Losing My Spanking Mojo

Three months ago if you had asked me what my primary fetish was, it would unquestionably have been sexual spanking. I loved to be spanked during sex. Spanking was something I didn’t get during the majority of my late marriage, and it was something I was unwilling to consider omitting from any future relationships.

Now? Something changed. I’m really not sure what or why, but something happened. Now when I turn to SpankingTube or any of my other favorite porn haunts, I am disgusted by what I see. What once was arousing now is anything but. It just doesn’t work for me at all.

My sex drive isn’t gone—not at all. I’m still craving sex all the time. But now instead of getting off to fantasies of sexual spanking, it’s fantasies of oral, anal, and vaginal sex– mostly rather vanilla sex at that. The sex is filled with romance and passion. There’s often role play and sometimes a little mild bondage, but overall, kink is pretty missing from it compared to what I used to crave.

I’m not sure where my spanking mojo went. I have no idea if it will come back. Perhaps it was the most recent partner I had who was relatively vanilla. Maybe he rubbed off on me. However, if that was true, you’d think that ten plus years of being married to a purely vanilla man would have converted me completely. And really, the disappearance of my spanking mojo started before this guy even showed up in my life.

The glimmer of hope that I see is that I’m still having spanking dreams. Last night it was three students (two male, one female) being disciplined by a nun for their uniforms not meeting standards. The students were cinched up in a restraining device and spanking machine that would never work in real life, but it was administering wooden hairbrush spankings in my dream as the nun and others watched.

So I don’t know. For now, though, I am going to go with what makes me happy. Isn’t that what sex and fantasies are about anyway? Finding pleasure? If spanking ever works its way back into my kinky world, then great. And if not, I guess I’ll be exploring my sexuality in different ways for the time being.


What Is Kinky Anyway?

One of the things I find interesting is how different people define “kinky.” I think the most common definition of kinky is “whatever those weird people are doing over there—but nothing I would do in my own bedroom.” I also think that in the minds of most people, they define kinky as whips and chains, blood and bruises, sadism and masochism. They don’t think of simpler things, like a pair of toy handcuffs or silk scarves, as kinky. Yet in reality, simple common sexual acts and toys can be quite kinky.

When I was on OkCupid, there were several kink related questions. One asked if the respondent was into BDSM. Almost all guys answered no. Yet when the men got to the question about whether they’d rather be tied up or do the tying, almost all had an answer that wasn’t “no way!” Somehow most men missed out that the B in BDSM stands for “bondage,” and tying a partner up or being tied up is bondage. If the men like tying up a partner or being tied up, they are kinky. They like bondage.

Most people would vehemently protest that idea, though. Most want to believe that their sex lives are “normal.” Yet normal really is just a setting on the dryer. Most people like to do sexual things that if one were to stand back and look at them from an objective point of view, those things are really kind of weird. Most men adore receiving blowjobs, but if you look at them objectively, a blowjob is someone putting their mouth on the part of anatomy where urine is released. Really? Why would anyone want to do that or have it done? Clearly, there’s more to sex than just the logical perspective.

So what is kinky? That’s a really tough question. To me, kinky is being open to things beyond vaginal and oral sex, both of which are considered very mainstream. Kinky includes bondage. Kinky includes anal sex and anal play. Kinky includes all kinds of sex toys beyond vibrators. Kinky might include role playing. For others, being kinky includes sex with more than one partner. And yes, it might include sadism, masochism, spanking, whips, chains, blood, bruises, suspensions, public play, choking, latex, other non-sexual bodily fluids and much, much more. Kinky is a huge range of sexual possibility.

Getting on is one of the great ways to expand one’s mind about what kinky is. Humans have a huge range of sexual behavior, and learning what others like can help one define what kinky is in one’s own sex life. One can quickly figure out that kinky sex is way more common than one actually thinks it is. What goes on in privacy in our bedrooms is really quite fascinating.


Online Dating Bloopers 9

Another week, another set of inane messages from clueless men in the dating world. This week was rather quiet compared to usual, but the messages were fairly creative.

For those who are not familiar, I only have pictures of my feet and legs on dating sites, not my face. I’m also located in Texas.

