Generally speaking, I’m submissive in the bedroom. I really don’t get into topping my partner most of the time. Hence, until recently, I had never spanked one of my partners. However, my partner was of the mindset that he should never do something to his partner that he wouldn’t experience himself.
Hence, one day after we’d had a fun round of sex, he laid himself over my bed and waited for my revenge on his ass. 🙂 Actually, since I’m not a sadist, I really didn’t have much desire to spank him hard. I just wanted to fulfill his desire to experience what he was doing to me.
I began with my round polyurethane paddle. It’s one of my favorite toys to have used on me. It gives a nice smack which can vary widely depending on how hard my partner uses it. I gave my lover a few rounds, moving up and down his thighs and butt with a mild to moderate amount of energy behind my swats. He was ok with everything he experienced.
From there, I moved on to my mini-flogger. I’m not sure where I acquired this flogger, but I wish I did know so I could get a second one for simultaneous two-handed flogging. I had never used a flogger before, so it took several swats before I started to get the hang of it. My partner quickly agreed he understood why I said that it has a “bite” to it.
Then I upgraded to my small leather flogger. This one has more bite than the mini-flogger because the strands are thicker and are actually leather. My lovers are very attracted to this toy because it’s fairly serious looking. It has more of a severe bite than the mini-flogger. As I flogged my partner with it, struggling to get it under control, I accidentally got the outside of his thigh along his butt. He let out a strong yelp which made me feel pretty guilty, but he assure me he was ok. However, he declined to experience any more from this implement.
Finally, I picked up the tawse which is a very simple, very innocent looking toy. It only has two fingers to it with a slit that’s barely noticeable between them. My lover had just used this tool on me for the first time that same day, and as he was using it on me, I kept telling him that I didn’t like that thing and that it was EVIL. He kept laughing at me for saying it was evil. So I gave him one solid whack with the tawse, using no more force with it than I had with any of my other toys. His response was immediate. “Holy shit! That thing is EVIL!” I could only laugh because I had already told him repeatedly that day that the tawse was evil. He now fully believed me. He also let me know that one swat with it was more than enough, thankyouverymuch!
I didn’t mind spanking my partner with these toys; I wasn’t sure I was actually going to be able to do it. However, the experience wasn’t arousing for me either. It was more of a fun game that was non-sexual. I would definitely do it again for a partner to experience what he was using on me, but I don’t have any newfound desires to start spanking other people’s asses.
Some of my past lovers continue to read my blog; others don’t. I understand either way as to why they might want to and why they might not. One of my past lovers who continues to read my blog recently commented to me that I never ended up writing anything about our breakup. He was concerned about what horrid things I might say about him when I finally did. This is mainly for him, so he can see it in print:
I still love you, and I always will. You are an amazing and wonderful man. The woman who is the right woman for you is going to be so blessed to have you. I hate that I am not the right woman for you. I wish I could be. You are so honest, trustworthy, loving, kinky, and passionate. You are almost everything I need and want… except in those few areas where we both know we don’t align. And those were the deal-breakers between us.
I am so grateful to have been your lover, and I am even more thankful that you are remaining my friend. I need you in my life, and I’m glad you have chosen to stay when walking away could be the easier choice. If I had to do it again, I would, even though the pain of our breakup was terrible because we do love each other. The good with you definitely far outweighed the bad. I want every happiness in the world for you, including you being able to find that woman who will be able to fulfill all of your desires.
Previously I blogged about how I hadn’t seen any of my lovers’ handwriting in recent years. It seemed odd to me, but it was true.
My most recent lover read that blog post and decided to pop that cherry for me. One night, he surprised me by handing me a small notebook which had notes he had taken during a meeting at work that day. I looked over the notes and couldn’t make heads or tails of them. I asked him what he wanted me to glean from those notes because they really weren’t that interesting to me.
“It’s my handwriting,” he said. Oh. I was totally surprised. Here it was: a lover actually showing me his handwriting. And now that I was actually seeing a partner’s handwriting, I was in shock. I didn’t quite know how to process it. His handwriting looked nothing like what I expected it would look like.
I’m still not quite sure how to process that experience, but I am grateful that my lover was so caring that he went out of his way to meet one of my “fantasies,” albeit a pretty tame one!
I find it interesting when different lovers have told me the same strange things about me or my body. It’s usually in comparison to other lovers they have had, though none of their comparisons are done in a mean-spirited way. They’re merely statements of facts. Since heterosexual women don’t often make comparisons about each other sexually, one of the few ways of finding out about oneself in comparison to women is through lovers’ other sexual experiences.
