A New Theory

My spanking fetish continues to be AWOL most of the time. I thought it was due to medication changes, but that doesn’t seem to have played out.

Perimenopausal hormone shifts may be playing in. Most of the month, I had have no desire for anything related to spanking. Sometimes I’ll get a small spike in interest when my hormones change around ovulation and my period, but most months I’m not even getting that anymore.

When I look at spanking porn and spanking erotica most of the time right now, I’m either uninterested or repulsed. They just don’t work for me. I find this puzzling at best. Even more vanilla porn or erotica aren’t working for me either any more. I desperately want to have passionate (relatively) vanilla sex with a man who wants to have sex with me, but the rest of it… eh. No interest. This is a pretty radical change for me from how I’ve been in recent years.

My newest theory is that the real culprit is the lack of sex in my life. I’m turning into a female eunuch. I’m not using it, so I’m losing it.

Seriously, this is the longest dry spell I’ve had in quite a while. It’s definitely not working for me, but I’m also unwilling to settle for a hookup right now. I’m happier when I’m in a relationship with some stability rather than just finding sex for sex’s sake. Maybe that’s a sign that I’m getting old and wise!

My blog posts will probably continue to be erratic as a result. When I do have a burst of kinky desire, I try to pre-schedule several future posts. Lately, though, I haven’t even had the interest in doing that. I really hope that will change in the near future, though.


The End of 2017

This year has really kind of sucked for me on a personal level, and it certainly has sucked on a national level. I’m honestly quite glad to see an end to the year. I’m trying to have hopes that 2018 will be better, but I’m so discouraged by how December has gone for me that it’s hard to keep those hopes up. Christmas downright sucked for me.

I have a fantasy of spending New Year’s Eve having sex and fucking in the New Year. It’s never happened for me in all my forty-(mumble mumble) years. It won’t be happening this year either, alas. Instead, I’ll be doing my usual of trying to drown out the local fireworks that will start at about 6 pm and will go until 2 am. It’s going to be cold this year, but I doubt that will stop the natives. Most of them will be too drunk to notice the cold.

Here’s hoping next year is a better year for me and all those whose 2017 was less than optimal.


My Highest Commendations

My highest commendations go to the person who got this personalized license plate through the Texas DMV approval process. I saw this license plate on the highway this morning, did a double take, and died laughing. Mercifully I ended up behind the car at a light after getting off the highway, so I was able to capture this beauty for you to laugh at as well.


BJ08S or BJOBS or BLOWJOBS, depending on if your mind is in the gutter or not

What makes it even better is that license plate is the “Texas Horned Toad” conservation plate, also known as the Texas Horny Toad.


Porn Versus Reality

Humans get themselves into trouble when they start making broad generalizations. Using a relatively non-controversial example, we teach our kids that the sky is blue. Except that’s not true. Sometimes the sky is blue. However, at sunset, it can be brilliant shades of orange, pink and purple. When it’s raining, the sky is gray. At night, it’s black. So while it’s sometimes blue, the sky is a variety of different colors at different times. And all of those colors that the sky manifests? They’re perfectly acceptable and beautiful in their own ways.

When we start making broad generalizations about sexuality, things get murky and sometimes hurtful. As a kinky heterosexual cisgender woman with a high sex drive who loves anal sex, some porn, and other activities that women aren’t “supposed to” like, I find that articles that make generalizations about women and sexuality can exclude me. I’m strong enough of a person to know that doesn’t make me less of a woman, but in my past, I wasn’t. I questioned what was wrong with me when I didn’t feel the way other women did. If “all women” were supposed to hate anal sex, then why did I love it? If I wanted to have sex more often than my male partner, did that make me a freak?

The most recent article to piss me off was one that declared “Porn Makes Men Terrible in Bed.” The author writes:

I hate porn because fucking men who have watched a lot of porn is the worst. The absolute worst. For the sake of your future partners, go easy on the porn. Many young men will watch porn more often than they have sex with other humans.  Their beliefs about sex will come from porn and not from interactions with real people.

And, the real humans who eventually have sex with suffer for it.

Most porn is about watching women pretend to enjoy sex acts that are unpleasant to them.

