Spanking

Spanking Survey, Part 11

This post is a continuing series of spanking survey questions, now moving to questions about spankings as an adult. Previous parts are here: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

How do you like your spankings to start? I prefer a slow start up with speed and intensity building as we go. I can tolerate more that way and the play session can be longer. I prefer starting over panties and then moving on to bare skin.

Have you ever been spanked to orgasm? No, unfortunately. I hope to experience this someday!

What time of day do you want to be spanked? Yes! All of them. Morning, noon, and night are all fine by me!

Would you like to be spanked by two or more spankers? I’m really not sure about this. Probably not. Maybe in future years I might see it differently. However, because I am monogamous and not an exhibitionist, it’s an idea that is not very appealing to me.

Do you masturbate after your spankings as an adult if you are not having sex with your spanker after the spanking? I’ve never not had sex with my partner after a spanking. Spankings are inherently sexual for me at this point in my life. I don’t do spanking with anyone but my sexual partner. I really can’t imagine spankings without sex.

If you were being spanked with someone else, would you rather go first or second? First, for sure. The anxiety would kill me to watch and wait.

Have you ever been to a spanking party? No, and I am not really interested. I’m not a voyeur or exhibitionist.

Do you want to pick your own implements? Most of the time, no. I prefer my Dom to take control and make the decisions. Every once in a while I will request something in particular, especially if I have a craving for an implement that’s not part of our normal rotation. My Doms are generally happy to oblige, especially if it’s a harsher implement than they’ve been using.

Do you prefer wearing a skirt or pants for a spanking? Well, either way, they get taken off! I don’t really have a preference. Both can be incredibly sexy in different ways. More often than not, I am in lingerie when spanking happens.

Do you have other spanking related fetishes? I love lingerie, butt plugs, bondage and anal sex, all of which are fetishes that mix well with spanking. I’m curious about rectal temperature taking and figging, but I’ve never tried either as of this time.

Do you have any spanking related hard limits? All of the following are off limits for me: shaming, humiliation, public spanking, spanking parties, video being shot, whips, canes, bruising, and lacerations.

Do you prefer fast or slow spankings? For sexual play, slower is fun with unexpected occasional bursts of speed. For more disciplinary play, faster spankings are more painful. Rapidly hitting the same spot five or more times in a row will really get my attention.

How do you respond to spankings as an adult? I generally continue to brat my Dom until he gets serious about spanking me at which point I start promising I’ll be good and begging for him to stop.

Have you ever asked to be punished for something you did growing up but weren’t caught? I would love to have a partner whom I could have help me rewrite some memories of traumatic abusive spankings if/when I get to a point that I’m able to do that. I’d like him to role play the firm, loving parent who didn’t spank out of anger but out of love and a sense of discipline instead. My parents’ spankings were very violent and abusive; I’d like a partner to give them in a much more controlled and ritualistic way that is filled with love. There were a couple of things I did as a teenager that my parents never found out about that I think he should spank me for, too. However, I’m not sure I will ever trust someone enough to do this or that I will get to a point psychologically where I could.

Have you been spanked with a butt plug in? Yes. It didn’t make much of a difference in my opinion. I love butt plugs, so they’re not a punishment for me. I haven’t been spanked while wearing a vibrating butt plug or a ginger plug, and I’m definitely open to trying those.

Have you been spanked with a vibrator inserted? No, but this sounds like a lovely idea.

Have you been spanked wearing a gag? Once. I’d be open to it again with a trusted partner. Most of my partners haven’t been able to earn this level of trust from me.

Have you been spanked while bound? Lots and lots of times. I love it.

Do you enjoy being spanked on a still sore bottom? I have not yet gotten to experience this but I very much look forward to it in the future. It’s something that requires harder play than I can emotionally handle right now.

Have you ever been spanked outdoors? No, not as an adult. I probably received some swats outdoors as a child, but I never got a full bare bottom spanking outdoors that I remember. My parents hid what they did to us from others.

