Month: January 2017

Online Dating Bloopers 4

Another week, another set of inane messages from clueless men in the dating world. This week the men of the internet seem to be full of questions. For those who are not familiar, I only have pictures of my feet and legs on dating sites, not my face. I’m also located in Texas.


Hi sunshine, how are you doing? I found your profile attractive so I decided to say hi. Can I learn more about you? [Guys, really, unless you know us, then no nicknames. It’s ok to just say “Hi, How are you?” and then add something to show us you’ve actually read our profiles! This guy clearly didn’t.]

You, definitely, come across unlike any Lady I have ever met. You are extremely intriguing to me. What part of town do you live? Has Okcupid been a positive experience, thus far? [He is local and in my age range but not a good match. This is also a generic spam message.]

How are you doing today ??? My name is Joseph [redacted], You are so beautiful. And happy new year [This was sent from Florida, and he is a horrible match for me. I read the first sentence of his profile and ran.]

Hi How are you [He has a picture and is in my age range and local, but he has no profile. I don’t respond to pictures without words. The words are more important than the picture!]

And this week’s winner:

“Where’s your picture?”

Sigh. Not surprisingly, he’s 11 years below my age range, and his profile picture is a shirtless one. My answer: “There’s one on my profile. If you meant to politely ask, ‘I know I’m below your age range, but I am intrigued by your profile. Is there any chance I could get to see facial pictures of you?’, then the answer is thank you for your interest, but we are not a match. I prefer only to share my photos with men whom I am interested in. Good luck with women who don’t appreciate manners.”

I forgot to hit the block button after I sent it, so he sent back an error-filled note saying, “I was just asking. That tatttoo looked familiar. I wasn’t interested. But honestly if you’re going to have a profile at least put a picture of your face or expect a lot of people that are going to ask the same question. Jesus Lol. Talking about manners my ask. It would be best to put a pic. Rather then being a rude lil douche”

Oh, the grammatical and spelling errors. Oh, the egotistical entitlement. Seriously, this is how you think you can attract women? Take off your shirt and treat them like shit? And by the way, there are no visible tattoos on my picture. This is the second guy not to look closely at what he is actually seeing and to mistake something in my picture for a tattoo.


Gag Me

When he arrived at my front door, he found me in black heels, thigh high black stockings, a silky black g-string and a black lacy corset. I had a black lace choker necklace on, and my hair was flowing freely. The look in his eyes as he walked in the door told me immediately that he approved of my attire. He dropped his bag, put one hand on my waist, and kissed me firmly on the lips. Then, opening his other hand, he handed me a squeaky toy that belonged to his dog. I looked at him with puzzlement.

“Are we going to play fetch today?” I questioned.

“No, we are not playing fetch, silly. That is going to be your safeword today,” he replied. I was still very confused, though.

“What’s wrong with my usual safeword?” I queried.

He gave me an evil grin. “You can’t possibly tell me your safeword if you have your mouth filled with a ball gag, and you can’t wave an arm or a leg if I have them bound to the bed.”

“Oh.” I replied. So we were going there. One of my last fears. One of my biggest worries. Trusting him enough to surrender my voice to him. To let him dominate me and not be able to say “STOP” if I got scared. Yes, I’d have the squeaky toy. It was still a major act of trust on my part to let him do this.

“Are you ok?” he said, looking into my eyes with concern.

“Yes. I just didn’t expect this. But I want this. I need this. I trust you. I just have to let go and surrender to it.”

With that, he gave me another kiss and a firm pat on my ass. “Upstairs. Now!” he commanded me, and I willingly obeyed. I took his hand and led him into my room. Once there, I put my arms around his shoulders and my hands around the back of his neck. I began kissing him passionately, letting him know how much I wanted him, even if he had other plans for entertaining us.

“God, you are so sexy, woman. You turn me on. Unfortunately, I’m going to have to wait a while to do something about that problem. Instead, I’m going to deal with the problem of your lily white ass,” he remarked, giving my bottom its next smack of the day. Despite the shock of the impact, I refused to give him the pleasure of crying out with surprise. He’d just have to wait until he earned my screams. Two could play at this game, or so I thought.

