commitment

Being Claimed

I recently attended the wonderful Bedpost Confessions in Austin which I highly recommend to anyone who lives in one of the cities where they have them including Boulder, CO, and Ashland, TN. The show is a storytelling event where people present pre-rehearsed “confessions” about some part of their sexual history. The stories range from hysterical to poignant to terrifying to powerful.

In this most recent event, one of the women talked about her own insecurity around dating women now that she was no longer “chasing dick.” She was in a committed lesbian relationship where her partner had claimed her, and for her, it was scary and unbelievable that she had been “claimed.”

I, too, struggle with the concept of men claiming me. Most of the men I have dated in recent years are in it for the fucks. They’re not interested in being pinned down to one woman. They don’t want commitment. They are always looking for the next best thing. They fuck me until they get bored, and then they move on, often to someone skinnier and younger.

The men who have claimed me as their girlfriend? They terrify me. Not because there is anything wrong with them. They scare me because they treat me well. They want commitment. They want to do nice things for me. They want to be there for me when things are going wrong as well as when there’s great sex available. They see me as more than a passing diversion. They want the whole package.

I hate that I’ve become so jaded that I’m suspicious when men treat me well. I despise that I fear their love and commitment. I wish that it was easy to respond in kind when they claim me as theirs. I know my scars, physical and emotional, are part of what make me who I am, but at the same time, I wish the scars didn’t interfere with new relationships that shouldn’t be difficult.

I hope in time that when a man calls me his and claims me, my response won’t be one of fear. I hope that my reaction will be one of devotion and love. I hope being claimed will make me feel secure rather than scaring me. I want to be able to be loved as much as these good guys want to love me.

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