abuse

Spanking Survey, Part 7

This post is a continuing series of spanking survey questions about my childhood. Previous parts are here: one, two, three, four, five, six.

Did you ever volunteer for a spanking when you were a child by confessing something naughty you had done but your parents didn’t know about? No, I never volunteered for a spanking even when I knew I was guilty because my parents’ spankings were so horrible.

Did your parents ever let you choose a spanking versus another punishment option? Did you ever request a spanking over a grounding or other punishment? My parents never let me choose a punishment, and I never would have asked for a spanking over grounding. I wasn’t grounded often because after my parents stopped spanking me, I generally just stayed out of trouble. I can only remember being grounded once for something that no child should be grounded for, and my mother did that in a very sick, very twisted way that defies description. She was a very emotionally abusive woman.

Were you ever involved in a group spanking where many kids were spanked at once for the same “crime”? No, nor did I ever witness one.

Did your parents ever give you the warning of “If you don’t do X by the count of three, you’re getting a spanking. 1…”? How high did your parents count before giving you a spanking?  My parents counted to 3, and then they spanked on the spot. Often there was no warning before the spanking. Some friends’ parents counted to 5. I remember being at one friend’s house and having a parent of theirs threaten to count to 10. I remember thinking, “They get until 10? Wow. That’s a lot of time to comply.”

Did you ever volunteer to take the blame and the spanking for a sibling or a friend? I never did and never would have because my parents were so violent. It never came up as an option either. As an adult, though, I willingly take my Doms’ birthday spankings for them. 🙂

Did you ever do something stupid as a result of a bet with someone when you were young and then got spanked for it? No. I was a sensible kid who was more likely the one to tell others not to do something stupid.

Did you ever tell your parents that the spanking didn’t hurt?  I’d bet almost all kids make this mistake once and only once because then the parent follows up with a spanking that they make sure really does hurt. I did this, I’m sure. I just don’t remember the exact details around it. I am sure it was after getting a warning spank that ended up in a “real” spanking, though.

When you were a child, were you ever sentenced to several spankings on consecutive days for the same event (such as a spanking every night for a week for unruly behavior)?  Mercifully, no, I never received anything like this as a child.

Would you ever want to be spanked again by one of your parents as an adult? Hell no!

As an adult, have you talked to your parents or your siblings about your childhood spankings? No. We don’t have that kind of relationship.

Did you ever wish for another adult to spank you as a child than the ones that already did? The thought never crossed my mind. I assumed all spankings were horrible and violent and I wouldn’t have wanted one of those from someone I loved or I wanted to love me.

Did you masturbate after your spankings as a child? No. I grew up in a Catholic home where I was taught masturbation was a sin. I also was not aroused after my childhood spankings at all. I was traumatized.

Do you find you have an attraction to spanking porn/art/erotica/photos from the era when you were a child? I do. I like 1970s and 1980s spanking erotica, probably because I was spanked in those eras as a child.

Have you recreated any of your childhood spankings as an adult during roleplay? No, not yet. I would possibly consider doing some reparenting therapy/roleplay once I have a trusted partner. It’s going to take a lot of trust for this to ever happen, though.

Did you ever make a New Year’s resolution to get less spankings the next year? It wasn’t a resolution as much as a major hope as a child that I would get spanked less (hopefully never!) the next year. Since I didn’t feel like I had control over when and why I got spanked because spankings weren’t tied to my behavior, it wasn’t something I could resolve to change.

As an adult, though, I’m always hoping the next year brings lots more fun spanking with a wonderful lover!

Do you have the spanking implements that were used on you as a child and are they used on you as an adult? My parents only used their hands most of the time, so no, I don’t have those!

©2017 WoodLeatherLace.com

Spanking Survey, Part 6

This post is a continuing series of spanking survey questions about my childhood. This one drained me emotionally to write, so it’s taken longer to get on paper since I could only handle a little at a time. Previous parts of the survey are here: one, two, three, four, five.

Did you hear spanking threats? Yes, as a child and as an adult. I probably heard them far more often as a child than I actually remember. What’s below are just the ones I can recall because they were memorable for various reasons.

One day I was at a neighbor’s house for lunch. We were probably both about five. His mother was one of the only ones in the neighborhood who worked outside of the home, so he and his sister had a nanny. She was a grandmother type, though she always seemed crabby to me. I forget what he did or said, but she picked up a wooden spoon and started to threaten him. He didn’t get the spanking, but I am certain she spanked him with the spoon on many other occasions!

Another time I was over at a friend’s house. We were both around 6 or 7. I have no recollection of what transpired before the threat, but her father was sitting in a recliner and we were sitting on the floor in the family room about 10 feet away. Her dad said, “Sally, drop your pants.” She just giggled hysterically. I was sitting there in shock, worried about what was going to happen. He repeated his command for her to drop her pants again, and she just laughed again. Nothing else ended up happening at that time. I don’t know if this was code or what.

As an adult, I heard several, too. One that stands out was a two year old niece talking about spanking and her parents trying to stop her from talking about it since they knew it was not a parenting technique that was widely accepted by that point in the 1990s. When we were out at dinner once with the same niece, she was fidgeting a bit. It was taking forever (like over an hour) before our food arrived, and all things considered, she was behaving amazingly well. However, her mother still gave her a very stern and angry threat of, “Do you want to go out to the car with me?” Clearly this was an experience that our niece had already had as she quickly shook her head no and became perfectly still.

Another time we were having a party with a lot of friends and their kids over. It was time to go and the one young boy of about three was refusing to put on his shoes to leave. His father threatened him, “Do you want a spanking?” I was horrified. I didn’t know then and am still not sure now how to have told him, “I am not ok with you spanking your child in my house.”

In my twenties, I worked for several years teaching students who were 11-15. This was in a small town in Texas where belts are still commonly used to discipline kids in this age group, especially in certain communities. It isn’t considered shameful at all: Parent proudly boasted about taking belts to their kids. No one within the communities is going to disagree because they all do the same to their kids. Over my years of teaching, I heard many threats to students from their parents. These are some of the more memorable ones.

