One Year

Yesterday was one year since we met in person for the first time. Tomorrow is one year since we first had sex. I am certain you don’t remember the dates; you’re not that kind of guy.

Ours was meant to be a casual relationship. It was supposed to be about sex and not much else. That quickly changed. By the third sex date, I had told you that I really liked you, and you nodded back yes, holding back tears, so choked up you couldn’t speak. By the fourth date, you accidentally called me by the nickname you used for your ex-wife.

You weren’t what I expected. You were physically beautiful. Your face was so sexy, and your body was well-sculpted. Your strong hands on my supple body felt so amazing. I couldn’t figure out why a man who looked like you would be willing to have sex with me, though it quickly became clear that you had mental health challenges, ones that impacted your life severely.

Yet underneath those mental health issues was one of the most sensitive, loving men I’ve ever met. You are tender and caring. You feel so deeply but you don’t want to, so you repress it all. You run from your feelings if they aren’t what your logic tells you that you “should” be feeling.

Even though the sex we had was amazing, you couldn’t look past your fantasies to see me for the dynamic woman that I am. You had a picture in your mind of what your future wife looks like, and that description didn’t line up with me. Hence, you couldn’t let yourself enjoy our relationship for what it was, and you couldn’t appreciate me for whom I am. Instead, you kept insisting on searching frantically for this unicorn you think exists, this perfect woman in mind and body who is going to accept you as you are, flaws and all.

Since I wasn’t perfect and I wasn’t your fantasy, you decided I was good for sex and nothing else. Despite that, you kept trying to change me. Even though I was ok with your issues, you weren’t ok with mine. You created an impossible situation in your mind, one that isn’t even scientifically realistic, and you wanted me to enact it so that I could change to become the woman of your dreams. You couldn’t let it go. You obsessed over this idea of what I should do with my body and my life. I know part of that was your mental illness; your obsession with that idea was rooted in your inability to focus on a broader picture. Still, part of it was you, too, judging me for not doing what you wanted me to do and for not being whom you wanted me to be.

When I couldn’t live with the judgment anymore, I ended it. I cried a lot of tears over you. I had fallen in love with you in the short time we were together. You got mad at me when I told you that I loved you. I told you that you didn’t have to feel it, but you couldn’t stop me from feeling it. That’s not how it works. I loved you. I still do. It wasn’t just the sex. It was the amazing man who lives trapped under a terrible mental illness that he can’t control.

And the sex…. No man before or since has made me cum the way you did. Our sex was beyond amazing. You are going to be the lover whom I compare all others to. You are the one who taught me what my body can do when it’s treated properly. You taught me that sex is the most amazing experience in the world when the right two people are partnered.

I gave you this blog link after we broke up, though I’m not sure if you got the message or if you read it. Even if you did, I’m not sure if you read this blog. But if you read this post, know that I still love you deeply and I always will. You will always hold the place in my heart as the lover who taught me what sex should be like if the chemistry is there. You are the man who showed me what tenderness, respect, and love can combine to be in a D/s relationship. I miss you touching me, kissing me, making me cum over and over again. The memories of what we shared will never leave, and I’m grateful for that because they are some of the most treasured ones I will ever have. While we would never be able to sustain a long-term relationship together and I know that, I will still love you.

Please take care of yourself. I hope you are happy. I hope you are in love. I hope that your world has improved. I often look for you in places where I think I might see you even though I know that I will probably never run into you again. Still, my heart still longs for you.

©2017 WoodLeatherLace.com

Womanscaping

I have never liked women’s electric razors. I’ve always found them to do a pathetic job on my leg hair. I much prefer a safety razor. When I was pregnant, I was able to talk my ex-husband into using his electric razor on my legs when I could no longer see or reach them. I was amazed at the difference. His razor worked a million times better than any “women’s” razor I had ever tried.

I didn’t do much sculpting of my pubic hair during marriage. My ex didn’t care, so I had a full bush most of the time. During pregnancy, I found that too hot, so my ex would use some hair scissors to trim it back, but it wasn’t really a very neat attempt.

Thus, entering the dating world again after my divorce, I quickly discovered most men greatly preferred a shaved pussy, though a few liked a neat trim or at least found it an acceptable substitute for a fresh shave. Full bushes definitely aren’t in style for most men of my age range at this time.

