My first lover and I were both virgins when we met in college. We both were also Christian, him more so than me. He was fully intent on waiting for marriage. Originally I held that same ideal having had it banged into my head after 18+ years of Catholic education and upbringing. However, the longer we were together, the more I wanted him and the less I wanted to wait.
The problem was that he wasn’t willing to break the ideals of his strict religious upbringing to be with me. We fought often about it when we were long past the point a couple should have already been having sex. Our relationship was suffering because we needed that sexual connection. However, unlike many who use the “poophole loophole” or oral sex, we weren’t engaging in any of those activities. Even getting him to go to second base was a challenge that took years.
When I finally wore him down (unfortunately an accurate assessment of how it happened), he reluctantly had sex with me. It was a disaster. Two virgins having sex with very little knowledge about sex beyond “insert penis into vagina” was really a bad combination. It was physically painful, emotionally excruciating, and very unromantic. Nothing resembled the passion and sensuality I had seen in movies. I was very disappointed.
While sex eventually got better with him, things were never great between us because neither of us had the education or experience we needed around sex. The internet wasn’t the internet back then, so we didn’t even have those resources. The only sex-related book I knew about was The Joy of Sex which I went out and bought, feeling very ashamed to do so. When I got it home, I was sorely disappointed. There was nothing in it to help make our sex life any better. I couldn’t even figure out the point of the book because it wasn’t great porn either.
As time passed, I approached him with ideas of things that would turn me on like spanking, bondage, and anal sex, but he shamed me for my desires. He considered them abnormal. He wasn’t willing to participate. I quit asking because I knew he wouldn’t give them to me.
As much as I loved him, I wish my first partner hadn’t been a vanilla virgin. As romantic as the idea is of two virgins losing their virginity together under the guise of true love, the reality just didn’t play out. It wasn’t until I was with other more experienced men that I truly learned what sex could be like, and I suddenly understood why so many people would do anything to have it. The sex I’d been having before that was just ok, like a saltine cracker instead of a piece of chocolate cake.