Dating

That Dolphin, Again

Backstory: OkCupid has a question that I’ve written about before: “While in the middle of the best lovemaking of your life, if your lover asked you to squeal like a dolphin, would you?”

So once while getting into bed for the first time with a man whom I met on OkCupid, we were making out and generally engaging in the type of activities that happen when two consenting adults decide they want to have sex with each other. He paused the activities, looked me in the eye, and said, “Don’t worry. I’m not going to ask you to squeal like a dolphin.” I cracked up. I was so grateful to him for bringing that little bit of humor into the bedroom to relieve the nervous tension that was there between us both. It lightened the mood and definitely increased the passion of the foreplay.

©2017 WoodLeatherLace.com

The Lube Cabinet

Once when I was having sex with a man on our first date, we reached the juncture where lube was needed. I grabbed my bag of lubes for our use. He took one look at it and said, “Wow. You have more types of lube than most people have kinds of booze in their liquor cabinets. I like you!”

(I only had five bottles of four different kinds… in that particular bag anyway! 🙂 )

©2017 WoodLeatherLace.com

I Hope You Dance

To me there is a difference between loving someone and being in love with them. Loving someone is fairly easy for me to do. I love deeply and easily. I definitely love many of my friends and, of course, my children. Being in love with someone is a different sensation. It’s eros rather than philia, agape or storge.

I have loved many men and I have been in love with many men in my life. The love for those men never leaves. It fades into the background and no longer is so dominant in my heart, but I will always love the men who have a place in my heart even after they have hurt me deeply and/or we have parted ways.

However, being in love with another person eventually fades. It’s not just lust. It’s a deeper emotion than that. It’s the passion and excitement that we share when we are in a sexual and/or emotional romantic relationship with another human. When the relationship ends, it’s this part that usually hurts so much: letting go of the “in love” with that man before I was ready to end things between us.

For me, the way I know that I am no longer in love with a past partner is when I can be happy for them in their new relationships. I no longer wish I was with them, though I may still love the vivid memories I have of the moments we shared. However, I eventually reach a point where I am easily able to say that I am glad they have moved on, and more importantly, I am glad they have found another.

There’s no time scale for when falling out of love happens for me. Sometimes it takes weeks. Sometimes it takes years. I don’t know if the depth of my love for that man factors in. Sometimes it seems completely random as to why it’s easier to fall out of love with a man than with others. However, when I reach that point of being happy that the person is loving another, then I know I have healed from losing them in my life. I love the way Lee Ann Womack says it:

God forbid love ever leave you empty handed…
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens
Promise me that you’ll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance

I have reached that point with all of my past loves except the most recent. My heart still hurts over him. I know we can’t be together again for so many reasons, but if I were to see him with another woman now, I would hurt. I’m so ready for my heart to reach that place of peace where I can honestly say to him, “I am so happy you found her and that she is making you happy again.” Each day I get closer to reaching that point. I hope that it happens soon because I truly do want him to be happy, and I want to be happy about him being in love with someone else when he finds her.

©2017 WoodLeatherLace.com

The Halloween Party

I had met him online last week on a dating site where his stunning smile had attracted me immediately to his picture. We had messaged for several days before deciding that there was definitely more than enough common ground between the two of us to merit a date. He suggested dinner the next Saturday; I agreed but asked if he’d like to go to a friend’s party after dinner. I let him know that the party invitation specifically stated, “Slutty Halloween costumes more than welcome.” He decided that sounded like his type of party, especially if I was going to wear a slutty outfit for him to enjoy. I told him that I very much planned to.

Saturday night arrived, and I prepared myself for a dinner at a fancy restaurant with my date. I was certainly not wearing my slutty attire to a place of this class and caliber, so I selected an elegant blue dress for the first part of the evening. Underneath, I was wearing a lacy black bra, black fishnet thigh high stockings, a black garter belt, and a pair of lacy black bikini panties. My hair was upswept in a loose bun because I knew that was what I wanted for my costume later; I also knew that it drove men crazy in anticipation of me letting my hair loose later in the evening if the date went well. I slipped on black heels on my way out the door to complete the outfit. I had called a cab to take me to the restaurant figuring that I’d either crash at my friend’s house after the party, or if I was lucky, I’d be letting my date bring me back to my house for post-party “entertainment.”