The most common comment I get from men is that I have a little clit and big labia. Having recently Googled images of women’s genitalia, I have to agree that my labia minora are proportionately much larger than my labia majora. I don’t think they have always been as large as they are; I think they grew substantially during pregnancy. However, my kids’ dad never said anything about the changes. He was the kind of guy who probably didn’t even notice. Since I wasn’t ever looking at my genitals in a mirror earlier in my life, I really don’t know for sure when my labia grew, but I know they weren’t always as large as they are now.
As for my clitoris, I was surprised when men started telling me how tiny it was. At first, I chalked it up to the perpetual social folklore that men can’t find clits. Joke after joke plays on this idea. However, most men I have been with take the time to stop the action when they can’t easily find mine and because they do want to locate it. Once they’ve turned on some lights and made a detailed examination, I almost always get the comment, “Wow! Your clit is tiny!” My general response to that is, “It may be small, but it works quite well!” and all of my partners have to agree with that after experiencing my orgasms. Given how many times I’ve heard that my clit is small, I have to believe it’s true, though I really can’t tell any difference between my clit and the pictures of most I see online.
There’s also no question to me that I’m loud during sex. I’ve actually screamed my throat raw during sex because my orgasms are so strong. It never fails that after our first time together, men who have met me through OkCupid bring up my answer to the question about whether or not I’m louder than others during sex which I have answered in the affirmative. They always say, “Um, yeah. You are definitely louder than most women.” I’m often labeled as the loudest woman they’ve ever been with. For most of them, that’s a huge turn on.
Finally, I’ve received a compliment several times about how comfortable I am with myself and my body. Most of the men I’ve had sex with in my forties realize that the more comfortable a woman is with her body, the better the sex will be for her and thus for him. They all really appreciate that I’m not afraid to have sex with the lights on or to wear skimpy lingerie for them. They love my ability and desire to explore. They all agree that the men who have turned me down just because I’m not a size 2 are losing out in a big way. It’s not the shape of a woman’s body that matters. It’s how she feels about using it for sexual pleasure.
I’ve mentioned before that I love anal sex and anal play. Clearly I have a spanking fetish, too. It doesn’t take long perusing my blog to figure these things out.
I’m a fairly experimental person and am willing to try new things that appeal to me or my partners within reason. Needle play? No thanks. Cutting? Hell no. But I’m open to trying other kinky acts that are closer to my interests. One of the things that falls into that category is figging. I’ve always been intrigued by the idea. Figging seemed like it might be a new and interesting sensation that provided both pain and pleasure. Most of my partners were very unwilling to try. They were afraid it was going to be too extreme based on things they’d read online.
Finally I found a partner who was willing to experiment with figging with me. The tl;dr of it all is that I was really disappointed by the experience. So was my partner.
We began with me peeling the ginger under his supervision. I accidentally broke off the end of the first attempt that was going to serve as the protective flange to keep the ginger from getting pulled into my ass, but luckily I had bought a big cluster of ginger that let me make a second ginger fig successfully.
Armed with the freshly peeled ginger, we headed to the bedroom where my partner bound my hands together to keep me from trying to remove the ginger. He also put a blindfold over my eyes to help increase the suspense for me. After a bit of spanking foreplay, my partner then inserted the ginger into my ass. He waited for the screaming and thrashing to start.
There was none.
The ginger did cause a burning sensation, and it slowly built up to something more powerful. After many minutes, I did eventually request for him to take it out because it was uncomfortable though not intolerable. The whole experience was just disappointing.
My partner was of the mindset that he wasn’t going to be doing anything to me that he hadn’t experienced himself, so he asked that I return the favor by inserting the ginger into his ass. We both knew that he had a much lower pain threshold than I do, so he was still concerned about what he was getting himself into. But as with my experience, my lover was disappointed. He also found the pain from the burning to be far less than he expected.
Both my lover and I have experienced some major health issues which included pain (not to mention my experiences of childbirth), and we agreed that those who think ginger is the worst pain in the universe must not have been through other intense pain. Maybe we got a bum piece of ginger (ba-dum-dum), but it was fresh and highly fragrant. We don’t think that was the issue. We think that figging is just not all that it is (butt-) cracked up to be.
After the experience, I removed “figging” from my Fetlife list of “curious about.” I was no longer curious. However, I didn’t move figging to my list of fetishes. It just didn’t do enough for me. If a future partner wants to try it again, I’d be happy to do so, but it’s not something I’ll go out of my way to do.
“I just want to cuddle tonight.”
Four hours later, there are sex toys strewn from one end of the room to the other. There’s a pile of dirty sheets and pillows needing to be washed. We are sticky messes from lube and bodily fluids. Our bodies are actually cuddled up next to each, both of us blissfully happy. But yeah, we did a little more than just cuddle.
Definitely my other famous last words.