I had one student whose behavior was out of control; she was acting out for other teachers as well but was particularly acting out in my class because of some boys she was flirting with. She was going to end up unintentionally pregnant at the rate she was going given the norms of that community. I called her aunt who was her guardian, and we set up a meeting the next day with her aunt, her, me, and a few other teachers. During the meeting, the aunt announced, “I whipped her butt good with my belt last night. Real good. I let her have it.” The student’s eyes filled with tears both from embarrassment and from the memory of the beating, I’m sure.

Another year, we had a male student who was acting like a little monster. All of his teachers had had it with him. One of the other teachers called his mother in for a conference. She was shocked and infuriated by his behavior. She had no idea he was acting like that at school. She started chewing him out in front of the teachers including saying, “I am so mad at you. If I had known this conference was going to be this bad, I would have brought my belt and whipped you with your teachers watching. I am furious.” I have no doubt she would have. I am also sure he got it when he got home. For the rest of the year, he was a complete angel for all of us.

Because the community I taught in was so small, there were a lot of interconnections between students and staff. One of the regular substitute teachers was good friends with the father one of the students we had trouble with on a regular basis. The one day I was near the substitute teacher when he was telling the troublesome student, “Your father would have no problem with me taking a belt to your backside. If you don’t knock it off, I’m going to take you in that office and give it to you good.” Again, I am sure he would have followed through on that promise. Even though it was technically against district policy for staff to use corporal punishment, I am sure no one would have complained.

One year, I had a student who was hearing but had two deaf parents. They came to “Back to School Night” with an ASL interpreter. Because of the communication difficulties between us, I had not spoken with them previously. I told them through the interpreter that their son was being uncooperative during class. Despite not understanding ASL, I had no problem telling that the father turned to the son and gave him a very angry lecture. His head hung in shame and tears started. I would not be surprised if he got the belt when they got home.

One of the most disturbing conversations I had as a teacher involved other teachers condoning abuse of one of the students. There was a female student who started harassing me in the hallway in between classes, calling me names and being rude and insolent. Yes, I was a teacher and yet she decided to start bullying me. She was not in any of my classes—she just decided to be rude for fun. When I told another teacher what happened, she told me, “Call her Daddy. He will beat her. Let him. Don’t call CPS. She deserves it.” I agree that the girl deserved consequences for what she was doing, but I don’t think the other teacher could understand that the abuse she was receiving at home was likely why she was bullying others as she misdirected her anger about her abuse. No child, no matter how rude or obnoxious, “deserves” to be abused.

Did you witness any others being spanked? Yes. Some of the following stories are hearing others be spanked rather than actually seeing.

There was of course my younger brother. I only have memories of him being spanked three times, though I am certain there were more. One was when he and I were little and were spanked together by our mother. Another time was when he was about 10 and got into a fight with my mother which he very much lost. The third was when he was in middle school, and it was outright abuse involving hitting and kicking by my father.

I also witnessed my mom hitting our dogs. One incident in particular stand out in my mind. My mother had a bad day, and the one dog got into the trash which she had left in a place easily accessible to the dog with tempting morsels (to a dog) in the trash. My mother beat the crap out of the dog. It was not ok. It was not disciplinary. It was abuse. That incident was one of the ones which helped give me perspective on how my parents abused me rather than disciplined me. Because I wasn’t the one being hit, I could tell how long and how hard she hit the dog. She was out of control.

There was an incident when I was about 6 when I witnessed a neighbor get spanked. She was a year older than me, but we played together in the summers due to a lack of other girls on our street. She didn’t play with me during the school year, though, because she considered herself older than me and therefore not willing to play with someone who was “so young.” Anyway, during this incident, her mother came storming into the kitchen and began slapping her daughter, followed by her pulling down her daughter’s pants and underwear; she was spanking her daughter with her hand while seated with her daughter over her knee. She was violently hitting her daughter out of anger. I don’t even remember what the friend had done to merit this treatment in her mother’s mind, but it was nothing we were doing at the time. The spanking just happened out of nowhere. I literally couldn’t watch because it was so terrifying for me. Once her mother pulled down her pants, I turned so I couldn’t see what was going on. I just stood there, frozen, until it was over. Once her mother stood her up, she told my friend, “Take your friend to the door and say goodbye.” I still don’t understand why she couldn’t have sent me home before spanking her daughter. Clearly she was too angry to give her daughter that dignity. As my crying friend walked me to the front door, I wasn’t sure what to do or say, so I told her, “I didn’t watch.” Between her tears, she said, “Thanks.” We never mentioned the incident again.

I semi-witnessed another cousin being spanked several times when we were growing up. Honestly, I was not and am not a fan of this particular cousin. I always thought he was a sniveling brat. He was an only child who acted like an only child—unable to play nicely with others except when he got his way. He was a few years younger than me, closer in age to my brother than me. The two of them would often play together leaving me out of their games which didn’t contribute positively toward my feelings for either of them. Anyway, the first spanking was on Christmas Eve at our grandparents when my cousin was about 3 or 4. My cousin was being a whiny brat, tantruming about everything. My uncle finally ran out of patience, scooped up my cousin, and took him out to the car. For some reason I asked my dad, “What’s going to happen to him?” My father very angrily said, “Exactly what would happen to you if you were acting like that.” Clearly my cousin’s behavior had made my father angry, too. I decided it would be a good time to make myself scarce given how angry my father was about his nephew’s behavior. Ten or fifteen minutes later, my uncle brought back in a sniffing, red-faced cousin who was much more subdued for the rest of the evening.

The other time I remember that cousin being spanked is much more hazy. I am fairly sure it was his father (my uncle) who did the spanking again though I know his mother did also spank. I can’t remember if we were upstairs in his room at his house or if we were downstairs in the playroom, but his father took him to the opposite place from where we were and spanked him because he wasn’t getting along with any of the other cousins who were there at the gathering.

