masturbation

Circumcision

In the US, circumcision is a contentious topic. Most American born men in my age range are circumcised and not through their own choice. This usually cosmetic surgery was done when they were newborns, often with no anesthetic. The men had no say in what happened to their own bodies when they were infants.

Circumcision became popular in the 19th century as a means to prevent sinful male masturbation. As anyone who has known a man with a circumcised penis or is circumcised himself can tell you, circumcision doesn’t prevent masturbation.  It reduces natural lubrication created by the foreskin, but it doesn’t stop it at all. And who would want to? Masturbation is a healthy, normal, beneficial activity. In a world where most people don’t believe they’re going to hell for masturbating, it’s time to get rid of a Victorian era remnant of morality.

I am very much against circumcision. I consider it genital mutilation. We scream with outrage when a woman faces a clitorectomy she doesn’t want, but we don’t respect our baby boys with the same body rights. This is very odd since it’s usually women’s bodies that are treated with a lack of respect.

When I first got pregnant, my ex and I presumed we would circumcise any sons we had since he was circumcised as were all the other men in the family. It’s just what everyone did, so we didn’t give much thought to it. Mercifully the internet became the wealth of information it now is around that time, and we were able to research the topic more fully once our birthing instructor gave us some information we found alarming. Once we realized what circumcision does to a baby boy and can do to a man’s sex life, we both became firmly against. My ex realized through that research that a lot of the penile pain he deals with is related to a semi-botched circumcision because he was cut too tightly. If he could go back and make the decision for himself, he wouldn’t have been circumcised. He certainly didn’t want any future sons to go through it either.

When my son was born, I didn’t think we were going to get him out of the hospital uncut. Every single person who came in the room asked if we wanted to circumcise him even though it was on the chart. No, we did not want to. It was like there was a reward for converting us. I’m sure part of that is financial: The hospital makes more money for doing procedures than when they do nothing. Still, that’s not a valid reason to do cosmetic surgery on a baby’s genitals. No means no, and the repetitious question got very annoying.

So many people like to use the argument that boys should look like their dads and therefore should be circumcised. Our experience was that it didn’t make a difference in our household. We walked around naked in front of our kids (when showering or dressing) when they were little until they developed a sense of modesty (which kicks in around ages 4-6 for many kids when they aren’t in a household that shames nudity). Thus, our kids saw our bodies. At one point, my three year old son announced to me that “Daddy has a big penis and I have a little penis.” Yup. That’s about it given the 3+ foot height difference between them at that point!

Even when he was slightly older, my son never really realized his dad’s penis was all that different from his own. When he was about six or seven, the topic of circumcision came up at the dinner table for reasons I can’t remember. It was probably me ranting about a friend having decided to circumcise her son. When my son asked what circumcision was, I explained that it was cutting the foreskin off the penis. The look of horror on his face as a young boy said it all. He couldn’t comprehend why someone would want to cut off part of a penis. Clearly he had never really taken in the difference between his uncircumcised penis versus his father’s circumcised penis in the hundreds of times they had seen each other naked. The argument that boys need to look like their dad’s was clearly pointless in our experience.

One of my friends was married to a man who was nominally Muslim. In Muslim culture, circumcision is the norm. She deferred to his wishes for his son’s genitals to look like his even though it wasn’t a religious decision for him. However, she soon regretted it. For three days after the circumcision, her son screamed in pain each time he urinated because the urine burned the wound so badly. It hurt her terribly to deal with her baby being in such pain for a surgery she really didn’t want for him.

Fifty percent of boys aren’t being circumcised in the US now; that’s partly because health insurance companies are declaring it elective and refusing to pay for it. That’s a decrease from about 80% around the turn of the century. While I disagree with making decisions about bodies based on money, I am grateful that more men will be able to make their own decisions as adults as to what they want their bodies to look like. If they want to be circumcised as adults when they can take adequate pain meds to handle the procedure, that is their decision. However, it’s one I don’t think we should be making for our sons without their consent unless there is a legitimate medical emergency necessitating it.

I have unfortunately never had the privilege of having sex with a man with a foreskin. I know they are out there; in my age range, they usually they are foreign-born immigrants to the US. Every time I see a new lover’s cock, part of me is disappointed to see yet another penis that has been cut. I like the look of foreskins. That doesn’t mean I don’t thoroughly enjoy those circumcised cocks. Still, one of the few things on my bucket list is sex with an uncut man. I’m waiting for the day that will happen.

