Month: May 2017

One Year

Yesterday was one year since we met in person for the first time. Tomorrow is one year since we first had sex. I am certain you don’t remember the dates; you’re not that kind of guy.

Ours was meant to be a casual relationship. It was supposed to be about sex and not much else. That quickly changed. By the third sex date, I had told you that I really liked you, and you nodded back yes, holding back tears, so choked up you couldn’t speak. By the fourth date, you accidentally called me by the nickname you used for your ex-wife.

You weren’t what I expected. You were physically beautiful. Your face was so sexy, and your body was well-sculpted. Your strong hands on my supple body felt so amazing. I couldn’t figure out why a man who looked like you would be willing to have sex with me, though it quickly became clear that you had mental health challenges, ones that impacted your life severely.

Yet underneath those mental health issues was one of the most sensitive, loving men I’ve ever met. You are tender and caring. You feel so deeply but you don’t want to, so you repress it all. You run from your feelings if they aren’t what your logic tells you that you “should” be feeling.

Even though the sex we had was amazing, you couldn’t look past your fantasies to see me for the dynamic woman that I am. You had a picture in your mind of what your future wife looks like, and that description didn’t line up with me. Hence, you couldn’t let yourself enjoy our relationship for what it was, and you couldn’t appreciate me for whom I am. Instead, you kept insisting on searching frantically for this unicorn you think exists, this perfect woman in mind and body who is going to accept you as you are, flaws and all.

Since I wasn’t perfect and I wasn’t your fantasy, you decided I was good for sex and nothing else. Despite that, you kept trying to change me. Even though I was ok with your issues, you weren’t ok with mine. You created an impossible situation in your mind, one that isn’t even scientifically realistic, and you wanted me to enact it so that I could change to become the woman of your dreams. You couldn’t let it go. You obsessed over this idea of what I should do with my body and my life. I know part of that was your mental illness; your obsession with that idea was rooted in your inability to focus on a broader picture. Still, part of it was you, too, judging me for not doing what you wanted me to do and for not being whom you wanted me to be.

When I couldn’t live with the judgment anymore, I ended it. I cried a lot of tears over you. I had fallen in love with you in the short time we were together. You got mad at me when I told you that I loved you. I told you that you didn’t have to feel it, but you couldn’t stop me from feeling it. That’s not how it works. I loved you. I still do. It wasn’t just the sex. It was the amazing man who lives trapped under a terrible mental illness that he can’t control.

And the sex…. No man before or since has made me cum the way you did. Our sex was beyond amazing. You are going to be the lover whom I compare all others to. You are the one who taught me what my body can do when it’s treated properly. You taught me that sex is the most amazing experience in the world when the right two people are partnered.

I gave you this blog link after we broke up, though I’m not sure if you got the message or if you read it. Even if you did, I’m not sure if you read this blog. But if you read this post, know that I still love you deeply and I always will. You will always hold the place in my heart as the lover who taught me what sex should be like if the chemistry is there. You are the man who showed me what tenderness, respect, and love can combine to be in a D/s relationship. I miss you touching me, kissing me, making me cum over and over again. The memories of what we shared will never leave, and I’m grateful for that because they are some of the most treasured ones I will ever have. While we would never be able to sustain a long-term relationship together and I know that, I will still love you.

Please take care of yourself. I hope you are happy. I hope you are in love. I hope that your world has improved. I often look for you in places where I think I might see you even though I know that I will probably never run into you again. Still, my heart still longs for you.

©2017 WoodLeatherLace.com

Womanscaping

I have never liked women’s electric razors. I’ve always found them to do a pathetic job on my leg hair. I much prefer a safety razor. When I was pregnant, I was able to talk my ex-husband into using his electric razor on my legs when I could no longer see or reach them. I was amazed at the difference. His razor worked a million times better than any “women’s” razor I had ever tried.

I didn’t do much sculpting of my pubic hair during marriage. My ex didn’t care, so I had a full bush most of the time. During pregnancy, I found that too hot, so my ex would use some hair scissors to trim it back, but it wasn’t really a very neat attempt.

Thus, entering the dating world again after my divorce, I quickly discovered most men greatly preferred a shaved pussy, though a few liked a neat trim or at least found it an acceptable substitute for a fresh shave. Full bushes definitely aren’t in style for most men of my age range at this time.

After giving myself a massive amount of razor burn trying to use a safety razor to shave my pussy, I decided it was time to try to find an electric razor for the job. After doing a great deal of research on the best razor for a woman to use on her delicate parts, I selected the Philips HP6378 Bikini Perfect Deluxe Trimmer, Opal / Aqua.

Plain and simple, I hated it.

From the start, the razor blade felt horribly dull and even like it was old and previously used. It tugged and pulled painfully on my pubic hair. It seemed like it barely removed anything in the process. My boyfriend also tried to use the epilator attachment to remove hair. While it worked, it was painful. Even worse, though, was getting so many ingrown hairs as they tried to grow back in.

I’ve given up using the Bikini Perfect Deluxe Trimmer except for one task: The epilator works well for removing those pesky dark midlife chin hairs. It’s not too uncomfortable on my chin, and I’ve only gotten one ingrown hair on regrowth on my chin.

But that once again left me with the challenge of what to do with my nether regions. I returned to my safety razor, making sure to use a new blade, but I still gave myself more razor burn than I would like. Finally, I remembered my experience with my ex-husband’s razor when I was pregnant. If men’s razors were better for legs, surely they were better for genitals, too?