He led me over to the bed where he piled a few pillows in the center. “Up and over, Little One.” I wriggled across the bed and placed my plump bottom over the pillows, my face then laying down into the quilt. I felt him grab my left foot and draw it out towards the footboard. Soon, hemp rope was binding my foot in place, loose enough for me to not lose circulation but tight enough that I wasn’t going to be able to move more than an inch or two until he released me, an action that would be fully his to decide upon.

He repeated his actions again with my right foot. I could hear the rope knocking against the headboard as he swung it around, making loops and knots that would keep me captive. I tried to move a bit, but I found that, as always, he had done an excellent job of binding me exactly where he wanted me. Then followed my wrists, one after the other. I was now making a giant X while lying sideways across the king-sized bed, a position which left my ass exactly in position for a good, hard spanking from my Master. Just to make sure there would be no unintentional damage, he unfastened the garter straps attached to the bottom of my corset from their secured place on my stockings. He tucked the straps up out of the way, leaving my ass a completely clear target since my g-string was wedged firmly in my butt crack.

However, the setup was not complete yet. My Master pulled the ball gag from his bag. This was a new toy, one I’d never seen before. Before putting the gag on me, he asked if I had any final words or requests. I asked if this was a death sentence! He gave me an evil grin and handed me the squeaky dog toy back again since I had set it on the bed during our preparations. Then, he pulled my hair back into a ponytail fastener so that it would be clear of the gag. He looked at me and commented lovingly, “You look so beautiful when you are tied up like that.” His comments were punctuated with a kiss, which although it was at an awkward angle, still contained plenty of tongue and passion. Binding me like this always aroused him in ways nothing else could. My submission was his ultimate pleasure.

With that, he put the gag around my head and into my mouth. He tightened it and stepped back to assess the situation. The smile on his face told me he approved, but it also told me something else. He had another surprise in store for me. His hand reached back to his pocket and pulled out a folded black blindfold. “I thought we’d see what sensory deprivation was like. Are you ok with that?”

I looked at him and saw the love and desire in his eyes. Yes, I was fine with that. I nodded my head in the affirmative, and with my consent, my lover gently slipped the elastic over the back of my head. I was now bound, gagged and blindfolded. I was truly at my Master’s mercy.

I heard my Master moving around to the other side of the bed. Soon, I felt his warm hand gently caressing my ass as he contemplated his first line of attack. Giving into temptation rather quickly, his hand smacked my white bottom, beginning the process we both loved of making my skin quite red from his touch. Again and again he spanked, moving from one side to the other, taking some time to smack the tops of my thighs because he knew I loved being spanked there. He also made sure that he spanked both of my sit spots repeatedly, causing me to squirm on the bed and squeak through the gag to voice my disapproval at one of his favorite tricks.

Eventually the hand spanking stopped, and my Master rubbed my bottom with his hand. He spoke to me, telling me how good I was being in accepting my spanking, not that I had any choice given how he had tied me up.

It was at this point that I decided to let him know that I had figured out how to spit the gag out. As he turned to get another toy from my collection to use on my ass, I spat the gag out and said to him, “You know, I’ve read on Fetlife that spitting out the gag is often a behavior that causes Doms to have to punish their subs.”

Quickly his body flew around to the other side of the bed. “How did you get that out?” he questioned, not really waiting for an answer. He immediately tightened the gag, and this time, my mouth wasn’t going to be escaping from its prison. He then replied to my original statement, “Yes, you definitely deserve some punishment for that behavior. It won’t be tolerated at all in the future!”

With this pronouncement, he returned to the opposite side of the bed and swung the small round leather paddle he had picked up hard on my bottom. The first swat was not a gentle one, but was one which made me strain against the ropes and scream through the gag. “That,” he sternly commented, “Was for being such a naughty sub and even attempting to escape the gag.” A second painful swat came down on the opposite side of my ass resulting in a second comment from him, “And that was for actually succeeding.”

Having let me know he now meant business, my Master begin rhythmically spanking my bottom, giving me a swat here and a swat there. Slowly but surely he was going to turn my ass red, but I never knew which section of my ass was going to be his next target. I couldn’t see what he was doing, and I could only make out a limited amount of his movements through sound.

Though I tried to squirm away from his vigorous attack on my poor bottom as he continued to use the small leather paddle, my struggles were in vain thanks to his excellent knot tying skills. The only real options I had were to accept the consequences of letting him tie me up or to use my safeword. I definitely did not want to do the latter because despite the pain, I was enjoying this entirely too much.

