healthy sexuality

Anal Sex

I love anal sex. Plain and simple. When I write anal sex into my erotic fiction, it’s not a porn thing or a fantasy thing. It’s reality. For me, anal sex is one of the most incredible sexual experiences I can have. Some of the most powerful orgasms I’ve ever had were from anal sex without any clitoral stimulation. When I told one man I was messaging with that I love anal sex, he responded, “Marry me!” This was from a guy who didn’t ever want to get married… he was that amazed to find a woman who loved anal sex and was willing to volunteer for it. Hell, I’ll even beg a partner for anal sex if it turns him on because I truly do want it.

So why is anal sex so powerful for me? Beats the shit out of me! (Sorry… I couldn’t resist.) I truly don’t know, though. It’s a physical pleasure. From the time I began trying to convince my first lover to have anal sex with me (and he refused to do something so “deviant”), I’ve been very attracted to the idea of having anal sex. For me, there was no “attraction to the taboo” allure that many articles site as the potential reason anal sex is so enjoyable for many men and women. I’m not someone who wants to do something just because it’s taboo. I’m actually less likely to do something that is taboo. Bestiality? That’s taboo, but no thanks. Having sex in public? No thanks. But anal sex? As long as there is plenty of lube and a condom involved, sign me up.

I’ve always known my butt is very sensitive to touch. I adore it when my lovers put their hands on my butt, especially on my sit spots. I love a pat on the butt or a gentle caress. I also love a good smack as we all know from this blog. I think it was just an intuitive knowledge that if my butt was that sensitive, my asshole probably was, too.

Anal sex has never been painful for me. Again, I’m not sure why. When I first saw articles about taking it slow and training an asshole to accept a very small butt plug so that it will eventually accept a cock, I was puzzled. When my first willing partner and I had anal sex, we lubed and condomed up, and then he just plunged in. There were no problems aside from the expected temporary resistance at the sphincter. We both experienced a great deal of pleasure from our first try at anal sex, but it’s not that way for everyone.

Much later in life when I finally experienced a lover who wanted me to do anal play on him, I was amazed at how much less he could accept in his ass than I could. I suddenly started seeing why articles help people to slowly work up to bigger and deeper penetration. I had one partner who could not accept any penetration at all. His butt clenched up tightly, and I wasn’t able to get anything in more than a centimeter without him going into pain. For him, it is probably going to take years of training work before he’ll be able to get his prostate massaged. Why? Again, I’m not sure.

I’ve also found it very interesting how many men have approached me wanting to be pegged. It’s a secret fantasy for many, many heterosexual men. They just are scared to voice it to most women because they are afraid of being judged for being “gay.” Every single one of those who have asked me to peg them have preceded the request with, “I’m not gay, but I’ve always really wanted to try anal penetration.” I then have to teach all of them that anal sex is not a “gay thing.” It’s a sexual thing. Anal sex feels good or even amazing for lots of people of all orientations, genders, and sexes. The fact that anal is still shamed for heterosexual men as a “gay thing” is ridiculous and is evidence of the horrible amount of homophobia still prevalent in our culture. It’s time to get rid of that crap (ahem) and accept that anyone can love anal play without it making them any less of a man, woman or person. All anal play says about the participating individuals is that they are sensual people who love something that is considered kinky or taboo by part of society.

Because I love anal sex so much, I also hate that anal has so many derogatory ways of referring to it. Riding the chocolate highway, fudgepacking, the “wrong” hole, buggering… so many of these euphemisms have negative connotations in our culture. It’s time for that to stop, too. Those negative phrases contribute to the too pervasive idea that “good girls” or straight men shouldn’t want anal sex. Those who want anal sex should be seen as sexually healthy people who are able to expand their minds beyond the idea that “real” sex is just penis-in-vagina sex. There are so many amazing ways to have pleasure with our bodies, and we shouldn’t be shamed for those desires or actions.

Likewise, if you don’t want to have anal sex or you don’t enjoy it, that’s ok, too. According to surveys, most women don’t. I wonder how much of that dislike of anal sex is due to psychological brainwashing that women shouldn’t like anal sex because good girls don’t do that sort of thing or because women are “supposed” to find anal sex painful. If people truly don’t enjoy anal sex, that’s perfectly ok. But if you’re someone who is curious about or enjoying anal sex, know that’s ok, too. You are normal. Human sexuality is vast and diverse, and you are a lucky person to get to experience that pleasure that some others don’t get to enjoy.

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