sex

From Afar

To the Man I Admire from Afar:

I hate that I don’t know how long it will be until you are mine. Someday I know you will be, though. I just have to be patient.

I can see you arriving on my doorstep, finally free from your commitments and able to be with me. I know there will be an amazing smile on your face, joy radiating from within about the pleasure of finally being able to claim me as yours. When I open the door, you will find me wearing a long, black satin and lace nightgown under a sheer and lacy black robe. You will see my breasts hanging like ripe fruit in the bodice of the gown, waiting for your touch. I know that smile of yours will become even bigger as your eyes look at me with desperation and need. We will both be so ready when that day comes.

Your lips will find mine, gently at first as we connect with each other. Passion will soon take over, though, as your tongue will pierce past my lips to find my willing response. Your hands will be wandering anywhere and everywhere, but finally finding their favored spot on my ass which is covered scantily by the lightweight fabric. As you pull me close to you, I will be able to feel your desire manifesting very obviously under your clothes, too.

Most of all, though, I look forward to making love to you. You don’t know how much I want to be alone in my bed together, just the two of us, barely any light at all in the room. You’ll take off your clothes before I can stop you, and then you will turn to remove mine. Your hands will loosen the ties on my robe; I will let my shoulders roll back and it will drop to the floor. Your hands will caress my breasts which are longing for your touch, and soon, your fingers will be under the fabric rubbing my quickly hardening nipples. Your ability to resist will be so weakened that it won’t take long before the nightgown is on the floor next to my robe, and there will be nothing else on my body besides your hands.

We will lead each other to the bed, naked and filled with desire. Our kissing will continue, slow and passionate. The night is ahead of us, and it belongs to us. There is nowhere we need to be except in each other’s arms making love after waiting so long. Our touches will be gentle, loving and sensuous. We want nothing more than to feel the other’s breath against our skin, our lover’s lips against our flesh, our hands exploring gently as we make love.

We will continue touching, kissing, loving each other for amounts of time that we can’t fathom. Slow, romantic music will play in the background, but we won’t be paying attention to it because we will be too enamored with our desire. When we can’t handle being apart anymore, your cock will finally come inside of me to bring us even closer. We will share one breath, one need, as slowly you thrust in and out of my pussy, my natural lubrication being more than we need because of all the foreplay.

Maybe we will continue thrusting until one or both of us reaches orgasm. Maybe we won’t. Orgasm isn’t our goal. Intimacy is. We want to be as close to each other as possible, kindling our love, building our relationship. All that matters is we are finally alone together, naked, body and soul.

But until that day, I will be admiring you from afar.

©2018 WoodLeatherLace.com

Did He Use Me?

I have only had one partner whom I only had sex with once. It’s just not my style to have a one night stand, and technically by Urban Dictionary standards, it wasn’t even a one night stand. I’m a relationship kind of gal, even if they are sometimes short-lived relationships. I still wonder about that one night fling, though.

We were friends. We had been attracted to each other for quite a while, but things never really lined up. We flirted a bit, but he was always with someone else or I was with someone else or one of us was taking a break from dating.

Then the stars aligned, and we were both single. He was bemoaning how he couldn’t get laid, and I told him I was more than willing to do the honors. After a couple of hours of talking about it, we decided, “Why not? We’re consenting adults.” And then we had a great evening of sex together. It was one of the more intimate nights I’ve ever shared with someone.

After that, he was gone. No explanation. No reasons. He just ghosted me. I sent texts and emails saying that I was ok with just being friends again (though really, I would have preferred to have been his girlfriend if that had been on the table), but there was no reply.

To me, all the circumstances say that he wasn’t using me. Would a guy who wanted to use me have a deep intimate conversation with a woman for several hours about whether or not we should have sex and how it would affect our relationship? I don’t think he would have. It wasn’t like he had to convince me. I had already offered to spread my legs for him and was desperately wanting him.

I don’t regret having sex with him because it was a great experience. I wish he was still my friend, though. I hate that he ghosted me. I hate that what was a beautiful night for me was a one time thing, never to happen again. I hate that I don’t have answers. It’s easy to write someone off by saying, “He was just an asshole,” but that’s not true. He is a kind man. I just wish he could have been open and honest with me so I didn’t end up feeling used in the end.

(Follow up post here.)

©2018 WoodLeatherLace.com

Little Clit, Big Labia

I find it interesting when different lovers have told me the same strange things about me or my body. It’s usually in comparison to other lovers they have had, though none of their comparisons are done in a mean-spirited way. They’re merely statements of facts. Since heterosexual women don’t often make comparisons about each other sexually, one of the few ways of finding out about oneself in comparison to women is through lovers’ other sexual experiences.