After having turned my bottom a sufficiently dark shade of pink, my Master dropped the paddle on the bed. His hands slowly ran up my back, and bending over carefully, he kissed my back near my neck. Softly he gave me tender kisses along the base of my neck. His love was coming through very clearly even though no words were being spoken.

Running his fingers along the back of my corset had given him another idea. He returned to the toy box to find his favorite toy and one of my least favorites, the crop. I had contemplated burning that damn thing, but I was certain he would buy another if I did. Armed with his favorite toy, he began running the crop up and down my back, teasing those places where the laces left gaps to my open skin. It was sensuous yet torturous because I never knew when those gentle caresses would be replaced by sharp smacks against my inner thighs and on my bottom. As I expected, the temptation of making me screech soon got the best of him, and my Master began alternating his loving trips up and down my spine with painful whacks of the crop. He really enjoyed using the crop on my inner thighs because that was the place where I was most sensitive to its stinging bites.

Eventually he decided that my bottom was starting to fade too much, and he didn’t want that to happen. My Master announced sternly, “It’s time to really start reddening your bottom.” I shuddered to think what that meant since he had been doing a good job spanking me with the little paddle earlier. However, he had the bigger, longer, wider, more painful leather paddle in mind. I felt him gently place the paddle over my entire bottom as he whispered in my ear, “This time, you’re really going to feel its sting.”

With those words of warning, he stood back up at the end of the bed, and he let his first swing take aim at my bottom. OUCH! Despite having warmed me up with his hand and the smaller paddle, the time we had taken off to play with the crop had left me unprepared for the wrath of this paddle, especially when my Master was using it sternly on my ass to make sure I understood fully that he was in charge. He began counting the swats he gave me, spacing them out just far enough from each other to give me the maximum sting yet also to cause the maximum suspense as I waited for the next blow to land.

As he doled out the fifth swat, I began to squirm and squeal. As we got to the tenth swat, I began to cry. Finally, when we let the twelfth swat land on my very sore bottom, I knew I could take no more. I squeaked the dog toy, and he immediately dropped the paddle on the bed. He quickly came around to my head, took off the blindfold, and removed the gag.

“Are you ok?” he asked with great concern in his voice.

“Yes, I will be fine. We just hit my pain limit for all I could handle today,” I responded, sad that I had needed to end things but so glad that he had proven that he would listen to my needs.

He gently wiped the tears from my face and kissed me, gently at first, and then passionately. “I still need to fuck you. Please, will you help me with my erection?” he asked.

“Yes, Master, I would love to let you use my pussy to relieve your hard-on,” I genuinely replied.

He kissed me once more, and then went to the other side of the bed where he untied my legs, but he left my wrists bound. “Kneel up so that your pussy is at the right height for me to fuck you from behind,” he commanded. While he dropped his pants, removed his shirt and boxers, and slipped on a condom, I complied with his orders. I spread my legs apart, making room for his dick to easily penetrate me.

And that it did. My Master’s dick is on the smaller side of average, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. They say good things come in small packages, and that is definitely the case in this situation. My Master is always able to pound my pussy in an amazing way that leaves me howling with pleasure. No other man had ever made me cum the way he could.

Over and over my Master began to thrust, continuing past my first orgasm and waiting for the next one and the one after that to ensue quickly. He did not stop pounding me until I finally begged for mercy, exhausted by the handful of orgasms his thrusting dick had given me. As soon as I gave him the word, he let loose with his load, cumming inside me with a great moan of pleasure.

He collapsed on the bed beside me, and I let my legs down beneath me. My arms were still spread across the bed, my face on the quilt, and my wrists tightly tied. After a few minutes of cuddling next to me, he finally said with a smile, “I suppose you’d like me to untie you now.”

“Yes, Master,” I replied. “It’s been a wonderful session, but I’d like to feel my arms again, please.” He untied my wrists, and once I was free, he allowed me to put my arms around him tightly.

“Thank you,” I whispered into his ear as he tightened our embrace. “Thank you for helping me face my fears. Thank you for respecting my limits. Thank you for loving me the way you do.”


Online Dating Bloopers Part 3

This week our themes include men who can see me from the other side of the globe and cubs who don’t have a clue. I am in Texas for the uninformed. My profile pictures only include my legs and feet, never my face.


