Somewhere on the internet (probably in a blog post on Fetlife), I read something that said, “In the end, it’s just sex.” It was a part of an essay written by a man talking about how sex with different partners is essentially the same. Yet the more I think about the idea, the more I disagree with it. For me sex has been radically different with each partner I’ve had. While it was all sex, the sex was different physically and emotionally with each man.
As I reflect back on my partners, there’s no one partner who was the overall best. Perhaps I’m still looking for him. However, each guy I was with was better than the rest at something in particular. That includes but is not limited to being the best at:
- Role playing
- Being dominant
- Being submissive
- Switching (as in roles, not a stick off a tree)
Aside from the physical differences, the emotional relationship I had with each man was radically different. We each bring our own energies to sex, and when the two different energies combine, the results are different every time. Even on any given day, two partners who’ve had sex hundreds of times before might have a very different sex session because they are in a different emotional or spiritual place that day.
For me, there’s no such thing as “just” a one-night stand. I believe we give bit of ourselves to our sexual partners, and they give us part of themselves in return. There’s no returning those gifts once exchanged. We are forever changed because of that interaction with the other person, even if it was “only” one night and even if it was “just” a hook up. If the relationship lasts multiple nights, weeks, or even years, the exchange is even more powerful. Sex changes us. It brings us to new places and new realizations. Sex is a heck of a lot of fun when done right, but it’s also life changing.
So to me, I disagree with the idea that “in the end, it’s just sex.” Sex is one of the things that makes the world go around. It’s one of our primordial needs. It not only repopulates the species, but it brings us happiness, joy, pleasure, health, and more. No matter how many times we have sex, the next time will always be different because we are never the same person from one day to the next and neither are our partners. Sex is a vital and an ever-changing part of our relationships with others and with ourselves. That’s what makes it so special.