Advice

Womanscaping

I have never liked women’s electric razors. I’ve always found them to do a pathetic job on my leg hair. I much prefer a safety razor. When I was pregnant, I was able to talk my ex-husband into using his electric razor on my legs when I could no longer see or reach them. I was amazed at the difference. His razor worked a million times better than any “women’s” razor I had ever tried.

I didn’t do much sculpting of my pubic hair during marriage. My ex didn’t care, so I had a full bush most of the time. During pregnancy, I found that too hot, so my ex would use some hair scissors to trim it back, but it wasn’t really a very neat attempt.

Thus, entering the dating world again after my divorce, I quickly discovered most men greatly preferred a shaved pussy, though a few liked a neat trim or at least found it an acceptable substitute for a fresh shave. Full bushes definitely aren’t in style for most men of my age range at this time.

After giving myself a massive amount of razor burn trying to use a safety razor to shave my pussy, I decided it was time to try to find an electric razor for the job. After doing a great deal of research on the best razor for a woman to use on her delicate parts, I selected the Philips HP6378 Bikini Perfect Deluxe Trimmer, Opal / Aqua.

Plain and simple, I hated it.

From the start, the razor blade felt horribly dull and even like it was old and previously used. It tugged and pulled painfully on my pubic hair. It seemed like it barely removed anything in the process. My boyfriend also tried to use the epilator attachment to remove hair. While it worked, it was painful. Even worse, though, was getting so many ingrown hairs as they tried to grow back in.

I’ve given up using the Bikini Perfect Deluxe Trimmer except for one task: The epilator works well for removing those pesky dark midlife chin hairs. It’s not too uncomfortable on my chin, and I’ve only gotten one ingrown hair on regrowth on my chin.

But that once again left me with the challenge of what to do with my nether regions. I returned to my safety razor, making sure to use a new blade, but I still gave myself more razor burn than I would like. Finally, I remembered my experience with my ex-husband’s razor when I was pregnant. If men’s razors were better for legs, surely they were better for genitals, too?

71nzgdxyksl-_sy679_Once again, I did my research on the internet and settled on the Philips Norelco Bodygroom Series 7100, BG2040. After charging it up, I used the trimming edge to beat back my hair to a manageable level. Then I set about shaving it. What a difference! It was like the razor was fresh and new. With no cuts, I had an amazingly smooth pussy. Upon regrowth, I only had one ingrown hair. I was so impressed.

So why, once again, is it that the men’s product worked so well and the women’s product that is made by the same manufacturer was a piece of crap? Both were the same price ($60), yet one works and the other is horrible. Why is it that women’s razors aren’t as strong as men’s? In my experience, my pubic hair is the same texture and length as many of my partners’. So why should my razor have any less oomph to it? Why should my blade not be as sharp? I can understand possibly designing different shapes to the razors since male and female genitalia are obviously different in shape. But there’s no excuse for women’s razors not being as effective as men’s.

Women’s razors need to be just as serviceable as men’s. We don’t want our razors to be pretty and pink. We just want them to do their jobs without any painful side effects!

©2017 WoodLeatherLace.com

Online Dating Bloopers 11

Another week, another set of inane messages from clueless men in the dating world.  My patience levels have been lower than usual lately. I will sometimes ignore the men, and sometimes they get a snarky reply.

For those who are not familiar, I only have pictures of my feet and legs on dating sites, not my face. I’m also located in Texas.

Just in case anyone wonders or worries, I change names of men who don’t have common names like Joe or John. If someone named Voltron messaged me, I would alter his name to Victor.

**

“How are you” He is 13 years under my age range and is also a submissive. I don’t understand why guys like this message me. I just hit the block button.

“Hi….are both your legs tattooed?” Once again, no, my legs are not tattooed. They’re called pantyhose, guys! This guy is a smoker, so there’s not a chance in hell anyway.

“I’m 39 yrs old im6’5 with a big heart. i am the type of guy who doesnt judge anyone or treat anyone with disrespcet. It doesnt matter what on the outside it the inside that matter to me. I would love to talk to you some more here my number if you like to call me XXX-XXX-XXXX..” This is generic, and it’s from a guy I have little in common with. I also wonder what kind of woman is going to respond to a message like this with a phone number in the first message.

