Childhood spanking memories

Spanking Survey, Part 10

This post is a continuing series of spanking survey questions, now moving to questions about spankings as an adult. Previous parts are here: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine.

Do you find the thought of getting spanked by your partner sexually exciting? Um, hell yeah!

Do you find the thought of spanking your partner sexually exciting? Not really, but I’ve never experienced it. I’d be open to spanking a partner once or twice if he wanted to see whether it works for me. I think this is one of those things that there’s a possibility I will like more once I try it, but until I have that experience, I can’t be certain.

What is your favorite thing about spanking? Do I have to pick one thing? I love the threats of being put over his knee. I love the anticipation. I love the lecture before it starts. I love being ordered to pull down my panties or I love being told I don’t deserve to pull down my panties because I’ve been a naughty girl so my spanker has to do it for me. I love the feeling of being put over his lap. I love the feel of his hand on my bottom as he continues lecturing me. I love the nervous waiting for that first strike to happen. I love when he makes the first spank unexpectedly. I love the heat and pain building in my bottom. I love never knowing where the next spank will land. I love not knowing how he’s going to spank me or where he’s going to spank me or what he is going to spank me with. I love being lectured throughout the spanking. I love him deciding whether or not I’m repentant enough or not to stop. And most importantly, I love him telling me that I’ve been a good girl in taking my spanking so well and giving me the aftercare I need to know that the spanking has cleansed my guilt and made me a good girl again.

Do your friends know you are a spanko? Only men I have dated or had sex with. Even therapists have only known that I am kinky but not exactly what that kink involves. A few close friends know I met some of the men I dated on Fetlife, but they don’t know the details of what we did in the bedroom.

Do you self spank? No. I want someone else to do it. I have tried on occasions in the past, and my self-preservation instinct is too high. I’ll give myself one good swat and then my brain says, “Nope. No more.” The kinky side of my brain that wants it can’t override the self-preservation side.

What is your least favorite spanking implement? Of the implements that I have experienced, rope. A top used hemp rope on me without my consent, and he also struck on my lower back in the “no strike zone.” Even if you take those factors away, holy cow. It was very stingy and very whippy. I would only accept a few strokes of it for a serious punishment and only on my bottom. This is followed by the crop being used like a cane. I’m not a fan of whippy instruments.

Would you describe yourself as a rule follower or a rule breaker? I generally am a rule follower. I don’t speed, I don’t do drugs, I have never been to jail, I’ve never shoplifted, I don’t lie… keeps me out of trouble.

Have you ever spanked a partner? No, but I am open to doing so in the future.

Do you want to be threatened with spankings? Definitely! I’d love to have a partner whisper in my ear when we were out in public that he plans to roast my bottom that evening. Or I would love to have him send me texts throughout the day reminding me of what is going to happen to my bottom in another 5 hours.

Do you like being lectured? Yes, very much so. I’m very verbally oriented, so I like hearing my partner telling me what I’ve “done wrong” and how he’s going to punish me for it. The words are as important as the actions.

Would you like an all day spanking day? Yes, I’d love to do this sometime, especially at an isolated cabin in a rural area where the spankings could be interspersed with walks in the woods (for spankings in the outdoors) and trips to swim nude in a creek or lake followed by wet-bottom outdoor spankings.

What sex do you prefer to be spanked by? Men. I’m heterosexual, and since spanking is sexual for me, it’s my partners I want to be spanked by.

Would you ever see a dominatrix? Yes, despite the previous answer. I have a fantasy that involves doing this. I’d love my partner to take me to a dominatrix to punish me while he watched and then to have him comfort me when she was done. I think it would be a really fun birthday or anniversary present to us.

Where do you like being spanked besides your butt? My breasts, my pussy, the backs of my thighs, my inner thighs, and my feet. I’ve been flogged on my upper shoulders and while it’s an interesting sensation and experience, it wasn’t really erotic for me the way other areas of my body are. I consider a spanking incomplete if the back of my thighs haven’t been spanked.

Who do you like to pull down your pants and underwear? Generally speaking, I like my partner to do it as part of my submission to him. As a naughty little girl, I don’t get the privilege of doing it myself. I like being ordered to take them down but resisting until he is forced to do it for me (and punish me for not complying).

When you get spanked as an adult, do you cry? Have you ever been spanked to tears? I have not cried during a spanking as an adult, but I also have not experienced an incredibly intense spanking either. I would very much like my next serious partner to be able to develop enough trust with me so we can take spankings to this level of intensity.

Have you had a birthday spanking as an adult? Yes, more than one. I’ve also willingly taken my Doms’ birthday spankings for them.

Have you ever been spanked in the workplace? No.

Would you ever want to be spanked in the workplace? Maybe? Under the right circumstances when no one else is in the building and there’s next to no chance of getting caught. Public sex/spanking really isn’t my thing. I don’t really see this ever being something that happens for me.

Have you ever been spanked in a cemetery? No. I’d consider it in a rural area.

Have you ever been spanked in a church? No, not as a child or an adult. I’d love to be spanked in some old church ruins in a rural British area. That seems totally appropriate.

Have you been spanked on a wet bottom? Not as an adult. It’s on my list of things to do.

My mother gave me one wet bottom spanking that I remember as a child, but I was so shocked and traumatized that I was even getting spanked that I don’t think I noticed a difference as to if it was more painful or not.

Have you ever asked anyone but a partner for a spanking? Not yet.