Just in case anyone wonders or worries, I change names of men who don’t have common names like Joe or John. If someone named Voltron messaged me, I would alter his name to Victor.


First, some of the generic boring messages:

“Good Morning, How are you? I’m William and you are ?” In the hour between my last logon and him sending this message, this guy’s account was deleted, probably for sending spam. So I know nothing about him.

“Hi how are you doing today
My name is Greg” He lives three hours away, and he’s a terrible match.

“hello there how are u doing”  He lives an hour away, but he’s not at all a match.

 “Good afternoon how are you doing today” He lives three hours away. His username included the phrase “lovepotion.”

Then there are the guys whose English is rather unique:

“Hello, what do you seek on the website ?” He lives four hours away, and that’s spammer grammar.

“So happy together a response your story is so open and honest I know I’m kinda wonder why the older I get know it’s will work long as we don’t worries but still think when will I get oral 69 help her toys tongues kissing swapping our wonderfully necktor yes I am oversexed on a good day I will cum 5 times. Read yours almost alike a guess i need get pics of my self . Can show butt and cock yes love to see pics of you I know we all want sex .Tell me what turns you on Stephen.” He’s local and in my age range, but his profile was as nonsensical as this message. No.

“hello beautiful!!! you shot the sky!!!! my apologies.. my name is Ryan… goodevening” He’s a native of the UK living in Germany. I still don’t know what he meant, though!

“Hello Beautiful I like your smile , How are you doing and how was your day ?Am Lawrence and how about you ? Am new on this dating site thing I found your profile very interesting and I like what I have read and decided to send you a note, hope you don’t mind. I would love to talk to you and learn more about you if that’s fine with you. I was wondering if you could read my profile and hit me back if you are interested..All good relationship start with friendship” He’s four hours away, and this is generic spam.

And then we have the guys who are clearly only interested in sex:

“Hello Nice legs…” He’s from France.

“Hi there I’m Mark. I’m wondering if we can chat about any shared interests in common from the sex questions category lol.I just like someone to talk with. I love sending pics too.would you mind?” He’s not local, and even if he was, the answer would still be no. I don’t exist to serve men’s sexting needs. Seriously, talk to me about something else first!

“Hello from Master John I like to know you better Submissive” Nothing like being objectified into a category to make me want to message with a guy. From his profile, it’s clear that English is not his first language. He also had no location listed, so he may have been messaging me from the other side of the planet.

“i m looking for a Friend and sex Partner.
A women whom hv high emotions and sexual desires and fantasies …
are u open to chat ?” He lives in Arkansas. The number of men looking for cybersex lately has been ridiculous!

And my favorite of the week:

“Would you like a cuckold boyfriend” He’s local and a decent match with the exception of his kink. I’m just amazed at how many men are unclear on the concept of “monogamous.” (If you aren’t familiar with cuckold relationships, see here.)


Squeal Like a Dolphin

One of the popular dating sites has a series of questions that users can answer to help them determine whether or not potential dates would be good matches. One of the more amusing questions is, “While in the middle of the best lovemaking of your life, if your lover asked you to squeal like a dolphin, would you?”

While this initially seems like a completely ridiculous question, it’s actually one that is very revealing and which can tell you a lot about the person answering it. Quite a few men answer, “No way!” and then go off on a rant about how ridiculous this request is. While that seems true on one level, it also shows that the men have no sense of humor and how unlikely they are to be willing to meet their partners’ needs.

The men I prefer tend to answer the question “Absolutely!” They usually follow the multiple choice answer with a free-form response along the lines of, “I’d probably die laughing and ruin the moment, but I’d be happy to comply.” This tells me clearly that the men have a sense of humor which is something vital to survival in life and which makes relationships a lot more fun.

This also tells me that this man is going to be willing to give in a sexual relationship, not just take. He’s going to be willing to meet my needs even if I want to do something completely absurd because satisfying me sexually is something important to him. That’s really important. I’ve been in a sexual relationship where my partner was only interested in meeting my needs if they aligned with his. Anything I wanted to do that he didn’t desire was completely off-limits. That made for a horrible sexual relationship, and it’s something I never want to repeat. Give me a man who squeals like a dolphin over that any day!