“Hey there sexy girl. How are you?” I often only send the link to this post in response. 

“Do you expect people to ask for your picture?” This guy pushed my buttons, so I responded, “Only the ones who are seriously interested. It filters out a lot of assholes.” And then I hit the block button.

“I like your picture. It definitely captures the moonlight in your eyes.” This guy was local and my age, and this was clearly a sarcastic comment. I just had no interest in him or replying.

“Hello Am ROY Hope am not invaliding your privacy, i Saw your profile on ok cupid, i thought i should contact you I’d like to meet someone looking for the eventual intimacy of a long-term relationship that wants to explore new activities and share some common interests with. You also share yourself easily with the right person and will surprise me with your own unique characteristics and interests. Hope that’s you .I am a well educated , intelligent , passionate man , with a very good sense of humor. I work very hard , but also enjoy times of relaxation, travel , fun ,and activity.” This wasn’t someone local. And there are just so many problems with this. He was clearly spamming women because his account has been deleted.

“Hi look, you owe me 99 cents because your profile melted my heart like a snickers bar in a pocket on a hot summer’s day. Anyway I hope to hear back from you because you look really interesting. Have a nice evening” This was someone not local who was also clearly spamming women. His account has been deleted. As far as corny pickup lines go, this one is a winner.

“Hello how are you doing today ,my name is Ben..” Again, another deleted account.

“Hey there! I’m ken. How are you?” This is someone local and my age, but he hadn’t filled out his profile. A week later, his profile is still mostly empty. He’s counting on his good looks carrying him. No thanks.

“Nice tattoos” He’s from New Jersey, and for the umpteenth time, those are stockings, not tattoos!

“Hi, how are you doing today, you look beautiful and awesome,.” Yet another guy sending a generic spam message because this doesn’t work for my photo of myself. His account has been deleted.

“Well say hi” This is someone who is 1.5 hours away, my age, and in no way a match. I hadn’t checked out his profile, so the comment is weird at best.

“hello how are u” This guy is from Arkansas and is not a good match at all.

“wanna chat sometime my name is randy XXX.XXX.XXXX” He’s three hours away, and no, I’m not going to call a man who sends me his number in the first message. Plus, his profile picture is him holding a fish.

“Tell me secret of you Sal” This man lives in Israel, and his profile is written in Hebrew. Clearly this is a bad translation. Pass.

“Incredible profile, I see you have written erotica, have you ever published any online? You seem pretty open minded so I have a question I have always wanted to ask someone, if 2 people of the same sex exchange oral sex, does that count as a sexual encounter do you think?” He’s from Oklahoma, and I didn’t even bother looking at his profile. I’m never sure if this kind of message is a man trying to jerk my chain, to find someone to have cybersex with, or is someone who is genuinely trying to get info. I send factual information and then hit the block button in response: “Yes, I have an erotic fiction blog. Any two (or more) people of any gender or any sex having oral-genital contact are having sex. The same is true of manual-genital contact, anal-oral contact, anal-genital contact, or manual-anal contact. All have a risk of sharing STIs. For informational reading, I suggest Good Vibrations’ sex ed pages, Good Vibrations’ book, or The Guide to Getting It On (any edition, available on Amazon or elsewhere).”

“Would love to chat sometime young lady. Frank” This was someone local, and he’s in my age range. However, he hasn’t filled out his profile at all. Then there’s the way he messaged me. I sent back the message, “I, like all women, deserve to be approached with respect. You have failed at that. Please read this blog post I have written. You have failed at many of its aspects.” And then I hit the block button.

©2017 WoodLeatherLace.com

Talking Sexy

For me, verbal communication is a huge part of sexual arousal. I need my partner to talk to me. I want him to tell me what he is doing to me. I want him to tell me what he is feeling. I want him to tell me what he is going to do to me. I want him to tell me how good or fun or pleasurable the whole event was once it all is over.

