Month: January 2018

A Valentine’s Day Secret

This blog post brought to you by a bottle of red wine and a box of assorted dark chocolates, both of which were bought by me, for me.

Psst. Wanna know a secret?

I hate Valentine’s Day.

Twice a year, I let the calendar get to me a lot more than I should. Valentine’s Day is one of those two occasions. And even though it’s not even February yet, the big ol’ V-Day curse is haunting me and depressing me.

You see, I’ve never celebrated Valentine’s Day with a boyfriend, lover or partner. Never. Ever. For some reason, fate laughs at me, and I’m always single on Valentine’s Day, left alone to watch all the other happy people surrounding me as they celebrate their love for each other.

The only time I wasn’t single on Valentine’s Day was when I was dating or married to my now ex-husband, and even when we were dating he didn’t celebrate Valentine’s Day. He didn’t see the point. He already had me following him around like a dope because I was so head over heels for him, so why should he do anything out of the ordinary for me? He didn’t think he had to because he knew my love for him was assured. Hence, he never once bought me a card, flowers, chocolates, jewelry or even wished me a happy Valentine’s Day. Instead, it was just another ordinary day to him. I bought him cards, wrote him love letters, bought him candy and gave him flowers. He just didn’t return the sentiments.

So even though I had a partner on Valentine’s Day for so many years, I still had to watch others lugging roses from their boyfriends around campus, or in later years, posting pictures of them on Facebook with notes about how amazing their partners were. Me? Nope. Nothing to post. Nothing at all.

This year all the Valentine’s Day marketing seems to have started earlier than usual, and it already has put me in my February funk. While Valentine’s Day is still more than two weeks away, I can pretty much be assured I won’t be having kinky sex then to celebrate my love for a man or his love for me. Instead, I’ll be here drinking my wine and binge eating my chocolates. Alone.

Valentine’s Day really sucks for the singles, y’all. No matter how much “Singles Appreciation Day” spin you try to put on it, when you want to be in a relationship and aren’t, it just is no fun to watch everyone else around you celebrating their romantic love with their partners.

©2018 WoodLeatherLace.com

Spanking Survey, Part 10

This post is a continuing series of spanking survey questions, now moving to questions about spankings as an adult. Previous parts are here: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine.

Do you find the thought of getting spanked by your partner sexually exciting? Um, hell yeah!

Do you find the thought of spanking your partner sexually exciting? Not really, but I’ve never experienced it. I’d be open to spanking a partner once or twice if he wanted to see whether it works for me. I think this is one of those things that there’s a possibility I will like more once I try it, but until I have that experience, I can’t be certain.

What is your favorite thing about spanking? Do I have to pick one thing? I love the threats of being put over his knee. I love the anticipation. I love the lecture before it starts. I love being ordered to pull down my panties or I love being told I don’t deserve to pull down my panties because I’ve been a naughty girl so my spanker has to do it for me. I love the feeling of being put over his lap. I love the feel of his hand on my bottom as he continues lecturing me. I love the nervous waiting for that first strike to happen. I love when he makes the first spank unexpectedly. I love the heat and pain building in my bottom. I love never knowing where the next spank will land. I love not knowing how he’s going to spank me or where he’s going to spank me or what he is going to spank me with. I love being lectured throughout the spanking. I love him deciding whether or not I’m repentant enough or not to stop. And most importantly, I love him telling me that I’ve been a good girl in taking my spanking so well and giving me the aftercare I need to know that the spanking has cleansed my guilt and made me a good girl again.

Do your friends know you are a spanko? Only men I have dated or had sex with. Even therapists have only known that I am kinky but not exactly what that kink involves. A few close friends know I met some of the men I dated on Fetlife, but they don’t know the details of what we did in the bedroom.

Do you self spank? No. I want someone else to do it. I have tried on occasions in the past, and my self-preservation instinct is too high. I’ll give myself one good swat and then my brain says, “Nope. No more.” The kinky side of my brain that wants it can’t override the self-preservation side.

What is your least favorite spanking implement? Of the implements that I have experienced, rope. A top used hemp rope on me without my consent, and he also struck on my lower back in the “no strike zone.” Even if you take those factors away, holy cow. It was very stingy and very whippy. I would only accept a few strokes of it for a serious punishment and only on my bottom. This is followed by the crop being used like a cane. I’m not a fan of whippy instruments.

Would you describe yourself as a rule follower or a rule breaker? I generally am a rule follower. I don’t speed, I don’t do drugs, I have never been to jail, I’ve never shoplifted, I don’t lie… keeps me out of trouble.