After giving myself a massive amount of razor burn trying to use a safety razor to shave my pussy, I decided it was time to try to find an electric razor for the job. After doing a great deal of research on the best razor for a woman to use on her delicate parts, I selected the Philips HP6378 Bikini Perfect Deluxe Trimmer, Opal / Aqua.

Plain and simple, I hated it.

From the start, the razor blade felt horribly dull and even like it was old and previously used. It tugged and pulled painfully on my pubic hair. It seemed like it barely removed anything in the process. My boyfriend also tried to use the epilator attachment to remove hair. While it worked, it was painful. Even worse, though, was getting so many ingrown hairs as they tried to grow back in.

I’ve given up using the Bikini Perfect Deluxe Trimmer except for one task: The epilator works well for removing those pesky dark midlife chin hairs. It’s not too uncomfortable on my chin, and I’ve only gotten one ingrown hair on regrowth on my chin.

But that once again left me with the challenge of what to do with my nether regions. I returned to my safety razor, making sure to use a new blade, but I still gave myself more razor burn than I would like. Finally, I remembered my experience with my ex-husband’s razor when I was pregnant. If men’s razors were better for legs, surely they were better for genitals, too?

71nzgdxyksl-_sy679_Once again, I did my research on the internet and settled on the Philips Norelco Bodygroom Series 7100, BG2040. After charging it up, I used the trimming edge to beat back my hair to a manageable level. Then I set about shaving it. What a difference! It was like the razor was fresh and new. With no cuts, I had an amazingly smooth pussy. Upon regrowth, I only had one ingrown hair. I was so impressed.

So why, once again, is it that the men’s product worked so well and the women’s product that is made by the same manufacturer was a piece of crap? Both were the same price ($60), yet one works and the other is horrible. Why is it that women’s razors aren’t as strong as men’s? In my experience, my pubic hair is the same texture and length as many of my partners’. So why should my razor have any less oomph to it? Why should my blade not be as sharp? I can understand possibly designing different shapes to the razors since male and female genitalia are obviously different in shape. But there’s no excuse for women’s razors not being as effective as men’s.

Women’s razors need to be just as serviceable as men’s. We don’t want our razors to be pretty and pink. We just want them to do their jobs without any painful side effects!

©2017 WoodLeatherLace.com

Online Dating Bloopers 11

Another week, another set of inane messages from clueless men in the dating world.  My patience levels have been lower than usual lately. I will sometimes ignore the men, and sometimes they get a snarky reply.

For those who are not familiar, I only have pictures of my feet and legs on dating sites, not my face. I’m also located in Texas.

Just in case anyone wonders or worries, I change names of men who don’t have common names like Joe or John. If someone named Voltron messaged me, I would alter his name to Victor.

**

“How are you” He is 13 years under my age range and is also a submissive. I don’t understand why guys like this message me. I just hit the block button.

“Hi….are both your legs tattooed?” Once again, no, my legs are not tattooed. They’re called pantyhose, guys! This guy is a smoker, so there’s not a chance in hell anyway.

“I’m 39 yrs old im6’5 with a big heart. i am the type of guy who doesnt judge anyone or treat anyone with disrespcet. It doesnt matter what on the outside it the inside that matter to me. I would love to talk to you some more here my number if you like to call me XXX-XXX-XXXX..” This is generic, and it’s from a guy I have little in common with. I also wonder what kind of woman is going to respond to a message like this with a phone number in the first message.

“Hey there sexy girl. How are you?” I often only send the link to this post in response. 

“Do you expect people to ask for your picture?” This guy pushed my buttons, so I responded, “Only the ones who are seriously interested. It filters out a lot of assholes.” And then I hit the block button.

“I like your picture. It definitely captures the moonlight in your eyes.” This guy was local and my age, and this was clearly a sarcastic comment. I just had no interest in him or replying.