Would you like to be spanked outdoors? I would be open to it if we were in a rural area where there were very likely to be no witnesses. I have some specific fantasies I’d like to fulfill!

What kind of spanking videos do you like to watch? In some ways, it’s easier to say what I don’t like. I don’t like silent spankees. I want them to fuss and cry. I don’t like violent spankings that are more like beatings. I don’t like humiliation and shaming. I’m not a fan of canes or whips. I can’t stand slow-mo videos. I’m not a fan of school spankings or spankings with witnesses unless its multiple spankees waiting their turns.

What I do like in videos is roleplay. I like a story behind the spanking. I like hand spankings, hairbrushes, small paddles, straps, spoons and belts. I like longer spankings that build up. I like spankers who lecture a lot during the spanking, and I like crying spankees who respond with words and tears. I like bratting. I like spankers who end the spanking with a hug (or more).

I really love homemade spanking videos by a couple who truly love each other. The laughter and love that comes through in those videos is beautiful. The Sarah and Heat videos are some of my favorites.

When I watch spanking videos, I generally only watch M/F or F/F. Sometimes I will watch F/M, but I almost never watch M/M. Watching men get spanked really doesn’t turn me on at all.

What kind of spanking fiction/erotica do you like to read? When I read spanking fiction or look at spanking art, my preference is:
1) M/F
2) F/F
3) F/M
4) M/M
For me, it’s the submissive female that is the most important part of the scenario.

Do you think being spanked as a child make you a spanko? No. I think there is too much anecdotal evidence from people who were never spanked as children who became spankos to believe that spanking fetishes result from childhood spankings directly. I think some of us are wired as spankos just as we are wired straight, gay, bi or pansexual.

©2018 WoodLeatherLace.com

Playing Too Hard, Part 1

In one of my recent relationships, my partner was a relative newbie to BDSM. I don’t have a problem with dating novices because we were all new to kink at one point. There are some advantages of being with newbies in that their egos are often not rigid around believing they know exactly what to do for every single partner they play with rather than adapting for each partner’s needs. They’re more teachable! On the other hand, novices often make newbie errors which can be literally painful. It’s a risk, but it’s one I’m willing to take if the partner is right for me.

The partner in question really hadn’t done much kink with other women. He identified as a switch, but I am a sub. I don’t mind switching on rare occasion, but it’s not my preference. Thus, this partner was topping me, something he didn’t have a lot of experience in doing. He loves spanking women, so that part of our fetishes lined up well as I appreciate a man who wants to spank me.

One of his fetishes that didn’t line up well with mine was that he liked bruising and marking. I don’t. It just doesn’t work for me. I don’t mind if accidental small marks happen, but if I bruise in a large way, then my Dom has been playing too hard with me. All of my partners have been aware of this and most have respected my limits. However, for the ones who had a bruising fetish, I have found many often pushed the boundaries to see how far they could take things with me. It’s become enough of a pattern that I’m now hesitant to play with any man who has a fetish for leaving marks or bruising.

When it came to this recent partner, he had some of the hardest hands I’ve ever been spanked with. He told me ahead of time that his hand was a brutal weapon. I didn’t believe him. He was right. I truly preferred crops, paddles, hairbrushes… almost any implement over his hand. He was a hard spanker, and he meant business when he began spanking.

The one day we had been having all sorts of kinky fun which involved flogging, hand spanking, and sex. After I had cum repeatedly, for some reason I ended up getting out my hairbrush and bathbrush collection for my newish partner to use on me. The activity became a test to see which brush caused which reaction from me. My partner wasn’t hitting me extraordinarily hard, but he was spanking me after we’d already had a session of flogging and his normal hard hand spanking.

The brushes were feeling rather ouchie, to put it mildly, but I just assumed that was his arm strength combined using the brushes on me. I’d never felt anything like it with previous partners, and I was enjoying the playful session a lot. Since I was on my stomach on my bed and don’t have any kind of useful mirrors in my bedroom, I couldn’t see what kind of damage my bottom was suffering.