Have you ever spanked a partner? No, but I am open to doing so in the future.

Do you want to be threatened with spankings? Definitely! I’d love to have a partner whisper in my ear when we were out in public that he plans to roast my bottom that evening. Or I would love to have him send me texts throughout the day reminding me of what is going to happen to my bottom in another 5 hours.

Do you like being lectured? Yes, very much so. I’m very verbally oriented, so I like hearing my partner telling me what I’ve “done wrong” and how he’s going to punish me for it. The words are as important as the actions.

Would you like an all day spanking day? Yes, I’d love to do this sometime, especially at an isolated cabin in a rural area where the spankings could be interspersed with walks in the woods (for spankings in the outdoors) and trips to swim nude in a creek or lake followed by wet-bottom outdoor spankings.

What sex do you prefer to be spanked by? Men. I’m heterosexual, and since spanking is sexual for me, it’s my partners I want to be spanked by.

Would you ever see a dominatrix? Yes, despite the previous answer. I have a fantasy that involves doing this. I’d love my partner to take me to a dominatrix to punish me while he watched and then to have him comfort me when she was done. I think it would be a really fun birthday or anniversary present to us.

Where do you like being spanked besides your butt? My breasts, my pussy, the backs of my thighs, my inner thighs, and my feet. I’ve been flogged on my upper shoulders and while it’s an interesting sensation and experience, it wasn’t really erotic for me the way other areas of my body are. I consider a spanking incomplete if the back of my thighs haven’t been spanked.

Who do you like to pull down your pants and underwear? Generally speaking, I like my partner to do it as part of my submission to him. As a naughty little girl, I don’t get the privilege of doing it myself. I like being ordered to take them down but resisting until he is forced to do it for me (and punish me for not complying).

When you get spanked as an adult, do you cry? Have you ever been spanked to tears? I have not cried during a spanking as an adult, but I also have not experienced an incredibly intense spanking either. I would very much like my next serious partner to be able to develop enough trust with me so we can take spankings to this level of intensity.

Have you had a birthday spanking as an adult? Yes, more than one. I’ve also willingly taken my Doms’ birthday spankings for them.

Have you ever been spanked in the workplace? No.

Would you ever want to be spanked in the workplace? Maybe? Under the right circumstances when no one else is in the building and there’s next to no chance of getting caught. Public sex/spanking really isn’t my thing. I don’t really see this ever being something that happens for me.

Have you ever been spanked in a cemetery? No. I’d consider it in a rural area.

Have you ever been spanked in a church? No, not as a child or an adult. I’d love to be spanked in some old church ruins in a rural British area. That seems totally appropriate.

Have you been spanked on a wet bottom? Not as an adult. It’s on my list of things to do.

My mother gave me one wet bottom spanking that I remember as a child, but I was so shocked and traumatized that I was even getting spanked that I don’t think I noticed a difference as to if it was more painful or not.

Have you ever asked anyone but a partner for a spanking? Not yet.

How old were you when you got your first spanking as an adult? In my thirties. I don’t know exactly how old I was.

How long has it been since you got spanked as an adult? Way too fucking long.

Do you ever try to get a spanking? Yes, I am a total brat to urge my Doms to spank me. They know when I’m asking for a funishment.

Do you find spankings embarrassing as an adult? Talking about my childhood spankings, yes. That’s part of why I have been blogging about them to try to break down some of the pain and shame associated with them

Getting a spanking from my partner as an adult in private? Definitely not. I enjoy them and need them. 

Did you get spanked on your wedding day/night? No, not from family nor from husband. I suspect my dad wanted to give me a disciplinary spanking a few days before the wedding because he was frustrated that I wasn’t doing what he wanted related to the wedding. He didn’t, and things would not have been good if he had tried as I was a legal adult at that point. It would have ended our strained relationship permanently.

Unfortunately, I didn’t get a romantic one from my husband either. If/when I remarry, I am going to make sure my new husband knows that being spanked on my wedding day is a priority. I wouldn’t mind walking down the aisle with a red bottom, and I wouldn’t mind a reprise in the honeymoon suite!

©2018 WoodLeatherLace.com

Thanks a Lot

When you go on a really great date with a guy you really like that ends too soon but with an enthusiastic hug and kiss (both initiated by him) and then two days later he sends an email that says, “BTW, I really like you and want to see you again but I’m actually exploring poly so it won’t work out so best of luck.” Um, did you not think to mention this when I discussed during the date how hard of a time I am having finding a monogamous man? Why did you kiss me like that if you knew I was mono and you are poly? Did you really think you are Prince Charming and that your kiss would somehow magically convert me to poly?