Dinner went amazingly well. We hit it off like old friends rather than like we were on a first date. The conversation flowed smoothly, and I began flirting with my date fairly early into the evening. I liked this guy a lot. He was good-looking, suave, intelligent, and a perfect gentleman. I also knew underneath all of that public presentation he was a kinky fucker, and that made him extremely attractive to me. At one point during the meal, I let my foot casually rub its way up his leg under the table across from me. The resulting smile on his face told me he was enjoying my teasing. That was a very good sign of things to come.

After he graciously paid the check, we headed out for the party together. As we walked out the door of the restaurant, he put his hand on my lower back, a move that sent pleasurable shivers up my spine. I turned to look at him. He smiled at me in a way that melted me inside and started getting my panties wet. Every move this guy made was making things better than they already were.

The drive to my friend’s house was only a few short minutes. I had brought my costume in my oversized purse with me, and I planned to change upon arrival. However, I knew I was going to need some help getting the corset laces cinched up correctly. After having made perfunctory introduction of my date to the hostess, I told him that I wanted to change in the upstairs bathroom and asked if he would mind helping me get my costume on. The smile on his face made me quiver inside. He slipped his hand into mine and waited for me to lead the way up the stairs.

Once we got to the bathroom, I made the pretense of leaving him outside of the door. “Just give me a minute to get to the point where I need your help,” I told him. While I could see he was disappointed he wasn’t going to get to help with removing my dress, I wanted to save that for later in the night when hopefully things would really heat up between us.

I closed the door and quickly removed my dress and bra, careful not to mess up my hair in the process. I also removed the necklace I had been wearing and placed it in my wallet for safekeeping. I slipped on the very short orange satin skirt with black lace overlay that was part of my costume. Then I put on the matching corset to the best of my ability, though there was no way for me to lace this one by myself. Using one arm to hold the corset against my chest, I opened the door with my other arm.

“Would you like to come in and help with the lacing up now?” I asked my date who was waiting in the hall.

“Holy fuck,” was his reply whispered softly as he took a look at me in my new outfit. The tops of my fishnet thigh highs were showing beneath the very short skirt. His eyes couldn’t help but stare and his hands reached down to touch the lace tops attached to the garter belt straps. He looked up into my eyes, and there was no stopping what happened next. He leaned in to kiss me, slowly and passionately. As the kiss finished, I opened my eyes again, looked at him and smiled. Yes, this was definitely going to be a great relationship.

“How about you come all the way in the bathroom now so we can close the door and finish getting me dressed?” I asked. He gently pushed me back as he closed the door behind us and not so subtly locked it, too. I knew that maneuver meant he had plans to do more than just lace my corset up. After the passionate kiss he had just given me, I was quite willing to engage in almost any other activity he had in mind. This man was hot, and I was even hotter for him. All kinds of ideas were racing through my dirty mind about what I wanted to do with him in this bathroom.

However, my date made the pretense of being a total gentleman. He turned me around gently, and began tightening the black laces on the corset. Occasionally one of his fingers would touch my skin as he pulled the laces tighter resulting in a shiver of pleasure from me. Having tied a bow at the top of the corset, his fingers began gently tracing upwards along my shoulders and onto my neck. I looked up in the mirror and saw him glancing back at me.

“Will you put on my choker for me, too?” I asked, handing it back to him. He pulled the black lace choker around my neck and fastened it in the back, but he quickly returned to his previous task of running his fingers over my shoulders and neck. Then he made the move that always seals the deal for me: he bent down and let his lips kiss my neck, gently, slowly, intentionally. I turned my head away from his, opening up my neck to give him more space to kiss. I could feel my body turning to jelly. The connection between my neck and my pussy was always so powerful.

Finally, I could resist him kissing my neck no longer. I turned around and put my hands on his shoulders, looking into his green eyes. I leaned in to kiss his lips, wanting to feel his tongue in my mouth while his hands roamed on my chest. He moved his hands down to my waist and then to my butt, pulling my entire body closer to him yet never breaking our kiss. I could feel his erection pressing against my abdomen through his black dress slacks.