It turns out I was enduring a lot. Probably because I was on a post-orgasmic endorphin high, I had no idea how hard he was actually spanking with the brushes, and I had no idea how red and bruised I was getting. Since he had no experience with spanking other women with brushes, he really didn’t know what he was doing either.

After a spanking session with a partner, my bottom is normally back to my normal pale white by the time we’ve finished, showered, and cleaned up. The only reason I’ve ever seen a cover of redness is if my partner takes a picture during the session. I fade quickly for whatever reason.

This time was different. A few hours later, my partner and I were watching a movie together on the couch. My bottom was really stinging in a very painful way. I couldn’t understand why there was so much burning and stinging. I finally had my partner look, and in a pleased voice, he let me know that I had a bunch of red welts and bruises. He took a picture to show me the damage. I was not happy about it though he obviously was.

Twenty-four hours later, he took another picture for me because I was still sore. The welts and redness were still quite visible though they were beginning to fade. I was very emotionally uncomfortable with what had resulted, but I knew that this was part of playing with a newbie. I made it clear to him that I didn’t ever want to play that hard again, and since I couldn’t see what was happening or tell the difference in how it felt, I was going to be depending on him to stop the playing or shift to less damaging implements when my body was starting to mark. He agreed. He hadn’t intentionally marked me, but he also wasn’t upset that it had happened.

However, I was upset. Deeply upset. I couldn’t figure out why. It took me a few more days to realize why the whole event was so disturbing to me. It turns out it had nothing to do with kink or my current partner.

(to be continued)

©2018 WoodLeatherLace.com

Hanky Panky

One of the local stations does a feature called “9@9” which I listen to if I happen to be in the car at that time. It’s the top nine songs from another year on that date. Today happened to be 1990, a time when my life was filled with pop music. Song number 4 on the countdown was Madonna’s “Hanky Panky.”  I was totally flabbergasted listening to it play this morning because I think it’s the first time I’ve ever heard it.

How in the hell do I not remember this song from 1990? Why have I never heard it in recent years? I honestly have no recollection whatsoever of this song, and you would think my kinky self would remember it! I never saw the Dick Tracy movie or listened to the soundtrack, and I was not a big Madonna fan in those years though I’ve come to appreciate her a lot more as I’ve aged. I’m wondering if the conservative town I lived in didn’t play it on the radio on moral grounds? How did I miss out on this kinky song?

Sometimes I really wonder what planet I’ve been living on!

©2018 WoodLeatherLace.com

A New Theory

My spanking fetish continues to be AWOL most of the time. I thought it was due to medication changes, but that doesn’t seem to have played out.

Perimenopausal hormone shifts may be playing in. Most of the month, I had have no desire for anything related to spanking. Sometimes I’ll get a small spike in interest when my hormones change around ovulation and my period, but most months I’m not even getting that anymore.

When I look at spanking porn and spanking erotica most of the time right now, I’m either uninterested or repulsed. They just don’t work for me. I find this puzzling at best. Even more vanilla porn or erotica aren’t working for me either any more. I desperately want to have passionate (relatively) vanilla sex with a man who wants to have sex with me, but the rest of it… eh. No interest. This is a pretty radical change for me from how I’ve been in recent years.

My newest theory is that the real culprit is the lack of sex in my life. I’m turning into a female eunuch. I’m not using it, so I’m losing it.

Seriously, this is the longest dry spell I’ve had in quite a while. It’s definitely not working for me, but I’m also unwilling to settle for a hookup right now. I’m happier when I’m in a relationship with some stability rather than just finding sex for sex’s sake. Maybe that’s a sign that I’m getting old and wise!

My blog posts will probably continue to be erratic as a result. When I do have a burst of kinky desire, I try to pre-schedule several future posts. Lately, though, I haven’t even had the interest in doing that. I really hope that will change in the near future, though.

