Spanking

Women Spanking Women

Someone on Fetlife asked me a great question: “You post many pictures of women spanking women even though you list yourself as straight. Have you ever spanked or been spanked by another woman?”

The short answer to this is no, not as an adult. The long answer is more complicated.

I am definitely straight. I’ve been looking for a gay bone in my body for the past 15 years with no success. I would love to be able to widen my dating field to include women, but I have never met a woman I have felt sexually attracted to. It’s just not there for me. I wish it was. I watched a tv series many years ago called Bob and Rose. It’s about a man who is 100% gay until he meets and falls in love with a woman. He feels no attraction to any other women. Just her. Can I say that it’s impossible for that to happen to me, too? No. Maybe someday I will meet a woman who triggers a sexual response in me. So far, though, I haven’t.

Yet when it comes to spanking, I am attracted to some female spankers. I think this is psychological more than sexual. My best guess is that it is a result of not having had a loving mother growing up. She didn’t want me and didn’t love me. She is seriously mentally ill. She is exactly what no one would want for a mother. So the idea of a loving mother who disciplined from a place of caring rather than violence is attractive to me on a fantasy level.

In addition, I like strong women. I appreciate women who don’t let themselves cornered into being a weak person by society’s idea of what women “should” be. I like my men the same way. The most attractive people to me are ones who can take control of a situation. A strong female or male spanker certainly fits that model!

However, I’m not sure I’d ever seek to fulfill the fantasy of a female disciplinarian because as an adult, spanking is inherently sexual to me. The only way I could see it happening is if I had a female disciplinarian spank me with my male partner watching. She would leave after the spanking so he could give me aftercare including sex. I shared this fantasy with a previous partner who wasn’t really open to what I wanted. He wanted his version of the fantasy which included turning the whole thing into a threesome. I have absolutely no interest in a threesome (whereas he has a fetish for it), so the fantasy wasn’t something that would have ever happened with him.

When I read spanking fiction or look at spanking art, my preference is: 1) M/F  2) F/F 3) F/M 4) M/M. For me, it’s the subordinate female that is the important part of the scenario. When I watch spanking videos, I generally only watch M/F or F/F. Sometimes I will watch F/M, but I almost never watch M/M. Watching men get spanked really doesn’t turn me on at all.

So as an adult, no, I have never been spanked by a woman nor do I have any real desire to spank a woman. I’m a sub, so I prefer to be spanked rather than do the spanking.

©2017 WoodLeatherLace.com

Spanking Survey, Part 5

(I swear this is going to be at least a ten part series at this rate.)

This post is a continuing series of spanking survey questions about my childhood. Part one starts here, part two is here, part three is here, and part four is here.

Did you play spanking games with friends? Only with one when I was about 9. We were playing house and I gave her a bare bottom spanking. It was a game we only played twice.

I also played house and gave bare bottom spankings with two families/three kids whom I babysat. I was 11-12 at the time, and they were 5, 7 and 8. I only played once with the one kid and once or twice with the others.

What’s fascinating to me is that I was always the spanker in these games even though I am very much a sub now and have never spanked an adult. I think at that time while I was a budding spanko, I wanted to be the spanker to regain some of the control I didn’t have in my own life. Instead of being the victim of the spankings, I got to be the one who controlled and administered them.

Were your friends spanked as teens? I only know for certain one college friend who was spanked as a teen and who knew she would continue to be spanked as a college student when she went home if she didn’t follow her parents’ rules. She was from rural Texas, and her family used a belt. The way I found out was a conversation in which we were talking about something completely irrelevant to spanking, but she commented, “If I had done that, my dad would have nailed my butt to the wall.” Her eyes teared up as she said it. Clearly her beltings were painful experiences.

I have a high school friend whom all of us very much suspect was spanked as a teen. Her parents were emotionally abusive, and I know her mother slapped her fairly often. I assume her alcoholic father did more. What’s worse is that she now abuses her young children, spanking them for anything and everything “because that’s how I was raised.”

I have another high school friend whom I suspect was spanked but she never discussed it. Her parents were immigrants from the Philippines. When she would sit some days, it was a very delicate maneuver. I think I may have been the only one who noticed, though.

