, it was hard not being able to return the feelings for him that he had for me. I was honest with him all along about what I was and wasn’t feeling, and he understood that I wasn’t going to tell him I loved him if I didn’t feel that way. Unlike all the men whom I’ve loved who haven’t loved me, I was ok with him telling me he loved me. I knew it was true. He couldn’t help how much love he felt for me, and I couldn’t force love to grow on my part. I wasn’t going to forbid him from expressing his feelings though other men in the past have forbidden me from expressing mine for them.

Part of me still wishes I could have returned that love for him, but most of me knows it wasn’t meant to be. I just wasn’t going to fall in love with him. I do hope he finds a woman who can return his love, though, because he was such a loving man.

©2018 WoodLeatherLace.com

Attraction

One of the things I’ve spent a lot of time contemplating since my last relationship ended is attraction. What causes attraction? What creates that chemistry that attracts us to someone? What causes our heartstrings to go “ping”?

I initially had a crush on the last guy I was in a relationship with. He was kind and loving. He was very attracted to me. I was hoping that the instant attraction he felt for me would eventually be reciprocated on my part. I’ve had deeper attraction grow in other relationships after a few dates when I was initially hesitant. That attraction didn’t happen, though. The few feelings I had from the crush rapidly disappeared. That highly powerful sexual desire never grew for me. It just wasn’t there.

Yet with the very next date I went on, I was attracted to my date almost instantly. There was something magical there. Midway through the date, he said something (about a train, certainly not a romantic statement), and my heart felt like it had been struck by lightning. Why was this man attracting me so much when the previous man had not?

Obviously we can’t control whom we fall in love with. We can’t control who falls in love with us either. It all just happens. I wish it wasn’t so inexplicable, though. What makes the sparks fly? Why are we so much more attracted to certain people than others? Why is love so complicated?

©2018 WoodLeatherLace.com

The Essence of Life

Kiss my hungry lips like your survival depends on it.
Caress my naked body as though I am the source of all life.
Gaze into my eyes because they are the windows to my soul.
Inhale my delicate scent like that of a fragrant rose.
Taste my fluids as if they will nourish you forever.
Listen to my moans for they are sacred music feeding your essence.
Feel my energy merge with yours like two powerful rivers uniting.
Love me in ways you never thought were possible

And I will do the same for you.

©2018 WoodLeatherLace.com

I Hope You Dance

To me there is a difference between loving someone and being in love with them. Loving someone is fairly easy for me to do. I love deeply and easily. I definitely love many of my friends and, of course, my children. Being in love with someone is a different sensation. It’s eros rather than philia, agape or storge.

I have loved many men and I have been in love with many men in my life. The love for those men never leaves. It fades into the background and no longer is so dominant in my heart, but I will always love the men who have a place in my heart even after they have hurt me deeply and/or we have parted ways.

However, being in love with another person eventually fades. It’s not just lust. It’s a deeper emotion than that. It’s the passion and excitement that we share when we are in a sexual and/or emotional romantic relationship with another human. When the relationship ends, it’s this part that usually hurts so much: letting go of the “in love” with that man before I was ready to end things between us.

For me, the way I know that I am no longer in love with a past partner is when I can be happy for them in their new relationships. I no longer wish I was with them, though I may still love the vivid memories I have of the moments we shared. However, I eventually reach a point where I am easily able to say that I am glad they have moved on, and more importantly, I am glad they have found another.

There’s no time scale for when falling out of love happens for me. Sometimes it takes weeks. Sometimes it takes years. I don’t know if the depth of my love for that man factors in. Sometimes it seems completely random as to why it’s easier to fall out of love with a man than with others. However, when I reach that point of being happy that the person is loving another, then I know I have healed from losing them in my life. I love the way Lee Ann Womack says it:

God forbid love ever leave you empty handed…
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens
Promise me that you’ll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance

I have reached that point with all of my past loves except the most recent. My heart still hurts over him. I know we can’t be together again for so many reasons, but if I were to see him with another woman now, I would hurt. I’m so ready for my heart to reach that place of peace where I can honestly say to him, “I am so happy you found her and that she is making you happy again.” Each day I get closer to reaching that point. I hope that it happens soon because I truly do want him to be happy, and I want to be happy about him being in love with someone else when he finds her.

©2017 WoodLeatherLace.com