Dating

One Year

Yesterday was one year since we met in person for the first time. Tomorrow is one year since we first had sex. I am certain you don’t remember the dates; you’re not that kind of guy.

Ours was meant to be a casual relationship. It was supposed to be about sex and not much else. That quickly changed. By the third sex date, I had told you that I really liked you, and you nodded back yes, holding back tears, so choked up you couldn’t speak. By the fourth date, you accidentally called me by the nickname you used for your ex-wife.

You weren’t what I expected. You were physically beautiful. Your face was so sexy, and your body was well-sculpted. Your strong hands on my supple body felt so amazing. I couldn’t figure out why a man who looked like you would be willing to have sex with me, though it quickly became clear that you had mental health challenges, ones that impacted your life severely.

Yet underneath those mental health issues was one of the most sensitive, loving men I’ve ever met. You are tender and caring. You feel so deeply but you don’t want to, so you repress it all. You run from your feelings if they aren’t what your logic tells you that you “should” be feeling.

Even though the sex we had was amazing, you couldn’t look past your fantasies to see me for the dynamic woman that I am. You had a picture in your mind of what your future wife looks like, and that description didn’t line up with me. Hence, you couldn’t let yourself enjoy our relationship for what it was, and you couldn’t appreciate me for whom I am. Instead, you kept insisting on searching frantically for this unicorn you think exists, this perfect woman in mind and body who is going to accept you as you are, flaws and all.

Since I wasn’t perfect and I wasn’t your fantasy, you decided I was good for sex and nothing else. Despite that, you kept trying to change me. Even though I was ok with your issues, you weren’t ok with mine. You created an impossible situation in your mind, one that isn’t even scientifically realistic, and you wanted me to enact it so that I could change to become the woman of your dreams. You couldn’t let it go. You obsessed over this idea of what I should do with my body and my life. I know part of that was your mental illness; your obsession with that idea was rooted in your inability to focus on a broader picture. Still, part of it was you, too, judging me for not doing what you wanted me to do and for not being whom you wanted me to be.

When I couldn’t live with the judgment anymore, I ended it. I cried a lot of tears over you. I had fallen in love with you in the short time we were together. You got mad at me when I told you that I loved you. I told you that you didn’t have to feel it, but you couldn’t stop me from feeling it. That’s not how it works. I loved you. I still do. It wasn’t just the sex. It was the amazing man who lives trapped under a terrible mental illness that he can’t control.

And the sex…. No man before or since has made me cum the way you did. Our sex was beyond amazing. You are going to be the lover whom I compare all others to. You are the one who taught me what my body can do when it’s treated properly. You taught me that sex is the most amazing experience in the world when the right two people are partnered.

I gave you this blog link after we broke up, though I’m not sure if you got the message or if you read it. Even if you did, I’m not sure if you read this blog. But if you read this post, know that I still love you deeply and I always will. You will always hold the place in my heart as the lover who taught me what sex should be like if the chemistry is there. You are the man who showed me what tenderness, respect, and love can combine to be in a D/s relationship. I miss you touching me, kissing me, making me cum over and over again. The memories of what we shared will never leave, and I’m grateful for that because they are some of the most treasured ones I will ever have. While we would never be able to sustain a long-term relationship together and I know that, I will still love you.

Please take care of yourself. I hope you are happy. I hope you are in love. I hope that your world has improved. I often look for you in places where I think I might see you even though I know that I will probably never run into you again. Still, my heart still longs for you.

©2017 WoodLeatherLace.com

Online Dating Bloopers 11

Another week, another set of inane messages from clueless men in the dating world.  My patience levels have been lower than usual lately. I will sometimes ignore the men, and sometimes they get a snarky reply.

For those who are not familiar, I only have pictures of my feet and legs on dating sites, not my face. I’m also located in Texas.

Just in case anyone wonders or worries, I change names of men who don’t have common names like Joe or John. If someone named Voltron messaged me, I would alter his name to Victor.

