Dating

Attraction

One of the things I’ve spent a lot of time contemplating since my last relationship ended is attraction. What causes attraction? What creates that chemistry that attracts us to someone? What causes our heartstrings to go “ping”?

I initially had a crush on the last guy I was in a relationship with. He was kind and loving. He was very attracted to me. I was hoping that the instant attraction he felt for me would eventually be reciprocated on my part. I’ve had deeper attraction grow in other relationships after a few dates when I was initially hesitant. That attraction didn’t happen, though. The few feelings I had from the crush rapidly disappeared. That highly powerful sexual desire never grew for me. It just wasn’t there.

Yet with the very next date I went on, I was attracted to my date almost instantly. There was something magical there. Midway through the date, he said something (about a train, certainly not a romantic statement), and my heart felt like it had been struck by lightning. Why was this man attracting me so much when the previous man had not?

Obviously we can’t control whom we fall in love with. We can’t control who falls in love with us either. It all just happens. I wish it wasn’t so inexplicable, though. What makes the sparks fly? Why are we so much more attracted to certain people than others? Why is love so complicated?

©2018 WoodLeatherLace.com

And Then It Was Over

Despite my great optimism about it, my most recent relationship only lasted a month. He is a great guy and has a lot to offer for the right woman. I just am not that woman.

From our first date, he began falling in love with me. He was certain that I was The One. I didn’t feel that instant chemistry to make me believe that he might be my forever guy, but I was open to seeing if it might grow.

For him, the love kept blooming. I never had any questions about his feelings for me. He was truly enamored with me. I liked him a lot, but as much as I wanted the love to grow, it just didn’t develop. Instead, the opposite happened. The initial lust I felt for him quickly faded away. I found myself thinking of him as a friend instead of a lover. I became resentful about the idea of having sex with him because it just didn’t feel right to me any more.

Once I knew that the love was never going to develop for me, I couldn’t lead him on with him hoping so much that I would eventually feel more. I just knew it would never be there. So I did what I felt was the merciful thing, and I let him know that I very much wanted to remain friends, but I couldn’t offer him more.

He told me I would never hear from him again.

While I hope that was a statement made in anger and pain, he has disconnected from me on all social networks. I know there’s a chance I won’t ever hear from him, and that saddens me. He is a great guy, and I had a lot of fun with him. We laughed quite a bit together. It just wasn’t the right romantic relationship for me.

I hope he does find the woman he is looking for. He had informed me early in the relationship that he would never date again if things didn’t work out with me, but he’d already reactivated his dating profiles the day after we ended things. I take that as a sign he hasn’t truly given up hope.

Relationships aren’t easy, but just finding a good one to be a part of is really a struggle.

©2018 WoodLeatherLace.com

That Dolphin, Again

Backstory: OkCupid has a question that I’ve written about before: “While in the middle of the best lovemaking of your life, if your lover asked you to squeal like a dolphin, would you?”

So once while getting into bed for the first time with a man whom I met on OkCupid, we were making out and generally engaging in the type of activities that happen when two consenting adults decide they want to have sex with each other. He paused the activities, looked me in the eye, and said, “Don’t worry. I’m not going to ask you to squeal like a dolphin.” I cracked up. I was so grateful to him for bringing that little bit of humor into the bedroom to relieve the nervous tension that was there between us both. It lightened the mood and definitely increased the passion of the foreplay.

©2017 WoodLeatherLace.com

The Lube Cabinet

Once when I was having sex with a man on our first date, we reached the juncture where lube was needed. I grabbed my bag of lubes for our use. He took one look at it and said, “Wow. You have more types of lube than most people have kinds of booze in their liquor cabinets. I like you!”

(I only had five bottles of four different kinds… in that particular bag anyway! 🙂 )

©2017 WoodLeatherLace.com

Standing at the Intersection

(This is a random memory of a past lover. His name has been changed to protect his identity though he certainly isn’t innocent!)

I had just begun dating a new lover. We had only been out a few times, and we’d always ended up back at my place due to logistics. When an opportunity popped up for me to go over to his place for the evening, we decided to take advantage of it. He had only told me the largest intersection he lived near; he hadn’t given me an exact address yet because I hadn’t needed it.

As we texted in preparing for the date, I asked him if I could get the exact address where he lived. I told him that I could go to the big intersection near his house and stand there and call out, “Hey! Does anyone know where Mark lives? I want to go over to his place so he can fuck me in the ass.” However, I was convinced that I would suddenly meet a lot of guys named “Mark” at that point.

My lover agreed that not only would I meet a lot of men named Mark, but in his neighborhood, I would meet a lot of men named Marcos, too!

Thankfully, he gave me his exact address so I didn’t have to go stand in the intersection looking for him. I found his place easily, and he did an excellent job of fucking me in the ass. I’m guessing people at that nearby intersection probably got to hear my screams of pleasure when he did! 🙂

©2017 WoodLeatherLace.com