“Hello Am ROY Hope am not invaliding your privacy, i Saw your profile on ok cupid, i thought i should contact you I’d like to meet someone looking for the eventual intimacy of a long-term relationship that wants to explore new activities and share some common interests with. You also share yourself easily with the right person and will surprise me with your own unique characteristics and interests. Hope that’s you .I am a well educated , intelligent , passionate man , with a very good sense of humor. I work very hard , but also enjoy times of relaxation, travel , fun ,and activity.” This wasn’t someone local. And there are just so many problems with this. He was clearly spamming women because his account has been deleted.

“Hi look, you owe me 99 cents because your profile melted my heart like a snickers bar in a pocket on a hot summer’s day. Anyway I hope to hear back from you because you look really interesting. Have a nice evening” This was someone not local who was also clearly spamming women. His account has been deleted. As far as corny pickup lines go, this one is a winner.

“Hello how are you doing today ,my name is Ben..” Again, another deleted account.

“Hey there! I’m ken. How are you?” This is someone local and my age, but he hadn’t filled out his profile. A week later, his profile is still mostly empty. He’s counting on his good looks carrying him. No thanks.

“Nice tattoos” He’s from New Jersey, and for the umpteenth time, those are stockings, not tattoos!

“Hi, how are you doing today, you look beautiful and awesome,.” Yet another guy sending a generic spam message because this doesn’t work for my photo of myself. His account has been deleted.

“Well say hi” This is someone who is 1.5 hours away, my age, and in no way a match. I hadn’t checked out his profile, so the comment is weird at best.

“hello how are u” This guy is from Arkansas and is not a good match at all.

“wanna chat sometime my name is randy XXX.XXX.XXXX” He’s three hours away, and no, I’m not going to call a man who sends me his number in the first message. Plus, his profile picture is him holding a fish.

“Tell me secret of you Sal” This man lives in Israel, and his profile is written in Hebrew. Clearly this is a bad translation. Pass.

“Incredible profile, I see you have written erotica, have you ever published any online? You seem pretty open minded so I have a question I have always wanted to ask someone, if 2 people of the same sex exchange oral sex, does that count as a sexual encounter do you think?” He’s from Oklahoma, and I didn’t even bother looking at his profile. I’m never sure if this kind of message is a man trying to jerk my chain, to find someone to have cybersex with, or is someone who is genuinely trying to get info. I send factual information and then hit the block button in response: “Yes, I have an erotic fiction blog. Any two (or more) people of any gender or any sex having oral-genital contact are having sex. The same is true of manual-genital contact, anal-oral contact, anal-genital contact, or manual-anal contact. All have a risk of sharing STIs. For informational reading, I suggest Good Vibrations’ sex ed pages, Good Vibrations’ book, or The Guide to Getting It On (any edition, available on Amazon or elsewhere).”

“Would love to chat sometime young lady. Frank” This was someone local, and he’s in my age range. However, he hasn’t filled out his profile at all. Then there’s the way he messaged me. I sent back the message, “I, like all women, deserve to be approached with respect. You have failed at that. Please read this blog post I have written. You have failed at many of its aspects.” And then I hit the block button.

©2017 WoodLeatherLace.com

Online Dating Bloopers 10

Another set of inane messages from clueless men in the dating world. This is from across several weeks as I turned off my dating apps for a while. I also deleted two of my dating accounts because I was tired of receiving messages from men who were nothing like what I was looking for on those particular sites. Thus, the number of messages has dropped significantly.

For those who are not familiar, I only have pictures of my feet and legs on dating sites, not my face. I’m also located in Texas.

Just in case anyone wonders or worries, I change names of men who don’t have common names like Joe or John. If someone named Voltron messaged me, I would alter his name to Victor.

**

“You must get a lot of attention, don’t you?” He’s from NYC. This feels like a creative but generic phrase to get women’s attention!

“Hi I’m Alex, how are you doing today? you look good and i’d love to know you. xo” He’s from Louisiana. I’m not sure what looks so good about my legs. I’m also not into hugs and kisses from a man whom I’m “meeting” online. We’re not a match, either.

“Hi, how are you? If you are willing to trust in a person when all others tell you to go against it, if you are willing to risk getting your heart broken because you believe in that other person, Then that is true love..How I wish to get close to you and know you better.. I will like to hear from you as soon as possible” He’s from New York, and this is really utter nonsense as far as an introductory message goes.