©2018 WoodLeatherLace.com

Spanking Survey, Part 10

This post is a continuing series of spanking survey questions, now moving to questions about spankings as an adult. Previous parts are here: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine.

Do you find the thought of getting spanked by your partner sexually exciting? Um, hell yeah!

Do you find the thought of spanking your partner sexually exciting? Not really, but I’ve never experienced it. I’d be open to spanking a partner once or twice if he wanted to see whether it works for me. I think this is one of those things that there’s a possibility I will like more once I try it, but until I have that experience, I can’t be certain.

What is your favorite thing about spanking? Do I have to pick one thing? I love the threats of being put over his knee. I love the anticipation. I love the lecture before it starts. I love being ordered to pull down my panties or I love being told I don’t deserve to pull down my panties because I’ve been a naughty girl so my spanker has to do it for me. I love the feeling of being put over his lap. I love the feel of his hand on my bottom as he continues lecturing me. I love the nervous waiting for that first strike to happen. I love when he makes the first spank unexpectedly. I love the heat and pain building in my bottom. I love never knowing where the next spank will land. I love not knowing how he’s going to spank me or where he’s going to spank me or what he is going to spank me with. I love being lectured throughout the spanking. I love him deciding whether or not I’m repentant enough or not to stop. And most importantly, I love him telling me that I’ve been a good girl in taking my spanking so well and giving me the aftercare I need to know that the spanking has cleansed my guilt and made me a good girl again.

Do your friends know you are a spanko? Only men I have dated or had sex with. Even therapists have only known that I am kinky but not exactly what that kink involves. A few close friends know I met some of the men I dated on Fetlife, but they don’t know the details of what we did in the bedroom.

Do you self spank? No. I want someone else to do it. I have tried on occasions in the past, and my self-preservation instinct is too high. I’ll give myself one good swat and then my brain says, “Nope. No more.” The kinky side of my brain that wants it can’t override the self-preservation side.

What is your least favorite spanking implement? Of the implements that I have experienced, rope. A top used hemp rope on me without my consent, and he also struck on my lower back in the “no strike zone.” Even if you take those factors away, holy cow. It was very stingy and very whippy. I would only accept a few strokes of it for a serious punishment and only on my bottom. This is followed by the crop being used like a cane. I’m not a fan of whippy instruments.

Would you describe yourself as a rule follower or a rule breaker? I generally am a rule follower. I don’t speed, I don’t do drugs, I have never been to jail, I’ve never shoplifted, I don’t lie… keeps me out of trouble.

Have you ever spanked a partner? No, but I am open to doing so in the future.

Do you want to be threatened with spankings? Definitely! I’d love to have a partner whisper in my ear when we were out in public that he plans to roast my bottom that evening. Or I would love to have him send me texts throughout the day reminding me of what is going to happen to my bottom in another 5 hours.

Do you like being lectured? Yes, very much so. I’m very verbally oriented, so I like hearing my partner telling me what I’ve “done wrong” and how he’s going to punish me for it. The words are as important as the actions.

Would you like an all day spanking day? Yes, I’d love to do this sometime, especially at an isolated cabin in a rural area where the spankings could be interspersed with walks in the woods (for spankings in the outdoors) and trips to swim nude in a creek or lake followed by wet-bottom outdoor spankings.

What sex do you prefer to be spanked by? Men. I’m heterosexual, and since spanking is sexual for me, it’s my partners I want to be spanked by.

Would you ever see a dominatrix? Yes, despite the previous answer. I have a fantasy that involves doing this. I’d love my partner to take me to a dominatrix to punish me while he watched and then to have him comfort me when she was done. I think it would be a really fun birthday or anniversary present to us.

Where do you like being spanked besides your butt? My breasts, my pussy, the backs of my thighs, my inner thighs, and my feet. I’ve been flogged on my upper shoulders and while it’s an interesting sensation and experience, it wasn’t really erotic for me the way other areas of my body are. I consider a spanking incomplete if the back of my thighs haven’t been spanked.

