Online Dating Bloopers 8

Another week, another set of bizarre propositions and questions from clueless men in the dating world. This week was rather quiet compared to usual. I’m not quite sure why. Perhaps a pre-spring break exodus?

For those who are not familiar, I only have pictures of my feet and legs on dating sites, not my face. I’m also located in Texas.

Just in case anyone wonders or worries, I change names of men who don’t have common names like Joe or John. If someone named Voltron messaged me, I would alter his name to Victor.


“Hello” We are not a match, and I don’t respond to notes that are this brief.

“hey there how are you today” He’s a smoker and an hour away.

“Hey there. How’s your Saturday night going??” He’s 14 years under my age range.

“Id love to get to know you darling” He is looking for a 24/7 submissive who would let him control every aspect of her life. Not my cup of tea.

“good evening sweetie let’s chat” I don’t respond to messages that address me by a term of affection. I don’t know this guy from Adam!

“Hi from Scotland” I’m pretty sure the problems are obvious!

“I am matured. 47” He was in India and clearly English is not his first language. This as an opening claim of course makes me suspect that this was not a “matured” person.

“Hi!You seem interesting but I can,t tell what you look like?Do yu have Facebook or phone we can share pics.I have plenty on my phone.Mike.” He lives an hour and a half away and is a smoker. I also don’t appreciate guys who offer more pictures of themselves right away when they have plenty online: That indicates they want to share dick pics that I haven’t requested to see.

“you look amazing!! Lol but I’m sure you already know that I read your profile and honestly I think I have a lot of things you like as in I love to sextext I love to give oral more then I like to receive lol don’t get me wrong I love to receive it but I love to make a women moan and get off that is very sexy to me I feel like a lot of guys my age are just looking for quick sex and don’t enjoy the for play but I’m completely different I live for play it’s very important lol I’m a people pleaser so I’m not an asshole at all and you have a very beautiful body that I would love to explore” This is clearly generic spam. I have nothing about cybersex in my profile. You can’t see my body in the photos. He’s 16 years under my age limit and lives in Illinois.

“Would you like to have dinner tonight????” My response? “No intelligent woman is going to meet with a strange man with no conversation beforehand. You live in a city three hours away. How do you think that we could meet for dinner tonight?”

Hi.. Do you like have sex online?” This from a guy in Turkey. Nope, I didn’t have cybersex with him. I blocked him.

“Good morning” His profile reads, “Hoping to find a woman who is not hung up on relationships.” He’s married. The first line of my profile says, “Please note: You MUST be truly single/divorced/widowed for me to be interested in you.” Want to bet he didn’t bother to read my profile? My response to him: “Clearly I am ‘hung up’ on relationships, and clearly you did not bother to read my profile. That or you have balls and an ego the size of New Jersey.”

“Hi! My name is Roy 🙂
[30 minutes later] I like your boots
[30 minutes later] I wish they were off though
[15 minutes later] Actually I wish they were under my bed ‘-) “
And at that point, I hit the block button. He is from California, so my boots were not going to be coming off under his bed regardless of anything else, but we definitely weren’t a match.


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