**

“How are you” He is 13 years under my age range and is also a submissive. I don’t understand why guys like this message me. I just hit the block button.

“Hi….are both your legs tattooed?” Once again, no, my legs are not tattooed. They’re called pantyhose, guys! This guy is a smoker, so there’s not a chance in hell anyway.

“I’m 39 yrs old im6’5 with a big heart. i am the type of guy who doesnt judge anyone or treat anyone with disrespcet. It doesnt matter what on the outside it the inside that matter to me. I would love to talk to you some more here my number if you like to call me XXX-XXX-XXXX..” This is generic, and it’s from a guy I have little in common with. I also wonder what kind of woman is going to respond to a message like this with a phone number in the first message.

“Hey there sexy girl. How are you?” I often only send the link to this post in response. 

“Do you expect people to ask for your picture?” This guy pushed my buttons, so I responded, “Only the ones who are seriously interested. It filters out a lot of assholes.” And then I hit the block button.

“I like your picture. It definitely captures the moonlight in your eyes.” This guy was local and my age, and this was clearly a sarcastic comment. I just had no interest in him or replying.

“Hello Am ROY Hope am not invaliding your privacy, i Saw your profile on ok cupid, i thought i should contact you I’d like to meet someone looking for the eventual intimacy of a long-term relationship that wants to explore new activities and share some common interests with. You also share yourself easily with the right person and will surprise me with your own unique characteristics and interests. Hope that’s you .I am a well educated , intelligent , passionate man , with a very good sense of humor. I work very hard , but also enjoy times of relaxation, travel , fun ,and activity.” This wasn’t someone local. And there are just so many problems with this. He was clearly spamming women because his account has been deleted.

“Hi look, you owe me 99 cents because your profile melted my heart like a snickers bar in a pocket on a hot summer’s day. Anyway I hope to hear back from you because you look really interesting. Have a nice evening” This was someone not local who was also clearly spamming women. His account has been deleted. As far as corny pickup lines go, this one is a winner.

“Hello how are you doing today ,my name is Ben..” Again, another deleted account.

“Hey there! I’m ken. How are you?” This is someone local and my age, but he hadn’t filled out his profile. A week later, his profile is still mostly empty. He’s counting on his good looks carrying him. No thanks.

“Nice tattoos” He’s from New Jersey, and for the umpteenth time, those are stockings, not tattoos!

“Hi, how are you doing today, you look beautiful and awesome,.” Yet another guy sending a generic spam message because this doesn’t work for my photo of myself. His account has been deleted.

“Well say hi” This is someone who is 1.5 hours away, my age, and in no way a match. I hadn’t checked out his profile, so the comment is weird at best.

“hello how are u” This guy is from Arkansas and is not a good match at all.

“wanna chat sometime my name is randy XXX.XXX.XXXX” He’s three hours away, and no, I’m not going to call a man who sends me his number in the first message. Plus, his profile picture is him holding a fish.

“Tell me secret of you Sal” This man lives in Israel, and his profile is written in Hebrew. Clearly this is a bad translation. Pass.

“Incredible profile, I see you have written erotica, have you ever published any online? You seem pretty open minded so I have a question I have always wanted to ask someone, if 2 people of the same sex exchange oral sex, does that count as a sexual encounter do you think?” He’s from Oklahoma, and I didn’t even bother looking at his profile. I’m never sure if this kind of message is a man trying to jerk my chain, to find someone to have cybersex with, or is someone who is genuinely trying to get info. I send factual information and then hit the block button in response: “Yes, I have an erotic fiction blog. Any two (or more) people of any gender or any sex having oral-genital contact are having sex. The same is true of manual-genital contact, anal-oral contact, anal-genital contact, or manual-anal contact. All have a risk of sharing STIs. For informational reading, I suggest Good Vibrations’ sex ed pages, Good Vibrations’ book, or The Guide to Getting It On (any edition, available on Amazon or elsewhere).”