How old were you when you got your first spanking as an adult? In my thirties. I don’t know exactly how old I was.

How long has it been since you got spanked as an adult? Way too fucking long.

Do you ever try to get a spanking? Yes, I am a total brat to urge my Doms to spank me. They know when I’m asking for a funishment.

Do you find spankings embarrassing as an adult? Talking about my childhood spankings, yes. That’s part of why I have been blogging about them to try to break down some of the pain and shame associated with them

Getting a spanking from my partner as an adult in private? Definitely not. I enjoy them and need them. 

Did you get spanked on your wedding day/night? No, not from family nor from husband. I suspect my dad wanted to give me a disciplinary spanking a few days before the wedding because he was frustrated that I wasn’t doing what he wanted related to the wedding. He didn’t, and things would not have been good if he had tried as I was a legal adult at that point. It would have ended our strained relationship permanently.

Unfortunately, I didn’t get a romantic one from my husband either. If/when I remarry, I am going to make sure my new husband knows that being spanked on my wedding day is a priority. I wouldn’t mind walking down the aisle with a red bottom, and I wouldn’t mind a reprise in the honeymoon suite!


Spanking Survey, Part 7

This post is a continuing series of spanking survey questions about my childhood. Previous parts are here: one, two, three, four, five, six.

Did you ever volunteer for a spanking when you were a child by confessing something naughty you had done but your parents didn’t know about? No, I never volunteered for a spanking even when I knew I was guilty because my parents’ spankings were so horrible.

Did your parents ever let you choose a spanking versus another punishment option? Did you ever request a spanking over a grounding or other punishment? My parents never let me choose a punishment, and I never would have asked for a spanking over grounding. I wasn’t grounded often because after my parents stopped spanking me, I generally just stayed out of trouble. I can only remember being grounded once for something that no child should be grounded for, and my mother did that in a very sick, very twisted way that defies description. She was a very emotionally abusive woman.

Were you ever involved in a group spanking where many kids were spanked at once for the same “crime”? No, nor did I ever witness one.

Did your parents ever give you the warning of “If you don’t do X by the count of three, you’re getting a spanking. 1…”? How high did your parents count before giving you a spanking?  My parents counted to 3, and then they spanked on the spot. Often there was no warning before the spanking. Some friends’ parents counted to 5. I remember being at one friend’s house and having a parent of theirs threaten to count to 10. I remember thinking, “They get until 10? Wow. That’s a lot of time to comply.”

Did you ever volunteer to take the blame and the spanking for a sibling or a friend? I never did and never would have because my parents were so violent. It never came up as an option either. As an adult, though, I willingly take my Doms’ birthday spankings for them. 🙂

Did you ever do something stupid as a result of a bet with someone when you were young and then got spanked for it? No. I was a sensible kid who was more likely the one to tell others not to do something stupid.

Did you ever tell your parents that the spanking didn’t hurt?  I’d bet almost all kids make this mistake once and only once because then the parent follows up with a spanking that they make sure really does hurt. I did this, I’m sure. I just don’t remember the exact details around it. I am sure it was after getting a warning spank that ended up in a “real” spanking, though.

When you were a child, were you ever sentenced to several spankings on consecutive days for the same event (such as a spanking every night for a week for unruly behavior)?  Mercifully, no, I never received anything like this as a child.

Would you ever want to be spanked again by one of your parents as an adult? Hell no!

As an adult, have you talked to your parents or your siblings about your childhood spankings? No. We don’t have that kind of relationship.

Did you ever wish for another adult to spank you as a child than the ones that already did? The thought never crossed my mind. I assumed all spankings were horrible and violent and I wouldn’t have wanted one of those from someone I loved or I wanted to love me.

Did you masturbate after your spankings as a child? No. I grew up in a Catholic home where I was taught masturbation was a sin. I also was not aroused after my childhood spankings at all. I was traumatized.

Do you find you have an attraction to spanking porn/art/erotica/photos from the era when you were a child? I do. I like 1970s and 1980s spanking erotica, probably because I was spanked in those eras as a child.

Have you recreated any of your childhood spankings as an adult during roleplay? No, not yet. I would possibly consider doing some reparenting therapy/roleplay once I have a trusted partner. It’s going to take a lot of trust for this to ever happen, though.

Did you ever make a New Year’s resolution to get less spankings the next year? It wasn’t a resolution as much as a major hope as a child that I would get spanked less (hopefully never!) the next year. Since I didn’t feel like I had control over when and why I got spanked because spankings weren’t tied to my behavior, it wasn’t something I could resolve to change.

As an adult, though, I’m always hoping the next year brings lots more fun spanking with a wonderful lover!

Do you have the spanking implements that were used on you as a child and are they used on you as an adult? My parents only used their hands most of the time, so no, I don’t have those!


Spanking Survey, Part 6

This post is a continuing series of spanking survey questions about my childhood. This one drained me emotionally to write, so it’s taken longer to get on paper since I could only handle a little at a time. Previous parts of the survey are here: one, two, three, four, five.

Did you hear spanking threats? Yes, as a child and as an adult. I probably heard them far more often as a child than I actually remember. What’s below are just the ones I can recall because they were memorable for various reasons.

One day I was at a neighbor’s house for lunch. We were probably both about five. His mother was one of the only ones in the neighborhood who worked outside of the home, so he and his sister had a nanny. She was a grandmother type, though she always seemed crabby to me. I forget what he did or said, but she picked up a wooden spoon and started to threaten him. He didn’t get the spanking, but I am certain she spanked him with the spoon on many other occasions!