Thanks a lot for leaving me completely devastated and ensuring that my 2018 gets off to the same shitty start that 2017 ended on. Had you not kissed me and had just been honest on the date, I wouldn’t have been so deeply hurt. But now? Now I feel used and decimated. I didn’t need your pity hug and pity kiss.

©2018 WoodLeatherLace.com

Spanking Survey, Part 9

This post is a continuing series of spanking survey questions, now moving to questions about spankings as an adult. Previous parts are here: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.

When did you start wanting to be spanked as an adult? I asked my then fiancé when I was I my early twenties. He said no. It took a very long time and a marriage counselor before he started spanking me, and even then, I never got the kinds of spankings I wanted from him.

Who do you want to be spanked by as an adult? My male partner. Spanking for me is very sexual; I can’t imagine a spanking without sex. I’ve got a fantasy of being spanked by a maternal disciplinarian who would then leave for my male partner to “comfort me.” I’m not sure if I will ever act on it. That will probably depend on future partners and their fantasies. Some fantasies are just mean to be fantasies, though.

What is the reddest your bottom has ever gotten from a spanking as an adult? Dark pink. I’d love to go for red. I’m told I fade very quickly; I often can’t see any indication I was spanked after my partner and I get done having post-spanking sex.

Would you be interested in being spanked by a machine? It’s an interesting idea. I’d be open to trying it once to see what it’s like, especially if my partner is sitting there looking me in the face and lecturing me while the machine spanks.

Would you volunteer as the target in a spanking booth? Maybe, under the right conditions. It would have to be for a great charitable cause, it would have to require expensive donations (like at least $10 a swat), it would have to be clothed, it would have to be for a limited time or maximum number of swats total, and it would have to have a maximum on number of swats from each person. But other than all of those conditions, sure. 🙂

Would you like receiving bedtime spankings? Absolutely! I would love to go to bed on a red bottom after waiting all day after getting a text from my partner warning me that I would be getting a bedtime spanking that night. I have been spanked in the evenings by partners before bed, but I’ve never gotten a ritualistic bedtime spanking from any of them.

Have you ever participated in a spanking contest? (a contest where you and a friend spank each other mercilessly and see who lasts longer) No. I’ve never actually spanked any of my partners, so this hasn’t been an option. I don’t do casual spanking with friends. I’ve never really had any desire to spank my partners, but I would upon request.

Have you ever been spanked nude in front of your friends? No, and I would never agree to it.

Have you ever been spanked until you cried? Not as an adult as of this post. I really want to experience this with someone, but I will have to establish a lot of trust with him first.

How often are you spanked? When I am in a relationship, almost every time we get together and are in a private location!

How often would you like to be spanked? I’d like play spankings or funishment at least 5 times a week once I’m in a relationship. Sometimes I consider whether I’d like once a week disciplinary or maintenance spanking, but I can’t really see that happening except with the right partner.

How long are your spankings? They don’t have a set time limit. A partner and I integrate them into sex and/or role playing, so the whole event is a minimum of an hour most of the time and often two or more. I love having a short “good morning spanking” that is hard enough to pinken up my bottom a bit but that doesn’t last that long. It’s just a good way to start the day.

Do you find violence sexually exciting? Not at all. Violence is a huge turnoff for me. Videos that have abuse of women are ones I turn off quickly. I don’t like seeing bruising of bottoms that is so bad that they are literally purple, black, or lacerated either. I like lecturing during spankings, but I don’t like verbal abuse.

Would you consider a Domestic Discipline (DD) relationship? In a word, no. I want a partnership that is equal that is built on respect and trust.

However, in one of my fantasies, while we would be equals, I would approach him once a week with a log of things I had done wrong. I would ask him to spank me for them. It would not be like in a DD relationship where one partner decides that the other needs to be spanked. I would be responsible for “confessing my sins” and then he would apply a spanking based on a rubric we had established. For example, for each day I failed to put my clean laundry away, I would get 10 hard hand spanks on my bare bottom, or for each time I used profanity unnecessarily, I would get a lick with the belt.