Who do you like to pull down your pants and underwear? Generally speaking, I like my partner to do it as part of my submission to him. As a naughty little girl, I don’t get the privilege of doing it myself. I like being ordered to take them down but resisting until he is forced to do it for me (and punish me for not complying).

When you get spanked as an adult, do you cry? Have you ever been spanked to tears? I have not cried during a spanking as an adult, but I also have not experienced an incredibly intense spanking either. I would very much like my next serious partner to be able to develop enough trust with me so we can take spankings to this level of intensity.

Have you had a birthday spanking as an adult? Yes, more than one. I’ve also willingly taken my Doms’ birthday spankings for them.

Have you ever been spanked in the workplace? No.

Would you ever want to be spanked in the workplace? Maybe? Under the right circumstances when no one else is in the building and there’s next to no chance of getting caught. Public sex/spanking really isn’t my thing. I don’t really see this ever being something that happens for me.

Have you ever been spanked in a cemetery? No. I’d consider it in a rural area.

Have you ever been spanked in a church? No, not as a child or an adult. I’d love to be spanked in some old church ruins in a rural British area. That seems totally appropriate.

Have you been spanked on a wet bottom? Not as an adult. It’s on my list of things to do.

My mother gave me one wet bottom spanking that I remember as a child, but I was so shocked and traumatized that I was even getting spanked that I don’t think I noticed a difference as to if it was more painful or not.

Have you ever asked anyone but a partner for a spanking? Not yet.

How old were you when you got your first spanking as an adult? In my thirties. I don’t know exactly how old I was.

How long has it been since you got spanked as an adult? Way too fucking long.

Do you ever try to get a spanking? Yes, I am a total brat to urge my Doms to spank me. They know when I’m asking for a funishment.

Do you find spankings embarrassing as an adult? Talking about my childhood spankings, yes. That’s part of why I have been blogging about them to try to break down some of the pain and shame associated with them

Getting a spanking from my partner as an adult in private? Definitely not. I enjoy them and need them. 

Did you get spanked on your wedding day/night? No, not from family nor from husband. I suspect my dad wanted to give me a disciplinary spanking a few days before the wedding because he was frustrated that I wasn’t doing what he wanted related to the wedding. He didn’t, and things would not have been good if he had tried as I was a legal adult at that point. It would have ended our strained relationship permanently.

Unfortunately, I didn’t get a romantic one from my husband either. If/when I remarry, I am going to make sure my new husband knows that being spanked on my wedding day is a priority. I wouldn’t mind walking down the aisle with a red bottom, and I wouldn’t mind a reprise in the honeymoon suite!

(continue on to part eleven)

©2018 WoodLeatherLace.com

Spanking Survey, Part 9

This post is a continuing series of spanking survey questions, now moving to questions about spankings as an adult. Previous parts are here: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.

When did you start wanting to be spanked as an adult? I asked my then fiancé when I was I my early twenties. He said no. It took a very long time and a marriage counselor before he started spanking me, and even then, I never got the kinds of spankings I wanted from him.

Who do you want to be spanked by as an adult? My male partner. Spanking for me is very sexual; I can’t imagine a spanking without sex. I’ve got a fantasy of being spanked by a maternal disciplinarian who would then leave for my male partner to “comfort me.” I’m not sure if I will ever act on it. That will probably depend on future partners and their fantasies. Some fantasies are just mean to be fantasies, though.

What is the reddest your bottom has ever gotten from a spanking as an adult? Dark pink. I’d love to go for red. I’m told I fade very quickly; I often can’t see any indication I was spanked after my partner and I get done having post-spanking sex.

Would you be interested in being spanked by a machine? It’s an interesting idea. I’d be open to trying it once to see what it’s like, especially if my partner is sitting there looking me in the face and lecturing me while the machine spanks.

