Dating

Erection by Pizza

Because a few of the dating sites I’m on have changed their messaging policies, I no longer get the slew of obnoxious messages I used to get. But every once in a while one comes through that just makes me scratch my head. The most recent one was: “I was more excited to see your profile photo than pizza. And I really like pizza.”

I refrained from sending back the snarky reply, “Really? You get erections from pizza? Also, telling a strange woman that her picture gives you an erection is usually not the best way to win her favor, especially when comparing her to a piece of greasy food. Just FYI.”

©2018 WoodLeatherLace.com

You Know Whom You Are

Some of my past lovers continue to read my blog; others don’t. I understand either way as to why they might want to and why they might not. One of my past lovers who continues to read my blog recently commented to me that I never ended up writing anything about our breakup. He was concerned about what horrid things I might say about him when I finally did. This is mainly for him, so he can see it in print:

I still love you, and I always will. You are an amazing and wonderful man. The woman who is the right woman for you is going to be so blessed to have you. I hate that I am not the right woman for you. I wish I could be. You are so honest, trustworthy, loving, kinky, and passionate. You are almost everything I need and want… except in those few areas where we both know we don’t align. And those were the deal-breakers between us.

I am so grateful to have been your lover, and I am even more thankful that you are remaining my friend. I need you in my life, and I’m glad you have chosen to stay when walking away could be the easier choice. If I had to do it again, I would, even though the pain of our breakup was terrible because we do love each other. The good with you definitely far outweighed the bad. I want every happiness in the world for you, including you being able to find that woman who will be able to fulfill all of your desires.

©2018 WoodLeatherLace.com

Seeing His Handwriting

Previously I blogged about how I hadn’t seen any of my lovers’ handwriting in recent years. It seemed odd to me, but it was true.

My most recent lover read that blog post and decided to pop that cherry for me. One night, he surprised me by handing me a small notebook which had notes he had taken during a meeting at work that day. I looked over the notes and couldn’t make heads or tails of them. I asked him what he wanted me to glean from those notes because they really weren’t that interesting to me.

“It’s my handwriting,” he said. Oh. I was totally surprised. Here it was: a lover actually showing me his handwriting. And now that I was actually seeing a partner’s handwriting, I was in shock. I didn’t quite know how to process it. His handwriting looked nothing like what I expected it would look like.

I’m still not quite sure how to process that experience, but I am grateful that my lover was so caring that he went out of his way to meet one of my “fantasies,” albeit a pretty tame one!

©2018 WoodLeatherLace.com

Little Clit, Big Labia

I find it interesting when different lovers have told me the same strange things about me or my body. It’s usually in comparison to other lovers they have had, though none of their comparisons are done in a mean-spirited way. They’re merely statements of facts. Since heterosexual women don’t often make comparisons about each other sexually, one of the few ways of finding out about oneself in comparison to women is through lovers’ other sexual experiences.

The most common comment I get from men is that I have a little clit and big labia. Having recently Googled images of women’s genitalia, I have to agree that my labia minora are proportionately much larger than my labia majora. I don’t think they have always been as large as they are; I think they grew substantially during pregnancy. However, my kids’ dad never said anything about the changes. He was the kind of guy who probably didn’t even notice. Since I wasn’t ever looking at my genitals in a mirror earlier in my life, I really don’t know for sure when my labia grew, but I know they weren’t always as large as they are now.

As for my clitoris, I was surprised when men started telling me how tiny it was. At first, I chalked it up to the perpetual social folklore that men can’t find clits. Joke after joke plays on this idea. However, most men I have been with take the time to stop the action when they can’t easily find mine and because they do want to locate it. Once they’ve turned on some lights and made a detailed examination, I almost always get the comment, “Wow! Your clit is tiny!” My general response to that is, “It may be small, but it works quite well!” and all of my partners have to agree with that after experiencing my orgasms. Given how many times I’ve heard that my clit is small, I have to believe it’s true, though I really can’t tell any difference between my clit and the pictures of most I see online.

