The Sadistic Toybox

Many years ago, I read on a blog that one should buy a toolbox as a sex toy box. One could put a lock on the box and tell the kids it was dangerous tools and thereby keep them out. So after I bought our first toys, my ex bought me a metal toolbox for putting the toys in. However, the one he bought doesn’t have a way to attach a lock so that defeated part of the point. I kept the box anyway since it still served the purpose of storing toys. It lives in my walk-in closet underneath my clothes, and I pull it out when the occasion arises that I need its contents.

Recently the heat of summer has descended upon Central Texas. We’re hitting 90 every day, so I had to quit my denial and pull out shorts which I had packed up for the winter. They were in the back of the closet in storage boxes, requiring digging around to find what I wanted. I moved the toy box out of the way while I rummaged for the shorts, and then I put the storage boxes back in the recesses of the closet, now loaded up with my jeans which I won’t need again for far too long.

What I failed to do was put the stupid metal toy box back away. Instead, as I gathered up the armful of shorts and walked out of the walk-in closet, I managed to whack my leg on the fucking toolbox that I didn’t see on the floor beneath my full arms. I now have a four inch black, blue, and green bruise on my shin that includes a red cut where the box really got me. It’s a veritable kinky rainbow.

It’s not bad enough that I date sadists and let them use sadistic toys on me. I also own a sadistic toy box that attacks and tortures me, too.



Orgasmic Noises

This recent article on about why women make noises during sex really pissed me off. The highlights:

  • “‘While female orgasms were most commonly experienced during foreplay, copulatory vocalizations were reported to be made most often before and simultaneously with male ejaculation.'”
  • “Women also reported making noise to relieve boredom, fatigue and pain/discomfort during sex.”
  • “Vocalizing during sex can actually be a great tool to help women get what they want in bed…. ‘Use vocalization to teach your partner what feels good. It can help you say, ‘stop, go, yes, more please,’ without sounding like a traffic cop.'”
  • “‘I think there are many women who need to be vocal to help themselves achieve orgasm. It helps move them and their orgasm along. There are certainly phases. As a woman gets into it, she may become extremely vocal and then move into a period of quiet as she is on the verge.'”

You know what’s missing in the article? Completely missing? Women making noise because they are so overwhelmed by pleasure that they can’t help but vocalize as a release. Why the hell isn’t that discussed? Why can’t the author of the article and those the author quotes see that some women scream with pleasure because they can’t contain how powerful their orgasms are? Why are women’s sexual pleasure and orgasms seen as things that are difficult to achieve rather than something completely normal?

Seriously, we need to do massive work on how society views women’s pleasure during sex.


A New Theory

My spanking fetish continues to be AWOL most of the time. I thought it was due to medication changes, but that doesn’t seem to have played out.

Perimenopausal hormone shifts may be playing in. Most of the month, I had have no desire for anything related to spanking. Sometimes I’ll get a small spike in interest when my hormones change around ovulation and my period, but most months I’m not even getting that anymore.

When I look at spanking porn and spanking erotica most of the time right now, I’m either uninterested or repulsed. They just don’t work for me. I find this puzzling at best. Even more vanilla porn or erotica aren’t working for me either any more. I desperately want to have passionate (relatively) vanilla sex with a man who wants to have sex with me, but the rest of it… eh. No interest. This is a pretty radical change for me from how I’ve been in recent years.

My newest theory is that the real culprit is the lack of sex in my life. I’m turning into a female eunuch. I’m not using it, so I’m losing it.

Seriously, this is the longest dry spell I’ve had in quite a while. It’s definitely not working for me, but I’m also unwilling to settle for a hookup right now. I’m happier when I’m in a relationship with some stability rather than just finding sex for sex’s sake. Maybe that’s a sign that I’m getting old and wise!

My blog posts will probably continue to be erratic as a result. When I do have a burst of kinky desire, I try to pre-schedule several future posts. Lately, though, I haven’t even had the interest in doing that. I really hope that will change in the near future, though.


The End of 2017

This year has really kind of sucked for me on a personal level, and it certainly has sucked on a national level. I’m honestly quite glad to see an end to the year. I’m trying to have hopes that 2018 will be better, but I’m so discouraged by how December has gone for me that it’s hard to keep those hopes up. Christmas downright sucked for me.