The most common comment I get from men is that I have a little clit and big labia. Having recently Googled images of women’s genitalia, I have to agree that my labia minora are proportionately much larger than my labia majora. I don’t think they have always been as large as they are; I think they grew substantially during pregnancy. However, my kids’ dad never said anything about the changes. He was the kind of guy who probably didn’t even notice. Since I wasn’t ever looking at my genitals in a mirror earlier in my life, I really don’t know for sure when my labia grew, but I know they weren’t always as large as they are now.

As for my clitoris, I was surprised when men started telling me how tiny it was. At first, I chalked it up to the perpetual social folklore that men can’t find clits. Joke after joke plays on this idea. However, most men I have been with take the time to stop the action when they can’t easily find mine and because they do want to locate it. Once they’ve turned on some lights and made a detailed examination, I almost always get the comment, “Wow! Your clit is tiny!” My general response to that is, “It may be small, but it works quite well!” and all of my partners have to agree with that after experiencing my orgasms. Given how many times I’ve heard that my clit is small, I have to believe it’s true, though I really can’t tell any difference between my clit and the pictures of most I see online.

There’s also no question to me that I’m loud during sex. I’ve actually screamed my throat raw during sex because my orgasms are so strong. It never fails that after our first time together, men who have met me through OkCupid bring up my answer to the question about whether or not I’m louder than others during sex which I have answered in the affirmative. They always say, “Um, yeah. You are definitely louder than most women.” I’m often labeled as the loudest woman they’ve ever been with. For most of them, that’s a huge turn on.

Finally, I’ve received a compliment several times about how comfortable I am with myself and my body. Most of the men I’ve had sex with in my forties realize that the more comfortable a woman is with her body, the better the sex will be for her and thus for him. They all really appreciate that I’m not afraid to have sex with the lights on or to wear skimpy lingerie for them. They love my ability and desire to explore. They all agree that the men who have turned me down just because I’m not a size 2 are losing out in a big way. It’s not the shape of a woman’s body that matters. It’s how she feels about using it for sexual pleasure.

©2018 WoodLeatherLace.com

My Other Famous Last Words

“I just want to cuddle tonight.”

Four hours later, there are sex toys strewn from one end of the room to the other. There’s a pile of dirty sheets and pillows needing to be washed. We are sticky messes from lube and bodily fluids. Our bodies are actually cuddled up next to each, both of us blissfully happy. But yeah, we did a little more than just cuddle.

Definitely my other famous last words.

©2018 WoodLeatherLace.com

Amazing

My new lover is amazing. He gave me my first orgasm before my clothes were off. Our original plans actually did not include having sex that night; we had another night set aside for our first time together. Instead, we were kissing goodbye rather passionately after a pleasant dinner date. Then he began gently caressing me over my clothes while we were kissing, nowhere near my breasts or genitals, and suddenly I was orgasming in public. No one has ever done that for me before. I’m still amazed that he did. After that orgasm, there was very little that could stop me from dragging him back to my bedroom, ripping off his pants and sucking on his cock.

Of course, he seems to think I’m an amazing lover, too. There’s nothing quite like hearing your lover tell you it’s the best sex he’s ever had, and from the blissed-out grin on his face, you’re pretty sure he’s telling the truth. He says I’m the most uninhibited woman he’s ever been with. I am positive that’s the truth. Once I’m in the bedroom with someone I’m attracted to, my inhibitions disappear rapidly, and it’s game on for me. Generally speaking, the game becomes how many orgasms he can make me have before I surrender to exhaustion, and I like those kinds of games especially when there is lots of spanking, oral sex, anal play and anal sex thrown in, too.

©2018 WoodLeatherLace.com

A Breakup Text

“I’m never having sex with anyone ever again.”

This was the text I received from one of my lovers letting me know that he was ending our relationship. There was no preface. This was it. He was never having sex again. I was going to be his last partner—ever—even though he was only in his forties.

I have to admit, I was initially a little (ok, a lot) taken back. Like many people, my instinct was to blame myself for what was happening. Was I really so bad of a lover that he would never want to have sex again? I reflected on our relationship. I thought the sex we had was amazing. I couldn’t imagine it wasn’t at least decent for him. He seemed to enjoy it at the time, anyway.