“Would love to chat sometime young lady. Frank” This was someone local, and he’s in my age range. However, he hasn’t filled out his profile at all. Then there’s the way he messaged me. I sent back the message, “I, like all women, deserve to be approached with respect. You have failed at that. Please read this blog post I have written. You have failed at many of its aspects.” And then I hit the block button.

©2017 WoodLeatherLace.com

Online Dating Bloopers 10

Another set of inane messages from clueless men in the dating world. This is from across several weeks as I turned off my dating apps for a while. I also deleted two of my dating accounts because I was tired of receiving messages from men who were nothing like what I was looking for on those particular sites. Thus, the number of messages has dropped significantly.

For those who are not familiar, I only have pictures of my feet and legs on dating sites, not my face. I’m also located in Texas.

Just in case anyone wonders or worries, I change names of men who don’t have common names like Joe or John. If someone named Voltron messaged me, I would alter his name to Victor.

**

“You must get a lot of attention, don’t you?” He’s from NYC. This feels like a creative but generic phrase to get women’s attention!

“Hi I’m Alex, how are you doing today? you look good and i’d love to know you. xo” He’s from Louisiana. I’m not sure what looks so good about my legs. I’m also not into hugs and kisses from a man whom I’m “meeting” online. We’re not a match, either.

“Hi, how are you? If you are willing to trust in a person when all others tell you to go against it, if you are willing to risk getting your heart broken because you believe in that other person, Then that is true love..How I wish to get close to you and know you better.. I will like to hear from you as soon as possible” He’s from New York, and this is really utter nonsense as far as an introductory message goes.

“I would like to ask you a question it might sound stupid but I would love to hear your answer, if you get to choose between love and money what you would you choose?” He’s a bit under my target age range, and he’s in New York. This is also an intelligent generic spam message. He does get credit for being more creative than most men, though!

“Why don’t you have a face pic?” This guy was local but not a match, so I sent him my goblin kingdom response and hit the block button.

“Hello
How are you doing today?
I like your profile,
You are very attractive !
Sam”  This same guy has spammed me from another account. He claims to both be a doctor for Doctors without Borders and a caregiver for someone with a disability. I’m guessing only one of those is true, if that.

“Hey there. Saw ur profile.
I’m in town on business all of next week.
Would love to chat. Maybe grab a drink if we click.
Let me know if your interested
Hope to hear from you
Cheers!” Clearly he didn’t read my profile. I’m not looking for hookups with out of town guys (in this case, Chicago). I also have a thing about being attracted to men who know how to use your and you’re properly. “Ur” is not a word!

“Hi. Did you flag my pic? Lol” First of all, lol is not a punctuation mark or the way to end any sentence. Second, yes, I did flag your picture. You are not the San Antonio Spurs. I’m certain of it.

©2017 WoodLeatherLace.com

Disappeared Stories

Yesterday I removed five ageplay stories from my archives. It was a decision that I took several months to make, but ultimately I felt I couldn’t leave them up even though I loved them and had put a lot of work into them.

The man I wrote those stories for is someone I only dated for a short period of time. Since our breakup, I’ve become more aware of his predilections, things I didn’t want to see while we were dating. I’m someone who is very open-minded about accepting everyone’s kinks and fetishes as long as all involved can give consent. Some of this man’s desires violate consent of others.

Because of that, I’ve removed the stories I wrote for him. I don’t in any way want to contribute to his or others’ similar fetishes and desires which involve non-consent.

©2017 WoodLeatherLace.com

On Bisexuality

Our experiences in life often seem to come in waves with similar themes. For me, the most recent theme in my online dating experiences have revolved around men who are bisexual but unable to admit it.

I’m heterosexual. I am still looking for a gay bone in my body. I would love to be bisexual or pansexual so that I could widen my dating pool, but I’ve never felt a sexual attraction to someone who isn’t a heterosexual masculine cisman. However, I’d bet that 75+% of my female friends are bisexual. Most are not afraid to admit it. They range in how bisexual they are from being attracted to other women but never having acted on it to actually having had sexual relationships with other women. In the liberal parts of our society, female bisexuality is seen as an acceptable thing; however, I also recognize that bisexual women are often seen as “confused” by parts of our society and are left out of the queer community in other parts. I think the common male fantasy of having a threesome with two women helps fuels this acceptance of bisexuality among women.

