Dating

Another Blast from the Past

I’m not sure what it is with guys from my past that I’m not wanting to see ever again showing up lately on dating sites, but another fun one appeared. This time it was the guy who broke up with me by sending me a text saying he was never going to have sex with anyone ever again. His new dating profile had several things on it that were lies; that or he had been lying to me directly in conversation, but I suspect it was the profile that was misleading and I got the truth. Regardless, it seems his commitment to celibacy lasted four months or so. I haven’t heard from him and don’t expect to. I hit the block button as soon as I saw his picture.

I don’t understand why all these blasts from the past are suddenly showing up to help me usher out a rather bizarre year of dating. It’s hard not to become retrospective with all of the men of my year parading by again!

Here’s to 2019 bringing much better things for all of us.

©2018 WoodLeatherLace.com

Bizarre Bookends

Remember back at the beginning of the year when I went on a date with a man who “forgot” to mention to me that he was non-monogamous? You can refresh your memory here. I’ll wait.

So anyway, I reactivated my dating profiles on a few sites recently after another round of heartbreak. When I did, I discovered that particular non-monogamous jerkwad has a new account where he actually has himself clearly marked as non-monogamous. I learned this because he had the audacity to mark he was interested in me. This leads me to two possible conclusions:

  1. He doesn’t remember our date, in which case, fuck him.
  2. He remembers we had a great date and he thinks I should give him a second chance, in which case, fuck him.

Seriously, I don’t give guys who intentionally mislead or lie to me second chances. Life is too short for that. If a guy can’t be honest with me about the basics of his life, then he is out on the first strike. If he is going to lie to me about something major on the first date, that pretty much tells me he’ll be willing to lie to me about anything for the rest of our lives, and I’m not signing up for that.

Good luck, jerkwad. The block button is my friend as always! You will not be visiting my profile through that account again.

©2018 WoodLeatherLace.com

Watersports

I’ve never really understood the appeal of watersports. The desire to pee on someone or be peed on just didn’t make much sense to me. In the case of our current President, I do understand part of his desire to have women (possibly prostitutes) pee on the bed which the previous President slept in while in Russia. The current President is a racist, and he hates everything about the previous President. In that alleged case, it’s an act of disrespect and desecration. It doesn’t seem too sexual to me, but it could have been for him.

However, I’ve always said that for the right guy under the right conditions I would try watersports. One of my past partners gave me that opportunity. He was very open from the beginning that he was very aroused by watersports. He wanted to be peed on and would have loved to pee on me while we were in the shower or tub. He was aroused by the sound of me peeing in the toilet. He loved to drink urine fresh from the source no different than some men love drinking female cum or arousal fluids.

I grilled him at first as to why these things turned him on. I truly did want to understand the “why” behind the sexual attraction. He put it in terms of boys (and some men) having peeing contests or writing in the snow with urine. I’ve never really understood the male desire to do that either, but I’m female. I managed to kind of understand the urination things if I lumped them into “it’s a guy thing” though I know some women love them, too. I’m not sure I ever completely grasped his attraction to watersports, but the bottom line for him is that it’s a very primal experience. He finds it erotic.

So I set up the conditions under which I was willing to try: I was only willing to do it in the bathtub. I was only willing to pee on him; there was to be no peeing on me. He let me know that he would love to masturbate with my urine, and I was willing to accommodate that. He indicated that he would love for me to pee in his mouth, but I told him I couldn’t do that. It just was too much for me.

Life being what it is, I got stage fright the first time we tried. I just could not pee on him. Eventually during another session I managed to pee on him, and the look of pleasure on his face was truly amazing. I will never forget that expression on his face. He wasn’t lying about how much he enjoys watersports.