I had another cousin on the same side of the family who was spanked by her parents, too. I indirectly witnessed one of the spankings and heard in detail about another. She was also an only child because her parents married late in life. My cousin was much younger than me as a result, so I ended up doing a lot of free babysitting for them when I was in high school. I had actually thought my aunt was anti-spanking based on one conversation we had wherein she told me spanking was not a good discipline method but people in our nation still used it. Surprisingly to me, I witnessed her giving one of those spankings to my cousin. I had come over after school to eat dinner with them before my aunt and uncle went out for the evening. My 5 year old cousin wanted an apple an hour before dinner. She was capable of getting the apple, washing it, and eating it on her own. Her mother refused because she was going to “ruin her dinner.” I’ve never understood this argument. If a growing child is hungry and wants a truly nutritious snack, let the child eat it. It’s not ruining dinner. It’s supplementing it. However, my aunt was overtired from work and got tired of my cousin whining about how she was hungry, so my aunt began a very violent spanking of my cousin while escorting my cousin up to her room to stay until dinner time. I was very shocked by the whole incident.

The other incident with that cousin also occurred when she was five, a few months after the previous spanking. I was at her family’s house for dinner again, and my aunt and uncle began discussing a spanking that had happened the previous day much to my cousin’s embarrassment. I felt truly sorry for her. They were taunting her and mocking her, asking what had happened to her the previous day when she was playing with her friend. She said, “I forget.” To that, my aunt asked my cousin if she needed a reminder of what happened, and my cousin got a horrified look on her face and shook her head violently “no.” My aunt and uncle found this hysterical. Later after dinner when we were doing dishes, my aunt let me know that my cousin had been playing with a neighborhood friend who always got her into trouble. The friend talked my cousin into playing with some of her dad’s hobby equipment which they broke (though it could be repaired with a lot of time and effort). My uncle was furious; he sent the friend home and then gave my cousin “a very harsh spanking” according to my aunt. They decided at that point that my cousin shouldn’t be allowed to play with that friend anymore since he only got her in trouble.

The only public spanking I ever witnessed was when I was home from college one year for Christmas. I watched a very angry father screaming at a young boy (maybe six years old) while the father dragged the son out of a Hallmark store by one arm. The father was using his other arm to violently spank the child anywhere hits could land on the way to their car where I’m sure the child was going to get even worse. To this day, I regret not speaking out. The scene wasn’t a reasonable parent disciplining a child. This was very much an abusive father damaging his son both mentally and physically.

Another spanking (or perhaps it is better described as a slapping) I witnessed happened when I was an adult and mother. I was at a gathering of friends with some of our kids present. One of the women had a son who was six months older than my son; they were about 15 months and 9 months old. Her more mobile son started hitting my son for no real reason. I was not upset. This is not an unusual behavior for kids that age as they explore others’ bodies and try to understand actions and reactions. However, the mother got very upset with her son and started slapping his hands hard while telling him “no!” repeatedly along with some other lecturing. Of course, after the first slap, her son started crying hysterically and was hearing nothing she was saying. I was not a fan of this woman’s parenting, but this incident sealed it for me. She truly overreacted to what happened. I always felt like she parented in a way that was showing off towards others who were watching.

The only spanking I have ever witnessed that I think was handled in an appropriate way was when I was in high school. The boy in question was 3, and I used to babysit for the family who were neighbors. We lived in an area where many people didn’t have air conditioning; open windows with screens were the way of cooling the house. This three year old boy had started the “game” of unlocking the screens and pushing them out the second floor windows. Since he was so young and he had a two year old sibling, this was a truly dangerous thing. I knocked on the front door and let the mother know that one of the screens was out of the windows upstairs. She thanked me profusely. Then, through the open windows, I heard her talking calmly to her son. “Tony,” she said, “I told you that if you pushed the screens out of the windows again I would spank you. You didn’t listen to me, so I am going to have to spank you.” A few seconds later I heard the sound of her hand on his bare bottom slapping three times. That was enough to make him cry and to get her point across. Never again did I see screens out of their windows. I felt guilty for years for having gotten him spanked until I realized a) I had no idea that she would spank him and b) it was a truly dangerous situation. The mom had already talked to him, but he hadn’t listened. She didn’t spank out of anger. She didn’t spank excessively. This was a case where if spanking is acceptable, the parent spanked appropriately. The fact that it’s the only spanking I ever heard or witnessed that could be considered reasonable tells me how often what we label as spanking is actually abuse of children by angry parents.

Did you like watching others be spanked? No. As a young child, I found spankings terrifying. I think this was because I had never seen one given in a loving manner. They were all the same in my mind: A very angry adult lashes out at a child, often for no apparent reason. They were not calm. They were not structured. They were not loving. Only one spanking I witnessed when I was a teen falls outside of those parameters.

As an adult, I still have no desire to watch others spankings in real life, and thus I have no desire to go to spanking parties. Different consenting adults like different things from their spankings, and for me, many of those things are triggering. If I am watching spanking videos at home, I can just turn off the video if I don’t like it. Going to the “cookie” room is not going to be far enough away in a party environment. I will still be able to hear what is going on.

©2017 WoodLeatherLace.com

Spanking Survey, Part 4

This post is a continuing series of spanking survey questions about my childhood. Part one starts here, part two is here, and part three is here.

Did you ever get spanked or witness a spanking at a slumber party? No, it was never even threatened.

Were there times when you should have been spanked but weren’t? I can think of times (two in particular) where I could have used an attitude adjustment, one when I was about 5 and one when I was about 13. I am VERY surprised that I didn’t get one for the incident when I was five, but I think there may have been guests around and that was what “saved” me. My parents didn’t want non-family witnesses to how they spanked us even if they were willing to brag about the spankings they gave us. I also can think of two incidents when I was a teen that my parents never found out about that might have been spankable offenses in their mind and a third which I wish I had been spanked for. Most of the time, though, I was a good kid.