Another time I was over at a friend’s house. We were both around 6 or 7. I have no recollection of what transpired before the threat, but her father was sitting in a recliner and we were sitting on the floor in the family room about 10 feet away. Her dad said, “Sally, drop your pants.” She just giggled hysterically. I was sitting there in shock, worried about what was going to happen. He repeated his command for her to drop her pants again, and she just laughed again. Nothing else ended up happening at that time. I don’t know if this was code or what.

As an adult, I heard several, too. One that stands out was a two year old niece talking about spanking and her parents trying to stop her from talking about it since they knew it was not a parenting technique that was widely accepted by that point in the 1990s. When we were out at dinner once with the same niece, she was fidgeting a bit. It was taking forever (like over an hour) before our food arrived, and all things considered, she was behaving amazingly well. However, her mother still gave her a very stern and angry threat of, “Do you want to go out to the car with me?” Clearly this was an experience that our niece had already had as she quickly shook her head no and became perfectly still.

Another time we were having a party with a lot of friends and their kids over. It was time to go and the one young boy of about three was refusing to put on his shoes to leave. His father threatened him, “Do you want a spanking?” I was horrified. I didn’t know then and am still not sure now how to have told him, “I am not ok with you spanking your child in my house.”

In my twenties, I worked for several years teaching students who were 11-15. This was in a small town in Texas where belts are still commonly used to discipline kids in this age group, especially in certain communities. It isn’t considered shameful at all: Parent proudly boasted about taking belts to their kids. No one within the communities is going to disagree because they all do the same to their kids. Over my years of teaching, I heard many threats to students from their parents. These are some of the more memorable ones.

I had one student whose behavior was out of control; she was acting out for other teachers as well but was particularly acting out in my class because of some boys she was flirting with. She was going to end up unintentionally pregnant at the rate she was going given the norms of that community. I called her aunt who was her guardian, and we set up a meeting the next day with her aunt, her, me, and a few other teachers. During the meeting, the aunt announced, “I whipped her butt good with my belt last night. Real good. I let her have it.” The student’s eyes filled with tears both from embarrassment and from the memory of the beating, I’m sure.

Another year, we had a male student who was acting like a little monster. All of his teachers had had it with him. One of the other teachers called his mother in for a conference. She was shocked and infuriated by his behavior. She had no idea he was acting like that at school. She started chewing him out in front of the teachers including saying, “I am so mad at you. If I had known this conference was going to be this bad, I would have brought my belt and whipped you with your teachers watching. I am furious.” I have no doubt she would have. I am also sure he got it when he got home. For the rest of the year, he was a complete angel for all of us.

Because the community I taught in was so small, there were a lot of interconnections between students and staff. One of the regular substitute teachers was good friends with the father one of the students we had trouble with on a regular basis. The one day I was near the substitute teacher when he was telling the troublesome student, “Your father would have no problem with me taking a belt to your backside. If you don’t knock it off, I’m going to take you in that office and give it to you good.” Again, I am sure he would have followed through on that promise. Even though it was technically against district policy for staff to use corporal punishment, I am sure no one would have complained.

One year, I had a student who was hearing but had two deaf parents. They came to “Back to School Night” with an ASL interpreter. Because of the communication difficulties between us, I had not spoken with them previously. I told them through the interpreter that their son was being uncooperative during class. Despite not understanding ASL, I had no problem telling that the father turned to the son and gave him a very angry lecture. His head hung in shame and tears started. I would not be surprised if he got the belt when they got home.

One of the most disturbing conversations I had as a teacher involved other teachers condoning abuse of one of the students. There was a female student who started harassing me in the hallway in between classes, calling me names and being rude and insolent. Yes, I was a teacher and yet she decided to start bullying me. She was not in any of my classes—she just decided to be rude for fun. When I told another teacher what happened, she told me, “Call her Daddy. He will beat her. Let him. Don’t call CPS. She deserves it.” I agree that the girl deserved consequences for what she was doing, but I don’t think the other teacher could understand that the abuse she was receiving at home was likely why she was bullying others as she misdirected her anger about her abuse. No child, no matter how rude or obnoxious, “deserves” to be abused.

Did you witness any others being spanked? Yes. Some of the following stories are hearing others be spanked rather than actually seeing.

There was of course my younger brother. I only have memories of him being spanked three times, though I am certain there were more. One was when he and I were little and were spanked together by our mother. Another time was when he was about 10 and got into a fight with my mother which he very much lost. The third was when he was in middle school, and it was outright abuse involving hitting and kicking by my father.

I also witnessed my mom hitting our dogs. One incident in particular stand out in my mind. My mother had a bad day, and the one dog got into the trash which she had left in a place easily accessible to the dog with tempting morsels (to a dog) in the trash. My mother beat the crap out of the dog. It was not ok. It was not disciplinary. It was abuse. That incident was one of the ones which helped give me perspective on how my parents abused me rather than disciplined me. Because I wasn’t the one being hit, I could tell how long and how hard she hit the dog. She was out of control.