The more I thought about it, I realized that this decision of his had nothing to do with me or the sex we had shared. What it actually was rooted in was his own personal problems. He was suffering from a challenge to his mental health, and the way it was manifesting was by shutting me and all other women out of his future.

I sent as gentle of a reply as I could despite my personal emotional pain: I told him that I was sorry the sex was that horrible for him because it wasn’t for me. He was able to respond to me that the sex wasn’t bad, and gradually the full story behind his decision came out. The reasons behind his decision were logical, though it’s still not the choice I think I would have made in the same situation.

In certain ways, he was one of the best lovers I’ve ever had, but right now, he can’t be with me or any woman. I hope that one day he is able to work through the issues he’s currently struggling with because him remaining celibate for the rest of his life is a true loss for both him and his potential future lovers.

©2018 WoodLeatherLace.com

The Deception of Hollywood Sex

I believe that Hollywood does a great disservice toward American views on sex, arguably more than porn since more people see mainstream Hollywood films than porn. More importantly, most of us were watching Hollywood films at a younger age, and the sex scenes we were seeing on the big screen, while not explicit, were still some of our first impressions of what sex is “supposed” to be.

Think about it. What does the stereotypical Hollywood sex/love scene look like? For starters, it’s heterosexual. A man and a woman, both of whom have perfect bodies, are coming together to celebrate their deep and passionate love for each other. In rare cases, it’s carnal lust, but most often, the myth of “one true love” is part of the scene. There are almost always candles setting the scene and romantic music in the background. Birth control and condoms aren’t discussed or used. The couple’s movements flow, almost dance-like. Everything happens smoothly and sensuously. There’s very little foreplay, and yet the woman will reach orgasm. The scene will likely end with the simultaneous climax of both partners during penis-in-vagina sex.

After so many years of watching movies like Dirty Dancing and other romantic chic flicks as a teenager, I certainly had very set expectations of what things would be like when I finally got to have sex. As one might expect, I was sorely disappointed by the reality.

Let’s start with the literal mess that sex creates. Nowhere in Hollywood sex scenes is there a mess. Whether it’s sweat, semen, arousal fluid, squirting, menstrual blood or lube causing the mess, sex is inherently messy. In the Hollywood sex scenes, no one breaks a sweat and no one fumbles lube because of slippery hands. No one ends up in a cold wet spot on the bed. Hollywood sex is very sterile. In the real world? Not so much.

Real world sex is also not choreographed, but the sex scenes in the movies are very much pre-planned though most young people watching don’t realize this. The movie sex scenes involve days of rehearsal, hours of practice, and dozens of cuts. The actors involved don’t just hook up with the camera rolling. Hollywood sex is a staged, choreographed, intricately planned scene that in no way resembles what happens in most people’s bedrooms.

In the sex that most of us have, arms and legs often become problematic. It sometimes seems like there is an extra octopus involved even though you know there are (usually) only four arms and four legs. Human arms really need to be detachable at times because they get in the way or get uncomfortable being underneath a partner. Legs sometimes end up in weird positions. Knees and elbows often bump partners unintentionally in painful and sometimes sensitive places. Bodies will sometimes make unexpected and indelicate noises that are far from romantic and definitely aren’t something that would show up in a Hollywood sex scene.

Most of all, our bodies are imperfect. We have scars, stretch marks, and fat. Most of us don’t have a six pack. Our skin is not necessarily smooth. We have moles, acne, bacne, and skin tags. Our breasts sag. Our hair falls out or grows in places we don’t want it. Our bodies aren’t perfect, and yet at the same time they are amazing bodies that can give us immense pleasure.

And then there are the orgasms. While simultaneous climax does happen, it’s not the most common occurrence during sex. More importantly, sex is a lot more than penis-in-vagina which is what Hollywood glorifies. What most people term foreplay is actually sex, especially for women. Only 25% of women are able to have orgasms from penetrative vaginal sex, so for the other 75%, the Hollywood scenes are a complete mythology. Oral sex and manual sex are very common ways of helping partners reach orgasm, but rarely are those shown in the mainstream. Instead, Hollywood is still focusing on the “ultimate” myth of glorifying the almighty penis.

Hollywood could start doing so much to open up the sexual mindset of America. We need to be seeing sex acts, even discrete ones with no revealing nudity, that aren’t focused on penile-centric sex. We need to be shown women having orgasms from having their clitorises stimulated. We need to see couples taking turns having orgasms. And most importantly, we need to see both halves of couples helping afterward to clean up the huge mess sex can make!

©2018 WoodLeatherLace.com