Hi pretty You looking good [Again, what is up with men being afraid of the verb “to be”? Also, it’s amazing he can see me all the way from New Mexico.]

Hi Smiley face, how are you doing, Just got attracted to your smile and i was amazed. I’m Bruce [I had no idea my legs knew how to smile. No, I’m not interested in someone in West Virginia.]

Hi how are you I will like to know you more text me please +1310REDACTED [While he was local, the phone number is not. It Googles to adult “services.”]

Hi I am Mark how are you do you want to chat [He sent his first message at 2:36 pm and his second repetitive message at 4:46 pm.] Do you want to chat [He’s from New York, too.]

Hello sweet lady, how are you? I must say you extremely beautiful, I am Emmanuel but you can call me see, nice meeting you here [He’s only two years under my age range, but it’s amazing how he can determine my beauty from a picture of my legs while residing the Philippines.]

Hi there. Good morning. I visited your profile and it looks interesting for me. I am interested in mature women and have lots of reasons for this decision. I would be happy if we can chat here and know each other more. If I want to introduce myself very shortly: I am 26, PhD student, 6.1 tall, love adventure, travel, music, concerts, watching movies, cooking, camping,… Hope you have a great long weekend. [He sent me a message almost identical to this one on 12/22/16 from a different account with a similar name. Hence, my response: “Amazingly, my answer is no different than the one I gave when you sent me this message from your [redacted] account. Bugger off.” Why don’t Americans have great phrases like bugger off, anyways?]

Happy New Year. How are you doing today? [Not a good match for me, plus 175 miles away!]

😉 [Yes, really. That’s it. That is the entire message. I didn’t even merit a single word in his book.]

Hey Gm babe [Well, theoretically it’s four words (gm= good morning), one of which is a demeaning term. He’s a local smoker, and smoking is a dealbreaker for me. I don’t ever respond to messages this short and pointless unless it’s to tell them to show women a lot more respect. He followed up with a real winner just four hours later, though:] What is up

would you be interested in talking about sexual fantasies [Sigh. My response:I suggest you find and enlist the assistance of a dating coach. This is not a respectful or even acceptable way to approach a woman.”]

Nice leg [Smartass! Not local either.]

Hello [12 years under my age range and his username includes “the butcher” in it. While it is his actual profession, that doesn’t make a woman feel any less like he’s a mass murderer or something similar.]

Hello how are you doing [I keep questioning why it’s too much to ask for men to use proper grammar and punctuation.]

hey there [Local, the right age, and a terrible match for me.]


This week’s winner was only two years under my minimum age and he was local. He’d just recently put up a minimal profile and had used some buzzwords that were similar to mine. When he answered questions, though, we were not a match. He sent me a polite note saying he had just joined and thought we had a lot in common. I replied that I did not think we were a match but wished him the best of luck elsewhere. He sent me back a note saying that he respected my decision and opinion but wanted to know how I could determine that from the few things he had written. I replied to him that he said didn’t like going down on women, and that is a dealbreaker for me. He only masturbates a few times a year, and that tells me he has a low sex drive. He’s also interested in non-monogamy, and I am monogamous. Let’s figure out why we might not be a match!


I Wanted Dessert

When the friendship request showed up in my Fetlife inbox, I didn’t recognize the avatar, so I clicked through to see whom it was. When I landed on his page, my first thought was, “YUM!” That’s not my typical response to most men’s pictures, but for some reason, this man really did it for me. His profile indicated he was single, and reading over his fetishes, he looked like he would probably be a good match for me in many ways. However, that nagging doubt in me didn’t think a man who was that good looking could possibly be interested in me. Still…. I clicked accept, and then I wrote him a note thanking him for friending me. I hoped that was enough to let him know I would be interested in talking more with him. If not, there wouldn’t be too much egg on my face. I hit send, and I waited.

And waited. And waited. Finally, five days later when I had already given up hope, he responded, asking to chat and see where things might go between us. I was thrilled to my core. This super-hot guy wanted to see if we might have enough chemistry to play and have sex! We spent way too much time chatting that first night, and after a few hours, we both knew we wanted to meet up. We switched to texting, and we planned our first date for two nights later. Included in our discussions were those sometimes initially awkward topics of condoms, hard limits, pubic hair styles and such. Both of us clearly were hoping that the date would go well and would lead to kinky sex.