When I was married, my now ex-husband and I had what I call “silent sex.” There was very little talking. There was very little verbal communication. There were a few words here and there like “are you in yet?” There was nothing like “I want you” or “your breasts are so sexy to me” or “put my cock in your mouth” or “kiss my neck.” There definitely wasn’t anything like “fuck my pussy” or “take it the ass, woman.” Instead, there was mostly a horrible silence.

That didn’t work for me. At all. I eventually figured out via the internet and watching porn and reading erotic fiction that the silence was helping to kill my libido. I needed that verbal communication to get aroused. Once I figured that out, I started communicating more, and eventually, I got a little more verbal stimulation from my ex-husband, but mostly I still got silence.

When moving on to other men after the marriage, one of the best things was the “dirty talk.” I finally had men telling me exactly what I needed to hear. They didn’t even need to touch me and yet they would have my pussy dripping with desire simply through their words.

However, I take issue with the term “talking dirty.” I don’t like it at all. To me, there is nothing dirty about sex. Ok, well, yes, sex is sticky, sweaty, gooey and messy. But it’s not dirty. Dirty has the connotation of being shameful, bad or wrong, and if everyone involved is consenting, then sex is not dirty. It’s a wonderful thing. Sex is pleasurable, it’s orgasmic, and it’s amazing. Sex is one of the best parts of life if it’s done right. The last thing sex should ever be is something shameful, bad or wrong. Sex should be glorified, not demeaned.

Hence, I prefer the term “talking sexy.” I want my partner to talk sexy to me. I want him to tell me in vivid, descriptive language how much he wants to share my body. I need to communicate with him how much his body and mind are desiring me. I am aroused by letting him know he is sexy and the center of my universe in these moments we are sharing. I want nothing more than to give him pleasure and to receive the same in return from him.

I believe language is powerful, and I believe the language we use shapes how we view our worlds. I think that the term “talking sexy” better reflects a positive view of sex, one that I hope will eventually be the common one in the world. Until then, my partners and I will be enjoying saying all kinds of vividly explicit phrases to each other while we are “talking sexy” to each other.

©2017 WoodLeatherLace.com

Men, Height, and Hair(lessness)

At one point in my online dating experience, I messaged with a man who happened to be 5’8” and bald. He had irrationally lashed out at me about nothing in particular. It turns out he was very bitter towards women on dating sites because he felt there were no women who would date shorter men and/or bald men. Once I was able to pinpoint what he was really angry about, I let him know that there are women like me who aren’t necessarily looking for tall men and who think bald is beautiful. My ex-husband was much taller than me, and I found it inconvenient at a best. Likewise, I think some of the sexiest men in the world are bald. Their lack of hair has nothing to do with the attitudes they convey which are what make them sexy. This bitter man would not believe that I was speaking the truth about how I felt about shorter men and bald men. I finally gave up, hit the block button, and walked away.

Ironically, right after that I started dating a man who was 5’10” and bald. That’s not short by any means, but he was insecure about his height after having been with so many women who extolled the virtues of men over six feet tall. I thought he was the perfect height for me—super easy to reach up and kiss! I never had a problem with his height, but I don’t think he ever truly believed me how much I liked his body the way it was.

On the other hand, he definitely believed me when I told him that I was totally turned on by his bald head after we had gone on a few dates. I had initially been unsure about what it would be like to not run my hands through my partner’s hair during sex. However, I soon discovered that rubbing my hands on his freshly shaven head was a totally different but highly sensuous experience, one that I fell in love with. I had never expected his silky soft head would create such an erotic experience for me. For the first time ever, I truly understood what it is men find so incredible about women’s shaved legs (not to mention other shaved bits!).

Eventually that relationship came to an end, and my lover’s bald head was one of the things I knew I would miss about him. Once I started looking online for a new boyfriend, I found myself being subconsciously drawn to bald men. I realized that I was unintentionally “downgrading” men because they had hair! I made myself stop doing that, though, because I am not going to pick my partners based solely on appearance. There are far more important things about men than their hair or lack thereof!

