In my book, any encounter that includes genital contact and pleasure is sex. Thus, despite Bill Clinton’s protests, I believe he did have sexual relations with his intern. Oral, anal, vaginal, hand jobs, genital toys… all are definitely sex in my opinion.
So that leaves the question about cybersex. Is it sex? Does it count? When you number the partners that you’ve had, do you count cybersex partners into that number?
I’ve never counted my cybersex partners in my tally of sexual partners. There’s no STI risk. There’s no touch between us, though we certainly are touching ourselves. Sometimes (often) I don’t even know the man’s full name.
Yet part of me thinks about these men when I think about my sexual experiences. There’s something that happens during cybersex for me. I develop some kind of bond with the partner. It’s nowhere near as strong as the bond that happens during physical sex, but still, there’s something there.
Likewise, cybersex can be as good or as bad as in-person sex. A partner may or may not work well for me. Sometimes cybersex leads to in-person sex. Other times it teaches us that we aren’t great partners for each other.
A prior in-person sex partner of mine wanted to continue to have cybersex with other women while we were dating. I was mortified. I didn’t consider that a part of monogamy. To me, if he was having cybersex with other women, he was cheating on me. So in that sense, I certainly was counting cybersex as sex.
So does cybersex count? I still don’t know. In some ways it does, and in other ways it doesn’t. I don’t think most people today count cybersex as sex, but I wonder if future generations will include cybersex partners in their partner tally. “The times, they are a-changin’.”