Do you feel your gender ever made a difference in how you were spanked? The one time my mother spanked my brother and I together in the same room, she pulled down his pajama pants and spanked him on the bare bottom but didn’t bother undoing the one-piece sleeper I was wearing. Honestly, a one-piece outfit isn’t a deterrent for a parent who really wants a bare bottom, so if she had wanted to, she would have removed it before spanking. He was no more to blame for the incident than I was, so it’s not like he deserved a harsher punishment. I am still not why she did that, but I suspect she may have sexually abused him when he was older which would explain it.

I do think that at a certain level my mother and father spanked my brother and I for some things differently than each other because of our sex. There were different expectations for him as a boy and me as a girl.

Did you ever feel your birth order made a difference in how you were spanked? Yes, very much so. My parents had higher expectations for me in many ways. I also “should know better” because I was the older one. He was the baby and got away with things I would have been spanked for. However, he got spanked for doing things I never would have done, so I don’t think in the grand scheme of things either of us was spanked more or less than the other.

Did others know you were spanked? Yes. My mother was one of those horrible parents who loved telling others about her prowess as a spanking mother. She thought my spankings and her power to give them were funny. She liked to joke about them, especially ones she gave me when I was very little (like still in diapers). So there was no question to neighbors or friends of the family that I was spanked. Plus we had no air conditioning in many places we lived when I was growing up or we couldn’t afford to run it if we did, so during summer months, the windows were open and neighbors probably heard many of the spankings.

Almost everyone in the extended family spanked, so I’m sure all of my relatives knew. I’m not sure how much my mom talked to her family about the spankings she gave her children, but I’m sure they did.

Did your tears ever affect the length of your spanking? No. My parents spanked as long and hard as they wanted. They didn’t care how much I cried during the spanking. My tears were irrelevant. As long as I was crying, they knew they were doing their job right.

Were you ever able to talk your way out of a spanking? No, and I knew better than to try!

Did you have permission to spank any of the kids you babysat? Did you spank them? No, I did not have permission to do so with the exception of one cousin when he was two, and I didn’t spank him. However, with two different sets of kids I babysat, I knew them well enough that we occasionally played spanking games. (See the next post for more info on this.)

Have you ever urinated during a long spanking? No.

Did you ever check out your bottom after the spanking? I really didn’t have a good mirror to check myself with. The only full-length mirror was in my parents’ room, and I sure wasn’t going in there to see the damage. It would have only given them ideas that it wasn’t red enough!

Did you ever check out someone else’s bottom after a spanking? No, except the bottoms I spanked during spanking games.

Did you look up spanking in the dictionary? Like every other good spanko, yes. And as a good nerd, I looked it up in the thesaurus and the encyclopedia, too. Imagine my shock when I typed spanking into Altavista for the first time.

How did you feel about spanking in comics? As a child, they scared me because I worried the idea would somehow be planted (more than it already was) in my parents’ minds to spank me that day because they’d seen a spanking comic in the paper. We subscribed to the daily paper, and it seemed like at least once a week someone was getting a spanking in the comics.

How did you feel about spanking scenes in books? I was mostly intrigued by them. As I got older, I realized they were arousing.

How did you feel about spanking on tv and in movies? I was always embarrassed when watching them with my parents in the room.

Did you get birthday spankings? Not from my parents that I remember. However, friends and I must have done it and I must have seen it at parties because I remember the whole routine of one for each year and one to grow on and a pinch to grow an inch. I don’t ever remember seeing bare bottom ones; they were always over clothing. I don’t remember spanking tunnels. I had one grade school gym teacher who would give clothed birthday spankings, but I don’t remember any other teachers doing it. I also have a vague memory of one uncle giving me one, but we didn’t live near him so we didn’t see him often. It was a gentle and joking spanking for sure.

Did you spank your dolls? Yes, quite often. To me when playing house, that was the roll of the mama: to spank naughty babies. Kids imitate what they see.

©2017 WoodLeatherLace.com

Spanking Survey, part 3

This is continuing a series of spanking questions I have found around the internet about childhood spankings. Part 1 can be found here. Part 2 can be found here.

How sore your bottom was after a typical spanking? I was always very sore for several hours afterward but completely fine physically by the next day. Sitting down was definitely a reminder of what had been done to me.

On a scale of 1-10 how much did the average spanking hurt? In my child’s mind, 10. As an adult in retrospect, I don’t know. I didn’t have any other experience of pain as a child except occasionally falling off a bike and skinning a knee.

Were you ever spanked for something you don’t feel you deserved? Yes. Almost every single spanking was undeserved. My parents had no great parenting skills to speak of. They didn’t have the concept of logical consequences. They were punishing, not disciplining.

Was your spanking ever interrupted by a doorbell, phone, or visitor? Never.

Were your spankings ever delayed? Only if we were in public and I was promised a spanking when we got home, so that wouldn’t have been more than a few hours at most.

Did you ever have to wait to get your spanking? Not longer than a few seconds most of the time.

Were you ever spanked before school? Yes, but I don’t have specific memories about it. I do remember being worried people on the bus would know what happened to me that morning.

With what word did your mom or dad refer to your “bottom”? Bottom, butt, rear end.

What did you do or say when someone said, “You’re going to be spanked”? Often they didn’t even declare it—they just got the look on their face that I knew a spanking was coming. Then they would grab me, pull down my underwear and start spanking within a few seconds of getting that look of rage on their faces.

When they did use some kind of words to tell me I was about to be spanked, I generally screamed, sometimes screaming the word, “No!”, and then tried to run which was never successful as they always caught me within a few steps.

Were you ever bruised by a spanking? I don’t think so, though I’ve always bruised fairly easily just from bumping into things or falling. I really didn’t have a good mirror to check myself with. The only full-length mirror was in my parents’ room, and I sure wasn’t going in there to see the damage. It would have only given them ideas that it wasn’t red enough!

How young were you when you received your first spanking? Probably before I was mobile. I honestly don’t know. I know I was being spanked well before I turned two. My mother loved to brag about her spanking skills by telling other people stories– one in particular of spanking me when I was younger than two.