The night of the date finally arrived. We had picked a restaurant halfway between our homes. Both of us were late thanks to a traffic mess, but I got there first and was seated at the table that was still waiting for us. Not long after, he walked in the door. When I saw him in person, my first thought was, “Ok, we can leave now and go back to my place. I want to fuck him.” He was just that desirable to me.

As he approached the table, I had to keep from throwing myself at him. I did, however, decide a hug would be appropriate. I think I surprised him with that move, but he returned the hug willingly. We sat at the table in chairs adjacent to each other. While I’d been fairly calm until this point, my nerves suddenly kicked in. Sitting in such close proximity to him was turning me on. I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to get through a meal when I was next to this gorgeous man whom I just wanted to fuck.

Conversation flowed easily between us, just as it had when we were messaging and texting. We had plenty to talk about. He kept slipping his hand under the table to put it on my knee, but since it was our first date, he behaved himself beyond that. When we finally finished our meal, he asked me if I wanted dessert. I responded to him, “Nothing that they have on the menu here.” His eyes lit up since he knew exactly what I had in mind for dessert, and he was more than willing to partake in the same.

Knowing implicitly he had my consent, he got up, pulled me gently to a standing position and kissed me ever so carefully on the lips. A shiver went through my entire body, and I began shaking. I wanted this man more than anything I could imagine in that moment. The pheromones he was giving off were just overwhelming. We couldn’t get out of the restaurant fast enough.

Once outside, we found that the sun had set and a cool breeze had started blowing. He put his arm around my shoulder as we walked toward my car. While he thought he was doing something romantic, which it was, I was incredibly grateful for his body warmth as well! Finally arriving at my car which was parked at the far end of the lot, we turned to face each other. Now that we were no longer surrounded by so many others, we felt free to show each other how we were actually feeling. His tongue parted my lips and mine greeted him in response. We exchanged kiss after kiss, enjoying the foreplay that had begun between us. I let him know in between kisses that I had shaved my pussy for him, something which aroused him further. We pulled our bodies closer to each other as the intensity of our desire turned up yet another notch. His fingers traced along the revealing cleavage line of my blouse, and then he let his hand wander onto my breasts. After several minutes of this, I knew we had to stop because I was about ready to ask him to get in the back of my minivan with me. I wanted him, and I wanted him then and there.

Finally agreeing to take the rest of the evening back to my place, I told him I would text him my address while he went to his car so that we didn’t have to worry about getting separated on the way there. With a final kiss, he put me in the driver’s seat of my car and closed the door. I pulled out my phone, but my hands were shaking so much from arousal that I initially texted him the wrong address. After correcting my typo, I took a moment to breathe deeply and refocus. I had to get myself home safely. The night was only beginning.

I beat him back to my house, and I took advantage of the few minutes I had to freshen up. Soon he arrived. He was barely in the front door before I had thrown myself in his arms again, desperately craving more of the amazing kisses which I had unwillingly ended in the parking lot. There were no protests on his part. He dropped his toy bag and grabbed onto my body, pulling me close and kissing me fervently. His hands roamed up into my hair, and our kisses became even more passionate than before.

“Perhaps we should move this to your room,” he suggested after a few minutes of our intense greetings. I thought that was an excellent idea. I turned off the porch light, locked the door, and led him to my room which I had prepared before leaving. My toy box was sitting near the bed. Lube and condoms were on both nightstands, just for convenience. Water bottles were on both nightstands, too, since I was planning on working up a sweat with him.

The rest of the night was a blur. Time seemed irrelevant. We were the only two people in the world at that point. The only thing that mattered was our desire and bringing each other as much pleasure as possible. I was anxious at first, and I let him know that. I told him that my lack of experience was making me nervous. I told him exactly how few partners I had prior to him, and he let me know that was ok. I believed him. I knew I could trust him to make sure I was safe tonight as we began exploring each other’s bodies and desires. I was certain he was going to be a gentle Dom, but one who also would have no hesitation to spank me as hard as I needed and wanted.