The temptation was eventually too much. I dropped to my knees and looked up at him. He had a huge smile on his face, so I took that as a sign of consent. I reached up and unzipped his pants, reaching in to find a pair of boxers underneath. Threading my hand through the opening, I pulled out his very erect and very lovely cock. Gazing up at his eyes again, I moved my head towards his cock, and then closed my lips over its soft, delicate head. He gasped and rolled his head back with pleasure.

I began doing what I love to do so much with a hard cock: teasing it slowly and gently with my lips, running my tongue down its shaft, sucking on it, and generally letting it know how much I appreciate it. My date began groaning as I descended on his cock each time, and I could tell he was getting far too close to orgasm. I pulled off of his cock and rapidly pushed it back in his boxers and pants, zipping them and then staring up at him with an evil smirk on my face.

“You tease!” he exclaimed, pulling me to my feet.

“Whatever do you mean?” I mockingly asked him. He kissed me passionately again, and then turned me around so my back was facing him. He pushed my abdomen down over the countertop, which resulted in my ass thrusting out in the air.

“I mean,” he said, “that you are an incredibly naughty girl who deserves to have her bottom spanked for acting like that towards a desperate man.” And with that proclamation, he flipped up my short skirt and landed a very hard smack on my panty-covered ass.

“Ow!” I exclaimed, turning my head back to look at him. “Surely I wasn’t that naughty!”

“Oh, you were that naughty and even more,” he replied, giving the other butt cheek an equally hard slap to match the first one he had given me. I squealed at the sting. He had a very firm hand, and he was just getting started!

I tried to get up from the bent over position he had me in, but his free hand went to the center of my back and pinned me down.

“I don’t think so, young lady,” my date stated in a stern tone. “You have been teasing and taunting me all evening and now you’re going to have to pay the piper.” He could see my smile in the mirror as my eyes stared up at him, and he knew I was totally on board with his game.

“Yes, sir,” I replied. “Just not too loud, please! I don’t want the other guests to hear.”

“Well, if they do hear,” he said, “They’ll just know what a naughty girl you are. That outfit doesn’t leave much to the imagination anyway, so they’ll probably already have their suspicions.” With that pronouncement, he centered himself behind me and pulled down my panties to my knees in one rapid move. I hadn’t expected that boldness from him, but I also wasn’t objecting. I liked an assertive man.

“What a lovely ass,” he commented carefully caressing my naked globes. “It’s marked with two red handprints for some reason, though.”

“I can’t imagine why!” I retorted in a sarcastic tone. His response was to give me two more hard smacks, one on each bare cheek with his hand.

“Ouch!” I cried out again. I grabbed the decorative Halloween hand towel that was sitting next to me and shoved it in my mouth to try and keep from making too much noise. The music from the party was playing loudly, but I didn’t want to give the guests any more hints at what was going on upstairs aside from the smacks they might already be hearing on my poor bottom.

“A sub who willingly gags herself… I like this!” my date expressed. After gently rubbing my bottom again for a few seconds, he returned to giving me a few more hard smacks on each cheek. Wow. This guy was a hard spanker! I pulled the towel out of my mouth to let him know that.

“You have got a really stern hand, sir,” I said, “You don’t mess around when you spank a girl!”

“No, I don’t,” he said, “And from what I can tell, that is exactly the kind of man you need in your life. One who is going to take you in hand and make sure you behave.”

“Yes, sir,” I replied. This was truly what a wanted—a man who wasn’t going to let me get away with tormenting him. A man who was going to flirt with me. A man who was going to spank me. A man who was going to fuck me. It was almost as if my date was reading my mind, because as those thoughts went through my head, his fingers began to delicately run along the outside of my very sensitive and aroused pussy.

“You know,” my date said thoughtfully, “Bathrooms often have great spanking implements in them like bath brushes and hairbrushes. What does your friend keep in hers?”

Shit. I knew for a fact that my friend had a wooden paddle hairbrush in the top drawer of the vanity. She’d shown it to me once after I’d seen some obvious marks on her thighs when we were trying on clothing on a shopping expedition. It was how I learned she was kinky, too. Now that knowledge was about to come back to haunt me on Halloween.

“There’s a hairbrush in the top drawer that is used for spanking,” I reluctantly answered my date.