Did you face corner time after a spanking? Never. This was something I hadn’t even heard of until the invention of the internet.

At one of my many grade schools, one of the ultimate punishments was losing recess and being forced to stand facing the outside wall of the school for the entire time while others were playing. The teachers had to bring everyone to the playground, and they didn’t want students even getting the pleasure of watching other kids play. The boredom of staring at the wall was far more torturous at that age. I only had to do this once when the teacher issued this punishment to the entire class even though I was doing nothing wrong at the time. I still remember staring at the red brick wall.

What happened to you after spankings? I was either left on the floor, sent to my room, or if I was already in my room, I was told to stay there until the parent who administered the spanking decided I could leave (which often was the next day).

Were you ever spanked in a car? Probably, but I don’t have memories of it.

Were you ever spanked in a public restroom? Possibly, but I don’t have memories of it.

Were you ever given enemas or other types of physical punishments sometimes coupled with spankings? No. I never received a soaping either but it was threatened for tone of voice and attitude.

How did you feel after a spanking? Traumatized, unjustly punished, resentful, angry, ashamed, embarrassed, sad, upset, hated, unloved, unwanted.

Did your parents ever tell you that this would hurt them more than you? Nope. Neither of them disliked spanking their children. It wasn’t even that they considered it a duty. I don’t think they got sexual pleasure from spanking me (though I think my mother may have from spanking my brother). I do think they got anger and stress relief from spanking us at our expense.

Did your spanker hug/kiss/tell you they love you, right after the spanking? Never. They didn’t even do this when I hadn’t been punished. They almost always let me know how disappointed, angry, ashamed or disgusted they were with me after spanking me, though.

Do you remember ever doubting their love for you because of a spanking? Every single time.

Did they ever feel like they spanked you unjustly? I was never spanked for something I didn’t do, but spankings were also not appropriate punishments for the majority of what I was spanked for.

Did they ever tell you that you were too old to be spanked? No, which is part of why I lived in fear until I left their house.

Did they ever tell you that you were not too old to be spanked? No, but my dad told my brother as a teen that my brother “was not too big to put across his knee,” so I knew the same was true for me.

Would you mind if they spanked you, for a good reason, in your adult years? I don’t have good relationships with either of my parents. If either of them tried to lay a hand on me, I’d call the police for assault. I don’t respect them, I don’t like them, I don’t love them, and I do my best to avoid interacting with them.

How long were your spankings? I have no idea. When you are hanging over someone’s lap struggling against the pain and screaming in fear, time becomes irrelevant because it seems like it is lasting forever. I suspect most of them were less than two minutes of hard bare-bottomed spanking, but I have no idea.

Do you think spanking was better or worse than most of the other punishments your parents or guardians used? It was by far the most traumatic. Some of the other punishments like denying me food also have left lifelong trauma on my brain, but it was the fear of being spanked that created so much terror in my childhood.

How were your parents disciplined? I’m not sure entirely. I know they were both spanked from conversations with the extended family. My mother was probably beaten but I don’t know with what. My father had a belt used on him at times.

Were your parents in a domestic discipline relationship? Not that I know of, but it is a male income provider, woman housemaker type marriage. The general opinion in the extended family is that it is wrong to spank or hit adults but children are fair game; in their opinions, kids deserve and need it.

Where were you spanked besides your bottom? Only on my bottom. I only had my thighs smacked for warning spanks if I was wearing shorts (of the 70s and 80s very short variety) so that it would be on bare skin and would make more of an impact. I was slapped in the face a few times as a child but my mother mainly used slapping my face in middle school and high school.

Did you feel embarrassed to get a spanking from your parent/guardian? Always. Nudity was considered shameful in our house, so being seen bare bottomed was part of embarrassment. Being told I was bad also created shame. The act of spanking me just heaped on more embarrassment because it was something I knew I had to hide from non-family members because it showed what a bad person I was, and I didn’t want anyone thinking that of me.

Did you want to be spanked as a child? Absolutely not. I was terrified of being spanked. My experiences with spanking at home were so severe that I didn’t have fantasies of being spanked by friend’s parents or anything of the like.

Did you try to earn a spanking as a child? Hell no. I spent my entire childhood trying to avoid them.

Did you ever try to get friends spanked? No. I didn’t like my spankings, and I wouldn’t have wanted to put them through what I went through.

Did you ever try to get siblings spanked? I would tattle on my brother if he was doing something wrong, but he usually didn’t get spanked for whatever he was doing. I got spanked for tattling on occasion, though. Of course, if I hadn’t tattled, I would have been blamed for not stopping him because I was older and should have known better.

Were you a well-behaved child? Yes. I was too terrified most of the time not to be.

©2017 WoodLeatherLace.com

Spanking Survey, part 2

This is continuing a series of spanking questions I have found around the internet about childhood spankings. Part 1 can be found here.

Which parent would you rather be spanked by? My mother, without a doubt. My father’s spankings were much harder and much longer because he was physically stronger than my mother. His temper was also so much more volatile than hers so he often struck with a great deal more anger.

Did you ever get spanked twice for the same thing? I’m sure I was but I couldn’t tell you specifically what or when besides general attitude, whininess, perceived disobedience, tattling and having a messy room (which could randomly be a cause for a spanking but generally wasn’t). I usually never repeated the same error after being spanked for it because I was so terrified of spankings. I even quit playing with my brother because it wasn’t worth getting spanked for playing with him if my mother decided we weren’t playing nicely enough together. I went outside and played with neighborhood friends instead, safely away from my parents.

Did you ever get spanked twice in the same day? Yes. The most traumatic spanking of my life which I still can’t discuss involved being spanked by both parents (unjustly) back-to-back with only a minute in between if even that. My mother spanked me, and then my father spanked me immediately after she did because he was so mad at me he didn’t care if she had already spanked me. He wanted his turn hitting me. I was around four or five years old. That was the day I realized my parents didn’t actually love me or want me. They are a miserable couple who never should have had children.

