The Goblins

Online dating is such a mixed bag. One has to keep a sense of humor about it or tears will be abundant and frequent. Some days, though, my patience runs thin with the rudeness and entitlement than many men have towards women on dating sites. I recently received a message from a 25 year old (no!) in California (no!) which simply said, “Why don’t you have more pics?” Um, what happened to an introduction? Or pleasantries?

I would have preferred a message that was more along the lines of, “Hi, I’m John. I really enjoyed reading your profile. I’d love it if you’d check out mine since I think we have a lot in common. If you feel comfortable with it, I would love to see more photos of you since you don’t have many posted.” However, most of today’s young adults have grown up in the era of texting and Tweeting. They have no clue how to approach someone in more than 140 characters. Charming a potential partner is a lost art for them.

I normally ignore messages like that since there is no point in conversing. However, this young man caught me when I was exasperated me after a long day of bizarre messages. My response became a form of stress relief through creative writing.

When I was just a wee babe, I was stolen from my family by the goblin king. I was raised in the kingdom of the goblins by a loving family who made me endure plastic surgery to change my appearance to be more like theirs rather than the revolting human body I was born into. While a brave knight rescued me from the goblin kingdom when I was but 18, I still bear the scars of the surgeries that were performed on me. Now I must hide my face lest I face ridicule from human cubs whose human mothers failed to teach them any manners, something the goblins certainly did not fail to do in my upbringing.

And then I hit the all-powerful block button.


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