This Week’s Online Dating Bloopers

Online dating requires a lot of patience and fortitude. The vast majority of men on the internet seem not to know how to approach a woman. The following are some of the inane messages I received in the past week; typos are of course courtesy of the original sender. My commentary on each of them follows in brackets. I am in Texas for those who aren’t familiar. I also don’t have a face picture up on any of my dating accounts.

hello princess [He says to me from Washington state. And no, I’m not a princess.]

Hello I hope you are fine,I’m William from Ghana and I will like you to be my friend and I’m falling in love with you [I presume the next message will ask me for my bank account.]

Hello gorgeous my name is Martin,am here looking for serious relationship and you? [He lives 170 miles from me. I’m looking for someone closer to home unless he’s a very good match.]

Hi I’m Aaron. [He’s 10 years under my minimum age range. I never know what to do with meek messages like this.]

Nice boots [Thank you?]

Hey gorgeous [He’s 16 years under my minimum age range and in Canada not to mention the great message.]

I’m not going to say your pretty (because you know that ), but you seem cool !How are you doing? [Really? I have no words. He’s also 325 miles away.]

Hey how are you! I’m bj! I know my age is alarming but please give me a shot. I’m mature guy. Let’s try this out [He’s 13 years under my minimum age range, and I’m not really into guys who describe themselves as “alarming.”]

Hi nice tat [This is from the UK; I responded, “Nice form letter. I have no tattoos visible in my photo.”]

Hi ya [This one was 17 years under my age range and in Tunisia.]

Wow you are gorgeous. Jared here in [redacted]. How are you? Happy New Year! [He got my form response, “You can determine my beauty from a picture of my feet? Nice form letter. Good luck elsewhere.”]

Hi there beautiful,I got your profile
on here and I
thrilled with it hun…..then I was
now wondering if we
could chat and get to know each other
okay……??   [I don’t even know where to start with this. He also got my form letter response, “You can determine my beauty from a picture of my feet? Nice form letter. Good luck elsewhere.”]

And the absolute winner this week… the guy who lied to me about being 58 instead of 60. He gave me enough information in his first few messages that I was able to find out his true age from his registered sex offender record on the web without any problem at all. Sigh.

Be safe out there, folks. The world of online dating is crazy and sometimes dangerous.


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