Our clothes came off very quickly. We had no need for them. They were only getting in our way. What we both wanted, desperately, was to touch each other’s naked skin, to feel the heat of our bodies pressed together, to hear to the other’s moans of pleasure. Our mouths wandered around each other’s bodies, finding various places to nibble and suck. Earlobes. Throats. Shoulders. Fingers. Breasts. Nipples. Bellies. Thighs. His cock. My clit. His balls. My vulva. As our mouths wandered freely, so did our hands, touching every part of each other that they could find.

Having made a sufficient initial exploration of each other’s bodies, he laid down on the bed, his head just below the pillows. “Sixty-nine me,” he commanded. I willingly obeyed. I straddled my pussy over his face and took my mouth down toward his cock. As I pulled his member into my mouth, I felt his lips beginning to explore my pussy. As I went deeper, so did he. As his tongue hit my clit for the first time, I let out a gasp which made me drop his cock from my mouth. He responded with a slap to my ass and the words, “Don’t stop.” Regaining my focus, I moved onto his balls, pulling them gently into my mouth one at a time. He continued his lingual probing as well. What he was doing to me was very distracting, and I was having a hard time concentrating on my job!

When he could tell I wasn’t capable of continuing both cunnilingus and fellatio at the same time, he instructed me to let him up. I did, feeling him grabbing onto my ass as he sat up. While staying on all fours, I moved forward a bit on the bed to give him more room to access all of my delicate parts which were beyond craving for an orgasm at this point.

What he did next surprised me utterly, though. I suddenly felt his tongue delicately rimming my asshole, causing an intense pleasure I had never experienced before. “Ooooohhhhh!” came the combination of a moan and squeal from my lips as I was overwhelmed with excitement and surprise by this new activity. He let out a laugh, and asked, “Does that feel good, babygirl?”

When I responded yes to his question, I was greeted with a finger being shoved into my pussy to lubricate it, and then he quickly shoved that same finger into my ass causing me to emit another scream of surprise and pleasure. He already knew I had an anal fixation, and he knew that I was more than happy to accept his probing of any orifice he chose with almost any instrument he selected. As his one hand was busy with fucking my ass, the other found my clit and my g-spot. Yet another scream came from me as his hands began to work magic on all my sensitive nether regions. It didn’t take long before his touch brought me to my first orgasm of the night, an intense release that was so very needed.

After having brought me to the ultimate pleasure, my new lover was ready to enjoy his share of the receiving, too. He released my body, and he instructed me to flip onto my back so that he could enter me missionary style. He quickly grabbed a condom off the nightstand, ripping it open and slipping it on. I was thrilled to be in a position that would let me see the looks of pleasure on his face as we fucked. As I quickly dropped onto the bed and spread my legs around him, he leaned forward and kissed me, hard, in order to firm up his erection a bit more. As our tongues were touching, he began leaning his body all the way down. His cock easily slipped into my well-lubricated pussy which was drenched from all the foreplay. I wrapped my legs around his, and he began to slowly thrust inside me.

Nothing is quite like having a lover’s cock inside of me after a sexual drought: seeing his face, hearing his groans of pleasure, feeling the slapping of his balls against my pussy. My hands ran through his gorgeous graying hair, and my eyes focused on the intense expressions of pleasure on his face. I wrapped my legs closer around his body, asking him—no begging him—to cum for me. He happily obliged. He let out a moan that sent shivers through me as his pleasure became mine.

Collapsing with exhaustion next to me, my lover and I exchanged grateful looks at each other. He pulled me close to him, allowing us to cuddle up and share that intimate time after our orgasms. We began talking again, and no longer overwhelmed with that tension of desperate desire, we began truly enjoying each other’s company. Periodically we exchanged kisses, keeping the sexual mood of the evening going even while we were saving up energy for the next round. Our hands never stopped touching each other’s bodies, constantly finding new places to caress and arouse.

Eventually the talking and kissing and cuddling led to desire for more intense activities again. He had promised me that he would be spanking, licking and fucking me our first time together, and having done two of those three, he set out to do the third. I was ordered to get on my hands and knees in front of him, and soon his hand found the rhythm of spanking my ass that would make me squirm. However, he had promised me a good, hard spanking, one that would turn my ass red, and to get closer to that goal, he grabbed a mini-flogger from his bag. Though he hadn’t had much practice with it, my lover soon elicited squeals of pain and pleasure as he repeatedly flogged my ass. He was a natural at using it on me, creating a burn that stung yet felt incredibly good. Eventually deciding that he had used that implement enough on me, he tossed it aside and then pulled a small leather paddle from his bag. Taking careful aim, he let loose a loud smack on my ass that made me question why I had been begging him for a spanking. As his free hand found its way to my dripping wet pussy, I remembered why. He began to rub my g-spot with one hand, alternating his movements with the occasional smack on my ass with the paddle in the other hand. My screams and moans became thoroughly mixed together. Finally, the pleasure overtook the pain, and I let go into an amazing orgasm.

