Spanking Survey, Part 8

This post is a continuing series of spanking survey questions, now moving between questions about children to adults. Previous parts are here: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven.

Now that you’re older, what is your opinion on the use of spanking with children? Frankly put, I think it’s wrong. I don’t support it at all.

Do you think parents have a right to spank their children? Legally in the US, yes. Ethically and morally, no. Hitting people without their consent is assault. Just because the person is littler than you or younger than you doesn’t make it right.

How do you think parents should spank their children? They shouldn’t.

What ages do you think parents should spank children? They shouldn’t.

Is corporal punishment an effective method of disciplining a child? This is a question that can be answered in many ways. It’s like asking, “Is war effective?” It depends on what your goal is and what consequences you are willing to have all participants suffer from as a result of those actions. Generally speaking, though, I don’t think it’s a good way to discipline a child. I think that spanking is far overused in our culture.

Does corporal punishment lead to the development of good character? No, generally not. Children who are abused are more likely to become abusers. They’re more likely to become bullies. They’re more likely to act out. I saw it vividly among classmates and students whom I taught. People with “good character” who treat those around them with respect can be raised without corporal punishment. It just takes education about alternative ways to parent.

Does corporal punishment help build respect for authority figures? No, generally not. More often than not, it teaches children to fear their parents or those who have spanked them. That’s not respect. Respect is something that is given freely and which is earned through actions that merit respect. Hitting someone because you are bigger than them is not a respect-earning action.

Does corporal punishment work better than other disciplinary methods that don’t involve physical pain? Again, it depends on what “better” means. If you want an immediate end to a certain action, corporal punishment can be more effective with younger children than things that make no sense to them such as grounding. However, if administered incorrectly, it will lead to emotional damage. Often there are ways to redirect children’s behavior that involve preventive parenting and logical consequences. These are far more effective in the long run in teaching children appropriate behaviors.

Have you ever intervened in a situation in which a child was being hit by a parent/guardian in public? No. I have only witnessed one such situation which I mentioned in survey 6 at the end. I regret not having the willpower to intervene, though. I’m sure it wouldn’t have changed the outcome for that child, but at least the child would have known someone cared about him since his parent clearly didn’t.

Did you spank your own children if you had any? No, my ex-husband and I were against spanking. We both had been spanked as children, but it didn’t make sense to us. We decided to find other ways with the help of parenting classes and parenting books. I’m grateful we did. It is entirely possible to raise happy, respectful, well-behaved children without using spanking.

Until such classes and books are free and readily available, I don’t see most making changes in the US though. Too many people can’t think outside of how they were raised. There are a lot of bad stereotypes that if you don’t spank children, they will be brats. That’s not true. Kids need structure and discipline, but that doesn’t have to be corporal punishment.

If you have children would you spank them as a last resort? No.

If so, is there anything you would do differently compared to your parents? When we decided we were against spanking completely, that decision was 100% different than how our parents acted or our siblings parented their children.

Do you think spankings should be allowed in schools? Absolutely not. None of the schools I attended spanked, and it was never necessary.

Do you think corporal punishment should be considered by the courts for children? For adults? For children, no. For adults? Maybe. I think a lot of people would chose a public caning (like in some Eastern countries) than a prison sentence. The only way I would support it, though, if was if the sentenced person was given a choice between corporal punishment and a prison sentence.


The End of 2017

This year has really kind of sucked for me on a personal level, and it certainly has sucked on a national level. I’m honestly quite glad to see an end to the year. I’m trying to have hopes that 2018 will be better, but I’m so discouraged by how December has gone for me that it’s hard to keep those hopes up. Christmas downright sucked for me.

I have a fantasy of spending New Year’s Eve having sex and fucking in the New Year. It’s never happened for me in all my forty-(mumble mumble) years. It won’t be happening this year either, alas. Instead, I’ll be doing my usual of trying to drown out the local fireworks that will start at about 6 pm and will go until 2 am. It’s going to be cold this year, but I doubt that will stop the natives. Most of them will be too drunk to notice the cold.

Here’s hoping next year is a better year for me and all those whose 2017 was less than optimal.


My Highest Commendations

My highest commendations go to the person who got this personalized license plate through the Texas DMV approval process. I saw this license plate on the highway this morning, did a double take, and died laughing. Mercifully I ended up behind the car at a light after getting off the highway, so I was able to capture this beauty for you to laugh at as well.


BJ08S or BJOBS or BLOWJOBS, depending on if your mind is in the gutter or not

What makes it even better is that license plate is the “Texas Horned Toad” conservation plate, also known as the Texas Horny Toad.


That Dolphin, Again

Backstory: OkCupid has a question that I’ve written about before: “While in the middle of the best lovemaking of your life, if your lover asked you to squeal like a dolphin, would you?”

So once while getting into bed for the first time with a man whom I met on OkCupid, we were making out and generally engaging in the type of activities that happen when two consenting adults decide they want to have sex with each other. He paused the activities, looked me in the eye, and said, “Don’t worry. I’m not going to ask you to squeal like a dolphin.” I cracked up. I was so grateful to him for bringing that little bit of humor into the bedroom to relieve the nervous tension that was there between us both. It lightened the mood and definitely increased the passion of the foreplay.


The Lube Cabinet

Once when I was having sex with a man on our first date, we reached the juncture where lube was needed. I grabbed my bag of lubes for our use. He took one look at it and said, “Wow. You have more types of lube than most people have kinds of booze in their liquor cabinets. I like you!”

(I only had five bottles of four different kinds… in that particular bag anyway! 🙂 )


I Hope You Dance

To me there is a difference between loving someone and being in love with them. Loving someone is fairly easy for me to do. I love deeply and easily. I definitely love many of my friends and, of course, my children. Being in love with someone is a different sensation. It’s eros rather than philia, agape or storge.

I have loved many men and I have been in love with many men in my life. The love for those men never leaves. It fades into the background and no longer is so dominant in my heart, but I will always love the men who have a place in my heart even after they have hurt me deeply and/or we have parted ways.

However, being in love with another person eventually fades. It’s not just lust. It’s a deeper emotion than that. It’s the passion and excitement that we share when we are in a sexual and/or emotional romantic relationship with another human. When the relationship ends, it’s this part that usually hurts so much: letting go of the “in love” with that man before I was ready to end things between us.

For me, the way I know that I am no longer in love with a past partner is when I can be happy for them in their new relationships. I no longer wish I was with them, though I may still love the vivid memories I have of the moments we shared. However, I eventually reach a point where I am easily able to say that I am glad they have moved on, and more importantly, I am glad they have found another.

There’s no time scale for when falling out of love happens for me. Sometimes it takes weeks. Sometimes it takes years. I don’t know if the depth of my love for that man factors in. Sometimes it seems completely random as to why it’s easier to fall out of love with a man than with others. However, when I reach that point of being happy that the person is loving another, then I know I have healed from losing them in my life. I love the way Lee Ann Womack says it:

God forbid love ever leave you empty handed…
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens
Promise me that you’ll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance

I have reached that point with all of my past loves except the most recent. My heart still hurts over him. I know we can’t be together again for so many reasons, but if I were to see him with another woman now, I would hurt. I’m so ready for my heart to reach that place of peace where I can honestly say to him, “I am so happy you found her and that she is making you happy again.” Each day I get closer to reaching that point. I hope that it happens soon because I truly do want him to be happy, and I want to be happy about him being in love with someone else when he finds her.