“Oh, really?” he said. “And do you think your friend would object to it being used on your naughty bottom instead of hers?”

“No, I’m quite sure she wouldn’t,” I replied. “She’s threatened to use it on my ass more than once!”

“Well, then,” my date said, “Please bring me the hairbrush.” With that, he went and sat on the edge of the tub, waiting expectantly for me to fetch his chosen spanking implement. I sighed, stood up, opened the drawer, and pulled out the weapon of doom that was about to redden my bottom even more than it already was. I turned and faced him, hobbling with my panties around my knees for the few short steps over to the edge of the tub where I handed him the brush. I held the hand towel slash gag in my other hand. He then indicated to me that I should lay myself over his lap with my body draped into the tub for stability. I decided to comply.

After having carefully positioned myself on my date’s lap, I shoved the towel back in my mouth. If he was going to use a hairbrush on me, I was going to need it to muffle my screams. I was never one to take a hairbrush to my bottom quietly. My siblings, cousins, parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents, and past boyfriends could all attest to that! Decades of having my bottom paddled hadn’t made a bit of difference. I still squirmed, squealed, and complained loudly whenever I was being spanked with a hairbrush.

My date laughed at my mock gag. “You seem to think you’re going to get a hard spanking that merits a muzzle,” he joked. “Well, you’re certainly right about that.” And with one fell swoop, the hairbrush landed hard on my bare bottom right over my crack down low near my sit spots.

“OW!” I screamed into my towel, not that it sounded like anything coherent. My sadistic date chuckled at my response and then began a more traditional spanking in earnest. He was an orderly spanker with a hairbrush. He started at the bottom of one thigh, working his way steadily up my butt cheek, over to the other butt check, and down the second thigh. It took him about ten spanks to make the first round with this large paddle brush, much to my dismay. He stopped to inspect his work after these first swats, gently rubbing with the back of the hairbrush on my stinging skin.

“That was definitely a good first pass,” he said. “You scream quite nicely in response to the hairbrush, and that seems quite appropriate for Halloween. I want to make sure I get your thighs nice and red, though, before I stop. I want guests to see your red thighs just below that sexy skirt of yours so that they can know what happens to naughty girls like you when they are taken in hand.” And with that, he began another round of spanking my thighs and bottom while I began another round of screaming into the towel.

The second round of smacks was much harder than the first, and they gave the results that my date wanted to see. He let me know, “I’m just going to give your thighs a few more hard smacks to make them extra red. I don’t want to spank you too much now as I plan to spank you again after the party when I take you home.” Something inside me quivered at the promise of more spanking later. This was the kind of date I lived for.

However, before that promised spanking, I had to make it through this one. My date gave each thigh another five hard swats with the brush before he set it down next to him on the tub. He rubbed my backside with one hand and removed the towel from my mouth with his other hand.

“I’m done spanking you for now,” he informed me.

“Yes, sir,” I responded, remaining on his lap. I had been trained by previous Doms not to get up until I had permission, something my date was appreciating now. His one hand now touched my shoulders while the other hand crawled up my inner thighs to my pussy. He stuck two fingers inside of me; they slid in quite easily as the foreplay had gotten me quite wet.

“Wow. You really like being spanked, don’t you, Young Lady?” he asked almost rhetorically.

“Yes, sir. I’m a slutty girl who likes to be punished and fucked,” I replied.

“You don’t say?” he responded. “Well then, stand up now so I can work on the fucking you part now that I’ve spanked you.” A smile came to my face. That had been easier to manipulate than I expected. I stood up and looked at my date in the eyes. He also stood up and began kissing me again.

“Put the hairbrush away and then bend over the counter again,” he ordered me. I did as I was instructed, but I also pulled out a condom from the drawer while I was in there. I checked the expiration date and then handed it to my man. I was sure my friend wouldn’t mind me using that either!

As I bent over the counter again, I watched my date in the mirror.  He smiled back at me as he unfastened his belt, dropped his pants and boxers, and then slipped the condom over his rock-hard cock. He moved forward towards me, lifting up my skirt once more, and rapidly plunging deep inside my pussy which was so wet that lube was in no way necessary.