That said, I would not be opposed to him approaching me and saying, “Hey, it seems like you’ve gotten up on the wrong side of the bed today. Would a good old-fashioned spanking help to change your attitude for the rest of the day?” It would be a discussion and decision between the two of us, not him dictating what I need. I don’t want someone controlling me. I want him being my partner and equal in decision making including around what I needed.

However, I’ve never had a relationship with someone where I felt like this fantasy could be a reality. It may always just be a fantasy.

Why do you feel a need to be punished as an adult? Well, let’s start with the fact that I’m a spanko who reads too much erotic fiction and has too many fantasies in her head. 🙂

Beyond that, I think those of us who were raised in a pro-spanking society have it engrained in our brains that spanking is a way of redemption, a way of cleansing guilt, and a way of atoning for our sins or misbehaviors. I never felt that relief from the abusive spankings I received as a child, though. I only felt bitterness, anger, judgment and shame. I felt punished, not cleansed. I’m not sure if I would be able to achieve that redemptive feeling from an adult punishment or not.

What would you like to be punished for as an adult? Procrastination would definitely be the main problem for me. I could use a little motivation. I can also lose my cool at times when someone pushes my buttons, and I don’t like it when I do.

©2018 WoodLeatherLace.com

Spanking Survey, Part 8

This post is a continuing series of spanking survey questions, now moving between questions about children to adults. Previous parts are here: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven.

Now that you’re older, what is your opinion on the use of spanking with children? Frankly put, I think it’s wrong. I don’t support it at all.

Do you think parents have a right to spank their children? Legally in the US, yes. Ethically and morally, no. Hitting people without their consent is assault. Just because the person is littler than you or younger than you doesn’t make it right.

How do you think parents should spank their children? They shouldn’t.

What ages do you think parents should spank children? They shouldn’t.

Is corporal punishment an effective method of disciplining a child? This is a question that can be answered in many ways. It’s like asking, “Is war effective?” It depends on what your goal is and what consequences you are willing to have all participants suffer from as a result of those actions. Generally speaking, though, I don’t think it’s a good way to discipline a child. I think that spanking is far overused in our culture.

Does corporal punishment lead to the development of good character? No, generally not. Children who are abused are more likely to become abusers. They’re more likely to become bullies. They’re more likely to act out. I saw it vividly among classmates and students whom I taught. People with “good character” who treat those around them with respect can be raised without corporal punishment. It just takes education about alternative ways to parent.

Does corporal punishment help build respect for authority figures? No, generally not. More often than not, it teaches children to fear their parents or those who have spanked them. That’s not respect. Respect is something that is given freely and which is earned through actions that merit respect. Hitting someone because you are bigger than them is not a respect-earning action.

Does corporal punishment work better than other disciplinary methods that don’t involve physical pain? Again, it depends on what “better” means. If you want an immediate end to a certain action, corporal punishment can be more effective with younger children than things that make no sense to them such as grounding. However, if administered incorrectly, it will lead to emotional damage. Often there are ways to redirect children’s behavior that involve preventive parenting and logical consequences. These are far more effective in the long run in teaching children appropriate behaviors.

Have you ever intervened in a situation in which a child was being hit by a parent/guardian in public? No. I have only witnessed one such situation which I mentioned in survey 6 at the end. I regret not having the willpower to intervene, though. I’m sure it wouldn’t have changed the outcome for that child, but at least the child would have known someone cared about him since his parent clearly didn’t.

Did you spank your own children if you had any? No, my ex-husband and I were against spanking. We both had been spanked as children, but it didn’t make sense to us. We decided to find other ways with the help of parenting classes and parenting books. I’m grateful we did. It is entirely possible to raise happy, respectful, well-behaved children without using spanking.

Until such classes and books are free and readily available, I don’t see most making changes in the US though. Too many people can’t think outside of how they were raised. There are a lot of bad stereotypes that if you don’t spank children, they will be brats. That’s not true. Kids need structure and discipline, but that doesn’t have to be corporal punishment.

If you have children would you spank them as a last resort? No.

If so, is there anything you would do differently compared to your parents? When we decided we were against spanking completely, that decision was 100% different than how our parents acted or our siblings parented their children.

Do you think spankings should be allowed in schools? Absolutely not. None of the schools I attended spanked, and it was never necessary.

Do you think corporal punishment should be considered by the courts for children? For adults? For children, no. For adults? Maybe. I think a lot of people would chose a public caning (like in some Eastern countries) than a prison sentence. The only way I would support it, though, if was if the sentenced person was given a choice between corporal punishment and a prison sentence.

©2018 WoodLeatherLace.com