Three months ago if you had asked me what my primary fetish was, it would unquestionably have been sexual spanking. I loved to be spanked during sex. Spanking was something I didn’t get during the majority of my late marriage, and it was something I was unwilling to consider omitting from any future relationships.
Now? Something changed. I’m really not sure what or why, but something happened. Now when I turn to SpankingTube or any of my other favorite porn haunts, I am disgusted by what I see. What once was arousing now is anything but. It just doesn’t work for me at all.
My sex drive isn’t gone—not at all. I’m still craving sex all the time. But now instead of getting off to fantasies of sexual spanking, it’s fantasies of oral, anal, and vaginal sex– mostly rather vanilla sex at that. The sex is filled with romance and passion. There’s often role play and sometimes a little mild bondage, but overall, kink is pretty missing from it compared to what I used to crave.
I’m not sure where my spanking mojo went. I have no idea if it will come back. Perhaps it was the most recent partner I had who was relatively vanilla. Maybe he rubbed off on me. However, if that was true, you’d think that ten plus years of being married to a purely vanilla man would have converted me completely. And really, the disappearance of my spanking mojo started before this guy even showed up in my life.
The glimmer of hope that I see is that I’m still having spanking dreams. Last night it was three students (two male, one female) being disciplined by a nun for their uniforms not meeting standards. The students were cinched up in a restraining device and spanking machine that would never work in real life, but it was administering wooden hairbrush spankings in my dream as the nun and others watched.
So I don’t know. For now, though, I am going to go with what makes me happy. Isn’t that what sex and fantasies are about anyway? Finding pleasure? If spanking ever works its way back into my kinky world, then great. And if not, I guess I’ll be exploring my sexuality in different ways for the time being.