Once I recovered from the intense pleasure my lover had given me, I turned to him and smiled. He was still naked in my bed, and his raging hard-on told me that he wanted more release, too. As I began sucking on his cock, he let me know that seeing a woman’s eyes looking up at him while she licked the head of his cock was one of the most arousing things for him. With that bit of intimate information, I began making sure that I could see his eyes as often as possible while my tongue was circling the head of his cock. Over and over again I went down on his cock, occasionally going all the way down to his balls and letting them have their fair share of time in my mouth as well. I even went all the way down his taint, licking carefully, and finding his asshole which loved my tongue just as much as his cock did. I had never rimmed a man before, but I found it to be a sensation unlike any other, one that was as enjoyable for me as it was for him.

Having pushed my lover to his breaking point, he pressed me down on my back again while I willingly complied so that he could have his way with me. Another condom was obtained and put on his rock-hard cock which then quickly found its way into my pussy. Once again our bodies found that unique rhythm, that pounding action, that horny fucking which makes us all into wild animals. We fucked each other desperately, kissing each other periodically between thrusts, whispering words of desire. Finally, he came inside me, moaning with pleasure and collapsing on top of me.

The rest of the night was truly a blur. We talked for many hours of it when we weren’t busy licking me, sucking him, spanking me and fucking each other. After the night’s festivities were finally over, I semi-rhetorically asked him if he planned to come back. He pretended to think about it: “Hmm. Let me see. Yes!?!” We cuddled closer and kissed again, both thrilled with the prospect of more hot and kinky sex between us in the days and weeks to come.

Eight hours had passed since he first walked through my door, and “dessert” was finally over. After we kissed goodbye at the front door, he headed home, and I went back up to my messy room. I collapsed into bed with a huge smile on my face. I was incredibly glad I’d accepted that friendship request!


Men, Height, and Hair(lessness)

At one point in my online dating experience, I messaged with a man who happened to be 5’8” and bald. He had irrationally lashed out at me about nothing in particular. It turns out he was very bitter towards women on dating sites because he felt there were no women who would date shorter men and/or bald men. Once I was able to pinpoint what he was really angry about, I let him know that there are women like me who aren’t necessarily looking for tall men and who think bald is beautiful. My ex-husband was much taller than me, and I found it inconvenient at a best. Likewise, I think some of the sexiest men in the world are bald. Their lack of hair has nothing to do with the attitudes they convey which are what make them sexy. This bitter man would not believe that I was speaking the truth about how I felt about shorter men and bald men. I finally gave up, hit the block button, and walked away.

Ironically, right after that I started dating a man who was 5’10” and bald. That’s not short by any means, but he was insecure about his height after having been with so many women who extolled the virtues of men over six feet tall. I thought he was the perfect height for me—super easy to reach up and kiss! I never had a problem with his height, but I don’t think he ever truly believed me how much I liked his body the way it was.

On the other hand, he definitely believed me when I told him that I was totally turned on by his bald head after we had gone on a few dates. I had initially been unsure about what it would be like to not run my hands through my partner’s hair during sex. However, I soon discovered that rubbing my hands on his freshly shaven head was a totally different but highly sensuous experience, one that I fell in love with. I had never expected his silky soft head would create such an erotic experience for me. For the first time ever, I truly understood what it is men find so incredible about women’s shaved legs (not to mention other shaved bits!).

Eventually that relationship came to an end, and my lover’s bald head was one of the things I knew I would miss about him. Once I started looking online for a new boyfriend, I found myself being subconsciously drawn to bald men. I realized that I was unintentionally “downgrading” men because they had hair! I made myself stop doing that, though, because I am not going to pick my partners based solely on appearance. There are far more important things about men than their hair or lack thereof!

Life has a sense of humor: After dating several men with typical short haircuts, the man who became my next lover ended up having hair significantly longer than mine. While I’ve never been particularly attracted to men with long hair, I found his incredibly arousing. Running my fingers through his hair was just as sensuous as my previous lover’s bald head but in a very different way.