Did you talk about spanking with your friends? Yes, infrequently, though I was always very interested in the conversation when it happened. I was reluctant to share details of my spankings, though. Almost all kids of the 1970s and 1980s were spanked. I only know of one friend who was never spanked by her parents; she is the exception to the rule. It was just presumed you were spanked and your friends were spanked. I don’t have any idea how old most of my friends were when their spankings stopped.

I remember numerous conversations with peers. The first conversation I remember having was in grade school with two boys who were the same age as me when we were about 6. We were sitting in our front yard talking. We all admitted to being spanked, and the boys went into greater detail about theirs. I don’t remember much of what was said. Both boys agreed the belt was the worst; one said that the buckle end of the belt was brutal. I have no idea if his dad had actually already used a belt buckle on him or if he was just talking about what he’d seen his older brothers get but was bragging about it like it was him. Up until that point, I had no idea people could get spankings with belts.

I remember one neighborhood friend asking me if I was spanked. I think she had been recently spanked with a hairbrush and that was why she was asking. We were probably in second grade or about 7 years old.

The next memory I have of discussing spanking was in middle school. One of my friends was describing with great animation an incident that had happened in her family the day before. Her younger half-brother had walked in the door crying and with a torn shirt. When she asked what had happened, her mother related the tale of his poor tail. She said that he smarted off to her mother while they were driving home, so his mother pulled over to give him a spanking. As she went to grab him from the middle row of seats in the station wagon, he jumped into the back. Her mother had managed to get part of his shirt which ripped. She then opened the trunk of the station wagon, managed to grab him, and gave him a really hard bare bottom spanking for his original disobedience and trying to avoid his spanking.

In high school, I know the group of girls I hung out with had a discussion about being spanked as a child. It didn’t include discussions of who was still being spanked. The only thing I really remember from the discussion was the one friend revealing that she had never been spanked—not even once. I’ve since learned that her mother is very emotionally abusive, though. After this discussion, the one girl in the group who was abused through high school would declare any time that she didn’t like what the unspanked friend had done that the unspanked friend was a brat and should have been spanked as a child.

Once when I was at a friend’s house during high school, the mail came. In the mail was the mid-semester failure notice the school sent out when a student was in danger of not passing a class. The friend’s mother was very angry and made a show of going in her husband’s office and placing the letter there. My friend was begging her mother not to tell her stepfather, but her mother said she had to. Based on the tears in my friend’s eyes, I knew there were going to be serious repercussions. I asked her if she was going to be ok. She choked on her tears and said, “Yeah, I’ll be fine,” but I got the distinct feeling she was going to be spanked before she was fine!

Another time in high school, a male friend was boasting about how his parents were having to spank his brother every single day lately because of his behavior. His brother was in middle school and was rebelling a lot. The way his parents were handling the situation made me very uncomfortable even then. That brother ended up having major drug issues as an adult.

During high school, a close friend and I were talking about spankings. She said she especially hated those with the hairbrush—those were the worst. Years later, I saw a discussion between her and her siblings on Facebook. It seems that only the older kids were spanked with the hairbrush. The youngest said he always jokes that his parents wore out the hairbrush on his older siblings which is why he never got it.

In college, I remember being at my roommate’s house. She mentioned that her father would spank her as a child for not eating what her mother made for dinner because her father considered it disrespect towards her mother. You know those awful 1970s recipes that circulate the web? The things her mother made for dinner were even worse than that. I understood why she chose the spankings sometimes after hearing about some of the dishes her mom made!

Another time the same roommate told me about a joke she told at the dinner table. Her father didn’t find the joke funny and decided to spank her then and there. She tried to get away and failed. With tears in her eyes, she said, “He really tore up my butt that time.” It seemed like her father was a brutal spanker and was willing to find reasons to spank.

The first person I talked to who had been spanked in school was a college friend. I was shocked to learn that spanking was allowed in her schools because it never had been in mine. She told me that in grade school they called it “getting licks.” I forget exactly what she had done in kindergarten, but I think it was talking when she wasn’t supposed to. Her teacher put her over her lap while they were sitting on the floor in a circle, lifted her skirt, and gave her a few “licks” over her panties with a small paddle. The friend said she was horribly humiliated by the whole thing and never did anything to get spanked again in school as a result.