Would you volunteer as the target in a spanking booth? Maybe, under the right conditions. It would have to be for a great charitable cause, it would have to require expensive donations (like at least $10 a swat), it would have to be clothed, it would have to be for a limited time or maximum number of swats total, and it would have to have a maximum on number of swats from each person. But other than all of those conditions, sure. 🙂

Would you like receiving bedtime spankings? Absolutely! I would love to go to bed on a red bottom after waiting all day after getting a text from my partner warning me that I would be getting a bedtime spanking that night. I have been spanked in the evenings by partners before bed, but I’ve never gotten a ritualistic bedtime spanking from any of them.

Have you ever participated in a spanking contest? (a contest where you and a friend spank each other mercilessly and see who lasts longer) No. I’ve never actually spanked any of my partners, so this hasn’t been an option. I don’t do casual spanking with friends. I’ve never really had any desire to spank my partners, but I would upon request.

Have you ever been spanked nude in front of your friends? No, and I would never agree to it.

Have you ever been spanked until you cried? Not as an adult as of this post. I really want to experience this with someone, but I will have to establish a lot of trust with him first.

How often are you spanked? When I am in a relationship, almost every time we get together and are in a private location!

How often would you like to be spanked? I’d like play spankings or funishment at least 5 times a week once I’m in a relationship. Sometimes I consider whether I’d like once a week disciplinary or maintenance spanking, but I can’t really see that happening except with the right partner.

How long are your spankings? They don’t have a set time limit. A partner and I integrate them into sex and/or role playing, so the whole event is a minimum of an hour most of the time and often two or more. I love having a short “good morning spanking” that is hard enough to pinken up my bottom a bit but that doesn’t last that long. It’s just a good way to start the day.

Do you find violence sexually exciting? Not at all. Violence is a huge turnoff for me. Videos that have abuse of women are ones I turn off quickly. I don’t like seeing bruising of bottoms that is so bad that they are literally purple, black, or lacerated either. I like lecturing during spankings, but I don’t like verbal abuse.

Would you consider a Domestic Discipline (DD) relationship? In a word, no. I want a partnership that is equal that is built on respect and trust.

However, in one of my fantasies, while we would be equals, I would approach him once a week with a log of things I had done wrong. I would ask him to spank me for them. It would not be like in a DD relationship where one partner decides that the other needs to be spanked. I would be responsible for “confessing my sins” and then he would apply a spanking based on a rubric we had established. For example, for each day I failed to put my clean laundry away, I would get 10 hard hand spanks on my bare bottom, or for each time I used profanity unnecessarily, I would get a lick with the belt.

That said, I would not be opposed to him approaching me and saying, “Hey, it seems like you’ve gotten up on the wrong side of the bed today. Would a good old-fashioned spanking help to change your attitude for the rest of the day?” It would be a discussion and decision between the two of us, not him dictating what I need. I don’t want someone controlling me. I want him being my partner and equal in decision making including around what I needed.

However, I’ve never had a relationship with someone where I felt like this fantasy could be a reality. It may always just be a fantasy.

Why do you feel a need to be punished as an adult? Well, let’s start with the fact that I’m a spanko who reads too much erotic fiction and has too many fantasies in her head. 🙂

Beyond that, I think those of us who were raised in a pro-spanking society have it engrained in our brains that spanking is a way of redemption, a way of cleansing guilt, and a way of atoning for our sins or misbehaviors. I never felt that relief from the abusive spankings I received as a child, though. I only felt bitterness, anger, judgment and shame. I felt punished, not cleansed. I’m not sure if I would be able to achieve that redemptive feeling from an adult punishment or not.

What would you like to be punished for as an adult? Procrastination would definitely be the main problem for me. I could use a little motivation. I can also lose my cool at times when someone pushes my buttons, and I don’t like it when I do.

(continue on to part nine)

©2018 WoodLeatherLace.com