There’s also no question to me that I’m loud during sex. I’ve actually screamed my throat raw during sex because my orgasms are so strong. It never fails that after our first time together, men who have met me through OkCupid bring up my answer to the question about whether or not I’m louder than others during sex which I have answered in the affirmative. They always say, “Um, yeah. You are definitely louder than most women.” I’m often labeled as the loudest woman they’ve ever been with. For most of them, that’s a huge turn on.

Finally, I’ve received a compliment several times about how comfortable I am with myself and my body. Most of the men I’ve had sex with in my forties realize that the more comfortable a woman is with her body, the better the sex will be for her and thus for him. They all really appreciate that I’m not afraid to have sex with the lights on or to wear skimpy lingerie for them. They love my ability and desire to explore. They all agree that the men who have turned me down just because I’m not a size 2 are losing out in a big way. It’s not the shape of a woman’s body that matters. It’s how she feels about using it for sexual pleasure.

©2018 WoodLeatherLace.com

My Other Famous Last Words

“I just want to cuddle tonight.”

Four hours later, there are sex toys strewn from one end of the room to the other. There’s a pile of dirty sheets and pillows needing to be washed. We are sticky messes from lube and bodily fluids. Our bodies are actually cuddled up next to each, both of us blissfully happy. But yeah, we did a little more than just cuddle.

Definitely my other famous last words.

©2018 WoodLeatherLace.com

Being Claimed

I recently attended the wonderful Bedpost Confessions in Austin which I highly recommend to anyone who lives in one of the cities where they have them including Boulder, CO, and Ashland, TN. The show is a storytelling event where people present pre-rehearsed “confessions” about some part of their sexual history. The stories range from hysterical to poignant to terrifying to powerful.

In this most recent event, one of the women talked about her own insecurity around dating women now that she was no longer “chasing dick.” She was in a committed lesbian relationship where her partner had claimed her, and for her, it was scary and unbelievable that she had been “claimed.”

I, too, struggle with the concept of men claiming me. Most of the men I have dated in recent years are in it for the fucks. They’re not interested in being pinned down to one woman. They don’t want commitment. They are always looking for the next best thing. They fuck me until they get bored, and then they move on, often to someone skinnier and younger.

The men who have claimed me as their girlfriend? They terrify me. Not because there is anything wrong with them. They scare me because they treat me well. They want commitment. They want to do nice things for me. They want to be there for me when things are going wrong as well as when there’s great sex available. They see me as more than a passing diversion. They want the whole package.

I hate that I’ve become so jaded that I’m suspicious when men treat me well. I despise that I fear their love and commitment. I wish that it was easy to respond in kind when they claim me as theirs. I know my scars, physical and emotional, are part of what make me who I am, but at the same time, I wish the scars didn’t interfere with new relationships that shouldn’t be difficult.

I hope in time that when a man calls me his and claims me, my response won’t be one of fear. I hope that my reaction will be one of devotion and love. I hope being claimed will make me feel secure rather than scaring me. I want to be able to be loved as much as these good guys want to love me.

©2018 WoodLeatherLace.com

Amazing

My new lover is amazing. He gave me my first orgasm before my clothes were off. Our original plans actually did not include having sex that night; we had another night set aside for our first time together. Instead, we were kissing goodbye rather passionately after a pleasant dinner date. Then he began gently caressing me over my clothes while we were kissing, nowhere near my breasts or genitals, and suddenly I was orgasming in public. No one has ever done that for me before. I’m still amazed that he did. After that orgasm, there was very little that could stop me from dragging him back to my bedroom, ripping off his pants and sucking on his cock.

Of course, he seems to think I’m an amazing lover, too. There’s nothing quite like hearing your lover tell you it’s the best sex he’s ever had, and from the blissed-out grin on his face, you’re pretty sure he’s telling the truth. He says I’m the most uninhibited woman he’s ever been with. I am positive that’s the truth. Once I’m in the bedroom with someone I’m attracted to, my inhibitions disappear rapidly, and it’s game on for me. Generally speaking, the game becomes how many orgasms he can make me have before I surrender to exhaustion, and I like those kinds of games especially when there is lots of spanking, oral sex, anal play and anal sex thrown in, too.

©2018 WoodLeatherLace.com