However, another time when I was peeing on him, he managed to gather some of my urine in his hands and then drink it. That freaked me out and turned me off completely. It was the end of that sexual session between us. I couldn’t go on, even after he had rinsed his mouth. I was totally grossed out. This same guy had stuck his tongue in my ass and kissed me afterward, and I’d rimmed him, too. We’d both gone down each other for fellatio and cunnilingus, and there was plenty of kissing after that. I was ok with any of that. Yet for some reason, urine in his mouth just repulsed me. I still don’t know why. Urine is theoretically sterile. There are some weird alternative health treatments out there that involve drinking urine. But someone drinking my urine during sex? I just can’t do it.

I’m wondering if maybe the smell has something to do with it. I can’t stand the smell of urine. I don’t like the smell of most bodily fluids to be honest. I hate semen and am grateful for condoms. I tolerate precum only because I have to. When this guy peed in my shower with me watching because that was sexually arousing for him, it totally turned me off. I really think it was the smell that did it.

Through all of this, my partner was a perfect gentleman. He never pushed me to do watersports. It was completely voluntary on my part. He respected when I hit a limit and freaked out. He knew that I was pushing my own boundaries trying this new thing. Ultimately, though, watersports turned out to be something that is a hard limit for me. He was willing to continue our relationship without watersports, but I know for him, it’s something that brings him intense pleasure. I want him to be able to have it as part of his sexual play. This is one of those cases where polyamory could be a wonderful thing… except we’re both monogamous.

I’m glad I tried so that I know that it’s a hard limit for me. I wish I could have been able to tolerate watersports enough for it to be part of our relationship for his pleasure. However, it’s something that I just can not ever force myself to do again.

©2018 WoodLeatherLace.com

Offensive

After having recently said I don’t get as many awful messages from men on dating sites as I used to, the men in my dating market decided to prove me wrong. Somehow this one made it through the filters I have set up. The entire message was a long paragraph, and because several other things he said could reveal my identity, I’ve edited it down. However, everything he said was just as appalling as this snippet:

I’m at this time more attracted to your mind than you appearance. With that being said, I know you are intelligent enough to doll it up when you desire too soon I hope than was not offensive.

Um, yes, asshole, that was completely offensive. You just called me ugly. How do you suggest I “doll it up”? Does that involve getting a new face with plastic surgery? Because this is whom I am. If you don’t like it, that’s your problem, not mine. Being intelligent actually has taught me that I don’t need to change myself for men like you because you are just a low-life jerk concerned about his own preferences and needs being met without any concern for mine.

In case you are wondering, this guy was 18 years older than me, and he looked like he couldn’t be bothered to trim his facial hair or deal with his own personal hygiene very often. He was by no means a hot catch. He wasn’t incredibly ugly, but he wasn’t going to be on a “hottest men” list any time in the near future. He wasn’t someone who should be making judgments on women’s beauty (not that any man should be doing that directly to a woman on a dating site).

And yes, the rest of his message was as loaded with grammatical errors, comma splices, run-on sentences, and punctuation errors as these sentences. If he’s attracted to my mind, then he should know that I’m definitely not attracted to his.

©2018 WoodLeatherLace.com

Sleeping Together

By sleeping together, I literally mean sleeping together. I don’t mean the euphemism for having sex. Heaven knows I have no problem saying that I’m having sex with a man. I don’t need to couch it in the more delicate socially approved phrase of “sleeping together.”

When I was young and romantic and unburdened by the cynicism of life experience, I thought sleeping together with my partner was incredibly romantic. Who cared if we were trying to cram two adult bodies onto a twin mattress in a dorm room that may or may not have had a roommate in the same room. It was romantic. So we didn’t sleep that well that night. We’d make up for it on the nights when we weren’t together.

Then I got old and crabby and my perspective changed a lot.

When I was married, my ex was a terrible snorer. Coupled with the fact that I was a light sleeper, we quickly figured out that long-term the only way we were going to survive without me killing him was for us to sleep in separate rooms. It’s a common solution among couples who include a snorer. The few nights we did sleep together when we had company who would stay in the guest room/his room, I didn’t often sleep well.