Quite quickly, my partner began thrusting inside of me. I loved seeing his facial expressions in the mirror as his hands held onto my hips, pushing against them with each thrust. Soon, though, all I could focus on was the intense pleasure manifesting in my pussy. Orgasm was not going to take long at all after a spanking like that.

Once again, I grabbed a hand towel to use as a gag, this time to muffle my screams of pleasure instead of my yelps of pain. My groans were still coming through the fabric, though, and my date could tell I was getting close. He kept accelerating his thrusts, his balls loudly slapping against my pussy loudly as the intensity increased. His moans became vocal, too. I let out a scream that the towel couldn’t muffle as he pushed me over the edge into a full-throttle orgasm. Knowing I had reached climax, he let loose, and with a few more thrusts, he had reached orgasm, too.

I looked up in the mirror to see his face smiling with post-orgasmic pleasure. He could see the same look on my face. He stepped back carefully, grabbing some toilet paper to catch the condom which was beginning to work its way off of his softening cock. I began to stand up but he commanded me, “Don’t move!”

I couldn’t help but wonder what he had in mind now. After disposing of the condom and redressing himself, my date walked over to me and slapped my still red bottom a few more times.

“Ow!” I cried out. “Do you normally reward orgasms with spankings?” I asked.

“No,” he said. “But I just wanted to remind you that there is going to be more spanking later after the party. And more fucking, too.” With that, he gave each of my reddened thighs a few more hard slaps to perk up their color and then began pulling up my panties over my garter. He flipped down my skirt, stood me up, and turned me to face him. As we gazed into each other’s eyes, he moved forward and kissed me passionately once more. This guy was going to be a lot of fun.

As we pulled apart from the kiss, I slipped on the black satin gloves I had brought to complete my outfit. I also shoved an orange and black fake flower into my hair. With my dress and bra shoved in my purse, we headed downstairs to join the festivities. I wonder if anyone would notice how long it had taken me to change. My friend’s laughing smile and knowing glance told me she had. She came over and whispered in my ear, “I want to hear that story later!” I laughed and nodded my head in assent. I looked forward to telling her what had happened in her bathroom… plus whatever else was going to happen later after the party when my date and I got back to my place for completely uninhibited fun.

©2017 WoodLeatherLace.com

Let’s Talk About Sex

The other day, I was texting with a former lover. He is a great guy and was an amazing lover, but he wasn’t the right guy for me. He’s in a long term relationship with someone else now, and I am truly happy for him. It’s been long enough since we were together that even though I still miss him, I am glad he’s got someone who is right for him.

As we were texting, he very politely asked if he could ask me some sex-related questions. That made me laugh, but I said “Sure.” Why not? We’re both grownups. If we had great sex with each other at one point, we should still be able to talk about it now. He wanted some input on an issue around sex with his girlfriend. I had no problem giving him advice. He even noted at one point in the texting, “This isn’t awkward for you at all, is it?” No, it really wasn’t. I was happy to tell him the information he wanted plus some more information, too.

When I mentioned this conversation to one of my female friends, she said, “You are a better person than me. I couldn’t have had that conversation with an ex.” That comment made me think about my other exes. I couldn’t have had that conversation with all of them. Some of them have too big of egos; they’d never go to an ex to ask for help around a sexual issue because that would imply that they weren’t the perfect lover. Others are too shy when it comes to talking about sex outside of the context of actually having it. They’d be too embarrassed to have that kind of conversation with anyone nonetheless me. Then there are the lovers where the wound is still too fresh. The idea of them having sex with someone who isn’t me is just painful. Someday I will probably be able to have an open conversation with them about sex and their new partners, but I’m not there yet.

It’s really a shame so many in our society aren’t able to talk more openly with those we’re close to about sex. The more we talk about sex in an instructional, educational way, the more barriers will drop. The more we understand sex, the better it will be for all of us. Our society needs to get away from its weird taboos around talking about sex while at the same time using sex to sell everything from cars to perfume to prescription drugs to Halloween candy.

©2017 WoodLeatherLace.com

Standing at the Intersection

(This is a random memory of a past lover. His name has been changed to protect his identity though he certainly isn’t innocent!)