Male bisexuality doesn’t receive that same acceptance in our greatly confused culture. Men are supposed to be manly men who desire women. Women are supposed to have low sex drives, and they aren’t supposed to have threesome fantasies involving two men. Threesome fantasies are reserved for horny men, and they are supposed to be made up of two women and a man. Despite these incorrect ideas, male bisexuality is a reality. I have no idea how common it is, though I suspect far more men are bisexual than will admit.

In my first encounter online recently, I was approached by a man who considers himself to be straight and in terms of kink identifies as a switch. We began talking about common fetishes, and eventually he started sharing one of his recent sexual experiences with me in which he was the submissive. The experience was one that involved two major fetishes of his that are actually turn-offs for me, but that didn’t stop him from sharing the experience with me. He really wasn’t interested in turning me on; he just wanted to get himself off by telling me about what turns him on. It’s the kind of thing that is a red flag that he would probably not be a great lover.

The more this guy talked about his recent experience, I was able to discern that it was a man he had been with, not a woman. I began probing for more information, and it turned out that 25% of his sexual experiences had been with men! At that point, I don’t think one can truly identify as straight. However, since the sexual experiences “only” involved hand jobs and blowjobs with no anal penetration, the man I was messaging didn’t consider them to be “real” sexual experiences with men. By lying to himself in this way, he could continue his delusion that he was straight rather than facing up to his own sexual desires.

This wasn’t the first guy I’d encountered who was lying to himself about being straight. A few years ago, I messaged with a man who wanted to talk with me about a sexual experience he’d had. The threesome consisted of his ex-girlfriend, her current boyfriend, and him. This guy was particularly turned on by the fact that the other man was of a different race than he was. As he told me the story, he insisted he was straight, but given that this was the sexual experience of his that he chose to relate in great detail while messaging with me, I wasn’t necessarily convinced.

Another guy I ran into recently on the internet was at least able to label himself bi-curious. However, I think he had long since passed the bi-curious phase. He’d had many casual sex experiences with men. Like the other men I’d messaged with previously, he just wanted to tell me about his last sexual experience with another man in which he served as the bottom. Given that I’m a sub looking for a Dom, it wasn’t a story that would really turn me on so this man wasn’t thinking about his audience. Again, this was a red flag for me that this wasn’t really a guy I would be interested in having a relationship with.

Eventually this man opened up and said that he was looking for a long term relationship with a woman but he also wanted to have a friends with benefits relationship with a man who “really got him.” To me, that very clearly said that this man was preferring homosexual encounters but was too afraid to admit that to the rest of the world. He wanted to have a woman on his arm to “prove” that he was straight while having a male lover in secret. Furthermore, he wasn’t clear on the fact that I’m monogamous seeking a long term relationship that might lead to marriage, and I didn’t want to be his beard.

I don’t have a problem with bisexuality. I’d happily date a bisexual man who was willing to be monogamous with a woman. I wouldn’t mind watching gay porn with him. However, I don’t want to be with a man who can’t admit his own sexuality to himself nonetheless to me. It’s important to me that my partner know whom he is or be actively working on discovering his sexual identity. Denial is not part of that equation.

©2017 WoodLeatherLace.com

Online Dating Bloopers 9

Another week, another set of inane messages from clueless men in the dating world. This week was rather quiet compared to usual, but the messages were fairly creative.

For those who are not familiar, I only have pictures of my feet and legs on dating sites, not my face. I’m also located in Texas.

Just in case anyone wonders or worries, I change names of men who don’t have common names like Joe or John. If someone named Voltron messaged me, I would alter his name to Victor.

**

First, some of the generic boring messages:

“Good Morning, How are you? I’m William and you are ?” In the hour between my last logon and him sending this message, this guy’s account was deleted, probably for sending spam. So I know nothing about him.