This article is loaded with gross generalizations that aren’t true. We can start with the fact that most men don’t ejaculate five times in a single session of sex, so using a porn star who does as an example of what men do in bed that other men might imitate just simply isn’t a good example. He is an exception to the general rule. In addition, the article’s contention that “All the sex advice out there generally tends to cycle back to the same thing: how can women get more comfortable with doing what men like?” is incredibly inaccurate. There is a lot of wonderful sexual advice out there which focuses on making sex pleasurable for all involved, not just conforming to a man’s desires. Clearly the author isn’t looking in the right places for her sex-positive information.

Furthermore, my best lovers actually were avid porn watchers. While I can’t say that my sample size and my experiences are true for everyone, I can say that they disprove the idea that “fucking men who have watched a lot of porn is the worst.” However, it’s important to note that the men I’ve fucked have been able to understand the difference between porn and reality. They know that what is important is the woman in front of them. They know that my limits and my desires are what help shape our mutual sexual experiences, not what they have seen from other women on the screen.

Some of my favorite experiences with lovers have actually come from them saying to me, “Hey, I saw this activity on a porn video I was watching; I’d really like to try it. Are you game?” Sometimes I am, and sometimes I’m not. Sometimes whatever we tried was an utter disaster that ended in laughter; other times it led to some incredible orgasms. Not all porn is evil, and not all activities shown in porn are impossible to recreate in the bedroom. Most importantly, some women really do love those activities that are being shown in some porn, and some women can have porn-type orgasms without faking.

That said, what I enjoy is not necessarily what other women may enjoy. I acknowledge that for some women, yes, porn is a big problem for them, their sex lives and/or their partners. However, their bad experiences around porn cannot be generalized to be true for everyone any more than my positive ones can.

I wish those who blog or write about sex would accept that differences abound in human sexuality. We all enjoy different things, and that’s ok. It’s the judgment about what others do or enjoy that causes so much trouble. The best policy is honest communication with one’s partner(s) about what good sex is for the two (or more) of you.


Virgin + Virgin = Disaster

My first lover and I were both virgins when we met in college. We both were also Christian, him more so than me. He was fully intent on waiting for marriage. Originally I held that same ideal having had it banged into my head after 18+ years of Catholic education and upbringing. However, the longer we were together, the more I wanted him and the less I wanted to wait.

The problem was that he wasn’t willing to break the ideals of his strict religious upbringing to be with me. We fought often about it when we were long past the point a couple should have already been having sex. Our relationship was suffering because we needed that sexual connection. However, unlike many who use the “poophole loophole” or oral sex, we weren’t engaging in any of those activities. Even getting him to go to second base was a challenge that took years.

When I finally wore him down (unfortunately an accurate assessment of how it happened), he reluctantly had sex with me. It was a disaster. Two virgins having sex with very little knowledge about sex beyond “insert penis into vagina” was really a bad combination. It was physically painful, emotionally excruciating, and very unromantic. Nothing resembled the passion and sensuality I had seen in movies. I was very disappointed.

While sex eventually got better with him, things were never great between us because neither of us had the education or experience we needed around sex. The internet wasn’t the internet back then, so we didn’t even have those resources. The only sex-related book I knew about was The Joy of Sex which I went out and bought, feeling very ashamed to do so. When I got it home, I was sorely disappointed. There was nothing in it to help make our sex life any better. I couldn’t even figure out the point of the book because it wasn’t great porn either.

As time passed, I approached him with ideas of things that would turn me on like spanking, bondage, and anal sex, but he shamed me for my desires. He considered them abnormal. He wasn’t willing to participate. I quit asking because I knew he wouldn’t give them to me.

As much as I loved him, I wish my first partner hadn’t been a vanilla virgin. As romantic as the idea is of two virgins losing their virginity together under the guise of true love, the reality just didn’t play out. It wasn’t until I was with other more experienced men that I truly learned what sex could be like, and I suddenly understood why so many people would do anything to have it. The sex I’d been having before that was just ok, like a saltine cracker instead of a piece of chocolate cake.



In the US, circumcision is a contentious topic. Most American born men in my age range are circumcised and not through their own choice. This usually cosmetic surgery was done when they were newborns, often with no anesthetic. The men had no say in what happened to their own bodies when they were infants.