I had just begun dating a new lover. We had only been out a few times, and we’d always ended up back at my place due to logistics. When an opportunity popped up for me to go over to his place for the evening, we decided to take advantage of it. He had only told me the largest intersection he lived near; he hadn’t given me an exact address yet because I hadn’t needed it.

As we texted in preparing for the date, I asked him if I could get the exact address where he lived. I told him that I could go to the big intersection near his house and stand there and call out, “Hey! Does anyone know where Mark lives? I want to go over to his place so he can fuck me in the ass.” However, I was convinced that I would suddenly meet a lot of guys named “Mark” at that point.

My lover agreed that not only would I meet a lot of men named Mark, but in his neighborhood, I would meet a lot of men named Marcos, too!

Thankfully, he gave me his exact address so I didn’t have to go stand in the intersection looking for him. I found his place easily, and he did an excellent job of fucking me in the ass. I’m guessing people at that nearby intersection probably got to hear my screams of pleasure when he did! 🙂

©2017 WoodLeatherLace.com

Spanking Survey, Part 5

(I swear this is going to be at least a ten part series at this rate.)

This post is a continuing series of spanking survey questions about my childhood. Part one starts here, part two is here, part three is here, and part four is here.

Did you play spanking games with friends? Only with one when I was about 9. We were playing house and I gave her a bare bottom spanking. It was a game we only played twice.

I also played house and gave bare bottom spankings with two families/three kids whom I babysat. I was 11-12 at the time, and they were 5, 7 and 8. I only played once with the one kid and once or twice with the others.

What’s fascinating to me is that I was always the spanker in these games even though I am very much a sub now and have never spanked an adult. I think at that time while I was a budding spanko, I wanted to be the spanker to regain some of the control I didn’t have in my own life. Instead of being the victim of the spankings, I got to be the one who controlled and administered them.

Were your friends spanked as teens? I only know for certain one college friend who was spanked as a teen and who knew she would continue to be spanked as a college student when she went home if she didn’t follow her parents’ rules. She was from rural Texas, and her family used a belt. The way I found out was a conversation in which we were talking about something completely irrelevant to spanking, but she commented, “If I had done that, my dad would have nailed my butt to the wall.” Her eyes teared up as she said it. Clearly her beltings were painful experiences.

I have a high school friend whom all of us very much suspect was spanked as a teen. Her parents were emotionally abusive, and I know her mother slapped her fairly often. I assume her alcoholic father did more. What’s worse is that she now abuses her young children, spanking them for anything and everything “because that’s how I was raised.”

I have another high school friend whom I suspect was spanked but she never discussed it. Her parents were immigrants from the Philippines. When she would sit some days, it was a very delicate maneuver. I think I may have been the only one who noticed, though.

Did you talk about spanking with your friends? Yes, infrequently, though I was always very interested in the conversation when it happened. I was reluctant to share details of my spankings, though. Almost all kids of the 1970s and 1980s were spanked. I only know of one friend who was never spanked by her parents; she is the exception to the rule. It was just presumed you were spanked and your friends were spanked. I don’t have any idea how old most of my friends were when their spankings stopped.

I remember numerous conversations with peers. The first conversation I remember having was in grade school with two boys who were the same age as me when we were about 6. We were sitting in our front yard talking. We all admitted to being spanked, and the boys went into greater detail about theirs. I don’t remember much of what was said. Both boys agreed the belt was the worst; one said that the buckle end of the belt was brutal. I have no idea if his dad had actually already used a belt buckle on him or if he was just talking about what he’d seen his older brothers get but was bragging about it like it was him. Up until that point, I had no idea people could get spankings with belts.

I remember one neighborhood friend asking me if I was spanked. I think she had been recently spanked with a hairbrush and that was why she was asking. We were probably in second grade or about 7 years old.

The next memory I have of discussing spanking was in middle school. One of my friends was describing with great animation an incident that had happened in her family the day before. Her younger half-brother had walked in the door crying and with a torn shirt. When she asked what had happened, her mother related the tale of his poor tail. She said that he smarted off to her mother while they were driving home, so his mother pulled over to give him a spanking. As she went to grab him from the middle row of seats in the station wagon, he jumped into the back. Her mother had managed to get part of his shirt which ripped. She then opened the trunk of the station wagon, managed to grab him, and gave him a really hard bare bottom spanking for his original disobedience and trying to avoid his spanking.