I know there were plenty of other days where I got light or warning spankings earlier in the day and then a much harder panties-down spanking later in the day when my mother’s patience ran out.

Who pulled down your pants and panties? My parents. I was never given the option to do it myself. They always ripped off my clothes faster than I could even try to resist. The spankings were always violent and sudden. There was nothing slow and deliberate about them. I was never given a chance to submit.

Were you given any chance to justify your behaviors before spanking? Never. When my parents declared a spanking, it was usually administered faster than I could say anything besides screaming in horror, “No!” Even if I was told I would be spanked when we got home, I knew better than to protest. That would have possibly led to a spanking then and there. I also was holding out vain hope that if I kept my mouth shut they would forget their promises to spank me when we got home. They never did.

Is there a rule for number of strokes for particular offence? No. I actually have no idea how many times they hit me during any given spanking. Probably until their hand was sore or they had vented enough anger. They never hit hard enough to bruise or leave marks because in their minds, that was abuse. What they did was not abuse in their minds though it very much was to me.

When did your parents scold you about what you did wrong? I wasn’t scolded so much as yelled at. They would begin chastising me verbally as they grabbed me and pulled down my underwear. They would continue yelling at me over my cries during the spanking. After the spanking, I was always unceremoniously dumped on the floor and told to go to my room or if I was already there, left on my bed. I was always told something derogatory about me and my behavior as they walked away.

What were your parents’ spanking styles like? Both of them spanked rapidly and hard. There was no warm up. There were rarely a few spanks over clothes unless they were doing it while dragging me on the way to sitting down so they could pull down my underwear. They pulled down any obstructing clothing and whaled on my bottom long and hard. Stylistically, there was no difference between my parents’ spanking styles.

What offenses your parents/guardian considered deserving of spanking at the first time without warning?

  • Disrespect to your parent(s): This definitely could provoke and instant spanking.
  • Disrespect to strangers: I would not have dared to do this.
  • Lying: If I was caught in a lie, I would get spanked. I usually didn’t get caught. I also didn’t lie often, but when I did, it was to avoid a spanking.
  • Cussing: I never did in front of my parents when I was young. I knew better.
  • Continuous disobedience: Definitely spank worthy without warning.
  • Drinking/smoking, skipping school, stealing, other crime: I was too good of a kid to do any of this.
  • Bad grades: Anything less than an A was at risk of a spanking on tests or homework with the exception of one teacher my parents hated.
  • Bad report card: I got a B+ once when I was a freshman and was terrified I would be spanked. Mercifully I was not.
  • Breaking curfew: I never did.
  • Staying up all night: I like my sleep. I never stayed up late.
  • Fighting: Fighting with my brother was likely to merit an immediate spanking. Sometimes we got a warning. I never fought with anyone else.
  • Back-talking: Definitely a potential immediate spanking.
  • Breaking stuff deliberately: I never did this.
  • Breaking stuff accidentally: I did get spanked for this.
  • Something really dangerous/life-threatening: I did get spanked for this.
  • Tattling: This was very likely to get me a spanking along with the sibling I was tattling on. Sometimes I got spanked for tattling and he didn’t get spanked for his offense.

Were you ever given bedtime spankings? Only if I had earned the spanking at bedtime which was easy to do in the evenings when everyone was tired and crabby. Usually it meant getting spanked and put to bed earlier than my usual bedtime. I never had a spanking postponed until bedtime and was never told, “You’ll be getting a spanking at bedtime.”

Were you ever spanked at the same time as someone else? Who went first? I only remember the one time I was spanked with my brother, and I went first. I’m not sure there was any logic in why as we were both sitting on his bed when my mother came in to spank us. I am sure we were spanked at the same time for fighting at other times, but I don’t have any actual memories of those spankings.

I was never spanked with friends or cousins.

Were you ever told, “Wait until your father gets home?” Never. My mother had no problem reddening bottoms on her own.

What phrases did your parents use to warn you of an impending spanking or to declare your punishment? 

  • “If you want to cry, I’ll give you something to cry about.”
  • “Do I need to turn this car around?”
  • Anything involving “young lady.”
  • Anything involving both my first and middle name.
  • “You’re getting a spanking.”
  • “I am going to spank you when we get home.”
  • “I’m pulling your pants down and spanking you.”
  • “Do you need a spanking?”
  • “Do you want a spanking?”
  • “If you do that one more time, I am going to spank you so hard you can’t sit down.”
  • My parents would count to 3, sometimes VERY quickly so that you had no chance to cooperate with whatever they wanted you to do. If they got to three, you were getting a spanking then and there.
  • “Go to your room.” This might or might not lead to a spanking. I never knew.
  • “You’re a very bad girl.”
  • “Don’t take that tone of voice with me.”
  • “Do you want me to put you over my knee?”

Were you ever spared a spanking once one was declared? Ha! There was usually half a second between the spanking verdict and the spanking started. I had no chance to protest. If I was promised a spanking when we got home, it was often given in the hallway immediately inside the front door with me standing. Sometimes I was taken to my room and then spanked, or sometimes I was taken to a couch in the family room and spanked (because that was closer to the door). It just depended how angry the parent was and how much their hand was itching to spank me.

©2017 WoodLeatherLace.com

Spanking Survey, part 1

This post and several to follow it are part fetish, part therapy for me. I enjoy reading about others’ childhood spanking experiences despite having been abused as a child. I also know others enjoy reading them. I also like reading about others’ adult spankings and lifestyles, so I’m going to write about mine, too.

I have never been able to talk to any of my partners or therapists about my childhood spankings, but I’ve reached a place where I can finally write about them. I figure that if I’m not able to discuss them with a partner, I can send him here in the future. So with that in mind, I’ve collected a lot of spanking survey questions from across the internet for my benefit and my readers’ benefit. This is just part one of a series.

Do you believe spankings are an effective form of discipline? Generally speaking, no. They can be useful in very rare instances when administered properly (see a following post for the very strict criteria of what that means). In my case, though, I was abused, as are many other children.