“I would like to ask you a question it might sound stupid but I would love to hear your answer, if you get to choose between love and money what you would you choose?” He’s a bit under my target age range, and he’s in New York. This is also an intelligent generic spam message. He does get credit for being more creative than most men, though!

“Why don’t you have a face pic?” This guy was local but not a match, so I sent him my goblin kingdom response and hit the block button.

“Hello
How are you doing today?
I like your profile,
You are very attractive !
Sam”  This same guy has spammed me from another account. He claims to both be a doctor for Doctors without Borders and a caregiver for someone with a disability. I’m guessing only one of those is true, if that.

“Hey there. Saw ur profile.
I’m in town on business all of next week.
Would love to chat. Maybe grab a drink if we click.
Let me know if your interested
Hope to hear from you
Cheers!” Clearly he didn’t read my profile. I’m not looking for hookups with out of town guys (in this case, Chicago). I also have a thing about being attracted to men who know how to use your and you’re properly. “Ur” is not a word!

“Hi. Did you flag my pic? Lol” First of all, lol is not a punctuation mark or the way to end any sentence. Second, yes, I did flag your picture. You are not the San Antonio Spurs. I’m certain of it.

©2017 WoodLeatherLace.com

Disappeared Stories

Yesterday I removed five ageplay stories from my archives. It was a decision that I took several months to make, but ultimately I felt I couldn’t leave them up even though I loved them and had put a lot of work into them.

The man I wrote those stories for is someone I only dated for a short period of time. Since our breakup, I’ve become more aware of his predilections, things I didn’t want to see while we were dating. I’m someone who is very open-minded about accepting everyone’s kinks and fetishes as long as all involved can give consent. Some of this man’s desires violate consent of others.

Because of that, I’ve removed the stories I wrote for him. I don’t in any way want to contribute to his or others’ similar fetishes and desires which involve non-consent.

©2017 WoodLeatherLace.com

On Bisexuality

Our experiences in life often seem to come in waves with similar themes. For me, the most recent theme in my online dating experiences have revolved around men who are bisexual but unable to admit it.

I’m heterosexual. I am still looking for a gay bone in my body. I would love to be bisexual or pansexual so that I could widen my dating pool, but I’ve never felt a sexual attraction to someone who isn’t a heterosexual masculine cisman. However, I’d bet that 75+% of my female friends are bisexual. Most are not afraid to admit it. They range in how bisexual they are from being attracted to other women but never having acted on it to actually having had sexual relationships with other women. In the liberal parts of our society, female bisexuality is seen as an acceptable thing; however, I also recognize that bisexual women are often seen as “confused” by parts of our society and are left out of the queer community in other parts. I think the common male fantasy of having a threesome with two women helps fuels this acceptance of bisexuality among women.

Male bisexuality doesn’t receive that same acceptance in our greatly confused culture. Men are supposed to be manly men who desire women. Women are supposed to have low sex drives, and they aren’t supposed to have threesome fantasies involving two men. Threesome fantasies are reserved for horny men, and they are supposed to be made up of two women and a man. Despite these incorrect ideas, male bisexuality is a reality. I have no idea how common it is, though I suspect far more men are bisexual than will admit.

In my first encounter online recently, I was approached by a man who considers himself to be straight and in terms of kink identifies as a switch. We began talking about common fetishes, and eventually he started sharing one of his recent sexual experiences with me in which he was the submissive. The experience was one that involved two major fetishes of his that are actually turn-offs for me, but that didn’t stop him from sharing the experience with me. He really wasn’t interested in turning me on; he just wanted to get himself off by telling me about what turns him on. It’s the kind of thing that is a red flag that he would probably not be a great lover.

The more this guy talked about his recent experience, I was able to discern that it was a man he had been with, not a woman. I began probing for more information, and it turned out that 25% of his sexual experiences had been with men! At that point, I don’t think one can truly identify as straight. However, since the sexual experiences “only” involved hand jobs and blowjobs with no anal penetration, the man I was messaging didn’t consider them to be “real” sexual experiences with men. By lying to himself in this way, he could continue his delusion that he was straight rather than facing up to his own sexual desires.