There was an incident when I was about 6 when I witnessed a neighbor get spanked. She was a year older than me, but we played together in the summers due to a lack of other girls on our street. She didn’t play with me during the school year, though, because she considered herself older than me and therefore not willing to play with someone who was “so young.” Anyway, during this incident, her mother came storming into the kitchen and began slapping her daughter, followed by her pulling down her daughter’s pants and underwear; she was spanking her daughter with her hand while seated with her daughter over her knee. She was violently hitting her daughter out of anger. I don’t even remember what the friend had done to merit this treatment in her mother’s mind, but it was nothing we were doing at the time. The spanking just happened out of nowhere. I literally couldn’t watch because it was so terrifying for me. Once her mother pulled down her pants, I turned so I couldn’t see what was going on. I just stood there, frozen, until it was over. Once her mother stood her up, she told my friend, “Take your friend to the door and say goodbye.” I still don’t understand why she couldn’t have sent me home before spanking her daughter. Clearly she was too angry to give her daughter that dignity. As my crying friend walked me to the front door, I wasn’t sure what to do or say, so I told her, “I didn’t watch.” Between her tears, she said, “Thanks.” We never mentioned the incident again.

I semi-witnessed another cousin being spanked several times when we were growing up. Honestly, I was not and am not a fan of this particular cousin. I always thought he was a sniveling brat. He was an only child who acted like an only child—unable to play nicely with others except when he got his way. He was a few years younger than me, closer in age to my brother than me. The two of them would often play together leaving me out of their games which didn’t contribute positively toward my feelings for either of them. Anyway, the first spanking was on Christmas Eve at our grandparents when my cousin was about 3 or 4. My cousin was being a whiny brat, tantruming about everything. My uncle finally ran out of patience, scooped up my cousin, and took him out to the car. For some reason I asked my dad, “What’s going to happen to him?” My father very angrily said, “Exactly what would happen to you if you were acting like that.” Clearly my cousin’s behavior had made my father angry, too. I decided it would be a good time to make myself scarce given how angry my father was about his nephew’s behavior. Ten or fifteen minutes later, my uncle brought back in a sniffing, red-faced cousin who was much more subdued for the rest of the evening.

The other time I remember that cousin being spanked is much more hazy. I am fairly sure it was his father (my uncle) who did the spanking again though I know his mother did also spank. I can’t remember if we were upstairs in his room at his house or if we were downstairs in the playroom, but his father took him to the opposite place from where we were and spanked him because he wasn’t getting along with any of the other cousins who were there at the gathering.

I had another cousin on the same side of the family who was spanked by her parents, too. I indirectly witnessed one of the spankings and heard in detail about another. She was also an only child because her parents married late in life. My cousin was much younger than me as a result, so I ended up doing a lot of free babysitting for them when I was in high school. I had actually thought my aunt was anti-spanking based on one conversation we had wherein she told me spanking was not a good discipline method but people in our nation still used it. Surprisingly to me, I witnessed her giving one of those spankings to my cousin. I had come over after school to eat dinner with them before my aunt and uncle went out for the evening. My 5 year old cousin wanted an apple an hour before dinner. She was capable of getting the apple, washing it, and eating it on her own. Her mother refused because she was going to “ruin her dinner.” I’ve never understood this argument. If a growing child is hungry and wants a truly nutritious snack, let the child eat it. It’s not ruining dinner. It’s supplementing it. However, my aunt was overtired from work and got tired of my cousin whining about how she was hungry, so my aunt began a very violent spanking of my cousin while escorting my cousin up to her room to stay until dinner time. I was very shocked by the whole incident.

The other incident with that cousin also occurred when she was five, a few months after the previous spanking. I was at her family’s house for dinner again, and my aunt and uncle began discussing a spanking that had happened the previous day much to my cousin’s embarrassment. I felt truly sorry for her. They were taunting her and mocking her, asking what had happened to her the previous day when she was playing with her friend. She said, “I forget.” To that, my aunt asked my cousin if she needed a reminder of what happened, and my cousin got a horrified look on her face and shook her head violently “no.” My aunt and uncle found this hysterical. Later after dinner when we were doing dishes, my aunt let me know that my cousin had been playing with a neighborhood friend who always got her into trouble. The friend talked my cousin into playing with some of her dad’s hobby equipment which they broke (though it could be repaired with a lot of time and effort). My uncle was furious; he sent the friend home and then gave my cousin “a very harsh spanking” according to my aunt. They decided at that point that my cousin shouldn’t be allowed to play with that friend anymore since he only got her in trouble.

The only public spanking I ever witnessed was when I was home from college one year for Christmas. I watched a very angry father screaming at a young boy (maybe six years old) while the father dragged the son out of a Hallmark store by one arm. The father was using his other arm to violently spank the child anywhere hits could land on the way to their car where I’m sure the child was going to get even worse. To this day, I regret not speaking out. The scene wasn’t a reasonable parent disciplining a child. This was very much an abusive father damaging his son both mentally and physically.

Another spanking (or perhaps it is better described as a slapping) I witnessed happened when I was an adult and mother. I was at a gathering of friends with some of our kids present. One of the women had a son who was six months older than my son; they were about 15 months and 9 months old. Her more mobile son started hitting my son for no real reason. I was not upset. This is not an unusual behavior for kids that age as they explore others’ bodies and try to understand actions and reactions. However, the mother got very upset with her son and started slapping his hands hard while telling him “no!” repeatedly along with some other lecturing. Of course, after the first slap, her son started crying hysterically and was hearing nothing she was saying. I was not a fan of this woman’s parenting, but this incident sealed it for me. She truly overreacted to what happened. I always felt like she parented in a way that was showing off towards others who were watching.