When I was in college, the discussion about spanking as discipline came up in a class for future teachers. Looking back, the professor must have been a spanko though her official position was that she could not condone spanking as discipline in the schools. She let the conversation derail the entire class. The look on her face during the discussion is one I now recognize as someone trying to mask arousal. The class was divided about 50-50 as to whether or not spanking should be allowed in the schools. There was also some discussion about parents spanking kids. The only specific comment I remember was from one guy who said, “The only choice my kids are going to get around discipline is which belt they want me to use on them when I sent to them to fetch one.”

My ex-husband and I actually only had one conversation about his childhood spankings. He said his mother would give him a warning, and then if he didn’t comply, she would let him know he was getting a spanking. She would pull down his pants and give him a few swats on his bare bottom. He said nothing about his siblings’ spankings. His dad never spanked him, and I later learned his dad’s mom never spanked his dad. I don’t know about his dad’s dad. I’m certain his mom was spanked by both of her parents but it was never discussed.

Another guy I briefly dated was babysat by his grandma during summer vacations while his mom worked. He said that if he and his brother acted up, she would tell them to go pick a switch. He said he and his brother would just go outside and make a run for it. By the time they came back later that day, she would have cooled off, so they rarely actually got switched by her. He considered her to be a very mean woman, though.

Surprisingly, I haven’t discussed childhood spankings with any of the other men I’ve dated, probably because I wasn’t willing to discuss mine in detail.

One day when I was on a lunch break at work, one of my coworkers began talking about her 2 year old son. She also had a 5 year old daughter who wasn’t the handful her son was. She was saying how when her son woke up from his nap one day that week, he started coloring on the wall in his room with crayons so she gave him a bare bottom spanking. He did it again a second time on another day that week, so she gave him a harder bare bottom spanking. She said, “I am not abusing him, but I can see how parents could escalate to abuse because he’s not learning from the spankings.” Even at that time I was wondering why she didn’t just take the crayons away to stop him from coloring on the walls. However, since I didn’t have children so I didn’t feel qualified to give advice and because I was younger than her, I just kept my mouth shut.

My first exposure to Domestic Discipline relationships (though I didn’t know the name at that point) was when a friend and I went shopping as childless married young adults. We had walked around the mall, mainly enjoying each other’s company and not buying anything because we didn’t find anything we needed. As we walked out the door of the mall, she said, to me in a very worried voice, “My husband is going to spank me. I was supposed to buy something for myself and I didn’t.” I asked her if she wanted to go back in and look for something for herself since we didn’t have any kind of time restrictions, and she said no, but he was going to spank her for it. I couldn’t understand why she didn’t just go back in and buy something since it sounded like she didn’t want the spanking. Later, I was at the same friend’s house for dinner (without my husband) when she tried a new recipe that her husband didn’t like. He gave her a very damning look; her response that made me think she was going to be punished for it after I left.

When we were reminiscing as adults, one friend talked about how a boy at school had called her by a racial slur. This girl told her mother who told her father. Her father was the boy’s father’s boss! So her father went over to the boy’s house and spoke to his father. The friend said the boy’s father “beat his ass good” in front of her father.

Once we had kids, one of the things that happened was our friend set changed because of differences in how we raised our kids. We all naturally gravitated towards others who parented more similar to our own styles, and that included beliefs about spanking. Before we stopped hanging out with some of our pro-spanking friends, though, there were a few conversations about spanking. The one friend and her husband started out as anti-spanking but changed their minds when their daughter was about four. She told me at that point that her greatest regret was that they hadn’t started spanking sooner and more often.

Another friend seemed anti-spanking, but her husband was not, and so she deferred to him about spankings. However, she said, “It’s just best if I’m not around when he discipline’s the kids.” One day her husband was boasting about having spanked their three year old son for having thrown a ball in the house which hit a glass object but didn’t break it. His words were, “I popped that kid so fast he didn’t see it coming.”

Spanking sometimes came up on mothering listservs I was on, too. Most of the crowds I hung out with were pretty anti-spanking, but there were always a few vocal spankers. The one mother had almost enough kids to make a baseball team. She said that she used a small paddle which she kept on the kitchen counter and didn’t hesitate to use it. According to her, all she had to do was take a step toward the paddle and her misbehaving child would immediately comply without her having to say a word. She said that she spanked them often as younger children and didn’t have to at all once they were older as a result.