This wasn’t the first guy I’d encountered who was lying to himself about being straight. A few years ago, I messaged with a man who wanted to talk with me about a sexual experience he’d had. The threesome consisted of his ex-girlfriend, her current boyfriend, and him. This guy was particularly turned on by the fact that the other man was of a different race than he was. As he told me the story, he insisted he was straight, but given that this was the sexual experience of his that he chose to relate in great detail while messaging with me, I wasn’t necessarily convinced.

Another guy I ran into recently on the internet was at least able to label himself bi-curious. However, I think he had long since passed the bi-curious phase. He’d had many casual sex experiences with men. Like the other men I’d messaged with previously, he just wanted to tell me about his last sexual experience with another man in which he served as the bottom. Given that I’m a sub looking for a Dom, it wasn’t a story that would really turn me on so this man wasn’t thinking about his audience. Again, this was a red flag for me that this wasn’t really a guy I would be interested in having a relationship with.

Eventually this man opened up and said that he was looking for a long term relationship with a woman but he also wanted to have a friends with benefits relationship with a man who “really got him.” To me, that very clearly said that this man was preferring homosexual encounters but was too afraid to admit that to the rest of the world. He wanted to have a woman on his arm to “prove” that he was straight while having a male lover in secret. Furthermore, he wasn’t clear on the fact that I’m monogamous seeking a long term relationship that might lead to marriage, and I didn’t want to be his beard.

I don’t have a problem with bisexuality. I’d happily date a bisexual man who was willing to be monogamous with a woman. I wouldn’t mind watching gay porn with him. However, I don’t want to be with a man who can’t admit his own sexuality to himself nonetheless to me. It’s important to me that my partner know whom he is or be actively working on discovering his sexual identity. Denial is not part of that equation.

©2017 WoodLeatherLace.com

Talking Sexy

For me, verbal communication is a huge part of sexual arousal. I need my partner to talk to me. I want him to tell me what he is doing to me. I want him to tell me what he is feeling. I want him to tell me what he is going to do to me. I want him to tell me how good or fun or pleasurable the whole event was once it all is over.

When I was married, my now ex-husband and I had what I call “silent sex.” There was very little talking. There was very little verbal communication. There were a few words here and there like “are you in yet?” There was nothing like “I want you” or “your breasts are so sexy to me” or “put my cock in your mouth” or “kiss my neck.” There definitely wasn’t anything like “fuck my pussy” or “take it the ass, woman.” Instead, there was mostly a horrible silence.

That didn’t work for me. At all. I eventually figured out via the internet and watching porn and reading erotic fiction that the silence was helping to kill my libido. I needed that verbal communication to get aroused. Once I figured that out, I started communicating more, and eventually, I got a little more verbal stimulation from my ex-husband, but mostly I still got silence.

When moving on to other men after the marriage, one of the best things was the “dirty talk.” I finally had men telling me exactly what I needed to hear. They didn’t even need to touch me and yet they would have my pussy dripping with desire simply through their words.

However, I take issue with the term “talking dirty.” I don’t like it at all. To me, there is nothing dirty about sex. Ok, well, yes, sex is sticky, sweaty, gooey and messy. But it’s not dirty. Dirty has the connotation of being shameful, bad or wrong, and if everyone involved is consenting, then sex is not dirty. It’s a wonderful thing. Sex is pleasurable, it’s orgasmic, and it’s amazing. Sex is one of the best parts of life if it’s done right. The last thing sex should ever be is something shameful, bad or wrong. Sex should be glorified, not demeaned.

Hence, I prefer the term “talking sexy.” I want my partner to talk sexy to me. I want him to tell me in vivid, descriptive language how much he wants to share my body. I need to communicate with him how much his body and mind are desiring me. I am aroused by letting him know he is sexy and the center of my universe in these moments we are sharing. I want nothing more than to give him pleasure and to receive the same in return from him.

I believe language is powerful, and I believe the language we use shapes how we view our worlds. I think that the term “talking sexy” better reflects a positive view of sex, one that I hope will eventually be the common one in the world. Until then, my partners and I will be enjoying saying all kinds of vividly explicit phrases to each other while we are “talking sexy” to each other.

©2017 WoodLeatherLace.com