I have a fantasy of spending New Year’s Eve having sex and fucking in the New Year. It’s never happened for me in all my forty-(mumble mumble) years. It won’t be happening this year either, alas. Instead, I’ll be doing my usual of trying to drown out the local fireworks that will start at about 6 pm and will go until 2 am. It’s going to be cold this year, but I doubt that will stop the natives. Most of them will be too drunk to notice the cold.

Here’s hoping next year is a better year for me and all those whose 2017 was less than optimal.


My Highest Commendations

My highest commendations go to the person who got this personalized license plate through the Texas DMV approval process. I saw this license plate on the highway this morning, did a double take, and died laughing. Mercifully I ended up behind the car at a light after getting off the highway, so I was able to capture this beauty for you to laugh at as well.


BJ08S or BJOBS or BLOWJOBS, depending on if your mind is in the gutter or not

What makes it even better is that license plate is the “Texas Horned Toad” conservation plate, also known as the Texas Horny Toad.


Porn Versus Reality

Humans get themselves into trouble when they start making broad generalizations. Using a relatively non-controversial example, we teach our kids that the sky is blue. Except that’s not true. Sometimes the sky is blue. However, at sunset, it can be brilliant shades of orange, pink and purple. When it’s raining, the sky is gray. At night, it’s black. So while it’s sometimes blue, the sky is a variety of different colors at different times. And all of those colors that the sky manifests? They’re perfectly acceptable and beautiful in their own ways.

When we start making broad generalizations about sexuality, things get murky and sometimes hurtful. As a kinky heterosexual cisgender woman with a high sex drive who loves anal sex, some porn, and other activities that women aren’t “supposed to” like, I find that articles that make generalizations about women and sexuality can exclude me. I’m strong enough of a person to know that doesn’t make me less of a woman, but in my past, I wasn’t. I questioned what was wrong with me when I didn’t feel the way other women did. If “all women” were supposed to hate anal sex, then why did I love it? If I wanted to have sex more often than my male partner, did that make me a freak?

The most recent article to piss me off was one that declared “Porn Makes Men Terrible in Bed.” The author writes:

I hate porn because fucking men who have watched a lot of porn is the worst. The absolute worst. For the sake of your future partners, go easy on the porn. Many young men will watch porn more often than they have sex with other humans.  Their beliefs about sex will come from porn and not from interactions with real people.

And, the real humans who eventually have sex with suffer for it.

Most porn is about watching women pretend to enjoy sex acts that are unpleasant to them.

This article is loaded with gross generalizations that aren’t true. We can start with the fact that most men don’t ejaculate five times in a single session of sex, so using a porn star who does as an example of what men do in bed that other men might imitate just simply isn’t a good example. He is an exception to the general rule. In addition, the article’s contention that “All the sex advice out there generally tends to cycle back to the same thing: how can women get more comfortable with doing what men like?” is incredibly inaccurate. There is a lot of wonderful sexual advice out there which focuses on making sex pleasurable for all involved, not just conforming to a man’s desires. Clearly the author isn’t looking in the right places for her sex-positive information.

Furthermore, my best lovers actually were avid porn watchers. While I can’t say that my sample size and my experiences are true for everyone, I can say that they disprove the idea that “fucking men who have watched a lot of porn is the worst.” However, it’s important to note that the men I’ve fucked have been able to understand the difference between porn and reality. They know that what is important is the woman in front of them. They know that my limits and my desires are what help shape our mutual sexual experiences, not what they have seen from other women on the screen.

Some of my favorite experiences with lovers have actually come from them saying to me, “Hey, I saw this activity on a porn video I was watching; I’d really like to try it. Are you game?” Sometimes I am, and sometimes I’m not. Sometimes whatever we tried was an utter disaster that ended in laughter; other times it led to some incredible orgasms. Not all porn is evil, and not all activities shown in porn are impossible to recreate in the bedroom. Most importantly, some women really do love those activities that are being shown in some porn, and some women can have porn-type orgasms without faking.

That said, what I enjoy is not necessarily what other women may enjoy. I acknowledge that for some women, yes, porn is a big problem for them, their sex lives and/or their partners. However, their bad experiences around porn cannot be generalized to be true for everyone any more than my positive ones can.

I wish those who blog or write about sex would accept that differences abound in human sexuality. We all enjoy different things, and that’s ok. It’s the judgment about what others do or enjoy that causes so much trouble. The best policy is honest communication with one’s partner(s) about what good sex is for the two (or more) of you.