How often were you spanked growing up (rarely, often or very often)? I honestly don’t know. I only remember the worst of the spankings; I think I’ve blocked the rest out.

When you were spanked, how hard was it? Very hard. My parents didn’t mess around when it came to real spankings. Warning swats were also given very hard.

Were spankings given on clothing, underwear, bare bottom or nude? I received spankings in all states of dress and undress. Warning swats were usually over clothes on the butt or on the back of legs when wearing a short skirt or shorts. Sometimes it was only one swat. Sometimes I would be grabbed by the arm and given three to five hard swats on the bottom over whatever I was wearing with promises of more if I didn’t change my behavior or being spanked when we got home. Generally speaking, I was spanked bare bottom.

Once I was spanked at the same time as my brother when I was about 6. I was wearing a one piece fleece sleeper which my mother amazingly left up; my younger brother was wearing thin two-piece pajamas, so my mother pulled them down and spanked him bare bottom immediately after spanking me. I don’t know why I lucked out and he didn’t because we were equally guilty of the “offense” in her eyes. I suspect she may have sexually abused him at some point, and that may be why she wanted to see him naked even then.

My mother also burst into the bathroom once when I was 6 or 7, ripped me out of the bathtub, pulled me over her knee while she was sitting on the toilet, and gave me a very hard nude spanking. This is the only spanking as a child that in retrospect as an adult that I think I truly deserved because it was safety related. However, it was carried out very, very poorly. I had no idea I was going to be spanked until my mother came into the bathroom and started violently spanking me. I was VERY resentful about how she did it. After she finished spanking me, I was plopped back in the bathtub to finish my bath while sobbing, and she stormed out of the bathroom again.

What position were you in for spankings? For warnings, I was usually standing. For real spankings, I was over my parents’ knees. Occasionally I might have my pants and panties dropped and be spanked standing up if a chair was not adjacent to us, but usually I was dragged by my arm (or carried when I was younger) to the nearest chair, couch, bed or toilet for my parent to sit and spank bare bottom and hard.

Where were spankings given? Any place my parents wanted to spank me. Generally speaking, I never got more than a less than subtle warning or a warning swat in public. They would take me home to spank me. I was spanked at my grandmother’s house at least once when I was very little, and I’m not sure if extended family watched or not. I have memories of being spanked in my bedroom in two different houses, the guest bedroom, the living room, the family room, the entry hallway, the garage hallway, the kitchen, the bathroom, and the basement.

What implements were used during your spankings? My parents only used their hands that I remember. I suspect I may have been spanked with a hairbrush or spoon at some point, but I don’t remember it. My parents did enough emotional damage with their hands on my bare bottom.

Do you feel you’re a better or more disciplined person today because of it? Absolutely not. It left me traumatized. I lived my entire childhood in fear and was desperate to get out of their house.

Who did the discipline in your house? My mom was a stay-at-home mom and my dad traveled a lot for his business, so she was the primary disciplinarian and spanker. She spanked on the spot. My father was not hesitant to spank on evenings and weekends when he was around. Whichever parent was angry spanked.

Did you ever get spanked by anyone other than your parents? Again, I am not sure. I don’t think a babysitter ever did. I don’t think babysitters had permission. I never had a friend’s parent spank me nor was I ever sent home for a spanking by a friend’s parent. I was a pretty good kid who really didn’t need spankings more than a handful of times in my life but got them way more often.

My one aunt threatened to spank me bare bottom when I was nine or ten for generally not being respectful enough towards my mother (her sister), and as she was very young (only about 21), I was not happy about her threat. She was driving when she made the threat, so I wasn’t in imminent danger, but it loomed over me for quite a while. I don’t know if she actually had permission to spank me or not. When I was babysitting her two year old when I was in high school, though, she told me that if he misbehaved I was to “spank his bare little bottom.” I suspect my mother would not have objected if her sister spanked me; she probably would have spanked me again for being such an embarrassment.

I suspect I was spanked by dad’s mom at some point, but I don’t have memories. I know my mom’s dad once kick-spanked my butt when I was laying on his family room floor when I was about 6 or 7 because he didn’t approve of me laying on my stomach on the floor propped up on my elbows playing. I didn’t say anything to my parents because I was sure they would have spanked me for shaming them.

I don’t know if any other aunts or uncles on either side of the family had permission to spank. Most of them spanked their own children hard and often, though. Only one aunt/uncle did not, and the rest of the family was very vocal in their opinions about how they had brats as a result.

What offences did your parents consider deserving of a spanking? This is where the abuse came in. There was no rhyme or reason for why we were spanked. Something that merited a spanking one day would be fine the next. The only common theme I can see between my spankings was that my parents were using us as punching bags: whenever they were mad, including at each other, they would wait for one of us to do something remotely spankable and then we would get it. Many of the things I was spanked for were not at all reasonable spanking offenses. There were other times when I was a complete brat and didn’t get spanked. In retrospect, I can see some of the spankings were because they were embarrassed by me for things that shouldn’t have been shameful.

Was it effective in making you stop doing whatever you were doing wrong? I lived my childhood in fear of being spanked. I felt like I had to be perfect. Being spanked for genuine mistakes was not out of the question. So yes, it stopped me from doing naughty things and made me live in fear for being spanked when I didn’t follow the arbitrary rules.

When your parents spanked, was it done on the spot while you were standing, or would they make it a bigger event by making you go over their knee or over your bed, etc.? It was always done immediately, usually on the spot. There was no routine or scene. Both mother and father just grabbed and spanked while screaming at me  about how bad I was. One exception was if I tried running away from them by going to my room where they’d inevitably catch up with me and spank me. I’d also occasionally get sent to my room and they’d quickly follow to spank me.

What age did you get your last spanking and what did you do? My last bare bottom over the knee spanking was when I was 9 or 10, and it was for playing with my toys in the guest bedroom because my room was so small there was no real room to play in there. I didn’t put them away, and without warning the next day, my mother dragged me in the guest bedroom spanked me while she was sitting on the floor, pulling me over her knee and pulling down my pants and underwear. I had no idea it was coming until it happened. There were no rules about having to immediately pick up and put away toys in our house, so it was really unexpected and I didn’t ever understand why I got it other than she was having a bad day.