Another mother discussed a spanking of her child that made me really sad for that child. The child has intellectual disabilities, and so I never felt like the way they parented him was appropriate for the abilities he had. This child had hit his baby brother at one point, and so his father “punished him in a way that made sure he would never do that again.” I have no idea what actually happened to the boy, but I’m sure it involved corporal punishment.

One other mother discussed how she had started spanking her son at age 8 because she couldn’t handle his intellectual disabilities anymore. She realized how wrong what she was doing, so she got herself into therapy to help her find ways to work with her son’s limitations without spanking.

In another discussion I saw on Facebook, I saw a friend’s sister talking about how she was never spanked because she was such an angel (wink, wink), but she remembers a time when it seemed like two of her brothers were getting spanked almost daily because of their bad behavior.

And finally, not that long ago, a receptionist at my doctor’s office was talking about how her six year old son liked to pee in the shower rather than the toilet (not when taking a shower). She hated it because it made the bathroom smell because he didn’t rinse the shower afterward. She said that the day before she didn’t hear the toilet flush after he’d been in the bathroom, so she asked, “Did you pee in the shower without rinsing it or am I going to have to spank you again?” She said he didn’t answer but went running off to the bathroom where she heard the shower water running. She thought it was really funny. Me, not so much.

©2017 WoodLeatherLace.com

Name That Book

So there was this book I read multiple times as a child in grade school in the early 1980s. It was a chapter book, probably aimed at grades 3-6 or so. It was about a family that traveled from town to town in a covered wagon in the late 19th or early 20th century. I think they had a son and a daughter. I think the parents were performers or magicians or something, but they may have been scam artists. It wasn’t an Oregon Trail or westward movement book. They lived permanently in their wagon. They were itinerant and went from town to town to make a living. I think it was in the US, but I can’t be certain.

In true spanko style, what I really remember were the spankings in the book, and there were several. This family had a great tradition that each year between birthday and their next birthday, each kid had one “get out of spanking” exemption. The one kid forgets he has already used his spanking exemption for that year, plays a prank on his dad, and then gets spanked as a result.

(I really wished my family had a once a year “get out of a spanking” tradition! I knew better than to suggest that to my parents, though– it might have gotten me spanked for suggesting it!)

Does this ring any bells for anyone? My Google searches are coming up empty. It seems the rest of the world doesn’t remember books by the types of spankings they had in them! 🙂

©2017 WoodLeatherLace.com

Spanking Survey, part 2

This is continuing a series of spanking questions I have found around the internet about childhood spankings. Part 1 can be found here.

Which parent would you rather be spanked by? My mother, without a doubt. My father’s spankings were much harder and much longer because he was physically stronger than my mother. His temper was also so much more volatile than hers so he often struck with a great deal more anger.

Did you ever get spanked twice for the same thing? I’m sure I was but I couldn’t tell you specifically what or when besides general attitude, whininess, perceived disobedience, tattling and having a messy room (which could randomly be a cause for a spanking but generally wasn’t). I usually never repeated the same error after being spanked for it because I was so terrified of spankings. I even quit playing with my brother because it wasn’t worth getting spanked for playing with him if my mother decided we weren’t playing nicely enough together. I went outside and played with neighborhood friends instead, safely away from my parents.

Did you ever get spanked twice in the same day? Yes. The most traumatic spanking of my life which I still can’t discuss involved being spanked by both parents (unjustly) back-to-back with only a minute in between if even that. My mother spanked me, and then my father spanked me immediately after she did because he was so mad at me he didn’t care if she had already spanked me. He wanted his turn hitting me. I was around four or five years old. That was the day I realized my parents didn’t actually love me or want me. They are a miserable couple who never should have had children.

I know there were plenty of other days where I got light or warning spankings earlier in the day and then a much harder panties-down spanking later in the day when my mother’s patience ran out.

Who pulled down your pants and panties? My parents. I was never given the option to do it myself. They always ripped off my clothes faster than I could even try to resist. The spankings were always violent and sudden. There was nothing slow and deliberate about them. I was never given a chance to submit.