Circumcision became popular in the 19th century as a means to prevent sinful male masturbation. As anyone who has known a man with a circumcised penis or is circumcised himself can tell you, circumcision doesn’t prevent masturbation.  It reduces natural lubrication created by the foreskin, but it doesn’t stop it at all. And who would want to? Masturbation is a healthy, normal, beneficial activity. In a world where most people don’t believe they’re going to hell for masturbating, it’s time to get rid of a Victorian era remnant of morality.

I am very much against circumcision. I consider it genital mutilation. We scream with outrage when a woman faces a clitorectomy she doesn’t want, but we don’t respect our baby boys with the same body rights. This is very odd since it’s usually women’s bodies that are treated with a lack of respect.

When I first got pregnant, my ex and I presumed we would circumcise any sons we had since he was circumcised as were all the other men in the family. It’s just what everyone did, so we didn’t give much thought to it. Mercifully the internet became the wealth of information it now is around that time, and we were able to research the topic more fully once our birthing instructor gave us some information we found alarming. Once we realized what circumcision does to a baby boy and can do to a man’s sex life, we both became firmly against. My ex realized through that research that a lot of the penile pain he deals with is related to a semi-botched circumcision because he was cut too tightly. If he could go back and make the decision for himself, he wouldn’t have been circumcised. He certainly didn’t want any future sons to go through it either.

When my son was born, I didn’t think we were going to get him out of the hospital uncut. Every single person who came in the room asked if we wanted to circumcise him even though it was on the chart. No, we did not want to. It was like there was a reward for converting us. I’m sure part of that is financial: The hospital makes more money for doing procedures than when they do nothing. Still, that’s not a valid reason to do cosmetic surgery on a baby’s genitals. No means no, and the repetitious question got very annoying.

So many people like to use the argument that boys should look like their dads and therefore should be circumcised. Our experience was that it didn’t make a difference in our household. We walked around naked in front of our kids (when showering or dressing) when they were little until they developed a sense of modesty (which kicks in around ages 4-6 for many kids when they aren’t in a household that shames nudity). Thus, our kids saw our bodies. At one point, my three year old son announced to me that “Daddy has a big penis and I have a little penis.” Yup. That’s about it given the 3+ foot height difference between them at that point!

Even when he was slightly older, my son never really realized his dad’s penis was all that different from his own. When he was about six or seven, the topic of circumcision came up at the dinner table for reasons I can’t remember. It was probably me ranting about a friend having decided to circumcise her son. When my son asked what circumcision was, I explained that it was cutting the foreskin off the penis. The look of horror on his face as a young boy said it all. He couldn’t comprehend why someone would want to cut off part of a penis. Clearly he had never really taken in the difference between his uncircumcised penis versus his father’s circumcised penis in the hundreds of times they had seen each other naked. The argument that boys need to look like their dad’s was clearly pointless in our experience.

One of my friends was married to a man who was nominally Muslim. In Muslim culture, circumcision is the norm. She deferred to his wishes for his son’s genitals to look like his even though it wasn’t a religious decision for him. However, she soon regretted it. For three days after the circumcision, her son screamed in pain each time he urinated because the urine burned the wound so badly. It hurt her terribly to deal with her baby being in such pain for a surgery she really didn’t want for him.

Fifty percent of boys aren’t being circumcised in the US now; that’s partly because health insurance companies are declaring it elective and refusing to pay for it. That’s a decrease from about 80% around the turn of the century. While I disagree with making decisions about bodies based on money, I am grateful that more men will be able to make their own decisions as adults as to what they want their bodies to look like. If they want to be circumcised as adults when they can take adequate pain meds to handle the procedure, that is their decision. However, it’s one I don’t think we should be making for our sons without their consent unless there is a legitimate medical emergency necessitating it.

I have unfortunately never had the privilege of having sex with a man with a foreskin. I know they are out there; in my age range, they usually they are foreign-born immigrants to the US. Every time I see a new lover’s cock, part of me is disappointed to see yet another penis that has been cut. I like the look of foreskins. That doesn’t mean I don’t thoroughly enjoy those circumcised cocks. Still, one of the few things on my bucket list is sex with an uncut man. I’m waiting for the day that will happen.