Month: November 2018

Sleeping Together

By sleeping together, I literally mean sleeping together. I don’t mean the euphemism for having sex. Heaven knows I have no problem saying that I’m having sex with a man. I don’t need to couch it in the more delicate socially approved phrase of “sleeping together.”

When I was young and romantic and unburdened by the cynicism of life experience, I thought sleeping together with my partner was incredibly romantic. Who cared if we were trying to cram two adult bodies onto a twin mattress in a dorm room that may or may not have had a roommate in the same room. It was romantic. So we didn’t sleep that well that night. We’d make up for it on the nights when we weren’t together.

Then I got old and crabby and my perspective changed a lot.

When I was married, my ex was a terrible snorer. Coupled with the fact that I was a light sleeper, we quickly figured out that long-term the only way we were going to survive without me killing him was for us to sleep in separate rooms. It’s a common solution among couples who include a snorer. The few nights we did sleep together when we had company who would stay in the guest room/his room, I didn’t often sleep well.

Fast-forward to after my divorce, and I’ve discovered that sleeping together still isn’t romantic for me even if my partner doesn’t snore. I’ve done it with some of my partners but not all of them. While I’ve enjoyed it at times, there have been many occasions where I just want my bed to myself and a good night’s sleep. I get resentful about having to share my space with another person.

I worry about how this will play out in the long run. I wonder if I will ever find a man whom I will want to have in my bed all the time or even more than just occasionally. I wonder if I will ever not feel resentful about wanting to sleep alone. Then again, maybe I’ll meet a man who prefers to sleep alone, too.

However, that thought is when what is left of the romantic in me kicks in, and I can’t imagine spending the rest of my life sleeping in a separate bed from my partner. I would love to find someone who makes me sleep better with him than apart. I think it’s probably a fantasy up there with meeting Prince Charming, but still, part of me clings to it.

These are the little things I drive myself crazy worrying about. Maybe I should just focus on getting a date for New Year’s Eve instead.

©2018 WoodLeatherLace.com

Update: He Used Me

God has a funny sense of humor. That or God is the ultimate sadist. I’m not sure which.

The same day I published that last post questioning whether I had been used in my one night fling, the guy in question showed up on a dating site I’m on. He and I hadn’t met through a dating site though he’d been on some of the same ones as me before, just not at the same time as me.

Seeing him on the dating site was a blow to my heart. I hadn’t expected it to be so hard to see his profile show up. I was shocked to see him.

What really bothered me, though, was seeing some of what he wrote on his profile. He wrote things that were not what he had told me over the year we had been friends. I don’t know if what he wrote was outright lies or just another version of the truth. However, they were things he hadn’t told me. I suspect he told me the bigger truth and that what he wrote on his profile was a shallow way of avoiding the reality of his life. Still, it bothered me to see this different version of him.

The problem when you discover someone hasn’t told you the entire truth is that you question everything else they’ve ever told you. It makes you wonder if everything was a lie. You wonder how you could have been so gullible as to believe the things they told you.

Given what I read on his profile, now I really feel used. He certainly took the long and difficult way to use me, but his profile makes me feel like he wouldn’t be above it.

And people wonder why I have trust issues around men…

©2018 WoodLeatherLace.com

Did He Use Me?

I have only had one partner whom I only had sex with once. It’s just not my style to have a one night stand, and technically by Urban Dictionary standards, it wasn’t even a one night stand. I’m a relationship kind of gal, even if they are sometimes short-lived relationships. I still wonder about that one night fling, though.

We were friends. We had been attracted to each other for quite a while, but things never really lined up. We flirted a bit, but he was always with someone else or I was with someone else or one of us was taking a break from dating.

Then the stars aligned, and we were both single. He was bemoaning how he couldn’t get laid, and I told him I was more than willing to do the honors. After a couple of hours of talking about it, we decided, “Why not? We’re consenting adults.” And then we had a great evening of sex together. It was one of the more intimate nights I’ve ever shared with someone.

After that, he was gone. No explanation. No reasons. He just ghosted me. I sent texts and emails saying that I was ok with just being friends again (though really, I would have preferred to have been his girlfriend if that had been on the table), but there was no reply.

To me, all the circumstances say that he wasn’t using me. Would a guy who wanted to use me have a deep intimate conversation with a woman for several hours about whether or not we should have sex and how it would affect our relationship? I don’t think he would have. It wasn’t like he had to convince me. I had already offered to spread my legs for him and was desperately wanting him.

I don’t regret having sex with him because it was a great experience. I wish he was still my friend, though. I hate that he ghosted me. I hate that what was a beautiful night for me was a one time thing, never to happen again. I hate that I don’t have answers. It’s easy to write someone off by saying, “He was just an asshole,” but that’s not true. He is a kind man. I just wish he could have been open and honest with me so I didn’t end up feeling used in the end.

(Follow up post here.)