Were you given any chance to justify your behaviors before spanking? Never. When my parents declared a spanking, it was usually administered faster than I could say anything besides screaming in horror, “No!” Even if I was told I would be spanked when we got home, I knew better than to protest. That would have possibly led to a spanking then and there. I also was holding out vain hope that if I kept my mouth shut they would forget their promises to spank me when we got home. They never did.

Is there a rule for number of strokes for particular offence? No. I actually have no idea how many times they hit me during any given spanking. Probably until their hand was sore or they had vented enough anger. They never hit hard enough to bruise or leave marks because in their minds, that was abuse. What they did was not abuse in their minds though it very much was to me.

When did your parents scold you about what you did wrong? I wasn’t scolded so much as yelled at. They would begin chastising me verbally as they grabbed me and pulled down my underwear. They would continue yelling at me over my cries during the spanking. After the spanking, I was always unceremoniously dumped on the floor and told to go to my room or if I was already there, left on my bed. I was always told something derogatory about me and my behavior as they walked away.

What were your parents’ spanking styles like? Both of them spanked rapidly and hard. There was no warm up. There were rarely a few spanks over clothes unless they were doing it while dragging me on the way to sitting down so they could pull down my underwear. They pulled down any obstructing clothing and whaled on my bottom long and hard. Stylistically, there was no difference between my parents’ spanking styles.

What offenses your parents/guardian considered deserving of spanking at the first time without warning?

  • Disrespect to your parent(s): This definitely could provoke and instant spanking.
  • Disrespect to strangers: I would not have dared to do this.
  • Lying: If I was caught in a lie, I would get spanked. I usually didn’t get caught. I also didn’t lie often, but when I did, it was to avoid a spanking.
  • Cussing: I never did in front of my parents when I was young. I knew better.
  • Continuous disobedience: Definitely spank worthy without warning.
  • Drinking/smoking, skipping school, stealing, other crime: I was too good of a kid to do any of this.
  • Bad grades: Anything less than an A was at risk of a spanking on tests or homework with the exception of one teacher my parents hated.
  • Bad report card: I got a B+ once when I was a freshman and was terrified I would be spanked. Mercifully I was not.
  • Breaking curfew: I never did.
  • Staying up all night: I like my sleep. I never stayed up late.
  • Fighting: Fighting with my brother was likely to merit an immediate spanking. Sometimes we got a warning. I never fought with anyone else.
  • Back-talking: Definitely a potential immediate spanking.
  • Breaking stuff deliberately: I never did this.
  • Breaking stuff accidentally: I did get spanked for this.
  • Something really dangerous/life-threatening: I did get spanked for this.
  • Tattling: This was very likely to get me a spanking along with the sibling I was tattling on. Sometimes I got spanked for tattling and he didn’t get spanked for his offense.

Were you ever given bedtime spankings? Only if I had earned the spanking at bedtime which was easy to do in the evenings when everyone was tired and crabby. Usually it meant getting spanked and put to bed earlier than my usual bedtime. I never had a spanking postponed until bedtime and was never told, “You’ll be getting a spanking at bedtime.”

Were you ever spanked at the same time as someone else? Who went first? I only remember the one time I was spanked with my brother, and I went first. I’m not sure there was any logic in why as we were both sitting on his bed when my mother came in to spank us. I am sure we were spanked at the same time for fighting at other times, but I don’t have any actual memories of those spankings.

I was never spanked with friends or cousins.

Were you ever told, “Wait until your father gets home?” Never. My mother had no problem reddening bottoms on her own.

What phrases did your parents use to warn you of an impending spanking or to declare your punishment? 

  • “If you want to cry, I’ll give you something to cry about.”
  • “Do I need to turn this car around?”
  • Anything involving “young lady.”
  • Anything involving both my first and middle name.
  • “You’re getting a spanking.”
  • “I am going to spank you when we get home.”
  • “I’m pulling your pants down and spanking you.”
  • “Do you need a spanking?”
  • “Do you want a spanking?”
  • “If you do that one more time, I am going to spank you so hard you can’t sit down.”
  • My parents would count to 3, sometimes VERY quickly so that you had no chance to cooperate with whatever they wanted you to do. If they got to three, you were getting a spanking then and there.
  • “Go to your room.” This might or might not lead to a spanking. I never knew.
  • “You’re a very bad girl.”
  • “Don’t take that tone of voice with me.”
  • “Do you want me to put you over my knee?”

