In one of my recent relationships, my partner was a relative newbie to BDSM. I don’t have a problem with dating novices because we were all new to kink at one point. There are some advantages of being with newbies in that their egos are often not rigid around believing they know exactly what to do for every single partner they play with rather than adapting for each partner’s needs. They’re more teachable! On the other hand, novices often make newbie errors which can be literally painful. It’s a risk, but it’s one I’m willing to take if the partner is right for me.
The partner in question really hadn’t done much kink with other women. He identified as a switch, but I am a sub. I don’t mind switching on rare occasion, but it’s not my preference. Thus, this partner was topping me, something he didn’t have a lot of experience in doing. He loves spanking women, so that part of our fetishes lined up well as I appreciate a man who wants to spank me.
One of his fetishes that didn’t line up well with mine was that he liked bruising and marking. I don’t. It just doesn’t work for me. I don’t mind if accidental small marks happen, but if I bruise in a large way, then my Dom has been playing too hard with me. All of my partners have been aware of this and most have respected my limits. However, for the ones who had a bruising fetish, I have found many often pushed the boundaries to see how far they could take things with me. It’s become enough of a pattern that I’m now hesitant to play with any man who has a fetish for leaving marks or bruising.
When it came to this recent partner, he had some of the hardest hands I’ve ever been spanked with. He told me ahead of time that his hand was a brutal weapon. I didn’t believe him. He was right. I truly preferred crops, paddles, hairbrushes… almost any implement over his hand. He was a hard spanker, and he meant business when he began spanking.
The one day we had been having all sorts of kinky fun which involved flogging, hand spanking, and sex. After I had cum repeatedly, for some reason I ended up getting out my hairbrush and bathbrush collection for my newish partner to use on me. The activity became a test to see which brush caused which reaction from me. My partner wasn’t hitting me extraordinarily hard, but he was spanking me after we’d already had a session of flogging and his normal hard hand spanking.
The brushes were feeling rather ouchie, to put it mildly, but I just assumed that was his arm strength combined using the brushes on me. I’d never felt anything like it with previous partners, and I was enjoying the playful session a lot. Since I was on my stomach on my bed and don’t have any kind of useful mirrors in my bedroom, I couldn’t see what kind of damage my bottom was suffering.
It turns out I was enduring a lot. Probably because I was on a post-orgasmic endorphin high, I had no idea how hard he was actually spanking with the brushes, and I had no idea how red and bruised I was getting. Since he had no experience with spanking other women with brushes, he really didn’t know what he was doing either.
After a spanking session with a partner, my bottom is normally back to my normal pale white by the time we’ve finished, showered, and cleaned up. The only reason I’ve ever seen a cover of redness is if my partner takes a picture during the session. I fade quickly for whatever reason.
This time was different. A few hours later, my partner and I were watching a movie together on the couch. My bottom was really stinging in a very painful way. I couldn’t understand why there was so much burning and stinging. I finally had my partner look, and in a pleased voice, he let me know that I had a bunch of red welts and bruises. He took a picture to show me the damage. I was not happy about it though he obviously was.
Twenty-four hours later, he took another picture for me because I was still sore. The welts and redness were still quite visible though they were beginning to fade. I was very emotionally uncomfortable with what had resulted, but I knew that this was part of playing with a newbie. I made it clear to him that I didn’t ever want to play that hard again, and since I couldn’t see what was happening or tell the difference in how it felt, I was going to be depending on him to stop the playing or shift to less damaging implements when my body was starting to mark. He agreed. He hadn’t intentionally marked me, but he also wasn’t upset that it had happened.
However, I was upset. Deeply upset. I couldn’t figure out why. It took me a few more days to realize why the whole event was so disturbing to me. It turns out it had nothing to do with kink or my current partner.