My mother slapped me across the face several times as a teenager through high school.

I really don’t remember when my last bare bottom spanking from my father was, though I think I was less than 9. My brother was spanked well beyond age 9. The last one I remember of his was at age 13, but he probably was spanked beyond. He was not as bright as me about avoiding trouble. He talked back to my parents when they were already angry which was a really stupid move on his part.

Did you cry every time? Yes, as soon as I realized what was about to happen. I sobbed for a long time afterward. My father would often come back and threaten to give me something else to cry about if I didn’t stop crying. He had zero patience with children who acted up in anyway including just making typical kid noises or crying after a spanking. He really doesn’t like children.

How did your parents know you learned your lesson? My parents weren’t trying to make sure we learned a lesson. They just wanted to vent their anger on us. They stopped spanking when they were less angry and felt we’d had enough.

What other discipline methods did your parents use on you? Time outs, grounding, restriction of toys or personal property, destruction of toys, being sent to my room (and not knowing if I was going to be spanked or not until I was allowed out which was some arbitrary amount of time), being sent to bed without supper, being sent to bed early, yelling, emotional abuse, neglect, shaming, belittling, writing lines.

Do you feel it was abuse or at times necessary discipline? With the exception of one spanking which I probably deserved but was given in an abusive fashion, I felt it was all abuse.

Do you believe that spanking may have led to anger and/or trust issues with your parents? Absolutely. It also created PTSD.

Were you afraid of your parents? Very much so.

Were you ever spanked in public? Not more than a warning smack that I remember. I suspect I may have been taken to the car and been spanked on occasion, but I don’t remember it. I was threatened with public bathroom spankings but I don’t know if I ever got one. I may have been spanked in public before my memories kick in, though.

Were you ever spanked in front of others? My parents had no problem spanking siblings in front of each other, though I only remember being spanked once in front of my brother and I only remember him being spanked three total times, once in conjunction with me. I’m sure there were many more times. I suspect I was probably spanked in front of grandparents at various points, too, but I don’t remember. Mercifully my parents never spanked in front of friends or guests.

Were you spanked at school? Never, nor did I witness any spankings. I think it was illegal in all the states I lived in. We moved frequently so I lived in many states across the nation from coast to coast and went to many schools, but none were in the deep South.

One of my male grade school gym teachers would give playful birthday spankings that were given while we all sat in a circle on the gym floor. He would pull the birthday child over his lap and given a firm but not hard birthday spanking over clothing. The children could decide if they wanted to be spanked. Most did. The year my birthday wasn’t on a weekend, I declined. I got more than enough spanking at home!

©2017 WoodLeatherLace.com

Violating Hard Limits

In the world of BDSM, hard limits are the things that you absolutely will not do. Hard limits vary from person to person. For instance, I’ve mentioned before that choking is a hard limit of mine. I refuse to engage in any kind of sexual asphyxiation activities, though for many others these are some of their favorite activities. In contrast, I love anal sex and am happy to engage in it, both giving and receiving. For the majority of women, anal sex is a hard limit.

When a former partner of mine violated my hard limits in multiple kinky ways, I was initially in shock. I didn’t understand how this man I trusted could do these things to me. He was a loving person toward me, so what was causing him to treat me with so little respect? When I asked him, he couldn’t explain it to me. I have since theorized that he has a fetish of violating women’s hard limits that stems back to his incredibly toxic relationship with his mother who violated his limits repeatedly. Perhaps his subconscious is taking it out on the women he dates since he doesn’t see a therapist to work on his major issues with his mother. Regardless of why he did it, though, this past partner violated my limits, and he knew what he had done was wrong in the aftermath.

The bottom line is that violating hard limits is sexual abuse. This is not something I’ve often seen explicitly expressed in the writing around hard limits that I’ve read. I’m sure it’s in part because the BDSM community is loath to associate anything they do with abuse. The vanilla world already struggles to understand how kinky people can enjoy things like spanking and bondage and how those things can be consensual and enjoyable.

Yet violation of hard limits is something that can happen in vanilla sex as well as kinky sex. The violations that this partner did to me were well within the kinky range, but I have had another past partner who violated my limits in very vanilla ways. When I told that man no, he would try the forbidden activity anyway because he didn’t really respect my feelings about it. He didn’t see why that activity was a problem for me, and his narcissism kept him from caring when his orgasm was his ultimate goal at that point.

Whether it’s done in a kinky situation or a vanilla one, violating someone’s hard limits is absolutely not ok. No means no. Yes means yes, and a yes should be given enthusiastically—a “fuck yes!” to any mutually agreed upon activity. When a partner crosses those limits, sexual abuse happens. Sexual abuse is NEVER ok. It doesn’t matter what the sexual abuse looks like. It’s a very clear violation of that person’s rights.

If a partner ever violates your hard limits, talk about it with the partner if it was a minor violation that might have come from a miscommunication. We’re all human, and mistakes do happen in the passion of the moment in sexual acts. However, if violations happen repeatedly, that’s not an accident. That’s sexual abuse. At that point, it’s time to leave the relationship if it is just a casual dating one. If it’s a marriage or committed relationship, a therapist is mandated at that point if you don’t choose to end things without further outside help. Regardless, drastic action needs to happen because sexual abuse is never ok.

I pray often for the new partner of the man who repeatedly violated my kinky limits. He says he has learned from what he did to me and has changed. Those are famous last words. Sometimes they are true. Often they are not. However, his new partner is very young—barely legal—and I know she isn’t going to have the strength to leave him if he starts sexually abusing her the way he did to me. I didn’t have the strength to leave the man who would sexually abuse me within the context of our consensual sexual relationship when I was her age. I didn’t even understand that what he was doing was abuse. Now, I’m clear on it, and no man will treat me that way again.

©2017 WoodLeatherLace.com