Were you ever spared a spanking once one was declared? Ha! There was usually half a second between the spanking verdict and the spanking started. I had no chance to protest. If I was promised a spanking when we got home, it was often given in the hallway immediately inside the front door with me standing. Sometimes I was taken to my room and then spanked, or sometimes I was taken to a couch in the family room and spanked (because that was closer to the door). It just depended how angry the parent was and how much their hand was itching to spank me.

©2017 WoodLeatherLace.com

And it’s gone again…

My spanking mojo, that is.

My newest theory is that this is peri-menopausal crap. That one burst of it returning was around ovulation, so maybe it’s related to hormones? When I was lactating, all sex disgusted me. With this hormonal shift, maybe it’s just my fetishes? I really wish I had answers. If anyone else has answers about disappearing and reappearing kinks and fetishes, let me know.

In other news, if I don’t get laid soon, I think I may lose my mind. I have no prospects and no hope of prospects. If you know where all the great single, sober, smart, kind, loving, fat-accepting middle-aged heterosexual (or bisexual or pansexual) men of Central Texas are hiding, please let me know that, too.

Sigh.

©2017 WoodLeatherLace.com

Found My Spanking Mojo!

My doctors are currently transitioning me off of a drug that I’ve been taking for several years. While the drug isn’t an anti-depressant or even in the same arena of medications, it and similar drugs still have the effect of dampening my libido. I actually appreciate that because it means sex isn’t on my mind 24/7. When I’m not on the medications, I am constantly craving sex. Most men can’t keep up with me.

So as my levels of that drug drop in my system, my sex drive has soared again. It’s always on my mind. And with that, my spanking mojo came back out of the blue one day this week. It was like I suddenly found it under a couch cushion. One moment my spanking mojo wasn’t there, and the next moment it was. It had been gone for about three months, but I’d been on the drug for years, so I don’t know that it’s actually a direct correlation. However, I have no other explanation unless you want to blame the upcoming eclipse.

With the increased sex drive and no partner, I’m taking out my frustration on writing fiction periodically. I turn myself on when I am writing, so I can only get through part of a story before I have to stop and masturbate. After masturbating, I’m not as interested in writing again, so it takes several sessions for me to get a story done. However, I wrote about a third to a half of a story the other night. Hopefully I’ll find time to finish it and put it up later this week.

©2017 WoodLeatherLace.com

Losing My Spanking Mojo

Three months ago if you had asked me what my primary fetish was, it would unquestionably have been sexual spanking. I loved to be spanked during sex. Spanking was something I didn’t get during the majority of my late marriage, and it was something I was unwilling to consider omitting from any future relationships.

Now? Something changed. I’m really not sure what or why, but something happened. Now when I turn to SpankingTube or any of my other favorite porn haunts, I am disgusted by what I see. What once was arousing now is anything but. It just doesn’t work for me at all.

My sex drive isn’t gone—not at all. I’m still craving sex all the time. But now instead of getting off to fantasies of sexual spanking, it’s fantasies of oral, anal, and vaginal sex– mostly rather vanilla sex at that. The sex is filled with romance and passion. There’s often role play and sometimes a little mild bondage, but overall, kink is pretty missing from it compared to what I used to crave.

I’m not sure where my spanking mojo went. I have no idea if it will come back. Perhaps it was the most recent partner I had who was relatively vanilla. Maybe he rubbed off on me. However, if that was true, you’d think that ten plus years of being married to a purely vanilla man would have converted me completely. And really, the disappearance of my spanking mojo started before this guy even showed up in my life.

The glimmer of hope that I see is that I’m still having spanking dreams. Last night it was three students (two male, one female) being disciplined by a nun for their uniforms not meeting standards. The students were cinched up in a restraining device and spanking machine that would never work in real life, but it was administering wooden hairbrush spankings in my dream as the nun and others watched.

So I don’t know. For now, though, I am going to go with what makes me happy. Isn’t that what sex and fantasies are about anyway? Finding pleasure? If spanking ever works its way back into my kinky world, then great. And if not, I guess I’ll be exploring my sexuality in different ways for the time being.

©2017 WoodLeatherLace.com