Life has a sense of humor: After dating several men with typical short haircuts, the man who became my next lover ended up having hair significantly longer than mine. While I’ve never been particularly attracted to men with long hair, I found his incredibly arousing. Running my fingers through his hair was just as sensuous as my previous lover’s bald head but in a very different way.

For me, the moral of the story is that touching every lover’s hair or lack thereof can be an extremely sexual experience. The color, the texture, the length or even the presence are irrelevant. The same is true with a man’s height. What matters is the man underneath that sexy scalp who is standing in front of me wanting to be my loving partner.

©2017 WoodLeatherLace.com

Figuring Out the Truth

In The Force Awakens, Han Solo tells the young Finn that “Women always figure out the truth. Always.” I laughed hysterically at this line. It’s true. My ex still tries to lie to me on occasion, and I don’t know why he bothers. I can always tell when he’s lying to me.

With new men in my life, I give them the benefit of the doubt. I believe what they tell me. I assume they are telling the truth until proven guilty through their own actions. More often than not, it’s fairly easy to catch a man in a lie. The ones I don’t catch are often sociopathic in nature.

The latest man to lie to me was the most recent man I broke up with. He told me I was being unjustly suspicious about two women he was flirting with online in a forum we both frequented. He told me that he was just being friendly. He had thought I wouldn’t see what he said to them, but I did, so he made me feel like I was a paranoid nutcase. And then, three weeks later, the truth comes out. I was right. I had figured out what was going on. He is involved with one of them in a relationship of a sexual nature. The flirting started before we broke up, though the sexual activity didn’t start until a few hours later. Yes, hours. So technically, he did no wrong.

Reality says otherwise.

Guys, don’t lie to a woman, especially a smart woman who is good at catching men in their lies. You will be caught, and it won’t end well for you. Trying to have your cake and eat it, too, often results in a bad case of food poisoning.

©2017 WoodLeatherLace.com

This Week’s Online Dating Bloopers

Online dating requires a lot of patience and fortitude. The vast majority of men on the internet seem not to know how to approach a woman. The following are some of the inane messages I received in the past week; typos are of course courtesy of the original sender. My commentary on each of them follows in brackets. I am in Texas for those who aren’t familiar. I also don’t have a face picture up on any of my dating accounts.

hello princess [He says to me from Washington state. And no, I’m not a princess.]

Hello I hope you are fine,I’m William from Ghana and I will like you to be my friend and I’m falling in love with you [I presume the next message will ask me for my bank account.]

Hello gorgeous my name is Martin,am here looking for serious relationship and you? [He lives 170 miles from me. I’m looking for someone closer to home unless he’s a very good match.]

Hi I’m Aaron. [He’s 10 years under my minimum age range. I never know what to do with meek messages like this.]

Nice boots [Thank you?]

Hey gorgeous [He’s 16 years under my minimum age range and in Canada not to mention the great message.]

I’m not going to say your pretty (because you know that ), but you seem cool !How are you doing? [Really? I have no words. He’s also 325 miles away.]

Hey how are you! I’m bj! I know my age is alarming but please give me a shot. I’m mature guy. Let’s try this out [He’s 13 years under my minimum age range, and I’m not really into guys who describe themselves as “alarming.”]

Hi nice tat [This is from the UK; I responded, “Nice form letter. I have no tattoos visible in my photo.”]

Hi ya [This one was 17 years under my age range and in Tunisia.]

Wow you are gorgeous. Jared here in [redacted]. How are you? Happy New Year! [He got my form response, “You can determine my beauty from a picture of my feet? Nice form letter. Good luck elsewhere.”]

Hi there beautiful,I got your profile
on here and I
thrilled with it hun…..then I was
now wondering if we
could chat and get to know each other
better
okay……??   [I don’t even know where to start with this. He also got my form letter response, “You can determine my beauty from a picture of my feet? Nice form letter. Good luck elsewhere.”]

And the absolute winner this week… the guy who lied to me about being 58 instead of 60. He gave me enough information in his first few messages that I was able to find out his true age from his registered sex offender record on the web without any problem at all. Sigh.

Be safe out there, folks. The world of online dating is crazy and sometimes dangerous.

©2017 WoodLeatherLace.com