The only spanking I have ever witnessed that I think was handled in an appropriate way was when I was in high school. The boy in question was 3, and I used to babysit for the family who were neighbors. We lived in an area where many people didn’t have air conditioning; open windows with screens were the way of cooling the house. This three year old boy had started the “game” of unlocking the screens and pushing them out the second floor windows. Since he was so young and he had a two year old sibling, this was a truly dangerous thing. I knocked on the front door and let the mother know that one of the screens was out of the windows upstairs. She thanked me profusely. Then, through the open windows, I heard her talking calmly to her son. “Tony,” she said, “I told you that if you pushed the screens out of the windows again I would spank you. You didn’t listen to me, so I am going to have to spank you.” A few seconds later I heard the sound of her hand on his bare bottom slapping three times. That was enough to make him cry and to get her point across. Never again did I see screens out of their windows. I felt guilty for years for having gotten him spanked until I realized a) I had no idea that she would spank him and b) it was a truly dangerous situation. The mom had already talked to him, but he hadn’t listened. She didn’t spank out of anger. She didn’t spank excessively. This was a case where if spanking is acceptable, the parent spanked appropriately. The fact that it’s the only spanking I ever heard or witnessed that could be considered reasonable tells me how often what we label as spanking is actually abuse of children by angry parents.

Did you like watching others be spanked? No. As a young child, I found spankings terrifying. I think this was because I had never seen one given in a loving manner. They were all the same in my mind: A very angry adult lashes out at a child, often for no apparent reason. They were not calm. They were not structured. They were not loving. Only one spanking I witnessed when I was a teen falls outside of those parameters.

As an adult, I still have no desire to watch others spankings in real life, and thus I have no desire to go to spanking parties. Different consenting adults like different things from their spankings, and for me, many of those things are triggering. If I am watching spanking videos at home, I can just turn off the video if I don’t like it. Going to the “cookie” room is not going to be far enough away in a party environment. I will still be able to hear what is going on.


Women Spanking Women

Someone on Fetlife asked me a great question: “You post many pictures of women spanking women even though you list yourself as straight. Have you ever spanked or been spanked by another woman?”

The short answer to this is no, not as an adult. The long answer is more complicated.

I am definitely straight. I’ve been looking for a gay bone in my body for the past 15 years with no success. I would love to be able to widen my dating field to include women, but I have never met a woman I have felt sexually attracted to. It’s just not there for me. I wish it was. I watched a tv series many years ago called Bob and Rose. It’s about a man who is 100% gay until he meets and falls in love with a woman. He feels no attraction to any other women. Just her. Can I say that it’s impossible for that to happen to me, too? No. Maybe someday I will meet a woman who triggers a sexual response in me. So far, though, I haven’t.

Yet when it comes to spanking, I am attracted to some female spankers. I think this is psychological more than sexual. My best guess is that it is a result of not having had a loving mother growing up. She didn’t want me and didn’t love me. She is seriously mentally ill. She is exactly what no one would want for a mother. So the idea of a loving mother who disciplined from a place of caring rather than violence is attractive to me on a fantasy level.

In addition, I like strong women. I appreciate women who don’t let themselves cornered into being a weak person by society’s idea of what women “should” be. I like my men the same way. The most attractive people to me are ones who can take control of a situation. A strong female or male spanker certainly fits that model!

However, I’m not sure I’d ever seek to fulfill the fantasy of a female disciplinarian because as an adult, spanking is inherently sexual to me. The only way I could see it happening is if I had a female disciplinarian spank me with my male partner watching. She would leave after the spanking so he could give me aftercare including sex. I shared this fantasy with a previous partner who wasn’t really open to what I wanted. He wanted his version of the fantasy which included turning the whole thing into a threesome. I have absolutely no interest in a threesome (whereas he has a fetish for it), so the fantasy wasn’t something that would have ever happened with him.

When I read spanking fiction or look at spanking art, my preference is: 1) M/F  2) F/F 3) F/M 4) M/M. For me, it’s the subordinate female that is the important part of the scenario. When I watch spanking videos, I generally only watch M/F or F/F. Sometimes I will watch F/M, but I almost never watch M/M. Watching men get spanked really doesn’t turn me on at all.

So as an adult, no, I have never been spanked by a woman nor do I have any real desire to spank a woman. I’m a sub, so I prefer to be spanked rather than do the spanking.


Spanking Survey, Part 5

(I swear this is going to be at least a ten part series at this rate.)

This post is a continuing series of spanking survey questions about my childhood. Part one starts here, part two is here, part three is here, and part four is here.

Did you play spanking games with friends? Only with one when I was about 9. We were playing house and I gave her a bare bottom spanking. It was a game we only played twice.

I also played house and gave bare bottom spankings with two families/three kids whom I babysat. I was 11-12 at the time, and they were 5, 7 and 8. I only played once with the one kid and once or twice with the others.

What’s fascinating to me is that I was always the spanker in these games even though I am very much a sub now and have never spanked an adult. I think at that time while I was a budding spanko, I wanted to be the spanker to regain some of the control I didn’t have in my own life. Instead of being the victim of the spankings, I got to be the one who controlled and administered them.

Were your friends spanked as teens? I only know for certain one college friend who was spanked as a teen and who knew she would continue to be spanked as a college student when she went home if she didn’t follow her parents’ rules. She was from rural Texas, and her family used a belt. The way I found out was a conversation in which we were talking about something completely irrelevant to spanking, but she commented, “If I had done that, my dad would have nailed my butt to the wall.” Her eyes teared up as she said it. Clearly her beltings were painful experiences.

