This post and several to follow it are part fetish, part therapy for me. I have never been able to talk to any of my partners or therapists about my childhood spankings, but I’ve reached a place where I can finally write about them. I figure that if I’m not able to discuss them with a partner, I can send him here in the future. So with that in mind, I’ve collected a lot of spanking survey questions from across the internet for my benefit and my readers’ benefit. This is just part one of a series.
Do you believe spankings are an effective form of discipline? Generally speaking, no. They can be useful in very rare instances when administered properly (see a following post for the very strict criteria of what that means). In my case, though, I was abused, as are many other children.
How often were you spanked growing up (rarely, often or very often)? I honestly don’t know. I only remember the worst of the spankings; I think I’ve blocked the rest out.
When you were spanked, how hard was it? Very hard. My parents didn’t mess around when it came to real spankings. Warning swats were also given very hard.
Were spankings given on clothing, underwear, bare bottom or nude? I received spankings in all states of dress and undress. Warning swats were usually over clothes on the butt or on the back of legs when wearing a short skirt or shorts. Sometimes it was only one swat. Sometimes I would be grabbed by the arm and given three to five hard swats on the bottom over whatever I was wearing with promises of more if I didn’t change my behavior or being spanked when we got home. Generally speaking, I was spanked bare bottom.
Once I was spanked at the same time as my brother when I was about 6. I was wearing a one piece fleece sleeper which my mother amazingly left up; my younger brother was wearing thin two-piece pajamas, so my mother pulled them down and spanked him bare bottom immediately after spanking me. I don’t know why I lucked out and he didn’t because we were equally guilty of the “offense” in her eyes. I suspect she may have sexually abused him at some point, and that may be why she wanted to see him naked even then.
My mother also burst into the bathroom once when I was 6 or 7, ripped me out of the bathtub, pulled me over her knee while she was sitting on the toilet, and gave me a very hard nude spanking. This is the only spanking as a child that in retrospect as an adult that I think I truly deserved because it was safety related. However, it was carried out very, very poorly. I had no idea I was going to be spanked until my mother came into the bathroom and started violently spanking me. I was VERY resentful about how she did it. After she finished spanking me, I was plopped back in the bathtub to finish my bath while sobbing, and she stormed out of the bathroom again.
What position were you in for spankings? For warnings, I was usually standing. For real spankings, I was over my parents’ knees. Occasionally I might have my pants and panties dropped and be spanked standing up if a chair was not adjacent to us, but usually I was dragged by my arm (or carried when I was younger) to the nearest chair, couch, bed or toilet for my parent to sit and spank bare bottom and hard.
Where were spankings given? Any place my parents wanted to spank me. Generally speaking, I never got more than a less than subtle warning or a warning swat in public. They would take me home to spank me. I was spanked at my grandmother’s house at least once when I was very little, and I’m not sure if extended family watched or not. I have memories of being spanked in my bedroom in two different houses, the guest bedroom, the living room, the family room, the entry hallway, the garage hallway, the kitchen, the bathroom, and the basement.
What implements were used during your spankings? My parents only used their hands that I remember. I suspect I may have been spanked with a hairbrush or spoon at some point, but I don’t remember it. My parents did enough emotional damage with their hands on my bare bottom.
Do you feel you’re a better or more disciplined person today because of it? Absolutely not. It left me traumatized. I lived my entire childhood in fear and was desperate to get out of their house.
Who did the discipline in your house? My mom was a stay-at-home mom and my dad traveled a lot for his business, so she was the primary disciplinarian and spanker. She spanked on the spot. My father was not hesitant to spank on evenings and weekends when he was around. Whichever parent was angry spanked.
Did you ever get spanked by anyone other than your parents? Again, I am not sure. I don’t think a babysitter ever did. I don’t think babysitters had permission. I never had a friend’s parent spank me nor was I ever sent home for a spanking by a friend’s parent. I was a pretty good kid who really didn’t need spankings more than a handful of times in my life but got them way more often.
My one aunt threatened to spank me bare bottom when I was nine or ten for generally not being respectful enough towards my mother (her sister), and as she was very young (only about 21), I was not happy about her threat. She was driving when she made the threat, so I wasn’t in imminent danger, but it loomed over me for quite a while. I don’t know if she actually had permission to spank me or not. When I was babysitting her two year old when I was in high school, though, she told me that if he misbehaved I was to “spank his bare little bottom.” I suspect my mother would not have objected if her sister spanked me; she probably would have spanked me again for being such an embarrassment.
I suspect I was spanked by dad’s mom at some point, but I don’t have memories. I know my mom’s dad once kick-spanked my butt when I was laying on his family room floor when I was about 6 or 7 because he didn’t approve of me laying on my stomach on the floor propped up on my elbows playing. I didn’t say anything to my parents because I was sure they would have spanked me for shaming them.
