A Threesome with Vivian

(Credit goes to an ex-boyfriend for the blog post title.)

Some Friday nights, we old folk don’t have it in us to go out partying. Ok, that’s most Friday nights, if we’re being honest. Some nights, even a sex date isn’t even in the cards because we’re just too wiped out. So at one point during our relationship, an ex-boyfriend and I settled in to find something interesting to watch on Amazon Prime. We tried watching Gigahoes, a show about sex robots, but we only made it through five of the six minutes of the first episode. It was so bad we couldn’t keep going despite the promising subject matter. We tried a few other things, but nothing was catching our interest.

Then we fell down the rabbit hole of Vivian Tries, a YouTube vlogger whose work has been picked up by Amazon for some unknown reason. The first video we watched was The World’s Biggest Ice Cream Taco.  Anytime “tacos” are brought up, the kinky immediately let their brains meander into the gutter (especially when a local taco spot has a breakfast favorite called “the dirty sanchez“). We weren’t disappointed in this horribly made episode which was filled with unintentional double entendres about filling tacos with gooey fillings. Our chorus of “that’s what she said” was repeated far too often for what was meant to be a “cooking” video.

From there, my ex-boyfriend and I moved on to intentionally chosen and sexually inspiring titles like Bake Snake or Giant Stuffed Meatballs. We rapidly approached that slap-happy state wherein things that really aren’t that funny become hysterical. Vivian’s videos really are closer to stupid than comedic most of the time. However, with the right company and the right mindset plus heaping doses of exhaustion and perversion, our evening became downright unforgettable as we laughed ourselves silly.

One of the final episodes we watched before giving up for the night (to go to bed, separately) was on the Swifty Sharp knife sharpener wherein Vivian was tackling the likes of a ripe tomato or unripe pineapple. Once again, the unintended double entendres had us in tears of laughter as Vivian declared she was “gonna glance at the instructions because it’s got a whole lot of places where you can put things in.” At another point she noted, “Oh, shit, both of my tomatoes are really soft.” Vivian’s generally clueless demeanor was emphasized as she declared that the knife sharpener “needs square batteries… I don’t think I have square batteries… shit… oh, no, my bad, it doesn’t need square batteries.” It needed 4 AAs which she goes to grab; of course, we began placing bets as to whether or not she was robbing remotes or sex toys to come up with those batteries.

The world of kinky dating isn’t always swinging from the chandeliers in a harness and ropes while fucking each other with dildos and vibrators. Some nights, it’s just curling up on the couch together to watch stupid tv. On this particular night, we were both stone cold sober, but the videos we were watching could not have been much funnier even if we were under the influence. Sometimes all it takes is the right mindset to turn a cheap, exhausted date into one of the best you have ever had.

©2018 WoodLeatherLace.com

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