Online Dating Bloopers 5

Another week, another set of inane messages from clueless men in the dating world. This week the men of the internet seemed to be either incredibly terse or full of shit in their messages.

For those who are not familiar, I only have pictures of my feet and legs on dating sites, not my face. I’m also located in Texas.


How’s your night been? [He’s not local, and he’s not a good match]

Good morning [His one sentence profile is written in all-caps. Red flag!]

Hello Gorgeous [His picture along with this message tells me all I need to know. I didn’t even click on the profile.]

Hi [Ten years under my age range and 75 miles away.]

Hello [Actually an ok match, but he’s just not verbal enough for me to respond.]

Hi [Local and the right age but a poor match]

Hi you, how’s it going? [EIGHTEEN years under my age range. I’m not sure if “you” is better than “babe” or not.]

hi [NINETEEN years under my age range.]

my name is daniel [He claims to be 47 but had absolutely no info filled out in his profile including no location. Nope. Not happening.]

Hello how are you doing today? Am Josh by name. [Local but not even remotely a match.]

Hello how are you doing [His username claims to be local, but his city is set in California. He’s also got a big-honkin’ nasty-smelling cigar in his profile photo. Dealbreaker!]

How are you tonight? [He lives 175 miles away in a big city with a lot of women. Why is he looking here?]

Hi [Another local who is not a match.]

Hey [He’s from Iowa and is 16 years under my dating range.]

Then a few of the guys did put together more interesting sentences, though some of them are just ridiculous:

HI from Italy!
I like your photo
How are you? [This is a generic message, plus he lives a little too far.]

Am I the only one that can’t load up your photos? lol. Not sure why but yours is the only profile I can’t view them =( [I’ve had this problem with other profiles on that site, and I’m not sure what causes it. He’s 11 years under my age limit, though, so I didn’t respond.]

Nice tattoo! [There is no tattoo. Guy #3 to do this! Also, this is his second profile in two weeks. I reported his previous one because it read so much like a scammer. This one isn’t as bad.]

Hello beautiful, you have such a lovely beautiful picture. I’m David and you? [He’s a devout Christian and I’m very much not. We’re not a match in many ways. This is a generic message because he clearly has not looked at my picture.]

love your toes. [This guy has his age range set as 18-33 though he is 49. I have issues with a 49 year old wanting to date an 18 year old. I am also very much not 18-33.]

Hello my name is John and I am a very outgoing intelligent man with a drama free life. I would be interested in getting to know you better [He lives 100 miles away and is not a good match.]

Nice profile .. I’m close tonyour area looking for regular partner to have lots of fun .. ddf but always play safe and can host .. care chat? [Two minutes later he sent a similar message because this message center makes it look like your message has disappeared instead of sending. He also included a dick pic with both messages]
Nice pics .. I’m close to your area and looking for a regular partner to have lots of fun .. ddf and always play safe .. can host, care chat and hangout somemtime ?
[My response followed by the block button: Dude, you didn’t even remotely look at my profile. I only have one pic. I don’t do married men. I don’t do hookups. I don’t do dick pics.]

And this week’s winner by a long shot:

“Why did you cheat on your ex-husband?”

WTF? I replied that I hadn’t, and I asked what prompted him to ask that question. He said that my claim that we’d had a relatively peaceful divorce was a lie and a giveaway. Ok, dude. Thanks for letting me know what happened in my life. Hope you work out those red flags of your own!


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