I don’t know if any other aunts or uncles on either side of the family had permission to spank. Most of them spanked their own children hard and often, though. Only one aunt/uncle did not, and the rest of the family was very vocal in their opinions about how they had brats as a result.
What offences did your parents consider deserving of a spanking? This is where the abuse came in. There was no rhyme or reason for why we were spanked. Something that merited a spanking one day would be fine the next. The only common theme I can see between my spankings was that my parents were using us as punching bags: whenever they were mad, including at each other, they would wait for one of us to do something remotely spankable and then we would get it. Many of the things I was spanked for were not at all reasonable spanking offenses. There were other times when I was a complete brat and didn’t get spanked. In retrospect, I can see some of the spankings were because they were embarrassed by me for things that shouldn’t have been shameful.
Was it effective in making you stop doing whatever you were doing wrong? I lived my childhood in fear of being spanked. I felt like I had to be perfect. Being spanked for genuine mistakes was not out of the question. So yes, it stopped me from doing naughty things and made me live in fear for being spanked when I didn’t follow the arbitrary rules.
When your parents spanked, was it done on the spot while you were standing, or would they make it a bigger event by making you go over their knee or over your bed, etc.? It was always done immediately, usually on the spot. There was no routine or scene. Both mother and father just grabbed and spanked while screaming at me about how bad I was. One exception was if I tried running away from them by going to my room where they’d inevitably catch up with me and spank me. I’d also occasionally get sent to my room and they’d quickly follow to spank me.
What age did you get your last spanking and what did you do? My last bare bottom over the knee spanking was when I was 9 or 10, and it was for playing with my toys in the guest bedroom because my room was so small there was no real room to play in there. I didn’t put them away, and without warning the next day, my mother dragged me in the guest bedroom spanked me while she was sitting on the floor, pulling me over her knee and pulling down my pants and underwear. I had no idea it was coming until it happened. There were no rules about having to immediately pick up and put away toys in our house, so it was really unexpected and I didn’t ever understand why I got it other than she was having a bad day.
My mother slapped me across the face several times as a teenager through high school.
I really don’t remember when my last bare bottom spanking from my father was, though I think I was less than 9. My brother was spanked well beyond age 9. The last one I remember of his was at age 13, but he probably was spanked beyond. He was not as bright as me about avoiding trouble. He talked back to my parents when they were already angry which was a really stupid move on his part.
Did you cry every time? Yes, as soon as I realized what was about to happen. I sobbed for a long time afterward. My father would often come back and threaten to give me something else to cry about if I didn’t stop crying. He had zero patience with children who acted up in anyway including just making typical kid noises or crying after a spanking. He really doesn’t like children.
How did your parents know you learned your lesson? My parents weren’t trying to make sure we learned a lesson. They just wanted to vent their anger on us. They stopped spanking when they were less angry and felt we’d had enough.
What other discipline methods did your parents use on you? Time outs, grounding, restriction of toys or personal property, destruction of toys, being sent to my room (and not knowing if I was going to be spanked or not until I was allowed out which was some arbitrary amount of time), being sent to bed without supper, being sent to bed early, yelling, emotional abuse, neglect, shaming, belittling, writing lines.
Do you feel it was abuse or at times necessary discipline? With the exception of one spanking which I probably deserved but was given in an abusive fashion, I felt it was all abuse.
Do you believe that spanking may have led to anger and/or trust issues with your parents? Absolutely. It also created PTSD.
Were you afraid of your parents? Very much so.
Were you ever spanked in public? Not more than a warning smack that I remember. I suspect I may have been taken to the car and been spanked on occasion, but I don’t remember it. I was threatened with public bathroom spankings but I don’t know if I ever got one. I may have been spanked in public before my memories kick in, though.
Were you ever spanked in front of others? My parents had no problem spanking siblings in front of each other, though I only remember being spanked once in front of my brother and I only remember him being spanked three total times, once in conjunction with me. I’m sure there were many more times. I suspect I was probably spanked in front of grandparents at various points, too, but I don’t remember. Mercifully my parents never spanked in front of friends or guests.
Were you spanked at school? Never, nor did I witness any spankings. I think it was illegal in all the states I lived in. We moved frequently so I lived in many states across the nation from coast to coast and went to many schools, but none were in the deep South.
One of my male grade school gym teachers would give playful birthday spankings that were given while we all sat in a circle on the gym floor. He would pull the birthday child over his lap and given a firm but not hard birthday spanking over clothing. The children could decide if they wanted to be spanked. Most did. The year my birthday wasn’t on a weekend, I declined. I got more than enough spanking at home!
(continue to part two)