For me, the moral of the story is that touching every lover’s hair or lack thereof can be an extremely sexual experience. The color, the texture, the length or even the presence are irrelevant. The same is true with a man’s height. What matters is the man underneath that sexy scalp who is standing in front of me wanting to be my loving partner.


Online Dating Bloopers Part 2

Another week, another series of inane messages from clueless men around the globe. This week’s offerings provided more foreign offerings than usual. I’m in Texas for those not familiar. All typos and errors are courtesy of the original authors.

Hi, how are you doing? I found your profile attractive and I would like to learn more about you. Thanks James [He’s in Arkansas. Why waste my time or his?]

HI – May I ask – would you ever date a guy who was curious about the cuckolding lifestyle? [He’s in North Carolina. Seriously, how would we date? And I am MONOGAMOUS. Why do guys not get what that means?]

I’m JOHN REDACTED i’m here to date a woman that will make me happy till the end of life you can kindly reach me on my number …. 936REDACTED [This guy claims to be in NY but has a Texas area code that puts him 225 miles away from me. Can we say SPAM boys and girls?]

Hello [This is from a guy who is in my age range, in my area, but is a 34% match with good reasons. He’s also obviously not much of a conversationalist.]

Hi beautiful, how you doing? I’d like to know you better [He lives over an hour away and is a terrible match.]

Hello how are you? hope to get to know you if you don’t mind write back to me…… [He’s in Egypt. I don’t have a passport. This could be a problem.]

Hello to you ,
first of all,
i could not see your photos…
my mail and skype are
skype = REDACTED
awaiting your reply,
thank you very much and
best wishes to you and
your family.  [From Tokyo. Again, I’m lacking in a passport.]

Hi good evening! how are you? [This was sent at 8:31 pm. He sent me the next message at 8:42 pm.] Hi what do I have to do to get your attention? [Perhaps fill out his blank profile?]

Thanks for giving me the opportunity to get to know you. I believe we are both here for a reason to this dating scene, Anyway where there is a will there is a way. I just signed on this site a days ago and i have never make use of it until i discover your profile and to be sincere it caught all my attention. I’m in search of my Soul & Dream Mate, Lover and Life Companion. James [This is what is called “scammer grammar.” It’s clearly a fake profile.]

Hey, how’s your night going ?? [He’s 13 years under my limit]

Yankee? I’m from MA. Where you from? [He believes homosexuality is a sin but says he doesn’t judge. End of discussion.]

Hello… how you doing? [What do guys have against the verb “to be”? How ARE you doing? Where ARE you from?]

Hey, how are you? [He’s 14 years below my limit.]

I saw only your legs [Well, good, because that’s all that is in my picture! Plus he’s in Algeria.]

I’m JOHN REDACTED i’m here to date a woman that will make me happy till the end of life you can kindly reach me on my number …. 914REDACTED [Yes, seven days later I’ve received the exact same spam with a different phone number!]



Figuring Out the Truth

In The Force Awakens, Han Solo tells the young Finn that “Women always figure out the truth. Always.” I laughed hysterically at this line. It’s true. My ex still tries to lie to me on occasion, and I don’t know why he bothers. I can always tell when he’s lying to me.

With new men in my life, I give them the benefit of the doubt. I believe what they tell me. I assume they are telling the truth until proven guilty through their own actions. More often than not, it’s fairly easy to catch a man in a lie. The ones I don’t catch are often sociopathic in nature.

The latest man to lie to me was the most recent man I broke up with. He told me I was being unjustly suspicious about two women he was flirting with online in a forum we both frequented. He told me that he was just being friendly. He had thought I wouldn’t see what he said to them, but I did, so he made me feel like I was a paranoid nutcase. And then, three weeks later, the truth comes out. I was right. I had figured out what was going on. He is involved with one of them in a relationship of a sexual nature. The flirting started before we broke up, though the sexual activity didn’t start until a few hours later. Yes, hours. So technically, he did no wrong.

Reality says otherwise.

Guys, don’t lie to a woman, especially a smart woman who is good at catching men in their lies. You will be caught, and it won’t end well for you. Trying to have your cake and eat it, too, often results in a bad case of food poisoning.