Fast-forward to after my divorce, and I’ve discovered that sleeping together still isn’t romantic for me even if my partner doesn’t snore. I’ve done it with some of my partners but not all of them. While I’ve enjoyed it at times, there have been many occasions where I just want my bed to myself and a good night’s sleep. I get resentful about having to share my space with another person.

I worry about how this will play out in the long run. I wonder if I will ever find a man whom I will want to have in my bed all the time or even more than just occasionally. I wonder if I will ever not feel resentful about wanting to sleep alone. Then again, maybe I’ll meet a man who prefers to sleep alone, too.

However, that thought is when what is left of the romantic in me kicks in, and I can’t imagine spending the rest of my life sleeping in a separate bed from my partner. I would love to find someone who makes me sleep better with him than apart. I think it’s probably a fantasy up there with meeting Prince Charming, but still, part of me clings to it.

These are the little things I drive myself crazy worrying about. Maybe I should just focus on getting a date for New Year’s Eve instead.

©2018 WoodLeatherLace.com

Update: He Used Me

God has a funny sense of humor. That or God is the ultimate sadist. I’m not sure which.

The same day I published that last post questioning whether I had been used in my one night fling, the guy in question showed up on a dating site I’m on. He and I hadn’t met through a dating site though he’d been on some of the same ones as me before, just not at the same time as me.

Seeing him on the dating site was a blow to my heart. I hadn’t expected it to be so hard to see his profile show up. I was shocked to see him.

What really bothered me, though, was seeing some of what he wrote on his profile. He wrote things that were not what he had told me over the year we had been friends. I don’t know if what he wrote was outright lies or just another version of the truth. However, they were things he hadn’t told me. I suspect he told me the bigger truth and that what he wrote on his profile was a shallow way of avoiding the reality of his life. Still, it bothered me to see this different version of him.

The problem when you discover someone hasn’t told you the entire truth is that you question everything else they’ve ever told you. It makes you wonder if everything was a lie. You wonder how you could have been so gullible as to believe the things they told you.

Given what I read on his profile, now I really feel used. He certainly took the long and difficult way to use me, but his profile makes me feel like he wouldn’t be above it.

And people wonder why I have trust issues around men…

©2018 WoodLeatherLace.com

Did He Use Me?

I have only had one partner whom I only had sex with once. It’s just not my style to have a one night stand, and technically by Urban Dictionary standards, it wasn’t even a one night stand. I’m a relationship kind of gal, even if they are sometimes short-lived relationships. I still wonder about that one night fling, though.

We were friends. We had been attracted to each other for quite a while, but things never really lined up. We flirted a bit, but he was always with someone else or I was with someone else or one of us was taking a break from dating.

Then the stars aligned, and we were both single. He was bemoaning how he couldn’t get laid, and I told him I was more than willing to do the honors. After a couple of hours of talking about it, we decided, “Why not? We’re consenting adults.” And then we had a great evening of sex together. It was one of the more intimate nights I’ve ever shared with someone.

After that, he was gone. No explanation. No reasons. He just ghosted me. I sent texts and emails saying that I was ok with just being friends again (though really, I would have preferred to have been his girlfriend if that had been on the table), but there was no reply.

To me, all the circumstances say that he wasn’t using me. Would a guy who wanted to use me have a deep intimate conversation with a woman for several hours about whether or not we should have sex and how it would affect our relationship? I don’t think he would have. It wasn’t like he had to convince me. I had already offered to spread my legs for him and was desperately wanting him.

I don’t regret having sex with him because it was a great experience. I wish he was still my friend, though. I hate that he ghosted me. I hate that what was a beautiful night for me was a one time thing, never to happen again. I hate that I don’t have answers. It’s easy to write someone off by saying, “He was just an asshole,” but that’s not true. He is a kind man. I just wish he could have been open and honest with me so I didn’t end up feeling used in the end.

(Follow up post here.)

©2018 WoodLeatherLace.com