71nzgdxyksl-_sy679_Once again, I did my research on the internet and settled on the Philips Norelco Bodygroom Series 7100, BG2040. After charging it up, I used the trimming edge to beat back my hair to a manageable level. Then I set about shaving it. What a difference! It was like the razor was fresh and new. With no cuts, I had an amazingly smooth pussy. Upon regrowth, I only had one ingrown hair. I was so impressed.

So why, once again, is it that the men’s product worked so well and the women’s product that is made by the same manufacturer was a piece of crap? Both were the same price ($60), yet one works and the other is horrible. Why is it that women’s razors aren’t as strong as men’s? In my experience, my pubic hair is the same texture and length as many of my partners’. So why should my razor have any less oomph to it? Why should my blade not be as sharp? I can understand possibly designing different shapes to the razors since male and female genitalia are obviously different in shape. But there’s no excuse for women’s razors not being as effective as men’s.

Women’s razors need to be just as serviceable as men’s. We don’t want our razors to be pretty and pink. We just want them to do their jobs without any painful side effects!

©2017 WoodLeatherLace.com

Online Dating Bloopers 11

Another week, another set of inane messages from clueless men in the dating world.  My patience levels have been lower than usual lately. I will sometimes ignore the men, and sometimes they get a snarky reply.

For those who are not familiar, I only have pictures of my feet and legs on dating sites, not my face. I’m also located in Texas.

Just in case anyone wonders or worries, I change names of men who don’t have common names like Joe or John. If someone named Voltron messaged me, I would alter his name to Victor.

**

“How are you” He is 13 years under my age range and is also a submissive. I don’t understand why guys like this message me. I just hit the block button.

“Hi….are both your legs tattooed?” Once again, no, my legs are not tattooed. They’re called pantyhose, guys! This guy is a smoker, so there’s not a chance in hell anyway.

“I’m 39 yrs old im6’5 with a big heart. i am the type of guy who doesnt judge anyone or treat anyone with disrespcet. It doesnt matter what on the outside it the inside that matter to me. I would love to talk to you some more here my number if you like to call me XXX-XXX-XXXX..” This is generic, and it’s from a guy I have little in common with. I also wonder what kind of woman is going to respond to a message like this with a phone number in the first message.

“Hey there sexy girl. How are you?” I often only send the link to this post in response. 

“Do you expect people to ask for your picture?” This guy pushed my buttons, so I responded, “Only the ones who are seriously interested. It filters out a lot of assholes.” And then I hit the block button.

“I like your picture. It definitely captures the moonlight in your eyes.” This guy was local and my age, and this was clearly a sarcastic comment. I just had no interest in him or replying.

“Hello Am ROY Hope am not invaliding your privacy, i Saw your profile on ok cupid, i thought i should contact you I’d like to meet someone looking for the eventual intimacy of a long-term relationship that wants to explore new activities and share some common interests with. You also share yourself easily with the right person and will surprise me with your own unique characteristics and interests. Hope that’s you .I am a well educated , intelligent , passionate man , with a very good sense of humor. I work very hard , but also enjoy times of relaxation, travel , fun ,and activity.” This wasn’t someone local. And there are just so many problems with this. He was clearly spamming women because his account has been deleted.

“Hi look, you owe me 99 cents because your profile melted my heart like a snickers bar in a pocket on a hot summer’s day. Anyway I hope to hear back from you because you look really interesting. Have a nice evening” This was someone not local who was also clearly spamming women. His account has been deleted. As far as corny pickup lines go, this one is a winner.

“Hello how are you doing today ,my name is Ben..” Again, another deleted account.

“Hey there! I’m ken. How are you?” This is someone local and my age, but he hadn’t filled out his profile. A week later, his profile is still mostly empty. He’s counting on his good looks carrying him. No thanks.

“Nice tattoos” He’s from New Jersey, and for the umpteenth time, those are stockings, not tattoos!

“Hi, how are you doing today, you look beautiful and awesome,.” Yet another guy sending a generic spam message because this doesn’t work for my photo of myself. His account has been deleted.

“Well say hi” This is someone who is 1.5 hours away, my age, and in no way a match. I hadn’t checked out his profile, so the comment is weird at best.

“hello how are u” This guy is from Arkansas and is not a good match at all.

“wanna chat sometime my name is randy XXX.XXX.XXXX” He’s three hours away, and no, I’m not going to call a man who sends me his number in the first message. Plus, his profile picture is him holding a fish.

“Tell me secret of you Sal” This man lives in Israel, and his profile is written in Hebrew. Clearly this is a bad translation. Pass.

“Incredible profile, I see you have written erotica, have you ever published any online? You seem pretty open minded so I have a question I have always wanted to ask someone, if 2 people of the same sex exchange oral sex, does that count as a sexual encounter do you think?” He’s from Oklahoma, and I didn’t even bother looking at his profile. I’m never sure if this kind of message is a man trying to jerk my chain, to find someone to have cybersex with, or is someone who is genuinely trying to get info. I send factual information and then hit the block button in response: “Yes, I have an erotic fiction blog. Any two (or more) people of any gender or any sex having oral-genital contact are having sex. The same is true of manual-genital contact, anal-oral contact, anal-genital contact, or manual-anal contact. All have a risk of sharing STIs. For informational reading, I suggest Good Vibrations’ sex ed pages, Good Vibrations’ book, or The Guide to Getting It On (any edition, available on Amazon or elsewhere).”

“Would love to chat sometime young lady. Frank” This was someone local, and he’s in my age range. However, he hasn’t filled out his profile at all. Then there’s the way he messaged me. I sent back the message, “I, like all women, deserve to be approached with respect. You have failed at that. Please read this blog post I have written. You have failed at many of its aspects.” And then I hit the block button.

©2017 WoodLeatherLace.com