“Hi how are you doing today
My name is Greg” He lives three hours away, and he’s a terrible match.

“hello there how are u doing”  He lives an hour away, but he’s not at all a match.

 “Good afternoon how are you doing today” He lives three hours away. His username included the phrase “lovepotion.”

Then there are the guys whose English is rather unique:

“Hello, what do you seek on the website ?” He lives four hours away, and that’s spammer grammar.

“So happy together a response your story is so open and honest I know I’m kinda wonder why the older I get know it’s will work long as we don’t worries but still think when will I get oral 69 help her toys tongues kissing swapping our wonderfully necktor yes I am oversexed on a good day I will cum 5 times. Read yours almost alike a guess i need get pics of my self . Can show butt and cock yes love to see pics of you I know we all want sex .Tell me what turns you on Stephen.” He’s local and in my age range, but his profile was as nonsensical as this message. No.

“hello beautiful!!! you shot the sky!!!! my apologies.. my name is Ryan… goodevening” He’s a native of the UK living in Germany. I still don’t know what he meant, though!

“Hello Beautiful I like your smile , How are you doing and how was your day ?Am Lawrence and how about you ? Am new on this dating site thing I found your profile very interesting and I like what I have read and decided to send you a note, hope you don’t mind. I would love to talk to you and learn more about you if that’s fine with you. I was wondering if you could read my profile and hit me back if you are interested..All good relationship start with friendship” He’s four hours away, and this is generic spam.

And then we have the guys who are clearly only interested in sex:

“Hello Nice legs…” He’s from France.

“Hi there I’m Mark. I’m wondering if we can chat about any shared interests in common from the sex questions category lol.I just like someone to talk with. I love sending pics too.would you mind?” He’s not local, and even if he was, the answer would still be no. I don’t exist to serve men’s sexting needs. Seriously, talk to me about something else first!

“Hello from Master John I like to know you better Submissive” Nothing like being objectified into a category to make me want to message with a guy. From his profile, it’s clear that English is not his first language. He also had no location listed, so he may have been messaging me from the other side of the planet.

“i m looking for a Friend and sex Partner.
A women whom hv high emotions and sexual desires and fantasies …
are u open to chat ?” He lives in Arkansas. The number of men looking for cybersex lately has been ridiculous!

And my favorite of the week:

“Would you like a cuckold boyfriend” He’s local and a decent match with the exception of his kink. I’m just amazed at how many men are unclear on the concept of “monogamous.” (If you aren’t familiar with cuckold relationships, see here.)

©2017 WoodLeatherLace.com

Squeal Like a Dolphin

One of the popular dating sites has a series of questions that users can answer to help them determine whether or not potential dates would be good matches. One of the more amusing questions is, “While in the middle of the best lovemaking of your life, if your lover asked you to squeal like a dolphin, would you?”

While this initially seems like a completely ridiculous question, it’s actually one that is very revealing and which can tell you a lot about the person answering it. Quite a few men answer, “No way!” and then go off on a rant about how ridiculous this request is. While that seems true on one level, it also shows that the men have no sense of humor and how unlikely they are to be willing to meet their partners’ needs.

The men I prefer tend to answer the question “Absolutely!” They usually follow the multiple choice answer with a free-form response along the lines of, “I’d probably die laughing and ruin the moment, but I’d be happy to comply.” This tells me clearly that the men have a sense of humor which is something vital to survival in life and which makes relationships a lot more fun.

This also tells me that this man is going to be willing to give in a sexual relationship, not just take. He’s going to be willing to meet my needs even if I want to do something completely absurd because satisfying me sexually is something important to him. That’s really important. I’ve been in a sexual relationship where my partner was only interested in meeting my needs if they aligned with his. Anything I wanted to do that he didn’t desire was completely off-limits. That made for a horrible sexual relationship, and it’s something I never want to repeat. Give me a man who squeals like a dolphin over that any day!

©2017 WoodLeatherLace.com