I have a high school friend whom all of us very much suspect was spanked as a teen. Her parents were emotionally abusive, and I know her mother slapped her fairly often. I assume her alcoholic father did more. What’s worse is that she now abuses her young children, spanking them for anything and everything “because that’s how I was raised.”

I have another high school friend whom I suspect was spanked but she never discussed it. Her parents were immigrants from the Philippines. When she would sit some days, it was a very delicate maneuver. I think I may have been the only one who noticed, though.

Did you talk about spanking with your friends? Yes, infrequently, though I was always very interested in the conversation when it happened. I was reluctant to share details of my spankings, though. Almost all kids of the 1970s and 1980s were spanked. I only know of one friend who was never spanked by her parents; she is the exception to the rule. It was just presumed you were spanked and your friends were spanked. I don’t have any idea how old most of my friends were when their spankings stopped.

I remember numerous conversations with peers. The first conversation I remember having was in grade school with two boys who were the same age as me when we were about 6. We were sitting in our front yard talking. We all admitted to being spanked, and the boys went into greater detail about theirs. I don’t remember much of what was said. Both boys agreed the belt was the worst; one said that the buckle end of the belt was brutal. I have no idea if his dad had actually already used a belt buckle on him or if he was just talking about what he’d seen his older brothers get but was bragging about it like it was him. Up until that point, I had no idea people could get spankings with belts.

I remember one neighborhood friend asking me if I was spanked. I think she had been recently spanked with a hairbrush and that was why she was asking. We were probably in second grade or about 7 years old.

The next memory I have of discussing spanking was in middle school. One of my friends was describing with great animation an incident that had happened in her family the day before. Her younger half-brother had walked in the door crying and with a torn shirt. When she asked what had happened, her mother related the tale of his poor tail. She said that he smarted off to her mother while they were driving home, so his mother pulled over to give him a spanking. As she went to grab him from the middle row of seats in the station wagon, he jumped into the back. Her mother had managed to get part of his shirt which ripped. She then opened the trunk of the station wagon, managed to grab him, and gave him a really hard bare bottom spanking for his original disobedience and trying to avoid his spanking.

In high school, I know the group of girls I hung out with had a discussion about being spanked as a child. It didn’t include discussions of who was still being spanked. The only thing I really remember from the discussion was the one friend revealing that she had never been spanked—not even once. I’ve since learned that her mother is very emotionally abusive, though. After this discussion, the one girl in the group who was abused through high school would declare any time that she didn’t like what the unspanked friend had done that the unspanked friend was a brat and should have been spanked as a child.

Once when I was at a friend’s house during high school, the mail came. In the mail was the mid-semester failure notice the school sent out when a student was in danger of not passing a class. The friend’s mother was very angry and made a show of going in her husband’s office and placing the letter there. My friend was begging her mother not to tell her stepfather, but her mother said she had to. Based on the tears in my friend’s eyes, I knew there were going to be serious repercussions. I asked her if she was going to be ok. She choked on her tears and said, “Yeah, I’ll be fine,” but I got the distinct feeling she was going to be spanked before she was fine!

Another time in high school, a male friend was boasting about how his parents were having to spank his brother every single day lately because of his behavior. His brother was in middle school and was rebelling a lot. The way his parents were handling the situation made me very uncomfortable even then. That brother ended up having major drug issues as an adult.

During high school, a close friend and I were talking about spankings. She said she especially hated those with the hairbrush—those were the worst. Years later, I saw a discussion between her and her siblings on Facebook. It seems that only the older kids were spanked with the hairbrush. The youngest said he always jokes that his parents wore out the hairbrush on his older siblings which is why he never got it.

In college, I remember being at my roommate’s house. She mentioned that her father would spank her as a child for not eating what her mother made for dinner because her father considered it disrespect towards her mother. You know those awful 1970s recipes that circulate the web? The things her mother made for dinner were even worse than that. I understood why she chose the spankings sometimes after hearing about some of the dishes her mom made!

Another time the same roommate told me about a joke she told at the dinner table. Her father didn’t find the joke funny and decided to spank her then and there. She tried to get away and failed. With tears in her eyes, she said, “He really tore up my butt that time.” It seemed like her father was a brutal spanker and was willing to find reasons to spank.

The first person I talked to who had been spanked in school was a college friend. I was shocked to learn that spanking was allowed in her schools because it never had been in mine. She told me that in grade school they called it “getting licks.” I forget exactly what she had done in kindergarten, but I think it was talking when she wasn’t supposed to. Her teacher put her over her lap while they were sitting on the floor in a circle, lifted her skirt, and gave her a few “licks” over her panties with a small paddle. The friend said she was horribly humiliated by the whole thing and never did anything to get spanked again in school as a result.

When I was in college, the discussion about spanking as discipline came up in a class for future teachers. Looking back, the professor must have been a spanko though her official position was that she could not condone spanking as discipline in the schools. She let the conversation derail the entire class. The look on her face during the discussion is one I now recognize as someone trying to mask arousal. The class was divided about 50-50 as to whether or not spanking should be allowed in the schools. There was also some discussion about parents spanking kids. The only specific comment I remember was from one guy who said, “The only choice my kids are going to get around discipline is which belt they want me to use on them when I sent to them to fetch one.”