In high school, I know the group of girls I hung out with had a discussion about being spanked as a child. It didn’t include discussions of who was still being spanked. The only thing I really remember from the discussion was the one friend revealing that she had never been spanked—not even once. I’ve since learned that her mother is very emotionally abusive, though. After this discussion, the one girl in the group who was abused through high school would declare any time that she didn’t like what the unspanked friend had done that the unspanked friend was a brat and should have been spanked as a child.

Once when I was at a friend’s house during high school, the mail came. In the mail was the mid-semester failure notice the school sent out when a student was in danger of not passing a class. The friend’s mother was very angry and made a show of going in her husband’s office and placing the letter there. My friend was begging her mother not to tell her stepfather, but her mother said she had to. Based on the tears in my friend’s eyes, I knew there were going to be serious repercussions. I asked her if she was going to be ok. She choked on her tears and said, “Yeah, I’ll be fine,” but I got the distinct feeling she was going to be spanked before she was fine!

Another time in high school, a male friend was boasting about how his parents were having to spank his brother every single day lately because of his behavior. His brother was in middle school and was rebelling a lot. The way his parents were handling the situation made me very uncomfortable even then. That brother ended up having major drug issues as an adult.

During high school, a close friend and I were talking about spankings. She said she especially hated those with the hairbrush—those were the worst. Years later, I saw a discussion between her and her siblings on Facebook. It seems that only the older kids were spanked with the hairbrush. The youngest said he always jokes that his parents wore out the hairbrush on his older siblings which is why he never got it.

In college, I remember being at my roommate’s house. She mentioned that her father would spank her as a child for not eating what her mother made for dinner because her father considered it disrespect towards her mother. You know those awful 1970s recipes that circulate the web? The things her mother made for dinner were even worse than that. I understood why she chose the spankings sometimes after hearing about some of the dishes her mom made!

Another time the same roommate told me about a joke she told at the dinner table. Her father didn’t find the joke funny and decided to spank her then and there. She tried to get away and failed. With tears in her eyes, she said, “He really tore up my butt that time.” It seemed like her father was a brutal spanker and was willing to find reasons to spank.

The first person I talked to who had been spanked in school was a college friend. I was shocked to learn that spanking was allowed in her schools because it never had been in mine. She told me that in grade school they called it “getting licks.” I forget exactly what she had done in kindergarten, but I think it was talking when she wasn’t supposed to. Her teacher put her over her lap while they were sitting on the floor in a circle, lifted her skirt, and gave her a few “licks” over her panties with a small paddle. The friend said she was horribly humiliated by the whole thing and never did anything to get spanked again in school as a result.

When I was in college, the discussion about spanking as discipline came up in a class for future teachers. Looking back, the professor must have been a spanko though her official position was that she could not condone spanking as discipline in the schools. She let the conversation derail the entire class. The look on her face during the discussion is one I now recognize as someone trying to mask arousal. The class was divided about 50-50 as to whether or not spanking should be allowed in the schools. There was also some discussion about parents spanking kids. The only specific comment I remember was from one guy who said, “The only choice my kids are going to get around discipline is which belt they want me to use on them when I sent to them to fetch one.”

My ex-husband and I actually only had one conversation about his childhood spankings. He said his mother would give him a warning, and then if he didn’t comply, she would let him know he was getting a spanking. She would pull down his pants and give him a few swats on his bare bottom. He said nothing about his siblings’ spankings. His dad never spanked him, and I later learned his dad’s mom never spanked his dad. I don’t know about his dad’s dad. I’m certain his mom was spanked by both of her parents but it was never discussed.

Another guy I briefly dated was babysat by his grandma during summer vacations while his mom worked. He said that if he and his brother acted up, she would tell them to go pick a switch. He said he and his brother would just go outside and make a run for it. By the time they came back later that day, she would have cooled off, so they rarely actually got switched by her. He considered her to be a very mean woman, though.

Surprisingly, I haven’t discussed childhood spankings with any of the other men I’ve dated, probably because I wasn’t willing to discuss mine in detail.