©2018 WoodLeatherLace.com

Spanking Someone Else

Generally speaking, I’m submissive in the bedroom. I really don’t get into topping my partner most of the time. Hence, until recently, I had never spanked one of my partners. However, my partner was of the mindset that he should never do something to his partner that he wouldn’t experience himself.

Hence, one day after we’d had a fun round of sex, he laid himself over my bed and waited for my revenge on his ass. 🙂 Actually, since I’m not a sadist, I really didn’t have much desire to spank him hard. I just wanted to fulfill his desire to experience what he was doing to me.

round leather paddle

I began with my round polyurethane paddle. It’s one of my favorite toys to have used on me. It gives a nice smack which can vary widely depending on how hard my partner uses it. I gave my lover a few rounds, moving up and down his thighs and butt with a mild to moderate amount of energy behind my swats. He was ok with everything he experienced.

From there, I moved on to my mini-flogger. I’m not sure where I acquired this flogger, but I wish I did know so I could get a second one for simultaneous two-handed flogging. I had never used a flogger before, so it took several swats before I started to get the hang of it. My partner quickly agreed he understood why I said that it has a “bite” to it.

Then I upgraded to leather floggermy small leather flogger. This one has more bite than the mini-flogger because the strands are thicker and are actually leather. My lovers are very attracted to this toy because it’s fairly serious looking. It has more of a severe bite than the mini-flogger. As I flogged my partner with it, struggling to get it under control, I accidentally got the outside of his thigh along his butt. He let out a strong yelp which made me feel pretty guilty, but he assure me he was ok. However, he declined to experience any more from this implement.

Finally, I picked up the tawse which is a very simple, very innocent looking toy. It only has two fingers to it with a slit that’s barely noticeable between them. My lover had just used this tool on me for the first time that same day, and as he was using it on me, I kept telling him that I didn’t like that thing and that it was EVIL. He kept laughing at me for saying it was evil. So I gave him one solid whack with the tawse, using no more force with it than I had with any of my other toys. His response was immediate. “Holy shit! That thing is EVIL!” I could only laugh because I had already told him repeatedly that day that the tawse was evil. He now fully believed me. He also let me know that one swat with it was more than enough, thankyouverymuch!

I didn’t mind spanking my partner with these toys; I wasn’t sure I was actually going to be able to do it. However, the experience wasn’t arousing for me either. It was more of a fun game that was non-sexual. I would definitely do it again for a partner to experience what he was using on me, but I don’t have any newfound desires to start spanking other people’s asses.

©2018 WoodLeatherLace.com

Erection by Pizza

Because a few of the dating sites I’m on have changed their messaging policies, I no longer get the slew of obnoxious messages I used to get. But every once in a while one comes through that just makes me scratch my head. The most recent one was: “I was more excited to see your profile photo than pizza. And I really like pizza.”

I refrained from sending back the snarky reply, “Really? You get erections from pizza? Also, telling a strange woman that her picture gives you an erection is usually not the best way to win her favor, especially when comparing her to a piece of greasy food. Just FYI.”

©2018 WoodLeatherLace.com

You Know Whom You Are

Some of my past lovers continue to read my blog; others don’t. I understand either way as to why they might want to and why they might not. One of my past lovers who continues to read my blog recently commented to me that I never ended up writing anything about our breakup. He was concerned about what horrid things I might say about him when I finally did. This is mainly for him, so he can see it in print:

I still love you, and I always will. You are an amazing and wonderful man. The woman who is the right woman for you is going to be so blessed to have you. I hate that I am not the right woman for you. I wish I could be. You are so honest, trustworthy, loving, kinky, and passionate. You are almost everything I need and want… except in those few areas where we both know we don’t align. And those were the deal-breakers between us.

I am so grateful to have been your lover, and I am even more thankful that you are remaining my friend. I need you in my life, and I’m glad you have chosen to stay when walking away could be the easier choice. If I had to do it again, I would, even though the pain of our breakup was terrible because we do love each other. The good with you definitely far outweighed the bad. I want every happiness in the world for you, including you being able to find that woman who will be able to fulfill all of your desires.

©2018 WoodLeatherLace.com

Seeing His Handwriting

Previously I blogged about how I hadn’t seen any of my lovers’ handwriting in recent years. It seemed odd to me, but it was true.

My most recent lover read that blog post and decided to pop that cherry for me. One night, he surprised me by handing me a small notebook which had notes he had taken during a meeting at work that day. I looked over the notes and couldn’t make heads or tails of them. I asked him what he wanted me to glean from those notes because they really weren’t that interesting to me.

“It’s my handwriting,” he said. Oh. I was totally surprised. Here it was: a lover actually showing me his handwriting. And now that I was actually seeing a partner’s handwriting, I was in shock. I didn’t quite know how to process it. His handwriting looked nothing like what I expected it would look like.

I’m still not quite sure how to process that experience, but I am grateful that my lover was so caring that he went out of his way to meet one of my “fantasies,” albeit a pretty tame one!

©2018 WoodLeatherLace.com