My ex-husband and I actually only had one conversation about his childhood spankings. He said his mother would give him a warning, and then if he didn’t comply, she would let him know he was getting a spanking. She would pull down his pants and give him a few swats on his bare bottom. He said nothing about his siblings’ spankings. His dad never spanked him, and I later learned his dad’s mom never spanked his dad. I don’t know about his dad’s dad. I’m certain his mom was spanked by both of her parents but it was never discussed.

Another guy I briefly dated was babysat by his grandma during summer vacations while his mom worked. He said that if he and his brother acted up, she would tell them to go pick a switch. He said he and his brother would just go outside and make a run for it. By the time they came back later that day, she would have cooled off, so they rarely actually got switched by her. He considered her to be a very mean woman, though.

Surprisingly, I haven’t discussed childhood spankings with any of the other men I’ve dated, probably because I wasn’t willing to discuss mine in detail.

One day when I was on a lunch break at work, one of my coworkers began talking about her 2 year old son. She also had a 5 year old daughter who wasn’t the handful her son was. She was saying how when her son woke up from his nap one day that week, he started coloring on the wall in his room with crayons so she gave him a bare bottom spanking. He did it again a second time on another day that week, so she gave him a harder bare bottom spanking. She said, “I am not abusing him, but I can see how parents could escalate to abuse because he’s not learning from the spankings.” Even at that time I was wondering why she didn’t just take the crayons away to stop him from coloring on the walls. However, since I didn’t have children so I didn’t feel qualified to give advice and because I was younger than her, I just kept my mouth shut.

My first exposure to Domestic Discipline relationships (though I didn’t know the name at that point) was when a friend and I went shopping as childless married young adults. We had walked around the mall, mainly enjoying each other’s company and not buying anything because we didn’t find anything we needed. As we walked out the door of the mall, she said, to me in a very worried voice, “My husband is going to spank me. I was supposed to buy something for myself and I didn’t.” I asked her if she wanted to go back in and look for something for herself since we didn’t have any kind of time restrictions, and she said no, but he was going to spank her for it. I couldn’t understand why she didn’t just go back in and buy something since it sounded like she didn’t want the spanking. Later, I was at the same friend’s house for dinner (without my husband) when she tried a new recipe that her husband didn’t like. He gave her a very damning look; her response that made me think she was going to be punished for it after I left.

When we were reminiscing as adults, one friend talked about how a boy at school had called her by a racial slur. This girl told her mother who told her father. Her father was the boy’s father’s boss! So her father went over to the boy’s house and spoke to his father. The friend said the boy’s father “beat his ass good” in front of her father.

Once we had kids, one of the things that happened was our friend set changed because of differences in how we raised our kids. We all naturally gravitated towards others who parented more similar to our own styles, and that included beliefs about spanking. Before we stopped hanging out with some of our pro-spanking friends, though, there were a few conversations about spanking. The one friend and her husband started out as anti-spanking but changed their minds when their daughter was about four. She told me at that point that her greatest regret was that they hadn’t started spanking sooner and more often.

Another friend seemed anti-spanking, but her husband was not, and so she deferred to him about spankings. However, she said, “It’s just best if I’m not around when he discipline’s the kids.” One day her husband was boasting about having spanked their three year old son for having thrown a ball in the house which hit a glass object but didn’t break it. His words were, “I popped that kid so fast he didn’t see it coming.”

Spanking sometimes came up on mothering listservs I was on, too. Most of the crowds I hung out with were pretty anti-spanking, but there were always a few vocal spankers. The one mother had almost enough kids to make a baseball team. She said that she used a small paddle which she kept on the kitchen counter and didn’t hesitate to use it. According to her, all she had to do was take a step toward the paddle and her misbehaving child would immediately comply without her having to say a word. She said that she spanked them often as younger children and didn’t have to at all once they were older as a result.

Another mother discussed a spanking of her child that made me really sad for that child. The child has intellectual disabilities, and so I never felt like the way they parented him was appropriate for the abilities he had. This child had hit his baby brother at one point, and so his father “punished him in a way that made sure he would never do that again.” I have no idea what actually happened to the boy, but I’m sure it involved corporal punishment.

One other mother discussed how she had started spanking her son at age 8 because she couldn’t handle his intellectual disabilities anymore. She realized how wrong what she was doing, so she got herself into therapy to help her find ways to work with her son’s limitations without spanking.

In another discussion I saw on Facebook, I saw a friend’s sister talking about how she was never spanked because she was such an angel (wink, wink), but she remembers a time when it seemed like two of her brothers were getting spanked almost daily because of their bad behavior.

And finally, not that long ago, a receptionist at my doctor’s office was talking about how her six year old son liked to pee in the shower rather than the toilet (not when taking a shower). She hated it because it made the bathroom smell because he didn’t rinse the shower afterward. She said that the day before she didn’t hear the toilet flush after he’d been in the bathroom, so she asked, “Did you pee in the shower without rinsing it or am I going to have to spank you again?” She said he didn’t answer but went running off to the bathroom where she heard the shower water running. She thought it was really funny. Me, not so much.


Name That Book

So there was this book I read multiple times as a child in grade school in the early 1980s. It was a chapter book, probably aimed at grades 3-6 or so. It was about a family that traveled from town to town in a covered wagon in the late 19th or early 20th century. I think they had a son and a daughter. I think the parents were performers or magicians or something, but they may have been scam artists. It wasn’t an Oregon Trail or westward movement book. They lived permanently in their wagon. They were itinerant and went from town to town to make a living. I think it was in the US, but I can’t be certain.