One day when I was on a lunch break at work, one of my coworkers began talking about her 2 year old son. She also had a 5 year old daughter who wasn’t the handful her son was. She was saying how when her son woke up from his nap one day that week, he started coloring on the wall in his room with crayons so she gave him a bare bottom spanking. He did it again a second time on another day that week, so she gave him a harder bare bottom spanking. She said, “I am not abusing him, but I can see how parents could escalate to abuse because he’s not learning from the spankings.” Even at that time I was wondering why she didn’t just take the crayons away to stop him from coloring on the walls. However, since I didn’t have children so I didn’t feel qualified to give advice and because I was younger than her, I just kept my mouth shut.

My first exposure to Domestic Discipline relationships (though I didn’t know the name at that point) was when a friend and I went shopping as childless married young adults. We had walked around the mall, mainly enjoying each other’s company and not buying anything because we didn’t find anything we needed. As we walked out the door of the mall, she said, to me in a very worried voice, “My husband is going to spank me. I was supposed to buy something for myself and I didn’t.” I asked her if she wanted to go back in and look for something for herself since we didn’t have any kind of time restrictions, and she said no, but he was going to spank her for it. I couldn’t understand why she didn’t just go back in and buy something since it sounded like she didn’t want the spanking. Later, I was at the same friend’s house for dinner (without my husband) when she tried a new recipe that her husband didn’t like. He gave her a very damning look; her response that made me think she was going to be punished for it after I left.

When we were reminiscing as adults, one friend talked about how a boy at school had called her by a racial slur. This girl told her mother who told her father. Her father was the boy’s father’s boss! So her father went over to the boy’s house and spoke to his father. The friend said the boy’s father “beat his ass good” in front of her father.

Once we had kids, one of the things that happened was our friend set changed because of differences in how we raised our kids. We all naturally gravitated towards others who parented more similar to our own styles, and that included beliefs about spanking. Before we stopped hanging out with some of our pro-spanking friends, though, there were a few conversations about spanking. The one friend and her husband started out as anti-spanking but changed their minds when their daughter was about four. She told me at that point that her greatest regret was that they hadn’t started spanking sooner and more often.

Another friend seemed anti-spanking, but her husband was not, and so she deferred to him about spankings. However, she said, “It’s just best if I’m not around when he discipline’s the kids.” One day her husband was boasting about having spanked their three year old son for having thrown a ball in the house which hit a glass object but didn’t break it. His words were, “I popped that kid so fast he didn’t see it coming.”

Spanking sometimes came up on mothering listservs I was on, too. Most of the crowds I hung out with were pretty anti-spanking, but there were always a few vocal spankers. The one mother had almost enough kids to make a baseball team. She said that she used a small paddle which she kept on the kitchen counter and didn’t hesitate to use it. According to her, all she had to do was take a step toward the paddle and her misbehaving child would immediately comply without her having to say a word. She said that she spanked them often as younger children and didn’t have to at all once they were older as a result.

Another mother discussed a spanking of her child that made me really sad for that child. The child has intellectual disabilities, and so I never felt like the way they parented him was appropriate for the abilities he had. This child had hit his baby brother at one point, and so his father “punished him in a way that made sure he would never do that again.” I have no idea what actually happened to the boy, but I’m sure it involved corporal punishment.

One other mother discussed how she had started spanking her son at age 8 because she couldn’t handle his intellectual disabilities anymore. She realized how wrong what she was doing, so she got herself into therapy to help her find ways to work with her son’s limitations without spanking.

In another discussion I saw on Facebook, I saw a friend’s sister talking about how she was never spanked because she was such an angel (wink, wink), but she remembers a time when it seemed like two of her brothers were getting spanked almost daily because of their bad behavior.

And finally, not that long ago, a receptionist at my doctor’s office was talking about how her six year old son liked to pee in the shower rather than the toilet (not when taking a shower). She hated it because it made the bathroom smell because he didn’t rinse the shower afterward. She said that the day before she didn’t hear the toilet flush after he’d been in the bathroom, so she asked, “Did you pee in the shower without rinsing it or am I going to have to spank you again?” She said he didn’t answer but went running off to the bathroom where she heard the shower water running. She thought it was really funny. Me, not so much.

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