©2017 WoodLeatherLace.com

The Chore of Masturbating

I grew up in a Catholic home where masturbation was considered very sinful and wrong. It was considered downright dangerous– the cause of physical infection. I grew up being afraid to touch myself. Once I was sexually active in college, I finally overcame that fear of touching myself. I realized that if my partner touching me with his hands and his cock wasn’t dangerous and wasn’t causing infections, then me touching myself with my own hands wasn’t going to be dangerous either. I did some emotional work to heal the damage that my Catholic upbringing had done, and then I began masturbating without shame or fear.

Yet throughout my marriage and since my divorce, masturbating has been a chore. It’s something I do because I have to release the sexual frustration and tension in my body. It’s no different than eating or drinking or shitting. It’s something my body requires. However, it’s not something I enjoy. Yes, I do get pleasure and relaxation from masturbating. I can make myself squirt. I usually have multiple orgasms. And still, it’s completely empty. It’s not fun. It’s just masturbating. It’s a chore.

I’m not sure why masturbating is not much fun for me. Part of it has to do with my ex-husband having a masturbation fetish. He was far more interested in me masturbating than in me having sex with him. That just hurt. I wanted to be in a relationship with a man who wanted to have sex with me, not a man who wanted to get off masturbating while thinking about me having sex on my own rather than actually having sex with me.

I think some of it may be related to my love language, too. If you aren’t familiar with the Five Love Languages, I highly recommend learning about them. I wish my ex-husband and I had known about them much sooner. I doubt it would have saved the marriage, but maybe we would have understood each other better. My love language is physical touch. I need to be touched by someone else to feel loved by them. When I’m masturbating, I’m not being touched by anyone else. I’m very much alone. That’s just not as enjoyable for me.

The best analogy I can give about masturbation for me is that it’s like eating when you have a really bad cold. Nothing tastes right, if you can taste it at all. You’re often not really hungry, but you know you need to eat to keep your strength up. Eating is just something you do to survive. That’s how masturbating is for me most of the time. I don’t really want to take the time and make the effort to do it, but I know my body is filled with sexual tension that I have no other outlet for. So when it gets too bad to tolerate, my Magic Wand and I take care of business.

When I am lucky enough to have a partner, we tend to have sex at every opportunity. I like sex a lot. Every other day is a minimum for me. But with masturbating when I’m single? Once a month is usually enough. If I am getting wild and crazy, twice a month will happen. What is odd is that I masturbate more when I have a partner. Then it’s more like once or twice a week. Sex begets more sex? I don’t know. I don’t mind masturbation as much when I’m with a partner since I know that I’ll be having sex with him soon enough, and I’m usually thinking about him or sexting with him while I am masturbating. But on my own, it just seems pathetic and sad. Solo masturbation is not the joyous experience I wish it was.

©2017 WoodLeatherLace.com

My Favorite New Toy

71ubdc5-rvl-_sx522_(This is not a compensated ad. It’s just me expressing my pleasure and joy!)

When Hitachi finally made their Magic Wand with a silicone head plus a cord-free option, I decided it was time to invest. In the post-divorce world, my sex life wasn’t going great, and I wanted something that was less work than my old favorite vibrator. When I got my Magic Wand, I was certain I had found heaven. All of my partners who have played with it on me have quickly given up on the other vibrators I have and go straight for “the jackhammer.” It packs a punch, and it gets me off very quickly.

One of my former partners asked me if I had an attachment for the wand. I had no idea there was such a thing! While I think he was less than subtly trying to get me to buy one of the penis-friendly attachments like the Hummingbird Wand Essentials Masturbator Attachment, I ignored his requests until after we broke up. I then invested in the Wand Essentials Fluttering Kiss Dual Stimulation Silicone Wand Massager Attachment.

OMFG.

I didn’t think the Magic Wand could get much better, but the Fluttering Kiss attachment is AMAZING. It gives me the best orgasms I’ve ever had with a mechanical device. They’re still not the same as the ones I have with real live partners, but they’re closer than before. I end up squirting everywhere with them and needing a shower afterward. That counts as a good thing in my book!

The Fluttering Kiss attachment isn’t perfect. For my body, I’d like something that’s a cross between it and the Wand Essentials Euphoria G-spot and Clit Stimulating Silicone Wand Massager Attachment (which is the next toy on my “to buy” list). I’d like something that was angled toward my clit in a different way, but I haven’t seen anything exactly like what I want. Still, I’m incredibly happy with my new toy and plan to enjoy having many orgasms with it when I am without a partner.

©2017 WoodLeatherLace.com