In true spanko style, what I really remember were the spankings in the book, and there were several. This family had a great tradition that each year between birthday and their next birthday, each kid had one “get out of spanking” exemption. The one kid forgets he has already used his spanking exemption for that year, plays a prank on his dad, and then gets spanked as a result.

(I really wished my family had a once a year “get out of a spanking” tradition! I knew better than to suggest that to my parents, though– it might have gotten me spanked for suggesting it!)

Does this ring any bells for anyone? My Google searches are coming up empty. It seems the rest of the world doesn’t remember books by the types of spankings they had in them! 🙂


Spanking Survey, Part 4

This post is a continuing series of spanking survey questions about my childhood. Part one starts here, part two is here, and part three is here.

Did you ever get spanked or witness a spanking at a slumber party? No, it was never even threatened.

Were there times when you should have been spanked but weren’t? I can think of times (two in particular) where I could have used an attitude adjustment, one when I was about 5 and one when I was about 13. I am VERY surprised that I didn’t get one for the incident when I was five, but I think there may have been guests around and that was what “saved” me. My parents didn’t want non-family witnesses to how they spanked us even if they were willing to brag about the spankings they gave us. I also can think of two incidents when I was a teen that my parents never found out about that might have been spankable offenses in their mind and a third which I wish I had been spanked for. Most of the time, though, I was a good kid.

Do you feel your gender ever made a difference in how you were spanked? The one time my mother spanked my brother and I together in the same room, she pulled down his pajama pants and spanked him on the bare bottom but didn’t bother undoing the one-piece sleeper I was wearing. Honestly, a one-piece outfit isn’t a deterrent for a parent who really wants a bare bottom, so if she had wanted to, she would have removed it before spanking. He was no more to blame for the incident than I was, so it’s not like he deserved a harsher punishment. I am still not why she did that, but I suspect she may have sexually abused him when he was older which would explain it.

I do think that at a certain level my mother and father spanked my brother and I for some things differently than each other because of our sex. There were different expectations for him as a boy and me as a girl.

Did you ever feel your birth order made a difference in how you were spanked? Yes, very much so. My parents had higher expectations for me in many ways. I also “should know better” because I was the older one. He was the baby and got away with things I would have been spanked for. However, he got spanked for doing things I never would have done, so I don’t think in the grand scheme of things either of us was spanked more or less than the other.

Did others know you were spanked? Yes. My mother was one of those horrible parents who loved telling others about her prowess as a spanking mother. She thought my spankings and her power to give them were funny. She liked to joke about them, especially ones she gave me when I was very little (like still in diapers). So there was no question to neighbors or friends of the family that I was spanked. Plus we had no air conditioning in many places we lived when I was growing up or we couldn’t afford to run it if we did, so during summer months, the windows were open and neighbors probably heard many of the spankings.

Almost everyone in the extended family spanked, so I’m sure all of my relatives knew. I’m not sure how much my mom talked to her family about the spankings she gave her children, but I’m sure they did.

Did your tears ever affect the length of your spanking? No. My parents spanked as long and hard as they wanted. They didn’t care how much I cried during the spanking. My tears were irrelevant. As long as I was crying, they knew they were doing their job right.

Were you ever able to talk your way out of a spanking? No, and I knew better than to try!

Did you have permission to spank any of the kids you babysat? Did you spank them? No, I did not have permission to do so with the exception of one cousin when he was two, and I didn’t spank him. However, with two different sets of kids I babysat, I knew them well enough that we occasionally played spanking games. (See the next post for more info on this.)

Have you ever urinated during a long spanking? No.

Did you ever check out your bottom after the spanking? I really didn’t have a good mirror to check myself with. The only full-length mirror was in my parents’ room, and I sure wasn’t going in there to see the damage. It would have only given them ideas that it wasn’t red enough!

Did you ever check out someone else’s bottom after a spanking? No, except the bottoms I spanked during spanking games.

Did you look up spanking in the dictionary? Like every other good spanko, yes. And as a good nerd, I looked it up in the thesaurus and the encyclopedia, too. Imagine my shock when I typed spanking into Altavista for the first time.

How did you feel about spanking in comics? As a child, they scared me because I worried the idea would somehow be planted (more than it already was) in my parents’ minds to spank me that day because they’d seen a spanking comic in the paper. We subscribed to the daily paper, and it seemed like at least once a week someone was getting a spanking in the comics.

How did you feel about spanking scenes in books? I was mostly intrigued by them. As I got older, I realized they were arousing.

How did you feel about spanking on tv and in movies? I was always embarrassed when watching them with my parents in the room.

Did you get birthday spankings? Not from my parents that I remember. However, friends and I must have done it and I must have seen it at parties because I remember the whole routine of one for each year and one to grow on and a pinch to grow an inch. I don’t ever remember seeing bare bottom ones; they were always over clothing. I don’t remember spanking tunnels. I had one grade school gym teacher who would give clothed birthday spankings, but I don’t remember any other teachers doing it. I also have a vague memory of one uncle giving me one, but we didn’t live near him so we didn’t see him often. It was a gentle and joking spanking for sure.

Did you spank your dolls? Yes, quite often. To me when playing house, that was the roll of the mama: to spank naughty babies. Kids imitate what they see.